If you haven't yet met this amazing woman, allow me to introduce you. Well, maybe not introduce you since I don't know her name, but that doesn't mean I don't think she's wonderful. She was caught in the frame of the Hawks vs. Celtics Kiss Cam recently and used the opportunity to do the most wonderful thing anyone in her position could ever do: get up close and personal with her pizza.
As I watched her masterful troll of the Kiss Cam (on repeat, obviously), I thought about how cool it must be to be her. To be so expertly in control of a situation — any situation — in my life would surely be one of my proudest accomplishments. But at the same time, I also began to wonder about her thoughts on pizza. Perhaps learning what she knows about everyone's favorite food could lead me on the true path to greatness.
If I had 10 minutes of her time, these are the questions I would ask this brilliant woman.
1. What's the best, no, correct way to eat pizza?
Tip to crust? Backwards? Folded? Or was this whole thing less of a joke and more of a statement? Is holding a slice in each hand truly the best way to go?
2. What do you think of people who eat pizza with a fork?
You'll notice that wasn't an option above, which should tell you enough about what I think of them. But enough about me — what about you?
3. Was the pizza as good as this guy's envious stare would lead us to believe?
Maybe you got the last pizza in the stadium or maybe it just smells really good, but something in this guy's face is telling me that that's a pretty killer pie. Is it true? And if so, what kind is it? It's important that I know this.
4. Who is that rude lady next to you doubting your pizza-eating skills?
Real friends don't get embarrassed over their friends' eating habits. I mean, does she even like pizza?
5. In your life, what has prepared you to shine so brilliantly in your unexpected moment in the spotlight?
Is there some kind of serum I need to be buying? Or perhaps some sort of cleanse that would help me achieve this level of on-the-spot funny? Because I need it like yesterday.
→ Read more: This Woman Stuffing Her Face With Pizza On Kiss Cam Is The Hero We Need from Buzzfeed