For a long time, my partner and I had a twice-monthly standing dinner date with two other couples. We would rotate hosting duties: whoever hosted also made dinner and the other four decided together who brought dessert and who brought an appetizer.

This approach worked most of the time, though once in a while we'd end up with cheese for an appetizer and cheesecake, or 7-layer dip to start and then tacos for dinner. But these dinners were really about getting together even when we were short on time, not about creating culinary masterpieces. One of the couples moved away and our twice-monthly dinners stopped, which makes me a bit sad every time I think about it.

Typically the pot luck events I run (as I don't always host them) is along the lines of I'll bring the main, and someone needs to volunteer to bring side A, appetizer B, etc. The groups are small, and most are willing to either donate money to the pot or bring something. Donations go towards buying pizza if, for whatever reason, the dinner becomes a disaster.

Question: I am the "Oh bring whatever" type of person, so when I send out eVites, I tell people to bring a side dish or dessert and specify what they're bringing in the comments box...instead of specifying what she was bringing, one of my guests instead used the comments box to ask what she should bring...what do I do? Give her a suggestion? Or just forget about it? I honestly don't care what she brings, I'm sure it will be great whatever it is.

If you tell people what to bring, it's not pot luck.

One meal with all desserts won't kill you.

I don't like being invited to someone's home and be asked to bring food. I don't ask my friends to bring food to my home. If I invite, I cook. If someone decides to bring something because they just want to, I think that is lovely. Don't like potlucks--never have.

When I host parties, I make the main dish(es) and non-alcoholic drinks and ask people to bring appetizers and/or desserts. If people ask what to bring, I tell them something that I think will go well with the meal (e.g. if I'm making tacos, bring chips & salsa, if I'm making pasta, bring garlic bread, etc.). Also, we are not big drinkers in our household, so if people want to drink something other than light, fruity wine or a historical punch, they should bring their own. It generally works out really well.

My only beef is that I make (almost) everything from scratch and am always disappointed when people bring store-bought desserts. Is there a tactful way to broach this subject or is this just what you get for asking people to bring food? (Please note that people usually ask me if they should bring anything.)

I'd call myself organized but mellow. It is definitely worth the small amount of trouble to me to make sure that there is an appropriate range of types of food, but other than that, I love seeing what people come up with on their own.

We had an Easter potluck with my 2 brothers and 2 sisters and their spouses/roommates. My husband made roast lamb with gravy for the main dish, I made a coconut cake for dessert, and everyone else filled in with side dishes. We had a great variety - homemade bread and rolls, vegetable casserole, glazed carrots, fruit salad, and that infamous regional specialty...green Jello salad (we live in Utah). It was all delicious!

I think a plus of this type of entertaining is that everyone brings something that they like/can eat, so even the pickiest or most restricted eater is guaranteed to be able to eat something. As a vegetarian I love potlucks because there are so many side dishes w/o meat.

VintageJenta, I absolutely agree that store-bought food doesn't qualify as a potluck contribution, unless it's a really large party like a picnic or BBQ, where a few people bringing chips/soda/paper plates is just fine.

For a smaller gathering, say 6-10 people, the expectation for me is that people will actually prepare something, not buy it from a store.

For big holidays that we host (Christmas and Easter), my husband and I take care of the necessary food and some drinks. If guests offer to bring something I'll let me know know if an appetizer, drink or dessert would be helpful and they can bring what they want.

For more casual meals (dinner with the neighbors), it's just organized but mellow.

The only potlucks we host are our large (13- 16 people) family holiday dinners. My sisters are all great cooks so typically the host provides the main dish + drinks and the rest of us (plus our divorced parents, but that's another topic!) bring the rest. It works out well, thankfully.

But for regular dinner parties with friends, I prefer to do it all. I'm currently not working, (I'm an unemployed pastry chef) so I love the chance to pamper my guests.

Every single Sunday my family and all our kids get together for a potluck at my Mom's. Going with the "bring whatever" route allows us to have an open invitation for anyone else who wants to join us... any many do, sometimes at a moments notice. When you can have anywhere between 10 and 35 people on any given day, you need to just "go with the flow!"

I'm kinda on the fence about this.

Personally, I don't organize potlucks myself because I don't like to tell people what to bring and I don't want to be surprised by random dishes. However, when we throw non-birthday parties, I make appetizer snacks and heavier dishes with the expectations that my very close friends and my siblings and SILs will want to bring something too. I know to expect nothing but good dishes from them. :-)

We have holiday potluck lunches at work all the time. Someone will put up a flyer with spaces for anyone to write their name and what they're bringing. Those I enjoy because it's something different to do at work. You know, for morale.

