3 Ridiculous Rules for Eating Tomatoes

updated May 24, 2019
We independently select these products—if you buy from one of our links, we may earn a commission. All prices were accurate at the time of publishing.
Post Image
(Image credit: Emma Christensen)

Tomatoes are disgusting — except for when they’re not. Yes, I realize how ridiculous that sounds, but I stand by these statements. There’s a reason kids tend to love pizza but hate tomato sauce on pasta: Because kids are smarter than we give them credit for and onto the sneaky games tomatoes like to play with our tastebuds!

Here are my most ridiculous rules for eating tomatoes. You should adopt them for yourself. Or add your own tomato rules at the bottom of this post — c’mon, you know you have some!

1. Tomatoes can be on BLTs, but have no other place on sandwiches.

A BLT is always delightful — especially in the middle of summer and when the bacon is super well-done (like, basically burnt). If, however, the BLT ratio becomes more T than B or L, it’s time to stop eating so that the ingredients can be readjusted. Also, I will not eat the tomato on its own if it falls off the sandwich. I will also not eat tomatoes on other sandwiches. Not even on an Italian hoagie, which gets shredded lettuce, lots of onions, and oil and vinegar — that’s it.

2. Chunky tomatoes are okay on pizza but not in pasta.

My mouth waters just thinking about a big, juicy slice of grandma pizza. (It’s happening right now!) The chunky tomato sauce! The gooey puddles of cheese! The herbs! I will eat grandma pizza all day, every day. What I will not eat is pasta with a chunky tomato sauce. I will, however, eat pasta with halved cherry tomatoes (they must be halved) and olive oil and garlic. I realize this sounds a little weird and child-like, but dems the rules!

(Image credit: Faith Durand)

3. Bruschetta is yummy, but caprese salad is not.

A toasted piece of bread piled high with chopped tomatoes, onions, garlic, olive oil, and balsamic? Yes! A plate of sliced tomatoes with mozzarella and just a drizzle of sauce on top? Nope. Tomatoes need time to meld with other flavors and a caprese salad does not offer that. A garlicky bruschetta is another story.

Tomato Recipes I Can Get Behind

Your turn: What are your ridiculous tomato rules?