What Your Coffee Order Says About You

What Your Coffee Order Says About You

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Jess Thomson
Sep 27, 2017
(Image credit: Charity Burggraaf)

They say you can tell who a person is by looking at the shoes in their closet. But spying on strangers doesn't have to be quite so intrusive — just look at their coffee order. Whether you drink straight black coffee or take five minutes at the counter just to order, your morning habits say a lot about you. (All in good fun, of course.)

Double Macchiato for Here

You're an environmentally conscious urbanite, and possibly a road bike racer. You drink holding the saucer in one hand, with your legs crossed, possibly while consulting your journal. You have excellent taste.

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Flat White

You're a busy mom, but you always have time to keep up with the latest and greatest, so you happen to know the flat white is originally from Australia. You are forever looking for the perfect conference-to-cocktails shoe. And yes, you use Bitmoji.

Tall Soy Latte

You're a little late to jump on any proverbial bandwagon, and definitely avoid caffeine in the afternoon. You take care of the planet, though; you may have more than one vegan handbag. Thanks for that!

Drip Coffee, Black, in a Travel Mug

You're a balanced guy, probably fit, and while normal on the outside, you're full of secret quirks — you know a thing or two about thread count. If the travel mug is more than a decade old, you might be a college professor.

Cortado

First of all, you know what a cortado is. You're bookish and cultured, and you've done your share of meditation. You probably only drink cortados after yoga, because sometimes they make your heart chakra feel funny.

Ethiopian Pour-Over

You're a supertaster — the kind of person who can taste the nuances in different coffee beans. Because pour-over typically takes longer to make, you're also a very patient person. Take up knitting, if you haven't already.

Coconut Cascara Latte

You nurse from the corporate coffee straw, no matter what it brings. You may be bored with your life or your job, but you're always up for a new adventure, and friends appreciate that about you. They also like borrowing your minivan.

Short Americano, No Room

You have no faults or vices. You are a good human, with friends who love you because you are generally an unpicky and easygoing individual.

20-Ounce Iced Mocha, with a Pump of Hazelnut Syrup

You are not a coffee drinker. You're a milk drinker with a sugar addiction. Seek help. Or maybe just buy a Slurpee? They're a lot cheaper.

Nitro Cold Brew

Between bike messengering jobs, you like your cold brew dispensed with nitrogen gas (like Guinness), which means it has an uber-velvety texture that sometimes gets stuck in your mustache. Seriously, dude, nitro is the best. Have you ever watched it precipitate?

Short Split-Shot Latte, Extra Hot

You're a workaday freelancer who spends most of your time online in coffee shops. You like to think you could survive the day on less than three, but let's face it, holding a paper coffee cup is your personal cigarette habit.

Chai Latte

You're a health freak. Because you feel it's healthy to go off the bean every now and then, you're just drinking black teas right now, for health purposes. Spices are good for circulation! Tea has antioxidants! And it tastes great with whipped cream on top.

Did we get your order right?

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