I was a vegetarian for 20 years (before my wheat allergy) and one thing I did not understand was that the diet does not end all animal suffering. It's a shame that PETA, although they've done great things, has created an angry rift between vegetarians and meat eaters. The article just shows how serious the rift is. People trying to sneak meat into a vegetarian's dish shows blatant disrespect, while vegetarians have a hard time making families feel like they respect tradition. I don't know the answer, but discussions are good to have.

I would love to have the recipe for whatever is in the picture! It looks so .. well, meaty and stewy, even though it's probably seitan or tofu.

The thing I cherished most was my grandmother's cooking. Before she died, we would cook together and she actually transformed meat dishes into vegetarian ones for me. The fact is that people can still make traditional recipes, but without the meat. I post a lot of them on my blog: http://smultronsoul.blogspot.com/
When I moved to Sweden, it became harder as a vegetarian because most people serve meat or fish as the main course and don't know what to make for vegetarians. But now I just offer to bring a vegetarian dish if I go for a dinner. There are ways, and no one has to suffer!

@Trish I have to say I agree, however after all my time as a vegetarian I witnessed just the opposite: in our college cafeteria, meat eaters got in my face, tried to shove burgers at me and demanded to know if I thought they were muderers. This while I was peacefully chatting with my friends about the college radio station. The meat-eating bullies were so bad one of my vegetarian friends began locking herself in her dorm room so she could eat in peace. She NEVER preached to anyone and neither did I. It seems like meat eaters give as good as they get. I will say now that I eat meat, my best friend makes me feel guilty just by her diet even though she is very supportive of everything I do. Maybe it's a guilty consceince instead of preachy behavior?

Emmi makes an interesting point about PETA creating a rift between veggies and meaties. I'd like to hear more about it. Do you have a link perhaps?

i think the vegan form of the dish mentioned above is a great example of how meat-eaters and vegerarians alike can meet halfway, or at least make a quick substitute for the each other. the sauce is vegan, so the host could get duck AND tofu (or legumes) and just split the dish into appropriate portions for those eating duck and those who choose to eat vegan.

if each isn't willing to meet halfway on at least a friendly dinner together, there's something wrong!

i know the post is about trying to make an older, more traditional relative understand, and i think communication is key....

I've been a veg for over 30 years, and while at first there was trouble at first, it has actually transformed very nicely. Several cousins went veg, as did my very old grandfather (easier on his ancient digestion). But the majority still happily eat meat, and we all do well together. The shoving food in my face inspired some fairly nasty retaliations--sadly, I think a lot of people, on both sides, never outgrow that petty stage. I was 14 when I went veg, so it kind of fit with general immaturity, but I occasionally encounter bona fide adults (on both sides) who cannot behave. That says little about dietary choices and much about character and personality. Bullies are bullies, whether it's re food choices or not, and I don't like them, whether they're vegetarians or carnivores.

Maybe they were. I don't think that's an excuse to be a jerk about it. I've had men in the past cancel dates with me when I told them I was vegetarian. Once, a guy actually chewed with his mouth open and cooed about how awesome meat was.

Food is really visceral. People act weird when you aren't "like" them with food.

I have never once preached, and often people don't even know I'm a vegetarian after years of eating around and with me. Yet more often than not, when the subject is reached, or I "inexplicably" turn down a dish with meat in it, I'm met with incredulous gazes, disgust, or the all-too-common "once you taste my <steak, cassarole, venison chili> you'll change your mind, just TRY it" (another favorite: "just eat around it"). It's my choice, and mine alone - no need to get into my reasons why here.

But on the subject of family and traditions, after 6 years as a full vegetarian (mostly high school and early college) I started to explore more of my (cajun/creole) heritage and wanted to cook the family recipes; understanding the history and the process. I DID add seafood back into my diet - allowing a greater range of (still slightly altered) cajun cooking.

I DID feel left out of bigger family traditions, and that concession has allowed me "back into the fold" if you will.

@Trish maybe. No doubt there ARE preachy vegetarians but I feel like they're a construct of the media. I feel that way because I've heard many people talk about preachy vegetarians yet none of the people who say so can name one person in their actual lives who did so.

@Clampers not sure who you were addressing, but I can show you the link below plus the time PETA put cow dung outside Ramsay's restaurant (or it was ALF, one or the other) and the discussion online between meat eaters and PETA folks was very ugly.

http://www.peta.org/b/thepetafiles/archive/2011/02/25/pamela-anderson-to-meat-eaters-guilty.aspx

I have many friends who are long time vegetarians and none of them are annoying and/or preachy. Perhaps they were when they were younger...

