There are as many ways to approach the stove as there are ways to kneel and kiss the ground, to paraphrase Rumi. Some of us are optimists and when we cook we engage in hope and a desire to nourish, finding pleasure in feeding and being fed, providing ourselves and our loved ones with the strength to carry on, all which are optimistic notions. Some of us are perhaps a little more pessimistic, although I would argue that cooking well is basically a optimistic endeavor—but is this true? Pessimists, please plead your case in the comments!
But sometimes, often, we cook out of duty. We have a family to feed, or some sort of entertaining debt to pay off, or even our own bellies to fill. Sometimes the day-in, day-out obligation to get something on the table is nothing more than that: an obligation, especially when purse strings are tight and there's no escaping it through a stop at a restaurant or take out. It can feel like drudgery, or at least very hard work, and have I used the word 'relentless' yet? We only stop eating when we're dead, or nearly dead. So there's really no end to it.
I have no problem with cooking out of duty or drudgery -- I hardly expect every single moment of my life to be imbued with the glow of hope and vision and pleasure. And let's face it: life is largely about maintenance, and eating and cleaning and finding shelter can fall squarely under that category. In fact, it's this 'chop wood, carry water' pragmatism that makes cooking all the more enjoyable for me. It grounds me, literally, to the ways in which I am simply an animal on this planet, engaged in something that all animals everywhere are also doing: rustling up something for dinner.
What to do, then, when your time in the kitchen is boring, when it's just nothing-special, everyday grub? The chopping of another onion, the peeling of carrot after carrot. Another day, another pot roast. In the Zen kitchens I've cooked in, these moments are considered a golden opportunity to wake up to the nature of our conditioned thinking. In Zen, every moment is brand new and all activity is the ground for awakening. You may be faced with the monumental task of chopping five gallons of vegetables for that afternoon's soup, but each broccoli is a new broccoli, each carrot is very different from the other carrot. So you take the long view and approach the task one carrot, one onion, one broccoli at a time. If you can manage to see that, to stay aware and attentive, there is no boredom, there is no stale routine. Or if there is, it kind of doesn't matter. This is easier said than done, I know (boy, do I know), but it's not impossible.
So awareness, attention, appreciation can be brought to any task, be it scrubbing the sink or taking out the compost or creating a gorgeous 5-layer birthday cake for your best friend. The layer cake may seem more fun and challenging but the truth is, it's all good, it's all life, it's all awakened, precious, alive-on-the-planet activity. You just have to remember to see it that way.
So the next time something you're doing seems like nothing more than obligation and duty, the next time you sigh with boredom at the thought of getting together yet another meal or find yourself wanting to swerve into the Burger King parking lot instead of facing another evening in the kitchen, remember that one of the few things we have control over in this life is our attitude, our perspective, the heft and quality of our mind. Yes, it might be a boring or menial chore but just approach it one chopped onion, one peeled carrot at a time and maybe, just maybe, you'll catch a glimpse of the treasures hidden there.
At the very least, you'll end up with dinner and what's more precious and necessary than that?
Related: Weekend Meditation: Playfulness
(Image: Dana Velden)
Elizabeth Apron fro...

While I would readily say I "love" to cook, I find cooking each and every day with babies and small children to be an enormous challenge. I often think of later seasons of life and what a wonderful time I will have cooking 10, 20, 30 years from now. At the moment cooking is hard. I agree with Chris Kimball: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/14/magazine/cooks-illustrateds-christopher-kimball.html?pagewanted=all&_r=3&
My mom, an elementary school teacher, was apologizing to a custodian once for an extra mess in her classroom that he had to clean up. He shrugged his shoulders, smiled at her and said, "It's all the same pay." She passed that wise lesson on to her children and I think it applies here. For the home cook, everything you do, from the mundane to the fabulous earns the same pay--bellies filled, relationships forged, bodies strengthened. I have a Christian (Mormon) background and vocabulary, not a Zen background and vocabulary, so one thing that makes my labors in my home kitchen significant to me is that New Testament accounts of Jesus' life are full of examples of Him feeding and healing people. Also eating at other people's homes. In fact, apart from teaching and occasionally putting the smack down, there's not a lot else He did that got recorded. So when I labor to feed and nourish people, I feel like I am participating in an ancient tradition of sacred hospitality that spans many cultures and faiths, and when I think of it that way, it is nothing but a blessing to peel a carrot or scrub a sink or assemble a five-layer cake. It's all the same pay.
