In the past year, I've been to Sweden, Finland and Denmark, and have had at least a half-dozen layovers in the Reykjavik airport. I am obsessed with Scandinavia for a lot of reasons that aren't limited to their unending supplies of both attractive citizens and attractive office furnishings. I also love the prevalence of Oatly-brand products, the oat-based milk alternative that was developed by an innovative, environmentally-friendly group of Swedes.
The company started with plain oat milk and has since expanded into fruit-flavored oat milks, cold brew lattes, oat cream, oat-heavy recovery drinks, oat spread and oat-gurt. But Oatly has recently released its own line of ice creams, an announcement that was accompanied by a Vanilla Ice song. (You know exactly which one).
TURN IT UP!!!!!!! Excuse all the caps, but we didn’t want you to miss out on the music because we spent an insane amount of money on it so that you would watch the video and think that the video was way cooler than if the video didn’t have any music on it that cost an insane amount of money. So, for the sake of playing along and making us happy, TURN IT UP!!!!!!!
"TURN IT UP!!!!!!!," Oatly wrote on Instagram. "Excuse all the caps, but we didn't want you to miss out on the music because we spent an insane amount of money on it so that you would watch the video and think that the video was way cooler than if the video didn't have any music on it that cost an insane amount of money."
There are now five flavors of all-vegan, dairy-free Oatly ice cream: Really Posh Salty Caramel Hazelnut, Very Fancy Double Chocolate Fudge, Totally Basic Chocolate, Quite Ordinary Strawberry and Pretty Average Vanilla. (Did I mention that I love this company? Because I love this company.)
Although the big three — chocolate, vanilla and strawberry — were released earlier without the Vanilla Ice soundtrack, they'll now be on shelves in a newer, more earth-friendly paperboard package. "Not only will this provide a more enjoyable experience, it also reduces the climate impact of this product by 79%," Oatly says. "Yes, you read that right."
No matter what, there are two absolute truths in this world. You can look however you want to look on the beach this summer because beaches are cool and they don’t pass judgement on anyone (unless of course you litter and then karma will have its say) and someone else’s preconceived opinion of the ideal body size and shape for hanging on a beach should in no way have anything to do with whether or not you go for one scoop or two scoops or three scoops of Very Fancy Double Chocolate Fudge on a Saturday afternoon. Not 15 scoops either if you feel like 15 scoops, but that would mean you would have to buy another carton of Very Fancy Double Chocolate Fudge which would increase our sales figures and make Johan Girdo our commercial director very happy, which I can assure you is not in any way the intention of this post.
The only downside is that these ice creams don't seem to be available in the United States yet. Although Oatly was giving free scoops away in Stockholm this week, they're not listed on the products page for the good ol' U.S.A.
Looks like it might be time to go back to Sweden.