If you're a fan of NBC's dearly departed hit series 30 Rock, then you're probably also a fan of the completely entertaining, completely memorable, if not completely lovable, Jack Donaghy. I know I am, and I have to confess that it's not often that I snag such an exclusive, elusive interviewee as the mostly fictional character played by Alec Baldwin. But really, who better to talk to about microwaves than the VP of East Coast Television and Microwave Oven Programming for General Electric?
Can you tell us what televisions and microwaves have in common?
Well, that's an incredibly stupid and wholly irrelevant question, but my social media consultants tell me I need to go viral, so I'll humor you. Television was the greatest invention of the century until microwaves came along. They both represent an impatient nation wanting to consume pop culture and popcorn simultaneously.
Since I'm the greatest marketing brain in corporate American history, it's synergetic to have chosen me to represent both. If you look at the krap that's on TV today (and yes, that's an incredibly clever, two-pronged dig at both the Kardashians and Kabletown) you can understand why the next logical step is for me to become president of HBO and Keurig. It just makes sense.
Are we done?
Just a few more questions. You've been quoted as saying "The microwave industry isn't what it used to be. And the American love affair with the microwave oven has cooled since its post-war heyday." Which kitchen product do you think America will fall in love with next?
That's actually not the dumbest question I've ever been asked. I can't speak for all Americans, but I've noticed that a lot of you Pinterest gals seem to love anything that smashes avocados. I think a combined avocado smasher/bread toaster/Instagram uploader would make someone a small fortune.
If we can shift directions slightly ... after college you interned for Senator Ted Kennedy, and while you were once extremely liberal in your views, you're now a rabidly conservative Republican. Do you have any thoughts on the nascent presidential race?
So now we're talking politics? My agent said this was about microwaves. I think that any White House worth its salt will have the latest model microwaves throughout. And for the record, I don't follow party lines anymore. I'll be voting for the richest candidate — even if he turns out to be an Independent, Democrat, or Libertarian.
If "he" turns out to be an Independent, Democrat, or Libertarian? What if it's a woman?
A woman in the White House? Ha! Next you'll be telling me that (Liz) Lemon is Hilary Clinton's speechwriter.
We've veered off topic slightly. If we can go back to microwaves, one of your greatest triumphs was GE's trivection oven. In a demonstration video Alton Brown said, "The way I see it, the better you are at applying heat, the better cook you can be." Do you have any pithy words of advice for aspiring network executives or microwave oven users?
You'll have to read it in my memoir.