On that note, I've got some pumpkin, mushroom, and ricotta manicotti to prepare for a crowd of people eating at my home tonight. I hope that friendships will be made and strengthened, and people will feel loved and included.
PS ( and sorry for the long comment!), Dana have you ever considered compiling your meditations in book form? I love to read them on Sunday mornings, and I would love to do so not in front of a glowing computer screen. I would definitely buy such a book. Just a thought.
PPS to Gabriel, great article. Thanks for sharing the link.
I am in a searching period of my life right now and as a result, I feel like I am swept up in constant change and turmoil. Being in the kitchen doing daily chores grounds me, makes me feel normal and prepares me for the next onslaught of emotions. I rarely post articles to my Facebook page but this one got sent over this morning. Thanks so much for putting it all in perspective.
Great article. Reaches so far beyond the kitchen too. An attitude for life as it were.
Recently changed my eating habits and had been feeling pressure lately rather than optimism in the kitchen. This gave me a much needed boost!
@Gabriel, that was a really interesting article! Especially since I would count myself as one of the people who learned how to cook by reading Mark Bittman's cookbooks.
As an academic, cooking brings me back to reality and back to my physical self, it reminds me that I am not just a walking brain and that my body has needs that need to be tended to. It also reminds me that while my exploits of the mind are important and necessary, my being was created primarily for manual labor, that even when I am at my most tired and least interested in cooking, the act of cooking helps to remind me that my actions can have positive and tangible outcomes.
Cooking is a joyful experience .... if you have time aplenty. It is when you get home from work at 6 pm and need to have dinner on the table NOW but you're tired and haven't thought at all about what to make for dinner and you're sifting through the contents of your fridge and pantry in an attempt to find something (ANYTHING) that you would actually like to eat for dinner. Sometimes you make something fabulous out of nothing, and sometimes you eat beans and cheese quesadillas at 9 pm.
If I have the time, I love chopping vegetables and washing dishes - they give me time to think, as do all otherwise mindless tasks. Or to not think, as it were, which is helpful when your job is all thinking all the time.
An obligation, perhaps, but also an opportunity to create and share, every day, a little piece of perfection, a respite from the chaos and stress in our lives.
dear dana,
i look forward to your weekend meditations all week long. your writing is so much more than about food--i can always apply it to some aspect of my life. i think you are lovely woman, a fantastic cook and a very, very good person. thank you so much for all that you share.
julie in philadelphia
Thank you for this lovely post! I have been thinking about this lately, as I care for our 4-week old baby and attempt to cook wholesome meals, too. The vast majority of my day is now taken up by "menial" tasks related to either baby care or cooking, and it is difficult but imperative to remember that yes- every carrot is different, every diaper change is different, and each moment really can be savored.
i think depending on where you are in the moment takes full charge of your zen, as does who you are feeding - bodily and spiritually. When you cook for those who you love and cherish its easier to embrace the ritual and rhythm than for when your in a time crunch to get some calories quickly.
Thanks for this. I used to be Ms. Takeout but since changing my diet, I've been cooking all of my meals. I actually do enjoy shopping for groceries and preparing meals. I do the heavy cooking on weekends and just reheat during the week. I don't know how I'd feel if I were preparing meals for a huge family but this works for me right now.
I agree with the others that your weekend meditations are food for the soul too. And I too would love to buy a book of them!
I agree that you should put them in a book!
Wonderful post. Purely wonderful.
Book, book, book!
Like everything else, when there's an easier, faster alternative, we are always tempted, but I remind myself that once I start cooking, I am always glad. And I feel healthier since I buy better ingredients than any restaurant that provides carry-out. And I try to pay attention in the morning, which is when I really notice it-- if I eat carry-out or drive-through food at night, I usually feel mildly queasy when I wake up. There's a reason! I feel much better when I've eaten homemade food from fresh, organic ingredients.
I feel so much resonance with what you have written here. I recently started a blog and FB page to encourage more awareness around cooking. As I write on my blog at: http://sereneexpression.wordpress.com/
"I invite you to join me in exploring the subtler aspects of cooking. There will be little emphasis on measures and technical details. Far more expert advisers are available on the net and television. I intend to discuss the stories, the energies, the emotional connect around the kitchen table. I hope to open up different perspectives and help you discover your own insights… and find your way back Home… to your true self."
