Around this time last year I started to write an entertaining cookbook — a book for the days and evenings when we gather to eat together.
Many people in the publishing world believe that entertaining is a tired topic, but I think we just need to re-think the term. Writing this book was a great opportunity to do just that. Not only was it an exhaustingly fun way to collect some of my favorite dishes for having people over, but it forced me to think about what it truly means to entertain.
Maybe it's the word that's the problem. "Entertaining" sounds intimidating, a major household event to get prepared for. But for me, gathering people to eat is not just something I do on weekends with matching cloth napkins — it's what I do every single day when I cook for myself and my family. In most cases, it's a deep offering to nurture people's bodies and souls, and personally I wish it didn't share a word that also describes frivolous stuff on television.
Entertaining, to me, is really the whole experience of a meal; from the shopping, to the music you play when you chop onions, to being able to tell your guests who grew that carrot or this piece of meat (or to wonder together where it all came from), to the tipsy game of charades after dessert. That's what I see in my mind when I hear the word "entertaining."
The social interaction that surrounds a meal feeds the soul; we tell tales and seek advice, we laugh and cry, we learn and teach, and sometimes we even fall in love around chopping blocks and dinner tables.
So when you think of "entertaining" in the context of cooking, what do you think of? And if the image that comes first is a planned-out dinner party with place cards and a stressful day of cooking, can I convince you otherwise?
If we gather to eat every day, then entertaining is life, and most of the time life is pretty entertaining.
• More about my book: Good Food To Share: Recipes for Entertaining with Family & Friends by Sara Kate Gillingham-Ryan (Weldon-Owen), Williams-Sonoma or pre-order from Amazon
(Images: Ray Kachatorian from Good Food To Share)
How to Bake a Potato: Three Easy Methods
How To Cook Tender, Chewy Wheat Berries on the Stovetop
Good Food to Share 
The Big Book of Small, Cool Spaces 
Apartment Therapy Presents 
The Eight-Step Home Cure 
Straw Mat from The ...
Must-See Small Cool Homes: Week Two
Beth's Romantic & Retro Residence
Growing up nearly every holiday gathering, birthday meal or other excuse to have a meal with family and friends was never the sole responsibility of the host. An invite to someone's house was always responded to with, "Love to, what can I bring?" The guests also always helped clean up too.
It wasn't until I moved to the fancy-pants city that I realized that this wasn't exactly the norm.
Now that I'm out of the fancy-pants city and closer to where I grew up, I'm returning to that style of entertaining. My friends here automatically respond to a dinner or party invite with, "Love to, what can I bring?"
ACharmer, when I do holidays with my closest local friends, it's the tradition that they "host" (better layout for entertaining) and do part of the cooking; I do most of the rest of the cooking and bring forks (it's legendary that they own only two forks). Other guests bring food and drink, or not -- by the time our two households have put together a meal, that's plenty to feed a crowd.
Nobody has enough chairs to do a formal dinner with placecards, so we don't. Guest lists have been known to double in the last three hours before the party. Fortunately, my side dish choices for Easter were flexible, as the main dish changed three times on the day. One holiday, the guest who always brings wine bailed and I had to make a last-minute run to QwikTrip, which was the only place open that carried wine.
We have a wonderful time. I'm not against formal entertaining (I have an evening dress that would like to get some use), but our informal parties are a lot of fun.
Loved this article! You put into words what I often think about why I love to entertain. A table full of food definitely brings people together!
I love the photos in this post (cookbook?). I also love entertaining. My husband and I live in a pretty small apartment so sometimes there are some logistics involved in having more than a couple of people over for dinner, but mostly it's a joy rather than a stress.
I myself have done some research into the home and I learnt a little something that may bring understanding. In the days before restaurants, the only place to get food was at home. In these days, most shops were part of the house and so if a meal came up and business was still being discussed. Then the client stayed for dinner. At that time a household would have between 20 or more people in it. Furniture was minimal and often chests and benches were used as chairs or tables. Food was the women's terratory and this is when "house proud" first beginning to be seen. Women were just taking an interest in their domain. There wasn't much in that time to celebrate, so they made what they could of every moment. I'm not sure when it change to us having to validate our want/need to entertain. But good food, good friends and family is excuse enough for me. I usually have a Friday night dinner and any of our friends can come with a simple phone call. I learnt recently why these nights are a hit. To them our house is a home. So does that mean the need to entertain comes from the need to share our homes? Interesting thought.
