I'm always skeptical of people who claim to not like things like garlic (and especially onions) unless they consistently avoid eating in restaurants.

Break up.

I'm pretty unsympathetic to picky eaters. My friend's husband wouldn't eat beans, soup, onions, mashed potatoes, or tomatoes... it was like he was a giant toddler. The few times that we cooked together, I just totally ignored this list. Let them suffer.

Luckily, my boyfriend will eat pretty much anything. I think I'm actually more picky than him (I can't handle too much heat in a dish, and I avoid anything pickled, but that's the limit, really). He gets major points for enjoying spinach, kale, and pear smoothies with me!

Yeah, it's a toughie....especially when you end up with someone who claims to hate all spices except salt. As long as they won't die, I say Tough Cookies.

My husband is a bit of a picky eater, but mostly it seems to be a texture thing. The short NO list includes shrimp, scallops and cream-type sauces. I can live without the sauces, but not the seafood so I just make a point to order it when we're at a restaurant.

I have a SIL, however, that hates onions and is constantly asking if they're included in a dish - thankfully I don't eat with her very often becuz it drives me crazy. And I agree with incidentalice's comment - my SIL regularly eats at restaurants and I'm pretty sure she's eating them more often than she thinks!

first approach is to try to egg them along. It may well be - often is - that they haven't had good cooking and that is why they don't like X veggie/ingredient.

But after a while it is possible that certain things just have to be treats you have alone or when you go to a restaurant and you order different things. I think it is a really legit relationship problem, however. My SO does not like one of my favorite groups of foods - winter squash/sweet potatoes - and I deal with it, keeping those things for my packed lunch or nights alone, but garlic might be a dealbreaker.

The only time I work with people and omit things from recipes is if they are either 4 years old, which makes it a little bit acceptable, or if they have issues with digesting said ingredient.

Otherwise, they can just suck it up and grow a larger pallet!

It's only human to have some foods or ingredients that you just don't care for. I think as long as someone is willing to occasionally try something they claim to dislike, there's nothing to hold against them. And if they continue to dislike it, many commonly hated ingredients are easy to put on the side as an option for the person who does like it.

I must agree, though, that it comes off as self-indulgent if someone claims to hate everything yet tries nothing.

This will probably sound ridiculous, but I've learned over the years that people who have a long list of foods they don't like have no idea what they actually don't like. It's kind of like how all kinds of people think they're allergic to wool, or that all wool is itchy, when they just have no idea there is non-itchy wool out there.

So, along the same lines, I've found that most people who say they don't like onions just don't like the idea of raw onions and I've served those people dishes chock full of onions without them noticing.

When tastebuds clash, you just have to hope that everyone will approach the situation with an open mind. Personally, I hate chili and Indian food but I keep trying it because I'm sure there's a chili out there for me and I'm sure I'll find my One True Dish at an Indian restaurant. And if I don't? I'll just grab a slice of pizza on the way home.

I hate mushrooms and mushrooms hate me in return (e.g. they play with my gag reflex). Which doesn't mean I complain about it to everyone and everyone. At the restaurant, if it's possible, I ask for no muchrooms and when I'm invited somewhere, I just eat around them or give them to the bf, who loves the things. If they're minced reaaaaaaaally fine, then it's usually ok since I can't feel them in my mouth and the taste is way more subtle.

This has been a long-running theme in my life - first I was the picky eater. Wasn't into anything mushy (like hot cereals), couldn't stand mushrooms, and had an aversion to mustard. After I turned 25, I did suck it up. I still don't like most mushrooms, but can handle orange colored ones (chanterelles, lobster mushrooms, etc), prefer chewy hot cereals like granola or emmer or steel-cut oats, but my aversion to mustard turned out to be a full-blown allergy to it and horseradish.

My older sister can stand pickles, raisins, olives, or fresh dill - no exceptions. My little sister took picky eating to another level - for her, it's like an art form. She won't eat strawberries or unpeeled apples or sugarsnap peas (these are just the foods that make the least sense to be picky about). I think all she eats is yogurt, nutella, and chicken.

My fiancé hates shelled peas, likes corn on the cob, but I can't put cut corn in anything (corn bread, corn chowder, salads). It's been difficult, but we get by - mostly I ignore the corn thing, and every so often I'll make meatloaf and broccoli (not my favorite meal, but it's definitely his).

