What Ree Drummond Would Serve Aliens If They Landed in Oklahoma

published Dec 28, 2017
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The news has been all aflutter lately with talks of alien spacecrafts and secret government research projects. If you’re like me, your inner 6-year-old is having a hard time not geeking out. I grew up in a science-fiction-loving family and read books, watched movies, and traded stories with friends about what or who else was out there.

With the resurgence in alien interest as of late, I’ve thought a lot about exactly where the aliens would land if they were to come to America. The obvious answer (to me, anyway) is smack-dab in the middle of Oklahoma on Ree Drummond’s doorstep. I mean, if you were watching the world from above, that seems like the most comforting spot, right? Right.

Ree Drummond sounds like one of the most down-to-earth people I’ve never met.
Although the lights and glam of television productions and mainstream media are now an everyday occurrence for her, Ree still seems like the type of person who is humble, earnest, and doesn’t have a faux-media face like so many do. On her show she’s warm and comforting, and on her blog she’s sassy and writes like she’s a close friend giving you advice and tasty recipes.

It’s hard not to love her, and I think aliens would too!

In the movie Galaxy Quest, aliens spent considerable time viewing Earth’s “historical documents” (aka watching our television programming and signals). Now, if I was an alien watching from above and I had a choice between wildfires, hurricanes, snow, high crime, and Oklahoma, you’d better believe I’d go with Oklahoma — especially if someone as inviting as Ree is there. I mean, she is the 23rd largest landowner in the country. If you have to land on someone’s doorstep, hers seems far more lovely than the White House in current times.

Now, like many entertainers, it’s second nature in stressful situations to feed people, so while the Marlboro Man-esque husband of hers shows the out-of-town visitors around the ranch, surely Ree would hop into the kitchen and whip up a feast fit for aliens.

Here’s how I think it would go down. This is, of course, assuming that these aliens are nice and have the ability to consume our food. So, think more along the lines of the plucky TV aliens versus, well, the Aliens movie aliens.

What Ree Drummond Would Serve Aliens

Ree is known for her love of many things like butter, beautiful cuts of properly cooked meats, cinnamon rolls, and more. As a cook, entertainer, and cattle rancher, one might speculate that she has some food ready to whip up without a trip to the grocery store. There’s nothing worse than aliens showing up on your property and you having to explain you have an empty fridge, right?

Cinnamon Rolls

So, if we’re going off what would possibly be in her refrigerator or freezer at any given moment, then my money goes first to cinnamon rolls. They make the house smell amazing — even if you’ve never had one before, surely it will still make your mouth water and cause you to drift into the kitchen based on aroma alone.

Steak Salad

So now the question is how she would tackle the protein. Would a perfectly cooked steak lead aliens to believe that we wage war on all other species? The weight of the world is on her figurative shoulders here, people! So let’s look at a lighter fare.

Salad outright could seem like poison because, let’s face it, there are far more deadly plants on this planet than there are cuts of meat (a fact that would make Ron Swanson stand up and cheer). As a compromise, Ree makes a mean steak salad. Maybe one tempers the other?


What’s a good neutral ground? Pasta? Everyone likes a good carbohydrate! Spaghetti and meatballs seem a little plain, but might be just what the doctor ordered. Some aliens like plain, right? That’s how it went down in Men in Black. (“Give me sugar. In water.”) Carbonara appears simple but has good depth of flavor. Her roasted red pepper pasta is always a hit as well, and both can be made in a pinch!

So pasta with a side salad, warm cinnamon rolls, and a heaping helping of hospitality and charm are probably on the menu. Maybe the aliens wouldn’t even need to leave Oklahoma? Maybe they have already landed and never left! Maybe Ree is actually an alien. Maybe that’s why she’s taken over the world — she didn’t do it with guns and spaceships, but with delicious food and well-priced kitchenware from big-box retailers at exceptional prices!

Maybe. Just maybe.