Now the people I know who are into other diets like the miracle of cocounut oil, low carb/paleo, or raw milk ARE very annoying and can't shut up to save themselves.

The article sounds pretty interesting, but in respect to the comments here... I just treat dietary choices like this the same way I treat religion and politics: I have no interest in talking about them with most people, and if someone tries to talk to me about it in a way that is disrespectful or unpleasant in either direction, I just end the conversation. I probably won't go that far out of my way to make a meal I've been planning totally vegan to accomodate one person at a dinner party, but most vegans don't expect that. I would say MOST people on either side genuinely don't care either way, and though yes, you get the occasional douchebag who really thinks that other people need to hear their opinion about how vegetarians are elitist/meat is murder, those people are just best left ignored in the hope that they will stop being intrusive pricks if they realize no one is listening. I find it depressing when one or two no-class jerks manage to lower the tone of discourse for everyone, so I just find it easier to exclude them from the discussion entirely.

I agree about PETA, though. Even when I was a vegetarian, they made my skin crawl sometimes with their ridiculous antics/ideals. I don't have any problem with people promoting a lifestyle that lessens cruelty towards animals, but PETA comes off as so patronizing and alienating that their sole purpose at this point is clearly just preaching to the choir.

Traditions are great, but old traditions can be modified or replaced by new traditions, as circumstances change. Traditions are mainly about bonding, sharing and memories, and not the details of the food itself (although certain smells/tastes become associated with certain memories, over time, which is partly why people get so attached to particular foods).

Eating a separate meal from the rest of the group can be lame and isolating. There's no reason you can't cook an animal-free dish that everyone can eat. Involve your family in creating a new cruelty-free tradition that everyone can participate in and feel good about.

Most of the people I've met have responded in one of three ways upon learning I'm a vegetarian: 1) "I could NEVER give up meat!", 2) "Oh, is it like a religious thing?" and 3) "But what do you eat?"

It gets old. Really, really old.

It's so funny--Ben-Amotz was a college classmate of mine.

But this definitely speaks to me. As a vegetarian and the primary cook in my relationship, my boyfriend has involuntarily taken up a mostly vegetarian lifestyle. Sometimes its definitely a struggle to come up with something different and "protein-rich" (my bf is not satisfied with just beans as a protein source and would never eat a pasta only meal), I've tried my best to keep things exciting and to try new things.

emmi, missdewey - i agree with both of you. i have been a vegetarian for 20 years and am not preachy about it. in my 20 years of vegetarianism, i have met one single vegetarian that was the obnoxious type of vegetarian (she was very loudly anti-meat, how the smell/look of it made her sick, etc...i was so embarrassed to be lumped into the same group as her b/c she's the type of vegetarian that gives the rest of us a bad name). the more i think about it - it's not so much about people we've actually *met* being obnoxious, preachy vegetarians...it's just the peta people that you see on the news. anyway ,more often, i've met meat eaters who berate me for not eating meat. it's my personal choice! i don't question their choices, why should mine be subject to scrutiny/ridicule?

anyway, as for vegetarianism getting in the way of family traditions, it's not something i've experienced. the only grandparent i ever knew was italian, but not much of a cook. everything i know about good food and cooking, i learned from my mother who was very supportive when i decided to become a vegetarian. most of my favorite family recipes fall on the southern/comfort food side of the spectrum (mac and cheese, yeast rolls), so i never felt like i missed out on much when i couldn't eat a meat main dish at family gatherings.

My husband and I have been vegan for three years and while it was "an issue" at first, things have mostly calmed down during holidays and family events. We are not preachy but my brother bothered us about it (taunted, really) relentlessly at first. People do get upset when you don't eat the same things as them. I secretly think it's a guilty conscience thing because we never made a big deal out of it - we always bring our own food, try not to be an imposition, etc. and yet some people still have a BIG problem with my own choices regarding food. It's odd. I do find that people are generally curious as to our reasons (ethical) and we do get asked during meal times "well why are eggs bad?". I only talk about it if I am specifically asked and even then I try to wait until after everyone is finished eating.

My grandmother still "feels bad" that she can't make us things to eat but most of the time it's just easier for me to bring stuff with. At Christmas this year everyone else ate ham and pineapple stuffing while we had enormous slices of veggie lasagna (honestly, the best I've ever made). It worked well. In previous years I have brought a protein for us and my grandmother has made some of the sides vegan. I hate when people make a big deal out of food choices... it really doesn't have to be an issue.