Yes, being a picky eater can seem petulant and immature, but I think it is equally so to call it a deal-breaker. You can honor someone's preferences while encouraging them to try new things, but it is very possible that someone's pickiness is a sign of an underlying health concern - like a mustard/horseradish allergy, or a hypersensitivity to citric acid, or an overdeveloped gag reflex - like in the case of my family.

It's not the same as being in a romantic relationship with someone, but I had a roommate who disliked SALT - in anything. On top of that, whenever she cooked, she would just omit (not substitute) ingredients.

So after trying her bean-less, salt-less, garlic-less, chili for the first time...we agreed to avoid eachother's cooking all together and we rarely went out to eat at the same places. We just had to find other bonding activities and agree to disagree over food.

I would invite her to cook dinner whenever she pleases.

7 days a week - 2 days max for stuff that my husband doesn't like (dark meat, pork) but usually no more than 1 day, 1 day vegetarian because I get tired of meat, 2 days for experimental recipes, the other days I cook stuff that we both like, tested and proven. I'm generally less picky so I don't really have a no go list, except that I must have variety otherwise I'll get bored and go mad. =D

I just wanna plug for all the onion-haters out there: I HATE raw onions and I eat out quite often (much more than I should). I don't particularly enjoy cooked onions and yes, I can tell when they're in a dish. Maybe I'm one of those "annoying" people, but I'm sure everyone has something they just don't enjoy eating. Garlic is a different story, though - garlic makes everything better!!

What to do about the clashing - hmm, I guess my only suggestion would be to make separate dishes. Try to have the Korean stuff on your own and just compromise when cooking together. I'm a bit pickier than my boyfriend, so I'm not much help here.

BTW I thought the image for this post was hilarious - even more fun than the usual blog post pictures.

I sympathize with the girlfriend in that situation; I just can't eat garlic. I'm not technically allergic to it, but it gives me headaches and I can't stand how the smell of it seems to seep out my pores for days afterward. Can I eat it? Sure! And I love it! I just doesn't love me back.

I can't stand cilantro, but it's one of my husbands favorite things. We just leave it out of any dish we cook that calls for it, and when we go out to eat or to a friends house (where they're usually kind and put it in a bowl on the side) he eats gobs of the stuff. But I think it's gross. Blegh.

My dad is a creature of hardcore habit so we've all just come to the conclusion that we cook what we like at family gatherings but we make rice an beans just for him (that's all he wants to eat).

My personal beef is with people that don't like squash. Especially if they don't like winter squash! But if I happen to have one of them over at my house, then I don't mind cooking something else. No problem. But it's a good thing that my bf loves it!

My roommate CANNOT handle spicy food of any kind. So I just make spicy food for myself or make a separate portion for her if she wants some.

I am shocked and appalled at the selfishness displayed in some of the comments here. If you care for someone as a friend, neighbor or loved one, why on earth would you use the ingredients they dislike or those to which they are allergic.

Perhaps because I'm close to people with severe allergies, I am not so quick to condemn them or shove just any dish at them.

Why? Because it's been my experience that some people are actually allergic to an ingredient that they say they dislike. They probably have not eaten enough of it to have a full-blown reaction, but their bodies are telling them to stay away from it by making it taste badly.

My husband has gout which is triggered by traces of alcohol in a dish (no, it does not all cook away with heat), black pepper, white pepper, cayenne, paprika, canned peas, organ meats, red meat. basil, oregano and other ingredients. His joints actually swell up and he is unable to walk or use his hands for days and has to take steroids to get back to normal. He endures excruciating pain due to these ingredients.

I researched food allergies and gout in particular and developed a list of foods he must not eat, foods he can small portions of, and foods he can eat without limits. Yes, I have given up foods I like, but it's a small price to pay to either give it up or eat it when I am alone. His health and happiness is important to me.

Changing my recipes and restricting my own diet has been a small price to pay to see the man I love feel good and be able to move without pain, but food allergies are more common than you realize and often the strangest ingredients can trigger some rather painful or unpleasant reactions.

For example, although I can eat almost anything I projectile vomit when I eat artichokes. I've always wanted to enjoy them, and on each and every occasion I've tried them, I loved them going down, but not coming up again (and neither did my dining companions or my co-workers).

