Why I’ll Never Ever Eat a S’more Again

I look forward to most summer activities — going to the beach, eating corn on the cob, and drinking outdoors. But one thing you won’t find me partaking in once the weather warms up: s’mores (and watermelon, but that’s a different story for another time). I’m well aware my personal taste in this matter is an unpopular opinion (and probably the hottest of takes); yet, I can’t be convinced that s’mores are actually good. I’ve had them on many occasions and I just don’t get the appeal. Before you hop into the comments, hear me out first. 

Let me preface this by saying that I like sweets (I was a professional baker for over five years). But the combination of marshmallows (the first two ingredients listed are corn syrup and sugar), Hershey’s milk chocolate (more sugar), and graham crackers (which have sugar, too) is, frankly, over-the-top rich and much too sweet. I’d be ok eating each component by itself. But all together? Hard pass.

I’m honestly mystified by the structure of a s’mores. Whenever I do accept one (which is mostly to avoid having this exact convo), I’m handed what looks to be a burnt marshmallow with barely melted chocolate that’s sandwiched between crunchy, dry graham crackers. It’s difficult to eat and the crunchy, mushy mash-up always feels like a fail — like the chocolate should be more melty. What do folks find appealing about this? I’ll never know. 

Maybe I’m doing something wrong, but every time I attempt to eat a s’mores, half of it ends up on the ground. After just one bite in, I find that the graham crackers start to crumble, the chocolate tries to slide and escape out of the sandwich, and the marshmallows ooze out all over the place. They’re gooey, sticky, and incredibly awkward, and not fun to eat in public. I’m good, thanks.