CONGRATS on the cookbook! I look forward to buying -- the photos are GORG and you look lovely. LOVE your jewelry and the food looks amazing ;) Now I'm off to pre-order!
I'm addicted to entertaining!
Aside from the usual celebrations and get-togethers, we entertain to share great ingredients. When we have a haul of wild mushrooms, or a large catch from a fishing trip, it's an excuse to share delicious food with friends. Gatherings at our place are therefore usually impromptu, and guests all muck in.
When I was a kid all major celebrations happened with lots of people around. I have been an Air Force wife for 14 years and the gatherings have all but been forgotten. I miss having people over on a normal basis. This post has made it seem less intimidating (because it's not all family any more). Can't wait to see the book!
I loved the last sentence you wrote to end this post. Congrats on the cookbook!
Yes - the photos are stunning. I'm sure it helps to have beautiful subject matter!
For me 'entertaining' does evoke images of preparing for a week, but for me that's part of the fun: thinking about my friends' tastes and planning out all the little things that will make them feel special. Last summer we moved to a house a good 30 minute drive from our usual social circle, so we have few impromptu gatherings, which is sad, but makes parties we do organize more elaborate affairs. And like Sara Kate, I started thinking we should lend that glamour to the everyday - now weeknight dinners include cocktails and an appetiser (chips and guac count), a flower and a candle, and I LOVE it.
And we've started meeting our neighbors - on the other end of the "entertaining" spectrum, we've gotten onto the roster of a rotating, BYOB driveway party the first Friday of each month. I HIGHLY recommend the concept to anyone. The party was started and hosted for several years by one couple that wanted to meet their neighbors (they invited their adjacent neighbors and the rule was to invite another neighbor) until they moved away and participants stepped up to share the mantle. I can't say enough good things about it for building community - and the prep is minimal, move your car out of the driveway and maybe set out an ice bucket and some plastic cups.
I’m still working on the “cooking” part of entertaining. I have a few select dishes that I enjoy shopping for and preparing. However, there are two other components to my entertaining that I enjoy far more.
Just after my husband and I returned from our honeymoon we began inviting friends over for dinner on weekends mainly, I thought, to show we were actually using all the fantastic "stuff" we were gifted at our wedding shower. There is the first component: friends who don’t care what the cooking tastes like but are just happy to spend time with us!
Before I was married, entertaining always involved running to my mom's to get something, or a lot of things - a set of dishes, a specific set of candle sticks, matching water pitchers – whatever. After our wedding shower, we felt very proud to offer cold and tasty beverages in our new beverage ware, present a crisp dinner salad in the beautiful Waterford crystal bowl we received from a dear mentor of mine, serve the entree on our huge new serving platter (in my pattern), and all on a new freshly ironed sage linen table cloth. There lies the second component of entertaining that I enjoy more than cooking: the presentation!
So, since we have true and cherished friends, and all the serving pieces a couple could ever want (well, maybe), entertaining is almost effortless. I just have to continue to develop my cooking skills. :-)
Congratulations on your book! I look forward to reading and cooking from it. I think of "entertaining" as "socializing." It can be anything from inviting a friend over to share an experimental cooking adventure to finger foods for 40 or a sit-down dinner for 10 or most commonly a couple of friends over for dinner and board games.
Beautifully said! I'm a big fan of potluck style get togethers. My friends in St. Louis did this all the time, with our farm fresh, local ingredients. Can't get the same food in Florida, but my husband and I are starting this here now too. He's not quite used to the idea of a potluck, and prefers to provide everything, but we're finding a good balance!
I like the word "gathering" in place of entertaining. Entertaining doesn't scare me, but it does have a scent of pretension just saying it. Entertaining for me means good food presented & made with love & care (not necessarily fancy though) at our home (which is DEFINITELY NOT fancy) surrounded by friends and family. I love planning...new recipes, new decorating or serving ideas and showing people I love them through our "gatherings".
OH...forgot to mention that my daughter and future son in law presented me with your wonderful book for my birthday and I LOVE it!
I have 9 people over to dinner tomorrow, then 7 on sunday, so this is a timely topic.
Entertaining has a lot to do with food, but not only. I often think of food as the mood setter. Serve individual plates dressed up, and you have a black tie party. Serve a barbecue, and you're in a whole other place. Same goes for pot luck or exotic food.