I would like to invite you and other readers to contribute to the "Pot Luck" page I have created for readers to share their personal insights, emotions or anecdotes around any particular meal they may have prepared.
Thank you for this post, as it strengthens my resolve to encourage more mindfulness through daily activities such as cooking. Hope to see your comments at my blog!
Good wishes,
Sangeeta
A wonderful post and wonderful comments. To all you Guys above, your words made me smile, centred my mind and helped me breathe a little deeper.
Have a great day...
Thank you, everyone, for all that you bring to this post. It's one thing to throw a few thoughts out into the winds but it's quite another thing, quite a wonderful and even better thing, when they come back bearing your comments and stories and experiences. A deep bow of gratitude!
A book has been rustling about in the corners for a few years now. I've never quite had the nerve to coax it out but your encouragements are very very helpful! xo Dana
Adding my voice to the chorus of praise for Dana.
Best piece of writing on AT, consistently.
You inspired me think of why I like to cook (most of the time anyway). I guess I find it to be a creative challenge, an opportunity to create something that my family will be nourished by, and it gives me a sense of pride when I hear those delicious words, delicious. And you're right, each carrot, each potato has it's own individual character and possibility to become something a little different each time. Very enlightening.
Thank you.
"The vast majority of my day is now taken up by "menial" tasks related to either baby care or cooking". I hope that the quote marks around menial are because it reflects what today's society might think and not that you find taking care of your baby menial. Sorry, but if you did intend to express that you find those sort of activities menial, then as a stay at home mother and homemaker I am truly offended.
Beautiful comment!
Cooking, for me, has become like running. It started out as something I needed to do for health reasons (cooking because I'm gluten-free, running because I wanted to lose weight), but it's now just part of my life. It's what I do, and I kind of don't label myself as a "runner" or a "home cook" because of that. And even though sometimes the thought of having to take out time to make something with that cup of chicken broth that's going to go bad if I let it sit in the fridge one more day, or having to get up at 5:15 am so that I can get a run in before work, makes me want to curse up and down, somewhere during the process of it, something changes and I begin to feel so thankful that I can do these things.
I always look forward to cooking dinner and sometimes worry that I spend too much time during the day thinking about it. It's not boring or menial if you challenge yourself in some way, either to cook something different, improvise with what you have, or simply strive to make whatever you're cooking as good as it can possibly be. Like exercise, or pursuing a very enjoyable hobby, cooking can promote deep happiness and relaxation if you allow yourself to get into the "zone" where you're fully immersed in the task.
Cooking every day? Ja! But not in a gastronomic kitchen. This is not cooking in it's best way, this is prepairing food for dozens. Some years ago I found the reciepe-collection of my grand-grand-ma. Written down in the yars 1909 - 1911... Well I reduced rapidly the fat my grand-grand-ma had been taking to the meals, but in general I am cooking her meals... When she died I was a flippy teeny, an now I am becoming more and more annoyed, that I did not talk to her much more. She had to say so much, but I was not to listen to her ...
Just forgive me, Katharina, I should have been listen more what you were trying to tell me!
@GabrielSyme: Thanks for the link to an interesting article. I agree wholeheartedly with Chris Kimball's view that getting a meal on the table every day is a far cry from the glamorous depiction to be found in most cook books, blogs and TV shows, where ingredients are ready prepped, dirty pans are cleared, and the food appears photogenically plated as if by some invisible alchemy. The expectations we come away with can be paralysing. So it's refreshing when a high profile food writer acknowledges that, whilst cooking every day does not have to be a joyless endeavour, it is often quite hard work and involves tedious or repetitive processes. However, the occasional triumphs, epiphanies, and the satisfaction of feeding ourselves and others - truly 'perfect' moments - provide the motivation to start anew each day.
This post sums it up exactly. I love what MFK said on the subject.
“It seems to me that our three basic needs, for food and security and love, are so mixed and mingled and entwined that we cannot straightly think of one without the others. So it happens that when I write of hunger, I am really writing about love and the hunger for it, and warmth and the love of it and the hunger for it… and then the warmth and richness and fine reality of hunger satisfied… and it is all one.”
― M.F.K. Fisher, The Art of Eating
I second that.