After 10 years as a vegan, it is still hard for my Grandparents to understand what I do and do not eat. But... I try to take on our traditional meals and recreate them vegan style. For Estonians this isn't always easy or possible (blood sausage, head cheese, etc.), but I made a stuff pastry that originally had ground beef, eggs, and onions, in a heavy milk dough with tvp, tofu, onions, and a soy-based dough that even my great-grandmother really enjoyed. Overall it has never really been a problem, but sometimes it takes a polite handover of food under the table to my brother to keep my grandma smiling. Delicious!

Since I am the cook in our house and because I never liked meat, after having to cook meat-centric meals every day to appease my mom's high-protein dialysis diet (and what I thought my husband and kids expected), I just quit making it. It's been almost a year now, and we eat like kings. It's so hard at first if you don't know how to make a satisfying meat-free or vegan meal, but I've gathered recipes, tried new things and finally have a great repertoire of meals that everyone enjoys. We eat better, we feel better and while it takes more time and effort on my part since we also cut out processed food, no one can claim that our food doesn't taste good...or at least my in-laws don't say anything out loud!

Although not a vegetarian, eighty percent of our meals are. When our family and friends get together there are always considerations for our vegetarians, wheat intolerant, lactose intolerant, and food allergy members. It's just the norm and we've never had any issues. But, it did take awhile to teach my mom that anything cooked in chicken stock is not vegetarian. She was convinced that anything without meat chunks was vegetarian!

i've been a vegetarian for over 5 years now. my grandparents are vegetarians but they eat fish (religious reasons). The last time i went home 4 years ago, my grandpa had saved some dry fish that i used to like and made fish soup for me. they did not know that i had stopped eating meat and fish. he was getting old and sick and he was so excited that he was able to find the fish that i liked and cooked a meal just for me that i did not have the heart to say no. i ate it and thanked him for it. i returned to the US and he died less than a year later. i don't regret eating the fish, it made him happy and that made me happy. that was the only time that i went against my beliefs to please someone.
i cook chicken and fish for my husband, it's each individuals choice so i don't tell him what to eat and what not to eat.
i am not the preachy type but i do get defensive if someone keeps questioning and making stupid comments about my choices.

@Lifeinspires I will remember your story for a long time. That is very sweet. My first non-vegetarian meal (since I was a teen) was a few years ago; a new restaurant owner in town had become friends of ours (it was a Chinese restaurant). We were there just after they opened and the owner, not remembering I was a vegetarian and that my boyfriend does not eat fish, well the owner made us a "special meal not on the menu". A huge pile of raw fish flesh. We both thanked him and forced ourselves to eat it. To be honest, it was not bad at all. And I was taught it is rude to decline to take a gift offered to you. So I also am glad we accepted his good hearted offer.

I've found myself avoiding holiday gatherings specifically, my luck is that they happened to be with super-meat-centric people, because I didn't want to make them or myself feel uncomfortable (is there meat in this? fish? meat or fish stock? gelatin? really???). Now I ask if we can meet for conversation over coffee/tea/dessert (anytime rather than being holiday-centric) and find my relationships have actually improved.

I'm now revisiting my old family recipes and, though my elder & peer family members aren't here any longer to share them with, I'm trying to find a way to keep those traditions alive through the use of some of the traditional flavors. Luckily my mother's honey pickled beets fit the bill (I haven't sworn off honey, yet).

I used to cite family gatherings and such as a reason I could not be a vegan. I have been a vegetarian nearly my entire life but always used that excuse for veganism. I finally took the plunge and was extremely thrilled at the outcome. I never really knew how to cook before becoming a vegan, but I became extremely passionate about cooking after my transition. My family loves that I bring lots of dishes myself and also are great with using earth balance instead of butter, etc. and my family is Greek! They are meat eaters through and through.

I am so happy that I stopped making such an excuse and have opened myself up to one of the greatest life changes I have ever made.

Also the preachy vegan/neutral meat eater is so annoying. People act as if choosing vegan is making a choice while meat eating is neutral. You're making a choice to eat meat just like I am not to. Also. I have never once been "preachy" or anything. When I am at a meal with someone who is eating meat and they say they love their food I tell them I am so glad! Even though to be quite honest it is upsetting.

I am not saying those who choose to eat meat are preachy. I have plenty of meat eaters in my life that I love. However, on a weekly basis I encounter hostility for my choices when I do not say anything at all.