The “Old-School” Hosting Tradition I Do After Every Party I Go to (My Grandma Would Be So Proud)

Have you ever hosted a party and wondered afterwards if it was really worth it? Maybe you’re washing wine glasses the next day, stuck thinking about the no-shows instead of about the fun that you and your guests did have. It’s easy to slide into doldrums thinking maybe you shouldn’t bother — and then something sweet happens and you’re reminded why you did all that work in the first place. Let me tell you about a “vintage” tradition, the kind of things our moms or grandmas would have done (and probably did), that should absolutely, definitely, make a comeback. 

I’m talking about thank-you cards. Yes, old-fashioned, handwritten, thank-you cards. A few months back I hosted a 1960s-themed party to celebrate moving into our new house and 20 years of living in our city. I invited people who’ve been part of our lives during our time here and was thrilled that a chef and restaurant owner I’d gotten to know early in my food writing career would be joining us. Kathy Cary had been retired, and her trailblazing restaurant Lilly’s had closed, and so we hadn’t connected in a while. I have always very much looked up to her, and only half-jokingly said that I want to be just like her when I grow up. 

It was absolutely wonderful catching up with Kathy and introducing her to other friends. Then, in the midst of that post-party letdown (you know, the blues that come after a big event you’ve been looking forward to), I got something in the mail. Curiously, it wasn’t junk mail, and the envelope was addressed by hand. It was a lovely card from none other than Kathy!

Here’s what it said (I’ll wait while you get a tissue).

Dear Dana and Brian, what an incredible ’60s party at your home. You really created the total atmosphere of another era. Your home is in such a special place on those great hills near Iroquois Park. We loved meeting so many of your friends, very interesting and great conversations “all over the map!” I just love connecting with new generations. It makes the world a better place. Your buffet was right on, delicious and brought back many of my own memories. Remember, this is how I got started. Will and I are still talking about your party, and all the wonderful people. Thank you so much for including us and letting us dress up, we loved it and we will get together again soon. Cheers, Kathy.

Wow. Just wow. 

That one card transformed my entire post-party mood. Instead of mulling over whether it was worth the effort, I felt like I’d created something truly meaningful. If this legendary restaurateur who embodied hospitality was complimenting my party, maybe I was doing something right after all.

Here’s what made her thank-you note so powerful:

• She noticed the details: “You really created the total atmosphere of another era,” specifically mentioning the period-appropriate buffet I’d kind of agonized over.
• She made it personal: “We loved meeting so many of your friends, very interesting and great conversations ‘all over the map!'”
• She connected it to something bigger: “I just love connecting with new generations. It makes the world a better place.”
• She shared the impact: “Will and I are still talking about your party, and all the wonderful people.”

When I reached out to Kathy to talk about thank-you cards (yes, I was so moved, I had to know more!), she shared that it was her mother who instilled this tradition in her. “She was a big thank-you card writer,” Kathy told me. Having been on both sides — as a restaurant owner receiving cards from guests and as a guest sending them — she knows firsthand how much joy a handwritten note brings to everyone involved. Picturing the smile on the face of the recipient gives her so much pleasure when she drops the card in the mail, she told me. 

“It means so much more than just saying thank-you at the door,” Kathy says. And while there’s nothing wrong with sending a quick text of appreciation, she says there’s something special about taking it old-school — and no one seems to do it anymore. Kathy says now she “preaches” to her kids to carry on the tradition of writing thank-you letters. Now then, I’m off to write thank-you cards to some very deserving people!

Have you received a handwritten thank-you note in recent years? Let us know in the comments below!