What I don't like is when someone plans a potluck birthday party. I don't like to be forced to bring food if I don't want to or have the time for it. Potlucks should be something that is planned and agreed by everyone attending. Just my opinion.

does it really matter if there's no appetizer or dessert? having multiple people bring over potato salad is a problem but otherwise who cares.

and I have no problem with people bringing over store-bought. I think its kinda douchey to get upset over it. most people that I have come over are usually single guys that don't even have kitchens and/or can't cook anyways so I'm just grateful they brought something at all. I know multiple people that will NEVER go a potluck unless forced because they can't cook and don't want to get all the snide looks for bringing store-bought. Its so sad that they have to dread something thats suppose to be a happy occasion.

Once a year, my family rents some cabins in the woods and has a big ol' bash. Because we all have kitchens in the cabins, we all bring food.

The first year, everyone bought a main dish, and I thought it went off perfectly. My mother was the only who noticed that there had been three chilis. The next year, she asked what people wanted to bring, and tried to ease us into agreement. The third year, she dictated what we would bring.

It was last year that I finally rebelled, along with my cousins. "What we damn well please" was the response across the board. I thought she was going to have a heart attack.

I guess I am somewhere in between "organized but mellow" and totally relaxed...usually I say "hey, here's what I'm making, if you want to bring stuff to add we could use a salad and a dessert or something" to the whole group and let them bring whatever.

As for storebought stuff, I have been to, and hosted, many a potluck where guests who are great company would have just skipped it if they had to cook...and that's fine. Chips and salsa, ice cream, and alcohol are all acceptable potluck contributions, sometimes people are just too short on time or skill to cook.

I'm totally in agreement with BUTTONS_WHIMS on storebought stuff. I have a potluck when the vibe is the-more-the-merrier and when I'm more concerned about including people than having the perfect meal. So storebought fits in just fine. And if anyone doesn't feel like eating a given storebought dish, they don't have to b/c there are always tons of options. If I'm serving a smaller number of people (say, less than 12--given the size of my house) and I really want the menu to be lovely and balanced then I fix it all myself and gratefully decline people's offers to bring something. ("You know, I think I've got the menu all figured out. Just bring yourself!")

I went to a pot luck once and every one of us brought fried chicken---even had one couple bring KFC. Someone finally ran to the local KFC and brought back big buckets of potato salad, cole slaw and biscuits. It was a fun memorable potluck. This taught me to at least do some planning when you have a pot luck.

The last--and I mean last--time I went to a pot luck, I came down with some wicked food poisoning. As someone who is food safety certified, I've grown wary of these gatherings unless I'm REALLY familiar with the people participating. (I know someone is going to point out all the icky things that happen in professional kitchens, but (knock wood), I have yet to get food poisoning from a restaurant.)

There's a reason 'potluck' is so named. Control issues defeat the purpose and the fun, imho. Sure everyone showing up with the same dish can be a bit boring but it usually only happens once amongst the same group and is a great laugh to share down the road. And yes, it can be a bummer when too many show up w/paper products when food was needed. That said, I'm always gracious to those who can't cook and just thankful for those who can but showed up anyway, non-edible in hand, despite their busy schedules. The company FAR OUTWEIGHS the menu....and that's what it's all about, after all. I've experienced some victories and some [would-be] defeats both as host and guest. AND YET....I've never failed to have a great time. It is what it is. Let go and have fun::)

There's an advantage nobody mentioned about potluck: for a minimal cost, it allows your guests to bring you something as thanks that won't add to your clutter. As much as I love flowers, they are expensive, but a yummy chocolate cake is not, and it won't stay on a shelf for years.
When I'm throwing a big party, people usually ask if they can help and what they can do: that's when I introduce food. Apetizers, wine, whatever they want. I ask my guests if they have a speciality they want to show off, and I plan my own meal around what they'll bring, to avoid repeats.
That way, guests are discharged of their obligation to give something to the hostess, I've got some help with the cooking, and, lets face it, we get to eat the most delicious stuff. We had a friend bringing dairy products from his uncle's farm that were the best cheese and heavy cream I ever tasted in my entire life; my best friend makes the most amazing little cakes; and both my mother and mother-in-law are amazing cooks.

Even if I never saw anyone come at a party with store-bought food (unless very high-ended Ladurée macaroons), I think it would be very tacky to point this out to guests. It's the thought and the get-together that counts, not the food. And if a guest doesn't make what he/she told me, well, we'll eat his/her dish first, and I'll improvise something in a heartbeat. Or we may eat two servings of chicken. Who cares ?