There’s No Way This Slow Cooker Full English Breakfast Is an Improvement

Jelisa Castrodale
Jelisa Castrodale
Jelisa is a freelance writer who has covered food and travel, sports and pop culture for numerous publications. When she's not on deadline, she enjoys getting new passport stamps, collecting records and shouting at her beloved Liverpool Football Club.
published Sep 21, 2018
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(Image credit: Maria Siriano)

During everyone’s most-and-least favorite holiday movie, Love, Actually, Prime Minister Hugh Grant lists all of the reasons why he thinks Great Britain deserves that first part of its name: “We may be a small country, but we’re a great one, too,” he said. “The country of Shakespeare, Churchill, the Beatles, Sean Connery, Harry Potter. David Beckham’s right foot. David Beckham’s left foot, come to that.”

That’s a good start, but he somehow failed to mention Britain’s most impressive contribution to world cuisine: the fry-up. (Variations on the always-massive meal are known as the Full English, Full Scottish, or the Full Irish — there’s a theme here — depending on which country you’re ordering one in). Regardless, the most well-known version has to be the Full English, which traditionally includes eggs, rashers of bacon, bangers, black pudding, grilled tomatoes, grilled mushrooms, baked beans, and toast.

Earlier this week, a woman shared her (admittedly borrowed) Full English innovation on her Facebook page. “Wow! what an amazing idea someone has shared in the slow cooker group,” Rose Bowler wrote. “Make sure the meat is leant against the edge for it to brown. I am definately [sic] going to try this.”

She posted two photos of a slow-cooked fry-up, including one with all of the ingredients arranged in the cooker, with three separate coffee mugs for each of the beans, tomatoes and mushrooms. (The two components that don’t go in the CrockPot are the eggs and the toast).

The second photo was presumably of the finished product, with rolled slices of bacon, a chunky tomato sauce, and buttery mushrooms. (The eggs and black pudding were both omitted, and whoever approves of a Full English without them should immediately be stripped of their citizenship.).

Although Bowler’s post has been shared more than 27,000 times and has collected 25,000 comments, not everyone agreed that this was necessary. One woman posted a photo of her own Full Fail, which looked like the opposite of how you want to start your day.

This seems like a good idea in theory, but so do Beatles cover bands – and those always turn out to be terrible. When a Reddit user proposed this idea in the r/slowcooker subreddit, it was met with immediate skepticism and disapproval. “I just threw up at the thought of a full english being cooked any other way than fried,” one person responded.

Sure, it seems like a good idea, but it’s called a fry-up for a reason: because it should be fried in a pan. Prime Minister Hugh Grant would be disappointed if it were prepared any other way.