Paris Hilton Has a New Cooking Show and Boy, Is It Something

updated Jan 17, 2020

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Depending on your age and pop culture fluency, Paris Hilton is alternately the socialite great-granddaughter of a hotel magnate, a model for Donald Trump’s agency, or a reality television star in the mind-blowingly fascinating The Simple Life. And, who knows, she’s probably done something else in the intervening decade and a half. (According to Wikipedia, she has been a DJ and sold a lot of self-branded stuff.)

Now, she’s back on our small screens, this time with her own COOKING SHOW called Cooking With Paris, naturally.

As Vice points out, the last time we saw Paris cook, she was using an iron to make what was questionably a quesadilla. In all fairness to her, she was young and young people often do funny things in the kitchen, especially, the kind of young people who presumably had staff in their home kitchens. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem that the now-38-year-old has learned much since. Like The Simple Life, the show feels more like a parody.

Here are some observations:

The format is a basic stand-and-stir.
She wears fingerless gloves as she cooks, which makes me question her authority on cooking as much as her use of the made-up word “sliving” for slaying and living makes me question other things.
She seems to be standing in a rented set kitchen (“It’s my first time cooking here”) and to have done none of her own shopping.

In the first episode, she makes lasagna. She complains about not having no-boil noodles or pre-shredded cheese. Instead, she has to shred her own mozzarella, which she tries to do on the tiny Parmesan side of the box grater at first — just one of the moments when you wonder if she’s actually done this before, despite her claims of being great at making lasagna.

Still, when it comes out of the oven during the last few seconds of the show, the lasagna doesn’t look half bad. I might even be tempted to eat the thing. And, just like with The Simple Life, it’s somehow impossible to look away. We, uh, can’t wait to see what she cooks up next!