Etiquette

My friends and I have a regular Zoom cocktail hour once a week. I love seeing them (I MISS them!!!) but one friend not only slurps her drink, she snacks really loudly throughout the call.

Our etiquette columnist weighs in.

I'm hosting Christmas dinner this year and my mother wants to bring shrimp cocktail as an hors d'oeuvre. I appreciate the offer, but the problem is that I have a severe shellfish allergy and am sensitive to cross-contamination, which she knows.

I really love what I'm making!

I have ongoing stomach issues. Sometimes my stomach makes really loud, nasty-sounding snarls, and other times… well, I can’t always control my, uh, flatulence.

"She's cooking anyway and then I'd have varied presumably delicious food.”

She didn't offer.

I don't want to seem petty.

Dear Marge, My friend is incredibly devoted to her dog, and feels like when she is not at work, she wants to bring her dog everywhere with her, including my house. Her dog is great, and when it is just the two (or, I should say three) of us hanging out, I don’t mind as much.

Dear Marge, I don’t really like sharing drinks or biting from someone’s food to taste it. All too often I am in the situation when a coworker or friend hands me their drink or something they’re eating and says, “Oh, you have to try this!” Once someone was so pushy I finally cut a piece from the end she hadn’t bitten into, and then she looked at me like I was a freak. Well, maybe when it comes to germs I am.

Dear Marge, I come from a long line of carnivores, but one of my extended family members is vegan. Whenever we get together, I make a separate meal to accommodate his diet. I realize we don’t have to do this, but I am trying to be hospitable. Is there an appropriate way to ask him to bring something he can eat, or should I just continue to make an extra meal? Signed, Overextended Host Dear OH, You are SO not alone!

Dear Marge, I think my friend is faking food allergies. We go to restaurants and she has long conversations with the waiter about how she will get really sick if there is even a hint of … and then she names like seven or eight foods she can’t eat. And when any of us want to get together at each other’s houses, it becomes this whole big production to make something she will eat.

This week Marge tackles a question for a reader whose mother-in-law is giving her daughter sweets even when she has repeatedly asked her not to. What is she supposed to do?

Dear Marge, Can you please settle an argument for us? My partner says that when we go to our friends’ house for dinner and bring a bottle of wine, they should serve it. I point out that means the reverse is also true — so if friends bring over a bottle of crisp white and we’ve splurged on big, beautiful steaks, that’s what we’d have to pour. My partner’s response is that guests should ask what’s being served and bring a bottle that goes with it.

Dear Marge, I’m planning my annual Friendsgiving, and I don’t want to repeat my hosting crisis from last year — but I’m not sure what I can do to prevent it. I love to entertain, even in my small place. I plan my menu really carefully and try to make the table look beautiful. Last year, I invited as many friends as I could fit (12!), and scrounged to make the seating work around my regular table plus a borrowed folding table.

Halloween is fun, so we’re not going to muddy it up with a whole bunch of rules. But here are a few suggestions for ways to stay sane, look like a good neighbor, and enjoy your night — especially for you newbies who are passing out candy for the first time. No one wants raisins or stale Tootsie rolls. Ditto on the black licorice. I’m not saying you have to shell out for the king-size candy bars (it doesn’t even have to be brand name stuff!

One of the (admittedly strange) perks of being an Airbnb host is discovering what objects my guests have left behind. As I ready my rental kitchen for the next temporary inhabitants, I get to conduct an exercise that’s part anthropological analysis of the eating and drinking habits of travelers of the world, part Easter egg hunt. In addition to the standard-issue leave-behinds like phone chargers (and, um, some unmentionables), here are 10 of the most common things I find.

If you’ve ever been forced to endure a flight seated next to someone who decided to bring a tuna salad sandwich as their carry-on item, then congratulations — you’re fully prepared to be Martha Stewart’s seatmate. The OG lifestyle guru recently told the New York Times what her travel essentials are, and for the most part they’ll make you hope you never have to share an armrest with her.

No matter how well-mannered we may be back home, Europe can be a minefield of faux pas just waiting to happen. I’ve made my fair share, to be sure. For the life of me I still can’t get that cheek kiss thing right — how many, and which side was it first? Here are some tips to keep in mind from someone who’s learned the hard way, plus a few friends who either live in or travel frequently to Europe. Please, for the love of all that is holy, turn down the volume.

Whether you’re trying out a restaurant while on vacation or trying to make a new-to-you place a regular go-to, there are a few things you can do to help win over the waitstaff. Because let’s face it — it’s nice if they like you as much as you like them. If you have a reservation, honor that time and arrive as close to it as possible. If you’re going to be more than 10 minutes late, give the restaurant a call to give them a heads up.

I grew up in the ’80s, when a lot of our mothers were dieting and some of them — in spite of their best intentions — were passing their feelings about weight down to their children. I thought my mother was overweight. Reader, she was not, but she said she was so I believed her. In retrospect we can all acknowledge that as a size 6-petite she was rather small. But she worried about her weight and wanted to make sure we were all healthy. (We were.

Got yourself some new neighbors? (Or maybe you’re about to get some? Those for-sale houses in your development are probably going to be scooped up sometime during the summer before the school year starts!) Yay! Give them a proper welcome by bringing them a well-thought-out gift box that shows just how sweet you — and the rest of the community — can be!

Prost! Salud! Here, here! Those would all be very acceptable ways to cheers someone before taking a drink. What do I like to say? “Cheersy pants!” You see, I have a habit of cute-ifying words — and adding the words pants to the end of sentences. (I promise, it’s more fun and endearing in real life than it sounds … I think.) I don’t remember when I started doing this, but I’ve certainly become known for it among my friends.