Pizza is a never-ending source of controversy. Fights about the superiority of Neapolitan over New York-style, or whether Detroit's thick crusts are preferable to Chicago's deep-dish seem quaint in comparison to our now annual arguments about what's acceptable to put on any kind of dough. If you thought it couldn't get more silly than the pineapple topping fight of 2017, strap in: In 2018, we're seeing a backyard barbecue staple being spread in lieu of marinara.
Food Insider found out that Lions & Tigers & Squares in New York's Chelsea neighborhood, a Detroit-style spot, is using squeeze bottles of Gulden's Brown Mustard on one of their pies. According to Time, this "pizza" then gets topped with corned beef, sauerkraut, and cheese, making it sound like a dish far more suitable to a beer garden than a pizzeria. Just add lager and that's a satisfying, extremely filling meal.
When you consider that Detroit-style pizza comes on a much doughier base than other types of pies, treating it more like an open-faced sandwich on thick bread makes this whole concept a bit more palatable. But every time the word "pizza" is used there will be people up in arms to defend their personal preferences — and now people are taking to Twitter to express their anguish.
I’m going to commit my entire life to making a time machine just so I can go back to the very moment that this conversation regarding creating a mustard pizza happened and scream at the top of my lungs so it never comes to fruition. https://t.co/q0iXJ44lgA— Sara Ventura (@SvennaCirclet) September 5, 2018
Others jokingly tagged the FBI and posted memes about "calling the police," so offensive is the mustard pizza to good taste.
Someone with very singular culinary desires suggested it wasn't far off from his go-to of a barbecue sauce pizza dipped in honey mustard. Pizza, in this way, is not much different from any great love: There's something for everyone, and there's no accounting for taste.