My mother thought my husband's allergies were silly, and she would always use black pepper "to prove to him it's silly." Well, he'd eat her food (bless him), but I would have to drive the four hours back home, and he'd have to lose a day's pay because of the swelling and pain. We gradually tapered off how often we visited her. Her arrogance and insensitivity diminished my respect for her. I still loved her, but was embarrassed by her willful ignorance and disregard for my husband's pain and suffering.

Because he has a limited list of things he can eat, I sometimes get frustrated because he will reject a few of them as foods he just doesn't like. However, I've had enough experience now and I love him so much that I just take it in stride and learn how to make the foods he can and will eat as tasty and enjoyable as possible. I've actually become a more versatile and better cook because of the challenge.

The result: we eat a balanced diet that allows the taste of the food to shine through. We know the friends and co-workers who adjust their cooking for him are truly caring people who like him enough to make the small sacrifices when he visits or they bring food to pot-lucks. Oftentimes, they comment how amazed they are that their dishes taste as good or better without the offending ingredient.

I doubt that the folks saying they do what they want would actually feed children with peanut allergies at P&B sandwich, or give their lactose intolerant friends a feast based on dairy. No one could or would be that insensitive, would they?

Cooking is basically chemistry. As cooks and bakers we know this. Some things just don't go together, and if you get things out of balance, things like cakes don't rise or gelatin will not "jell." Therefore, why can't we realize that our bodies sometimes cannot handle certain chemicals in our foods - and food does have enzymes and chemicals that interact with our bodies though mostly for good.

I hope most of the comments here that are against accommodating special needs reflect frustration and bravado and not the hearts of the people espousing them. Food is an intimate expression of love, respect and caring.

As such, it should reflect our compassion can concern for one another, not our own selfish refusal to adapt. I love food and am passionate about cooking and baking. However, I love my family and friends more and am willing to make accommodation because the food I serve is about expressing my love for them.

er - that should be "compassion and concern" not "compassion can concern." Sorry

If it's something small, like onions, I'll make a small pot of something, if it is a stew or gumbo, or something of that nature. But I wouldn't spend an entire day cooking an entire coursed meal for someone.

As far as restaurant eating goes, if you state your preferences when you make your reso, you'll have a better chance of enjoying your dining experience, having given the chef enough notice.

By the way, I do believe that this article is talking about food preferences, not dietary restrictions. I think we all agree that if someone we love can't have a particular ingredient, we will adjust our cooking for them.

@ks sunflower - I appreciate your passionate comment, but like you mentioned toward the end, I think a lot of what you're seeing in the comments here is just venting of frustration, rather than true mean-spiritedness.

I have experienced many sides of this discussion in my personal life. My husband is allergic to many of my favorite foods - all types of squash and gourds - including eggplant, zucchini, pumpkin, and yes, winter squashes. I have completely given up cooking and eating them at home, rather than risk accidental contamination. I just order those things when we go out to eat, and I don't share my leftovers. :)

Personally, I don't have any food allergies, but given the option, I would abstain from olives and mustard for the rest of my life. I have choked them down to be polite before, but trust me when I say that they are NOT going unnoticed if you think you have blended them into a dish. I may not mention that I can taste them, and I will politely tell you how delicious the meal is that you have kindly prepared for me, but that doesn't mean you have tricked me into liking olives or mustard. I just don't care for them, no matter how much I wish I could.

And then there are people who, like a relative of mine, are simply afraid to try new foods. I believe this is where most of the venting is coming from. My relative is always polite about it and has never tried to impose his unadventurous palate on anyone - he will simply politely decline any offered food - but it can be frustrating. We see each other frequently, and food is often involved in our family gatherings, and his standard menu of chicken tenders / mashed potatoes / pepperoni pizza can be tiresome week after week, but there is also a certain level of guilt involved in just making something that everyone will enjoy but him, because I do care about him being happy.

Ultimately, it comes down to a level of compromise, politeness, and caring for the people you are feeding, or that are feeding you. If those are present in the right amounts, eventually it all works out.

I am sensitive to food allergies but am generally unsympathetic to picky eaters. One of the reasons I broke up with an ex was because he was about as picky as a toddler about food. He would basically only eat foods that you could find on a child's menu at a restaurant (really plain spaghetti, macaroni and cheese, cereal, lasagna, hamburger helper, etc). I can't help but see that as a personality conflict for me: too boring.

