I never expected to be someone who has a favorite subreddit, but it's 2018 and nothing has gone to plan, has it? I love r/ExpectationvsReality, which is an endless buffet of little disappointments, of burgers that don't look like the pictures on the menu, of tattoos that didn't turn out as you'd imagined, and of new hairstyles gone wrong. (There's also a lot of Taco Bell-related posts.)
That's why I loved when writer Imani Gandy pointed out on Twitter last week that spinach might be the vegetable whose sad, withered reality couldn't be farther from what you imagined. "Is there a vegetable that's a bigger liar than spinach?" she tweeted. She later added a photo of several shriveled leaves, pointing out that they started out as HALF A POUND of that stupid half-edible plant. "LIAR!" she said.
Is there a vegetable that’s a bigger liar than spinach?— Imani Gandy (@AngryBlackLady) March 21, 2018
Gandy's mentions are pretty much the greatest thing you'll read, as people shared their own vegetable-based grievances. "Radishes," one person said. "No one asked for them." Another described lettuce as "water wearing a crunchy wig," while one more disappointed chef called celery "water, neatly organized into lines."
Sweet potatoes, kale, iceberg lettuce, eggplant, parsnips, beets, lima beans, cauliflower, asparagus, okra, spaghetti squash, butternut squash, green bell peppers, zucchini, rhubarb, portobello mushrooms, Brussels sprouts, corn, arugula, rutabagas, Swiss chard, watercress, and even radicchio all got dragged hard. (Who knew people had so many deep-seated issues with the produce section?)
Kale is trying to pretend it’s not just green construction paper.— Kristen McCutchen (@KristenMcCutch) March 22, 2018
eggplant is just an oil sponge.— angelcity22 (@maatkare67) March 21, 2018
Parsnips. They're Satanic carrots.— Young Geriatric (@TheTinyViking) March 21, 2018
Asparagus tastes of bitterness and despair. It’s like late middle age in vegetable form.— The Hal you say (@HalRender) March 22, 2018
okra, because it pretends it's something people should actually eat.— dëb ××××××× (me, in the boobs) (@debsugar) March 21, 2018
Almost everyone who responded made a good case for why they've chosen to hate a particular vegetable, but sometimes brevity is the best option. "F— cabbage," one dude said. It's hard to argue with that.