This Is Why Millennials Actually Don’t Eat Cereal

I’m not often bothered by the 20 to 30 “here’s more proof that millennials are an embarrassment” articles I come across on a daily basis. I’m long past offense and annoyance because, frankly, I just don’t care. But when I start reading that my generation is, allegedly, anti-cereal because we’re “too lazy” to clean a bowl and a spoon … that’s when I get mad.

According to an article posted last week on the New York Times, almost 40 percent of the millennials surveyed said they don’t eat cereal because it’s inconvenient to have to clean up afterward — and now the Internet is blowing up.

Are you for cereal?

Cereal is a convenience food. Having to clean a bowl and a spoon is hardly a pain — especially when you consider the alternatives of making literally anything else at home. And, real talk, it’s not just us “lazy” millennials who hate cleaning dishes. That’s why doing the dishes is a kid’s chore; everyone at every age and after any meal hates cleaning dishes, but it’s a part of life.

I used to eat tons of cereal, but I stopped. No, it’s not because I can’t be bothered — it’s because cereal is garbage food. Here are just a few of the real reasons us pesky millennials are on the anti-cereal bandwagon.

I used to eat Special K, Cornflakes, or Multigrain Cheerios for breakfast every single morning. And every single morning, just a few hours later, I felt like crap. I was hungry, sleepy, grouchy, faint — and no amount of sleep or coffee could fix it.

Have you ever bought a box of cereal? Yeah, it’s not cheap. And for as much of it as I have to eat to be full (for 10 measly minutes), I’d rather spend my money elsewhere.

Do I even need to explain this? Crashing from a sugar high is not something I find particular joy in, nor is it something I — or anyone else — has time for.

I couldn’t make something as boring as cereal for breakfast if I tried. Literally every breakfast I can think of is more interesting and customizable than cold cereal. Bonus millennial reasoning: There’s a reason you never see photos of cereal raking in the likes on Instagram. No one aspires to having a bowl of cereal for breakfast; it’s just a bummer of a way to start your day.

This is similar to #4, but I — surprise — find joy in preparing food. Making myself something from scratch for breakfast makes me happy, and gets my day moving in a positive direction. Eating a bowl of cereal just feels disrespectful to the core of who I am and what I love. The way I see it, it’s just food for food’s sake, and that’s depressing.

I usually eat breakfast at the start of my workday (read: when I’m sitting at my computer). Ignoring the fact that my office is carpeted and up a flight of stairs, I have too much respect for my laptop to eat a bowl of cereal over it. Hell no. Whatever I eat for breakfast during the week absolutely has to be something I can move with.

So just what does this meddling millennial eat for breakfast while she lounges across her entitled, golden throne? On weekdays I usually make a smoothie with fruit, plain greek yogurt, peanut butter, and maybe some oats if I’m feeling ’em that day. On the weekends I make bacon, eggs, and avocado toast.

You know, just your average, normal, everyday hater/hipster fuel.