I also love it when the host/hostess sets a friendly mood. I've been to parties where the food was amazing, and I was bored. Most of my friends are average or bad cooks, and we have incredible times eating take away or pizza.
For me, this is truly the hard part about entertaining: you have to manage your food (I'm getting better at that part), and still see to it that people are having a good time, because that is the truly important part.
So, I'm off to do my shopping list and prepare everything I can in advance !
entertaining means so many things. My mother HATES planning parties or gatherings, we never had kiddie parties because she envisioned horrible tragedies involving matches, candles and paper napkins. She did however, love having her brothers and close friends over for a few bottles of wine. She would frequently have them over for dessert and coffee. And her refrigerator is always overstocked with cheeses, dried fruits, jellies and a variety of pickles, salsas and every sort of mustard available. The wine rack is always full and she has a refrigerator just for chilled wines and champagnes. But she hates the word "party". I've inherited this trait from her, I dislike the idea of hosting a party or planning a menu. Impromtu gatherings are always much nicer and natural.
Congratulations on the book! I'll love forward to reading it!
"Entertaining" really does ring to me of something we do for guests. One of the beauties of a quiet meal at home is that we don't have to be entertaining: we can be together companionably, quietly or loudly, frivolously or seriously, however the mood strikes us.
The Fella and I "entertain" a lot, but more and more casually all the time. In our small apartment, a sit-down meal is crowded, so we prefer to invite guests to sit (or sprawl, their choice) in the living room. When we have more than three or four guests, I prepare dishes that can be eaten tapas-style and offer a stack of small plates, easy to balance on a lap or stash on a coffee table. For big parties or proper dinners, we usually set up a buffet on a table in another room and a big tub full of drinks and ice.
This winter, I cut myself badly and had to wear a bandage on one hand for weeks... and I discovered that it's easy to put together a big, luscious party spread (or three) without much in the way of cooking. It was an eye-opener.
A little jumping in on this so I hope that people will read my comments as I definitely have opinions on this one!
We mostly love entertaining at home. I am a reasonably good cook and usually find that I can cook a better meal at home than what we get at a restaurant and it doesn't come with the shocking bill at the end. Having said that, what we have noticed in trying to entertain lately is that EVERYONE we know seems to have special eating needs, ie., this one doesn't eat veal or lamb, that one doesn't eat red meat, the other one is a vegetarian but *will* eat fish if he has to, another is a vegan... AND month by month it seems that more and more guests are giving up alcohol - what's up with that? It's not that you have to drink to have a good time, but wine does make a dinner a little more festive. Anyway, by the time I have created a menu that I think will be tasty, interesting AND satisfy everyone's special needs, I'm exhausted and the fun has gone. Don't even get me started on "I don't like spicey foods..." When I was growing up, my parents entertained A LOT. We lived in many places both in the US and abroad, and there was ONE rule that was not to be broken-ever: YOU WILL EAT, WITH A SMILE, ANYTHING YOU ARE SERVED BY THE HOSTESS. That rule applied to the dinner table at home too. So, imagine my surprise and dismay when I returned to the US just to find a bunch of whiny, picky, selfish eaters at my dinner table. I have, over time, learned to be more selective about who I invite to dinner but sometimes business and etiquette dictates who will be at my table.
The point is, it is not surprising that people opt to make a reservation at a restaurant rather than go through all the effort of preparing a dinner party just to have half of the guests announce that they don't/won't/can't eat what you have prepared (keeping in mind that the cooking is only part of the entertaining package - there is clean up, set up, bar stocking and figuring out logistics in a much smaller space than God ever meant for humans to live in). I agree that entertaining should be fun and should be an experience that one looks forward to and enjoys but I guess I have prepared just a few too many dinners that went uneaten by half of the guests. Uh, if you have a special diet, you need to let the hostess know BEFORE you show up.
Also, I can tell you that I entertain MUCH more than my friends do. We cook but they invite us to join them at a restaurant and the tab is split. I think some people can't afford the tab of entertaining a bunch of people. So, again, a reservation turns into an affordable way to get together (at least more affordable than the cost of a party for 8 or 10 at your home).
So, while I totally subscribe to the idea of entertaining being fun and a great opportunity to catch up with friends, I think my recent experiences illustrate why people are more inclined to meet up at a restaurant.
I hope that some others will jump in and share their experiences with this and how they have managed to deal with the issues presented. I know it doesn't sound like it, but I really do enjoy entertaining. Lately, it's just become less rewarding.