I don't have people over if I'll be dying for them to leave.

If you have any inkling this may happen, ahead of time, feed your dog cabbage about four hours before the time you wish your guests to leave.

"Don't feed the animals" That made me giggle a little. We used to say something similar about people who sit at a restaurant after it has closed. Stop filling their drinks and start to sweep and mop around them and they start to get the picture really quick.

You can always avoid this by having a set time on your party. "Party at my place: March 22 5PM - 12AM" Some people will remember the time and start leaving. The rest go with the herd mentality. The lingering ones can be told that the party is over and you don't have to feel bad.

I don't think it's rude to start cleaning up. I think it's rude if people don't offer to help. But then, that's how we roll here.

Bust out with of Dr. Seuss' Marvin K Mooney, Will You Please Go Now!

A baby is a good excuse to get people to leave "time to put jr. down" or "oh that's the baby crying".

But in all honesty, we don't typically invite people over that we don't want to spend time with. Or on a night before an early morning appointment.

There is a brilliant Gary Larson cartoon where the hosts "feign death" until the guests "sensing awkwardness, are compelled to leave".

I agree with having a set time on parties. And it's not about having people over that you don't want to spend time with. It's about not being able to keep my head up past 11:00 pm. Luckily for me, most of our friends are the same way--we typically get together earlier so we have plenty of time to be together before we all turn into pumpkins.
If I want people to leave, I simply say, "I'm so sorry. I can't stay awake anymore," or something similar. It's not being rude--it's being honest.

While I love having my friends over, if I can't keep my eyes open anymore, I'll let them know the party'll be cut short.

In a bright, cheerful voice, say "It was such a pleasure see you tonight. Thanks so much for coming - I know you all have a busy schedule! We will have to do this soon."
Sit up very straight on the edge of your chair. Chances are, at least one guest is dying to leave, but doesn't want to be rude and will use this opportunity to start the goodbye ritual.

I'm a big fan of the hand clap and "Well!" as you start to stand up, preferably after the perfect lull in conversation. But I don't think it's rude to start cleaning up; I think it's a good natural cue to start wrapping things up.

Is doing the dishes really "rude" when guests are over? When our friends regularly don't leave until late in the evening, I like to at least rinse the food off, get everything into the kitchen and ready to throw into the dishwasher or what have you once they leave. I hate to leave a mess before bed, but I'm so tired once they finally leave. I guess it may depend on your guests, too. We are not talking fancy dinner parties, just relaxing evenings with friends in our loft. If I'm in the kitchen washing up, I'm literally 8-10 feet away from our company. Usually, I just make my husband drop the big hint for guests to leave. :)

Our first rule is don't be friends with people who have no manners. I know at gatherings we attend, we help to clean up and also take that as a cue that the hosts probably want their house back (we try to leave with everyone else but we are also often the first out the door). I've had just a few clueless friends who talk my ear off and never seem to leave; at that point I pretend I have errands to run, so I escort my friend out and lock the door behind me. Then I usually limit their company to meeting at coffee houses so I can bail any time I want.

LOL LOL on the Gary Larson...

I don't think getting up and doing the dishes (+ cleaning, etc.) is necessarily rude, especially not if you have a co-host and ask permission before doing so. About 10 minutes after the eating portion of something is wrapped up, I usually say, "Hey, is it okay with everyone if I clear the table and start the dishes?" No one has ever said no. They ususally stay at the table and chat with my wife while I'm cleaning up, and around the time that I finish up, they leave.

As a guest at many dinner parties, I've observed that it only takes 1 person leaving to get the rest of them leaving too. Maybe you can signal a close friend to wrap things up, so that everyone else has an excuse to move along. If they don't show any signs of going, then be blunt and shoo them out, politely.

i agree. its not rude to start cleaning up; and its rude for someone to not try to help cleanup as well.

Officially conclude the evening with a goodbye announcement of "This was such a pleasure, thank you for coming tonight, I look forward to seeing you again soon' - usually does the trick with anyone but cavemen. If you had any lights dimmed make sure to turn all the lights on - at least the path to the door. If it doesn't work, I tend not to entertain those folks again in my home anytime soon, next time I have dinner with them it's in a restaurant! With close friends, rather than say I'm tired and need to get to bed, I thank them for coming and tell them Chez Bambi is closing... they'll laugh and scram pretty quickly (but they know they're always welcome here!).

You can always say 'Last one here does the dishes tonight AND tomorrow.'

We have a few friends who, after having had a few drinks, become major lingerers. They are not being rude, they just tipsily keep forgetting to leave, even after having recognized our hints that it is time to go, or acknowledging our blunt requests (which we don't start doing until like 3 am if we've invited people over). We love them, and generally like that people feel welcome at our place, but wish we wish we had better ideas for how to herd them out without hurting their feelings when this happens. Ideas appreciated!

@Irenie,

Assuming they call/text you the next day to thank you (or even the next time you speak), you should talk about the great time you had but mention that you were a wreck the next day. Almost in a "I had so much fun," kind of way. At that point, say that next time you will be better about cutting yourself off and going to bed earlier.

