Gift guides are my favorite part of the holidays. Sure, the holidays are about family and togetherness and all that good stuff, but they're also about finding out that Oprah thinks we should buy $50 blueberries this year, and that the Neiman Marcus will sell you your own personal brand of Champagne for $150,000. I wait all year for the annual gift guides to start coming out, and Goop's is one of the best. Every year Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle brand introduces us to things like personal submarines and $114 toothpaste.
Gwyneth Paltrow is a passionate cook with multiple award-winning cookbooks that are actually quite good, so of course her annual holiday gift guides include plenty of things for cooks and gourmets.
Here are the 10 most over-the-top food gifts from Goop's 2017 holiday gift guide.
1. A Casserole Dish, $1,220
This stainless steel casserole dish has brass handles and it sure is pretty. But at $1,220, it'd have to be. As a fun side note, Goop's holiday guide includes actual miniature horses for the "I want a pony" set, and those horses cost less than this casserole dish.
2. Gold Measuring Cups, $72
I am fully in favor of making everything gold that can be made gold. I once gold-leafed a Diaper Genie. But this $72 set of measuring cups seems like it was designed in a lab to annoy bakers. It's frustrating enough when a baking tool can't be put in the dishwasher because it needs to be delicately washed by hand, as these do. But these also have round bottoms, which seems excruciatingly inconvenient if you just want to pour them full of sugar. (For those who like shiny kitchen tools, Target has a set of gold measuring cups for $5.99, and they're dishwasher-safe and have flat bottoms.)
3. A Kitchen Step Stool, $95
This stool is made of reclaimed chestnut wood from 19th century Philadelphia buildings. It doesn't fold up for easy storage, but it will help you reach any items that are less than 8.75 inches out of your reach.
4. Moon Dust, $35
Trend forecasters at Whole Foods said health powders and "functional mushrooms" would both be top trends in 2018, and it looks like Gwyneth Paltrow is ahead of the curve. This $35 box contains 12 tea bags full of "healing dust" designed to be added to hot milk, water, or tea for extra health benefits. Most of the dusts seem to be blends of various mushroom extracts with herbs and other medicinal powders. The box contains two sachets each of Moon Dust supplements for Beauty, Brain, Sex, Power, Spirit, and Dream. I wonder what happens if you put all six in at once.
5. A Chocolate Cutter, "Price on Request"
This fancy machine will cut a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup into four pieces almost as well as the knives you already own. It's listed as "Price on Request," which is code for "If you have to ask, you can't afford it." Instead of buying a fancy machine for splitting Peanut Butter cups, maybe just buy another peanut butter cup so you don't have to share.
6. Cast Iron Mess Kit, $140
Mess kits are designed to be super-portable pans and dishes for camping, backpacking, and other outdoorsy activities. Goop touts this particular model as being "perfect for backpacking trips, traveling, or simply cooking in the great outdoors." The $140 set is made of cast iron, to "elevate campfire meals," but it also means the whole set weighs as much as a toddler. Nobody is taking this on a backpacking trip, unless someone else is carrying the backpacks.
This enameled, cast iron pot is designed for cooking rice on the stove, but it's pretty tiny. It's six-and-a-half inches in diameter and just over four inches tall. If you cook rice enough to justify a $180 stovetop rice cooker, you probably already own a great rice cooker. Other good ways to cook rice include the Instant Pot everybody wanted last year, or any pot with a lid that you already own.
8. Mini Chocolate Fondue Set, $90
Fondue swings in and out of popularity like a pendulum. One day, without any warning, you wake up and think, "Why did we all stop eating fondue? It's a big pot of melted cheese or chocolate that you dip stuff in. What's not to love?" Then we buy fondue sets, use them exactly once, and forget about them for the next 20 years. Fondue seems to be gearing up for a comeback again, but check your attic before paying $90 for this one. There's a good chance you already own one.
9. Clip Clip Coffee Spoon, $10
This little gold coffee spoon is designed for measuring out coffee, and there's also a clip on the back to clip the coffee bag closed between uses. OK, this one is actually brilliant. And at $10, it's one of the least expensive items on Goop's entire list.
10. Camel Milk Subscription Service, $103/month
For just $103 a month, you'll never have to pour cow's milk over your Cheerios again.