Things that weigh three pounds: a half-gallon of milk, 14 blueberry muffins (don't ask how I know this), a steam iron, a two-slice toaster, seven copies of Thriller on vinyl and, oh yeah, this massive cinnamon roll from Sam's Club. Stay away, Regina George! This calorically-laden treat is less than $5 and I'm all in.
Yes, I understand that a three-pound cinnamon roll is a gross example of the food-obsessed and gluttonous culture in which we live. But if I'm going to lay all my cards on the table? I really don't care. Why? Because I want to stack two of these together (quick math makes that a six-pound work of art) and make a giant cinnamon roll cake for my next holiday get-together.
Yes, I could, in fact, bake amazing cinnamon rolls from scratch. I know there's even the easy ones for people who think they're overly complicated. Heck, I could even go all in and make caramel apple cinnamon rolls, or make them ahead and freeze them for moments like this where I simply want to buy them and be done.
I get it, I can make them at home, but why bother when I can pick up this giant monstrosity for less than an Abe Lincoln, warm it up upon my arrival home, and slice it like a cake? It defies all logic and my waistline.
Have you seen them in your local store yet? Search out, devour, and report back — the world must know of their awesomeness.