In a few weeks I'm going to move from my tiny studio apartment, with its overcrowded kitchen and teeny stove and refrigerator door that doesn't quite close unless you push on it really hard. I'm excited to make this change and at the same time scared, two-sides-of-the-same-coin feelings that leave me a little unbalanced as I flip-flop between them.
This morning, like almost every morning, I got out of bed and stumbled three steps into the kitchen (I said tiny, right?) flicking on the kettle to get my first cup of tea going pronto. Somewhere in my foggy brain a thought burbled up: What will the morning choreography be in the next place? Suddenly I was flooded with nostalgia for something I have not yet lost. Standing there, still half awake and partially formed, I felt oddly vulnerable and a little sad, ready and not ready to take this next step.
A few minutes later, anchored by the tea and the smell of bread toasting, I considered the value of resiliency and the ability to navigate life's bumps and stutters and uncertainties without falling apart. How can we be bright and available to these challenges and yet not so overwhelmed that we become numb, distracted, shut down? I decided that one important element is choosing your coping mechanisms wisely. I looked down at my tea with toast and jam breakfast and figured I'm off to a good start.
Tea with toast and jam is one of my most comforting breakfasts, so basic and easy to throw together. It's something I have often, so it feels reliable, especially in times that aren't. We have a history, me and this breakfast ritual, that sends me out into the unknown, strong and able and ready to tame the dragons that come my way.
In the scale of human difficulties, moving isn't top of the list but it is stressful and, this time in particular, has threads of grief and loss woven into its sense of adventure and shiny new horizons. As the big day draws near, I'm realizing that I need all the help I can get. So I remind myself to be sure to pack my favorite tea and mug so that they're easy to get to: I suspect I'm really going to need them in the weeks to come.
Is there a food or food ritual that anchors you to your life, fortifies your spirit and helps you cope?
Related: Sleep Morning Question: How Do You Like Your Toast?
(Image: Dana Velden)
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I had the exact same feelings when I moved last month. I was so excited and so scared to move at the same time. So for our first night here we got pizza sat on the living room floor and watched a movie. It helped to break in the new place. :)
As a grad student, my office space is a big extension of my living space. During my master's program, my office mate and I had a very specific morning choreography, as it were--first person to arrive filled the filter and water, and then when the second arrived we'd start the pot and then go outside to sit on the bench to talk and for my officemate to have his morning ciagarette while it brewed. When I moved to a new school for my PhD program, the first few mornings were so lonely--I'd go to my new office make a full pot of coffee out of habit, and then drink half and stare at the rest. But soon, the new space and new colleagues dictated a morning routine of their own, and that sense of comfort and normalcy returned.
Thank you Dana. As always I appreciate the personal way you share your practice of paying attention to the details of life. I also appreciate how your ritual doesn't seem prescriptive as a way to "get over" or avoid something you don't like, but actually a way to get closer to it, to really experience it as it moves through. I appreciate that so much.
This is beautifully written. It's always bittersweet when change comes, and I wish you the best when it happens.
Egg sandwich with orange juice. Rough night? Great hangover food. Big day ahead? Good fuel for you. Broken heart? Well...at least it's tasty.
MMMMmmmmm ... what kind of jam? Blackberry? Orange marmalade is such a comfort as well. :-)
I do so love reading your words. They are always so honest and thoughtful. I don't have a particular calming food ritual, but I admit that taking a quiet moment to have a warm drink and a snack of any kind can often make me feel a little calmer when things are otherwise out of my control.
I wish you much luck in your new place, Dana. May you make lots of happy memories there.
I love your little kitchen but know that you will love your new one too.
Your feelings and thoughts are shared in a small apartment on the west coast.
Thank you.
If this photo of your current lovely, welcoming, cozy little kitchen is any indicator, you'll be perfectly fine in your new place! It's full of love.
From a fellow tea-and-toast-reliant gal
Thanks for this! I'm moving at the end of May out of my little one-bedroom into a much larger apartment as well, and even though the extra space is MUCH needed and will be a relief, I do love this place.
My comfort food is probably pasta in cheap canned tomato sauce topped with cheese - not fancy, usually not even salted. I've got no idea why I love this meal so much given that I'm definitely a spicy food kind of person, but that's what I go for.
Best of luck in your move!