Important Debate: If Baguettes Could Move, How Would They Move?

The beauty of Twitter is that anyone can ask the kind of question that really makes you think — and sometimes they even come beautifully illustrated with an animated video. Such was the case this week when user Dave posited, “If baguettes could move, how would they move?” and requested to hear reasoning.

His animation shows four movements, the first, a worm-style sludge; the second, an odd, bendy cowboy walk like each end was a leg; the third, an end-over-end tumble; and the fourth, a caterpillar-like bend and lunge. All are awkward. All will haunt you when you sleep at night.

So the wise food philosophers of Twitter obviously began their debate, starting with the well-reasoned response from AJ Jeffries in favor of the end-over-end tumble, because it’s the only one that would leave the crust relatively intact.

But Boulet argues that the bendy cowboy gallop would be most efficient, plus it would have the least friction with the ground, a theory further substantiated by Nosoco’s idea that the ends are actually the baguette’s calluses. Love,,,Bird came out in support of the worm-style sludge because baguettes don’t have bones. Yes, that’s the issue with the theoretical challenge at hand.

In the survey that followed Dave’s original post, users were 63 percent in favor of the “robot rotate,” or end-over-end tumble, with the cowboy gallop in last place with just 8 percent. Besides, that has to be the right answer because the unofficial mayor of Twitter and queen of food, Chrissy Teigen, chimed in with it, saying it was “the most delicious baguette.”

Although she also said it could be months old. But also, “If we are giving this bread moving capabilities at all, why wouldn’t it just propel forward, flat like a locomotive?” Or — and here she gets to real crux of the matter — why wouldn’t it just roll over on its side?