Jeff Goldblum is a national treasure. If you've ever fantasized about him cooking you dinner, you're about to have a very good day, because he just teamed up with Funny or Die to make a video about food. Jeff Goldblum can't cook, but it doesn't matter, because I've been waiting my whole life to hear him roll the "r" in "rigatoni."
The video starts with Goldblum playing the piano and singing in a leather jacket. I'm already sold on this entire concept.
"Here you see me sitting in a beautiful home," he says. "Ostensibly my home. It's, to be honest, not my home. But it could be my home."
Then he looks as though he's telling us a secret, and says: "This is going to be the most exciting day of my life, ever."
As soon as he says that, I know this is going to be the most exciting day of my life, too. How is it possible that Jeff Goldblum just gets more attractive every decade? He could have peaked in 1988's Earth Girls Are Easy and still gone down in history as one of the sexiest people ever to grace a movie screen. But he just keeps getting smoother and more charming with every year.
Jeff Goldblum can't really cook, but this isn't a video about Jeff Goldblum making comical kitchen disasters. The soup turns out fine, but the joy of the video is just the marvelous sight of Jeff Goldblum in a leather jacket, asking questions and being delighted about the answers.
At the grocery store, Goldblum looks genuinely fascinated by everything, especially the cheese master who helps him at the cheese department.
"If I were a cheese, what would I be?" Goldblum asks, and when he's told he'd be a bold Swiss, he looks as though it's the most interesting compliment he's ever been given.
Back at the home which is not his home, Jeff Goldblum brings out Pulitzer-winning food writer Jonathan Gold, who says they will be making soupe au pistou. Gold describes the soup as the "southern French equivalent of minestrone," and the moment when he realizes Goldblum has not turned the water on to boil is great.
Gold does most of the actual cooking while Goldblum peppers him with questions about poetry, and the soup is a success.
Jeff Goldblum should definitely have his own cooking show. He can't cook, or even make it through the grocery store without getting distracted by the history of the spice trade, but if he filmed a cooking show, I would watch every episode.