A double cheeseburger at Delmonico's, the iconic New York steakhouse, comes with white clothbound cheddar, crispy onions, and a $22 price tag. A cup of ultra-high-end coffee at Brooklyn's Extraction Lab is $18. And yeah, both of those sound reasonable — even justifiable — compared to the brownies from Moon Cycle Bakery, which are $15 bucks each or $30 for a package of three.
The Washington-based bakery raised more than $16,000 on Kickstarter, which has allowed it to launch a subscription service that is based around your monthly cycle, delivering sweet treats right at the time of the month when stereotypes and Cathy cartoons say you're supposed to be ready to eat your way through the side of a Hostess truck.
"We know this time of the month can be challenging, but we also know this time offers enhanced creativity, a stronger connection to our intuition, and an opportunity to shed layers — both literally and figuratively," Moon Cycle says on its website. "And that calls for a celebration."
It also apparently calls for a brownie that costs 15 freaking dollars.
The three treats that Moon Cycle currently offer include a Raspberry Black Bean Brownie with Primrose, Matcha Coconut Bites, and a Chocolate Cup Sweetened with Ginger and Honey. All of them are made with what the bakery calls "quality hormone-balancing clean ingredients," which may include chia seeds, flaxseed, omega-6 oils, and magnesium. (The magnesium, the bakery explains, "keeps our digestive track moving in the right direction," which sounds like a polite warning to eat these things while you're sitting comfortably on the toilet.)
Moon Cycle also has its own menstrual tracking app and, after you sign up and enter your personal details, it will prep and send your treats right when you're in the throes of PMS. "Because at the end of the day, you deserve to rest, replenish, and recognize the moon dust that lives inside of your bones," it says, which I'm not sure is a statement that has been evaluated by the FDA.
I would kick my own moon dust-filled backside if I spent $15 on a brownie, even if it was delivered personally by Idris Elba and he'd make unwavering eye contact while he told me that I looked nice in my sweatpants.
Look, if you want to do something nice for yourself at your time of the month, something that celebrates your cycle and your womanhood, spend $2 on a box of Betty Crocker brownie mix and maybe donate the other $10 to a women's shelter — or use it to buy feminine products for your local homeless shelter. I promise that'll make you feel good too, all the way down to the moon dust inside your bones.
Homemade (not $15) brownie ideas: Every Kind of Brownie Recipe for Every Kind of Brownie-Lover