10 Things You Can Learn About Kitchen Safety from Stock Photos

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There are moments in life when you think, “If only there were photos out there that could really crystallize kitchen safety for me.” We know — we’ve been there. But now, thanks to stock photos, there are!

If you’ve ever wondered how to hold a knife, handle a hot pan, or cook with heat, you may put your mind to rest, my friends, because these folks — nay, masters — show us exactly how it’s done.

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Kitchen Safety Rules #1 and #2

Never cut an onion without donning your snorkeling mask. I mean it. People who cut onions without repurposing their vacation gear are a reckless, wild bunch.

Likewise, if you’re not wearing a gas mask every time you wash the dishes (see photo #1) you could find yourself exposed to crusty bits of food and your own mouth germs. So I ask you: Is it really worth the risk?

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Kitchen Safety Rule #3

Always go with oven mitts that look exactly like bare hands, so when you pull that blazing-hot roasted chicken out of the oven, you look like a boss.

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Kitchen Safety Rule #4

If your pan goes up in flames, just sip a little champagne. By all means don’t reach for the fire extinguisher.

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Kitchen Safety Rule #5

There’s a lot we can learn from this “Portrait of Amorous Couple Cooking Pasta in the Kitchen.” For starters, they’re so careful when they cook, they don’t even use a flame! They just rely on the flame of their love for all their cooking needs.

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Kitchen Safety Rule #6

If you’re swirling and flipping food in a very hot wok, make sure that your friend’s face is directly over the pan — not out of the way, or across the room. It should be within hitting distance of the burning oil.

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Kitchen Safety Rule #7

Phone call while prepping? Absolutely! Mugging for the camera? No problem. It’s all good, especially when you’re about to chop your fingers off.

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Kitchen Safety Rule #8

Burn for your love. “Oh, my love, my darling, I hunger for your touch … ” — or really, the touch of this very hot pan, where I’m so casually resting my hand while while I look into your eyes.

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Kitchen Safety Rule #9

Think of the most aggressive way you can hold a knife. Got it? Okay, go with that.

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Kitchen Safety Rule #10

Don’t look. Ever. Just rely on your sense of touch and smell when you open the oven door. Intuit its temperature. Or play peekaboo: “I know you’re in there, blueberry cobbler! On the count of three … !”

Thank you, kitchen stock photos, for making us all so much safer.