Why a Potato Chip Isn’t a Chip If It Doesn’t Have Ridges

It’s an existential question for the snacking age: Is a chip still a chip if it doesn’t have ridges? Technically, of course, it is. A potato chip is technically “a thin slice of white potato that has been cooked until crisp and then usually salted,” according to Merriam-Webster.

But who wants to live in a world — or go to a Super Bowl party — where the chips lack crunchy waves? Don’t we, as partygoers, deserve more than an easily breakable, rudimentary slice of fried potato that hasn’t been updated in a millennia?

Yeah we do, and here are five reasons why.

Let’s get an honest answer to this question: Who really wants to eat a potato chip by itself? In fact, some might argue that a chip’s sole reason for existing is to be a conduit for enjoying ranch, guac, or French onion dip. (Much like the relationship between crackers and cheese.) Ridges increase the surface area on each chip, which means there’s more space for dip.

You’re watching the game. Your eyes are transfixed on your team’s quarterback as he scrambles out of the pocket and looks to go deep. You nervously grab a non-ruffled chip, dip it in some salsa, and — oh no! — the chip broke, you got bright-red salsa all over your sweater, and there was an interception. None of this would’ve happened if you were holding a sturdy ruffled chip that was born to handle chunky dips.

Let’s say, due to some unfortunate, unforeseen circumstance, you find yourself dip-less. You have a bag of chips, but nothing to dunk them in. Would you rather eat a paper-thin, boring-ol’ potato chip, or something with texture, whose ridges turn your mouth into a veritable fun park?

Hearty. Crispy. Wavy. That’s what your tongue wants to caress and your teeth want to chomp down on. It’s almost animalistic.

Just try it out: “Here, Ridges! Go fetch, Ridges! Good boy, Ridges!” Way better than, “Not in the house, Regular Potato Chip.”

We live in an era where electric cars glide down the street, satellites beam data from outer space into our living rooms, and the entirety of human knowledge lives in your pocket.

Why then, pray tell, would you choose to munch on a chip that hasn’t changed since the Victorian era? Potato chips should evolve, and you deserve a more exciting chip-eating experience than noted snacker Charles Darwin. We’re pretty sure he’d agree.

Are you for or against ridges? Hash it out in the comments! (Although if you want to be right, you’d agree with me!)