I guess I got lucky, because I'm the picky eater in my relationship and my boyfriend is really great about accommodating me. I'll try almost anything, but if I don't like it, I won't eat it anymore. I'm not a pouty baby or anything - there are just a lot of things I don't like, such as: hamburgers, cilantro, peppers of any kind (yes, including red, green and yellow bell peppers), anything at all spicy (mild salsa has been known to make my eyes water), most fish, any blue cheeses, IPAs (this is big, because my boyfriend is a huge beer snob), meat on the bone, the list goes on.

I think the thing that separates me from notoriously picky eaters is that I don't force people not to eat the food around me. If my boyfriend wants a burger, that's fine. I'll just buy some chicken for him to grill up at the same time or make my own dinner. If he wants pizza with green peppers, I just pick them off. If he wants an IPA, I buy myself a stout. Even when I was growing up, if my mom made hamburgers for us for dinner and there weren't any other options, I'd just have cereal for dinner. If you don't make a big fuss over it, it's not a big deal in a relationship. Forbidding someone to eat something just because you don't like it is ridiculous.

I feel like many, not all, aversions to food come from not having them prepared well.

I grew up HATING spinach. Then I started cooking for myself and learned that I just hate plain frozen spinach warmed on the stove. Fresh spinach and sauteed spinach are delicious! Same with chickpeas. In minestrone soup I pick them out. Then I tried them in a masala dish and I did not mind them. (And they are just fantastic in hummus!)

My boyfriend dislikes onions (I'm not a fan of raw ones myself), and at first I left them out when cooking for us. But then I forgot a few times and he didn't notice.

Raw onions and caramelized onions neither taste similar, nor do they share a similar texture. So the blanket statement, "I don't like onions" seems silly to me. They way most blanket statements regarding food (unless it's an allergy situation) seem silly to me.

How funny your timing is! Just the other day I talked about being newlyweds with food differences or stubborn opinions on the way classic food dishes should be prepared. Mu husband and I have been working on compromising a lot of our food habits lately. Garlic is one - he loves a ton and I'm more a moderate person, so we meet in the middle. I don't eat steak, so some nights we'll do a his & hers night. He gets a steak, I get a piece of nice fish or something and we make a side or 2 to share. I blogged about this too: http://pumawedding.blogspot.com/2011/02/newlywed-food-differences.html

Allergies are definitely a different issue (Although it is a pet of all pet peeves of mine if people who don’t have an actual anaphylactic-style or serious indigestion type reaction to foods say their allergic just because they don’t like them). It’s more about people who won’t even try anything outside the chicken-potato-butter-salt food group. It is REALLY annoying.

I strongly believe that most dislikes are just a matter of never having had it cooked in a way that catches your fancy (I know that has happened for me with sweet potatoes, for example) but you can’t know that if you just write off foods after one try…

With my own friend like this, it's a slight bummer, but I've just come to schedule activities in the early afternoon or late evening so a meal isn't an issue--hey, we CAN both agree on dessert!

As long as it's not a legitimate allergy/ physical illness/ serious food aversion/ etc, get them to keep trying.

I was the pickiest person on earth, and I lived live on rice and candy until I was 20, but this method turned me into a serious foodie who will eat anything.

Tastebuds can be reprogrammed to enjoy almost anything, even the dreaded soapy cilantro. (Used to make me almost gag, now I love it!)

Tell 'em to grow up, be adults, and try one bite. Have a backup plan so no one is forced to eat something they still hate, of course, but keep trying. I won't give up on any food until I've tried it at least 5 times.

@ alisa k- HAHA! That's pretty much what I did (well there were other reasons) but his food preferences drove me crazy. He hated onions. Anything I made couldn't have onions it, didn't matter if I took it out of his portion. Then he would say my cooking wasn't that great.
I knew he was full of it when I made salsa with finely chopped up white onion in it. He said it was some of the best salsa he's had ( a rare compliment). Jerk.
Anyways, I am lucky enough to have a boyfriend who loves my cooking and happily eats what ever I make. Even my pancakes when I forgot to add eggs to the batter.

Food allergies are one thing but "I don't like..." is another. I have a husband who doesn't like anything unless it comes from a fast food place. Needless to say he's learned to try things and it has caused a lot of fights. To be honest sometimes I do really think it will be the end of us when I've worked for hours on a reciepe after asking him what he wants to eat this week/for dinner/whatever got "whatever" as an answer and he doesn't eat any of it and I've wasted the money.