In my opinion, it's a way of saying it's your fault and not their fault, leaving no hurt feelings.

I tell my guests they have to go home. I don't know, maybe I'm cute ;-)) but they all seem to think it's hilarious!

The people I know who do this just can't take a hint. The same people are always repeat offenders, and I don't think they'll understand that until someone tells them point blank.

Since I don't have the cojones to do that, I gradually stop asking about drinks, I turn the music down then off, I gradually turn on lights, I start putting things away...

Usually my saving grace is that another guest who is actually planning to leave will notice the guest who's still obliviously settled in and offer to give them a ride or split a cab just to get them moving. Then you're allowed to say "oh you're right, its' late, I suppose it's time for you to get going."

@WANNABEBEACHBUM and MICHELOU,

It's not that we don't want to host guests, or even that we don't want them to stay late, but some people will blindly stay for hours after everyone else has gone home and not see why that's rude or awkward. In my experience, they're the same people who are a little socially awkward in other ways, too -- the ones who get weird about splitting checks or cabs, or the ones who strangely tell you too much information about their health issues or relationships that are not your business.

If you can't identify those people in your life, you should start worrying that that person is you ;)

@Irenie I would suggest limiting cocktails so that your guests don't have to drive home after drinking...

That said,
I don't invite guests over if I have an early day the next morning.

"it's rude for someone to not try to help cleanup as well"

Seriously? Sure, I usually offer, but WTF, you invite me over but I'm supposed to clean up after myself? Should I offer to pay for my meal as well?

I totally agree that it's rude not to *offer* to help with cleanup. I was always taught that was basic etiquette, something so lacking these days.

Usually after eating, while we're relaxing, my husband nods off. People generally take this as a signal that the party is over.

Love the Gary Larson story.

You could pull a play from my grandfather's book and just disappear for a moment and reappear in your pajamas. His guests (often including myself) usually get the point. ;)

@irenie I agree with Jena. If the guests are tipsy, no one should be encouraging them to get in a car. They could kill someone driving home. Next time don't serve alcohol and they'll probably start hosting at their place.

I casually start gathering stray glasses, then discreetly disappear to the kitchen & begin loading the dishwasher. I find my 'usual' guests fall into two groups. One group rushes the door at that juncture, the other jumps in to help & says their good-bye's as soon as the debris is contained and leftovers are put away.

When my kids were little, one [close] friend would DEMAND that hubs & I hit the bed while she cleaned up & let herself out. I was not too keen on this in the beginning but she was insistant. Then I awoke to the smell of feshly brewed coffee and a spotless kitchen. She even mopped the floor! .I never argued with her again...

When my mother wants to gently nudge a guest out the door, she just offers them coffee. This clicks something in their brains and 90% of the time they'll decline and start saying their goodbyes, it's a bit of a gamble though.

Your gramps is hilarious, Lornaloo! My parent's friend would say to his wife, "Honey, we need to go to bed so these people can go home." What a great gift from a friend, DIscerning, but only a really intimate friend could step into that job. I strongly agree with Jena and EMM, no drinking and driving ever. A duty of hosting is to be sure that never happens.

What if your guests are, in fact, socially awkward? Don't you owe them a little consideration?

I often have difficulty picking up on the cues when a host wants me to leave - I've actually gotten to the point where I ask people to tell me. Sadly, most people laugh it off as though I've asked them to do something unnecessary and maybe even rude...and I wind up leaving with the sense that everyone is uncomfortable.

So, in my book a) Not assuming your guests are jerks purposely trying to annoy you (Why are you inviting jerks over? Presumably if you invited them, they have some redeeming qualities,) and b) politely suggesting that the party is over, e.g. "I think it's time to call it a night," "Thanks so much for coming, let me help you find your coat," "Wow, that's a lot to think about but I'm getting too tired to focus on conversation - do I need to move my car for you?" etc.

It's a rush rush world. People you invite are friends and friends are a gift. The fact that folks want to stay says we are great hosts(I hope). Enjoy,relax.

Ha! I feel like I am the people who stay too long (but it's mostly by fiance's fault!)! But only at one couples' house, and because my fiance and the husband are such good friends that they could hang out all night. I always feel terrible and try to nudge us to leave after dinner (that we typically invited ourselves over for!) but the hosts seem fine with us staying and the boys get so caught up in something or other that suddenly it is after midnight! But oh, I feel so rude (they have two young girls that go to bed hours before we leave), and if they ever mentioned anything I would be much more persistent in trying to get us out the door.

I helped an older woman write her memoirs. At the time she was probably in her 80's and would have these great dinner parties. but she had an alarm clock ticking away in the kitchen. It would ring after an hour and a half at which time she believed "if it was a good story we would have heard it by now...so it's time to get out". And there was no dragging those parties on...she really made everyone get out. and everyone loved her for doin it her way.

A little late in responding here, but I thought I should be clear that no one is driving home drunk from my parties for all of you worriers out there. Most of our guests do not drive at all.

My hubby will usually look at me and say......"Honey, we might need to go to bed, so these wonderful people can get home". It always gets a laugh and everyone leaves full and happy. It doesn't happen as much now that we are older, but younger guests do tend to linger.