"I'm never gonna let you close to me/Even though you mean the most to me," Sam Smith sang in his ever-vulnerable tenor. "Cause every time I open up it hurts/So I'm never gonna get too close to you."
That song — Too Good at Goodbyes — explains why he tries to maintain some emotional distance in relationships. It also explains how I'll be handling Costco's food court menu from now on, because if they'll pull the venerable Polish Hot Dog from the lineup, then absolutely nothing is safe anymore.
The still-classic Polish dog was yanked to make room for vegan options, as well as those that are deemed healthier by the same people who sell mayonnaise in two-quart jars. The original $1.50 all-beef hot dog deal will now be accompanied by açai fruit bowls, organic hamburgers and an Al Pastor Salad made with plant-based protein.
As someone who has never in her life craved an açai bowl, I'm disappointed that a ginormous warehouse store can't accommodate both options — and I'm not the only one who has been vocal about it. More than 4,000 people have already signed a Change.org petition asking Costco to reconsider its decision. ("If I wanted to eat healthy food, I wouldn't be eating at the Costco snack bar," someone who is obviously my soulmate commented. "Save the dog!!!")
On social media, the commentary is also Team Dog: the hashtag #SaveThePolishDog has collected thousands of responses, and counting. (Costco's own Twitter account is private — which seems like a strange choice for a retail chain — but it wasn't locked down because of pro-Polish dog backlash).
My entire childhood is eating a polish hot dog after shopping at Costco. And not to mention y'all took off the berry sundae and added an açai bowl. You also took off the chocolate ice cream and only have vanilla and this vanilla açai swirl. Genuinely mad. #SaveThePolishDog— Olivia (@mylifeasliv11) July 8, 2018
Although it's a dark day for fans of the P-dog, Costco's decision has provided an excellent opportunity for some other encased-meat vendors. "Costco may be taking away their polish dog but we would never do that to you guys…" the Wienerschnitzel chain tweeted. "Polish Dogs have been at Wienerschnitzel for over 50 years and aren't going anywhere." Sam's Club also just announced that it's going to start selling a Polish hot dog. That's some serious shade.
That's tempting, but I'm never gonna let you close to me, even when you mean the most to me…