It's really hurtful if that's your normal situation because he wouldn't try new things. He's learned to try new things not because he wanted to but because now his horrible diet has given him health problems that he realized he doesn't have when he eats what I make. So he's learning but it is like cooking for a giant toddler and I think it's part of being a grown up to be willing to try things and suck it up a little bit.

Allergies I understand. Dislike I understand. I will never like some things - but I will try them. My mom on the other hand (largely because of her horrible fast food only diet) cannot digest a good number of vegetables. In her 50s this does mean she practically can't go out to eat and she's not angry because all the frozen food she lives off of has become a no go according to her doctor. So I will try to find dishes that don't use onions or green veggies if I'm cooking for her - but really, I hardly ever do that. My main issue is anything that's heavy and fast food like I don't like. It makes me feel heavy and gross afterwards, I like to feel energized and light after I eat. I will indulge my husband when he wants a cheeseburger and will probably even try to find something on the menu for me or make a meat heavy dish than I would really like but generally I don't when I look at a list of meals and realized I've done this 70% of the time. It should be shared equally I think.

Qchan don't capitulate to small children. Wimpy adults who don't want to deal with "fussy eaters" are what cause this problem. I was a picky whiney fussy eater as a child. My mother forced me to eat absolutely everything she cooked no matter what I did. It made me a better person. I will eat a large number of foods and I always have the good manners to eat everything I am offered by my host no matter how distasteful I find it.

I would say start introducing them to new flavors in dishes they already like. Start slowly and expand.

My partner used to be what we call a "food neanderthal" someone who thinks they only like meat and potatos because that's the only thing they've ever been exposed to. They adopted their likes and dislikes based on national likes and dislikes ("eeeew, eggplant?") rather than on what a food or dish actually tastes like. It has taken me years to show her that she does indeed like squash in almost every form I have ever fed her. Just don't call it squash. It is the association with the word that will freak her out. It has been a long, slow, but ultimately rewarding project. What still makes me see red is when she will slaver over a dish someone else makes with say eggplant and say it's the most wonderful thing she's ever put in her mouth. Then I make it and she won't eat it! And don't you dare say it's my cooking! if you know what's good for you. <G>

i used to hate onions as a small child. i actually ate almost noting....but i am happy to have grown out of that. now i eat everything even if i don´t like it, cause it´s good for me. i mean i hate tomatos, but i eat them and cook with them all the time. i just figure i have to learn to like them. it might take me 20 years, but i will learn!

As long as your partner doesn't have an allergy, sometimes it's better not to tell him or her what you put in your food. I've had people tell me that they love a dish of mine and then ask me what was in it. Once I mentioned an ingredient that they didn't like, they stopped eating and started saying things like the taste or smell was too overwhelming suddenly. It may be mental for some people. However if you are really trying to go out of your way, just have that person mention a few foods that he/she likes and you can plan those meals or dishes together.

I'm lucky that I have it made. My boyfriend & I love almost all of the same food & we are reliable sources for each other when it comes to food & restaurant recommendations.

Its easier to state what my brother does eat than what he doesn't. Its mostly chicken, potato, cheese and bacon based. He has gotten slightly better as he has gotten older (he is in his early 20s). If he's home and I'm cooking and he doesn't like the sound of it then he cooks for himself. Easy.

My parents punished me for sucking my thumb, by rubbing hot peppers and onions on my thumb. psychologically i am damaged, and think of those as a punishment, rather than something to eat. If i am sick, just the smell of them makes me vomit. even if i am not sick if i bite into an onion, i will begin to gag immediately, and generally will projectile vomit until every last tidbit is out of my mouth, including taste.

when hubby wants onions in his food (which i cook speparately), he has to cut them, palce them in a sealed container, then clean the counter and the utentsils he used to chop them, and take out the garbage with the onion peels. i will not enter the area until he has done this. Since he generally only cooks when he feels like it, he does not give me a hrad time about what i do or dont cook. onions/peppers are off the menu for me, as beets/sweet potatoes are off the menu for him.

I do not eat any food cooked with onions, and i will prepare something my self to avoid eating any foods family and friends have made, some times i will even go without anything to eat if i have to. My grandmother in law hates onions, so my in-laws know how it is and do not bother me about it.

for those who are selfish and insist i eat what they prepare and that is that, will find themselves with an empty chair, and i will not join them again dining in or out. point blank.