10 Totally Heinous Crimes Against Salad That Need to Be Stopped
By now you may be familiar with the popular Internet meme, “women laughing alone with salad.” If you’re not familiar, the concept is easy to understand: Picture a stock photo of a woman all by herself, eating a boring-looking salad and laughing hysterically. Salad deserves better PR than this. Because honestly, laughing by yourself with a bowl full of raw vegetables should be outlawed. It’s just wrong.
This meme sparked an investigation into other crimes against salad that are widespread on the Internet. I turned to a collection of stock photos to find the worst offenders. Prepare your eyes, my friends. No food deserves this kind of treatment – especially poor ol’ salad.
Crime #1: Laughing and eating salad at the same time
This lady has never had so much fun eating salad before in her life, but why? Hate to break it to her, but that salad she’s holding looks super boring. I hope there is some secret dressing that we can’t see that gives her that much joy.
Crime #2: Eating salad with a spoon
This nutso thinks salad should be eaten with a spoon. How do you think she’s going to pick up that broccoli and pepper in the same spoonful, huh? Get it together. Use proper utensils.
Crime #3: Eating a salad while wearing headphones
This lady is subjecting herself to loud crunchy noises because she insists on wearing headphones while she eats. Painful. This gives salad a bad rap. Not cool, lady.
Crime #4: Eating a salad that only has greens
This woman is only eating freaking lettuce from a bowl. Just greens does not a salad make. That’s just weird.
Crime #5: Shredded carrots
This kid needs to COOL IT on the shredded carrots. In fact, she might as well turn those carrots into something else – like hummus – because they certainly don’t belong in salad. Wet shredded carrots are the worst.
Crime #6: Adding salt to the top layer of your salad
This weirdo thinks it’s totally normal to have a GIANT piece of lettuce sit on top of his salad bowl and dump salt on top of it. Give up while you’re ahead.
Crime #7: Thinking you’re too cool to wear a shirt while eating a salad
This guy can’t eat a salad with his shirt on. Seriously, there are multiple shots of him on Shutterstock with various wimpy bites of salad and no shirt to be seen.
Crime #8: Not attempting to get the perfect bite
This girl doesn’t understand the concept of a “good bite.” You’re supposed to get as many ingredients as you can into one bite without overloading your fork. She failed on all accounts.
Crime #9: Not opening your mouth enough to eat salad
This weirdo is trying to smile and eat at the same time, and is failing at both. One or the other, missy.
Crime #10: Treating salad as an accessory
Salad is for eating, not for wearing. This person is totally disrespecting this concept by wearing salad as a wig and as clothing. Very rude.