What Each Pokemon Would Taste Like and How to Eat It
1. Bulbasaur
Frog. Poach in butter flavored with garlic from its own bulb.
2. Charmander
Salamander. Poisonous. Don’t eat.
3. Squirtle
Turtle, obviously. Cook in a stew
4. Caterpie
Caterpillar. Probably poisonous.
5. Weedle
Larvae. Raw or sautéed and sprinkled with sea salt.
6. Pidgey
Squab. Roasted.
7. Rattata
Rat, obviously. Heavily seasoned and barbecued, if you really must.
8. Spearow
Cornish game hen. Roasted with potatoes.
9. Ekans
Snake. Roasted on a stick over a campfire.
10. Pikachu
Fried chicken.
11. Sandshrew
Armadillo. Will give you leprosy.
12. Nidoran
Poisonous.
13. Clefairy
Suckling pig. Roasted.
14. Vulpix
Fox. Made into a stew. Or cured into a jerky.
15. Jigglypuff
Strawberry mochi ice cream.
16. Zubat
Bat. Roasted to a crisp. Again, only if you must.
17. Oddish
The texture of a radish but the flavor of a blueberry. Raw.
18. Paras
Sand flea. Deep-fried as a snack. Mushroom gravy.
19. Venonat
Huge-ass moths. Fried.
20. Diglett
A really large and mature earthworm. Sliced and pan fried like bologna.
21. Meowth
Cat. Don’t.
22. Psyduck
Platypus. 🙁
23. Mankey
Monkey. Don’t do it!
24. Growlithe
Coyote. Marinate and BBQ.
25. Poliwag
Tadpole. Down in one.
26. Abra
Raccoon. Parboil with sweet potatoes and celery.
27. Machop
Would taste disgusting. Like what they put in the original soylent green.
28. Bellsprout
Honeysuckle. Delicious for its nectar on a nature walk, or as a garnish on a dessert or cocktail.
29. Tentacool
Baby squid. Calamari.
30. Geodude
Himalayan rock salt. Seasoning for the other Pokédishes.
31. Ponyta
Horse, obviously. Cut into steak and seared medium-rare.
32. Slowpoke
Hippo. Very fatty steaks.
33. Magnemite
Metal? Melt it down and use it to make a cast iron skillet to cook the other Pokemon in.
34. Farfetch’d
Duck. A nice confit or magret de canard. With leeks on the side, of course.
35. Doduo
Ostrich, but just farm them for their big-ass eggs.
36. Seel
Seal. Lightly seared or made into prosciutto or sausage.
37. Grimer
Sewage.
38. Shellder
Scallop. Pan-seared in butter.
39. Gastly
Inedible. Use as lighter fluid.
40. Onix
Inedible.
41. Drowzee
Tapir. However you can for survival in the rainforest.
42. Krabby
Crab. In a boil with some corn and potatoes.
43. Voltorb
Inedible, obviously. But could use as bowl.
44. Exeggcute
Quail eggs.
45. Exeggutor
Durian at the top, heart of palm at the bottom.
46. Cubone
A T-bone steak.
47. Hitmonlee
Tempeh. Stir-fried.
48. Lickitung
Geoduck. Stir-fry with peppers and scallions.
49. Koffing
A fart.
50. Rhyorn
Rock shrimp. Butter poached.
51. Chansey
Whale blubber.
52. Tangela
Blue raspberry Sour Punch Straws. Straight up.
53. Kangaskahn
Opossum. Stew.
54. Horsea
Seahorse, duh. Skewered and deep-fried, if you must.
55. Goldeen
Goldfish. It would taste bad.
56. Staryu
Starfish. Broiled, then eat the inside.
57. Mr. Mime
A screwball ice cream.
58. Scyther
Grasshopper. Fried, in a taco.
59. Jynx
Eggplant parm over spaghetti.
60. Electabuzz
Farm it for honey.
61. Magmar
Komodo dragon. Don’t eat; they’re endangered.
62. Pinsir
Scorpion. Deep-fried and salted.
63. Tauros
Bison. Burger.
64. Magikarp
Catfish. Deep-fried nuggets or on a potato roll with tartar sauce.
65. Lapras
A bigger turtle. A bigger stew.
66. Ditto
Pink slime.
67. Eevee
Fox. Don’t, but pressure-cook if you must.
68. Porygon
A ring pop.
69. Omanyte
Snail. Escargot.
70. Kabuto
Giant isopod. Fried.
71. Snorlax
Bear. Dry-aged steak.
72. Articuno
Pheasant. Stuffed and roasted.
73. Dratini
Eel. Unagi.
74. Mewtwo
An Avatar. Would probably eat you first
This article was originally posted on Medium. It has been republished with permission.