Here’s What Queen Elsa Would Buy in the Frozen Food Section
Five years ago Elsa belted out Let It Go, and it seems like the ice queen’s power ballad has been stuck in my head head ever since. (Parents, you know what I’m talking about.)
Having Idina Menzel’s voice stuck in my head is fine, though, because I honestly love Elsa. I like that the first thing she does when she’s finally off on her own is change into a sparkly dress with a 20-foot cape (girl, same). And I really like that she has wild ice powers that make her borderline omnipotent.
And you just know Elsa’s ice powers would come in handy in the frozen food section. Besides making sure that things actually stay frozen in the car on a hot summer day when you need to make an extra stop after the grocery, I bet she’d have pretty good taste in what she chooses to buy. Being in the frozen food section is probably where she’s most comfortable and confident, after all.
Here’s what I think the ice queen would buy.
If there’s one thing that Elsa is not going to let go, it’s probably Eggo frozen waffles. After the fourth or fifth consecutive Frozen viewing, one starts to sing everything to the tune of Let it Go, especially breakfast commercials. “Leggo, leggo, leggo my Eggo waffle … ” Thanks to my 4-year-old, I can do the whole song like that.
Elsa’s kingdom of Arendelle looks a whole lot like Scandinavia, where a person can find some truly delicious reindeer meatballs in gravy. Now that Sven the Reindeer has joined the family, though, Elsa should probably start stocking up on these frozen vegetarian meatballs in mushroom sauce instead.
Unseasonable cold snaps and sudden, freezing snowstorms in the middle of summer cannot be very good for Arendelle’s agricultural production, so Elsa should really stock up on frozen vegetables like broccoli florets, which are convenient, nutritious, and very versatile. She can use them for everything from stir-fries to soup, and everyone will be able to have green vegetables all year.
Princess Anna isn’t the only one who wants to “stuff some chocolate” in her face. Chocolate is Elsa’s favorite food, too. Jeni’s Darkest Chocolate Ice Cream is dense and creamy, and they say it contains as much cocoa as you can put in ice cream and still legally call it ice cream. Jeni’s describes it as tasting like “the inside of a dark chocolate truffle.” Elsa probably tops it with some of Jeni’s extra-bitter hot fudge sauce, too.
Everyone in Arendelle has a serious sweet tooth, but at a certain point a person needs to eat some vegetables, too, and I’m just not sure Anna and Kristoff can be trusted to do that on their own. These frozen muffins look and taste just like regular chocolate muffins, but the first two ingredients in them are zucchini and carrots. Elsa probably keeps these around for emergencies, and throws the box away so no one knows they contain vegetables.
In the children’s books surrounding the Frozen universe, Queen Elsa is occasionally called upon to help people who are sleepy, sweaty, and uncomfortable because the weather is too hot. Instead of just magically altering the climate, however, Elsa’s first response is usually to try to save the day by handing out frosty mugs of ice-cold lemonade. That is probably a better idea than magically making it snow in August, and it happens often enough that Elsa should probably keep a large store of frozen lemonade on hand at all times.
All Olaf the sentient snowman seems to want out of life is warm hugs, and to sit on a hot summer beach with a drink in his hand. Now, I’m not entirely sure Olaf the sentient snowman actually needs to eat, and the question of whether or not Olaf is actually alive seems to be a philosophical issue that the residents of Arendelle have decided not to interrogate too closely. So Elsa can pop by Costco for a variety pack of these alcoholic Freeze Pops for Olaf’s summer parties, with a couple extra for Marshmallow, the giant ice golem who lives in her mountain castle.
Did I miss anything? What else do you think Elsa would buy in the frozen section at the store?