
We're going to try to resist all of the football puns swimming around in our minds right now and just tell you that we thought last night's Top Chef was fun. And we actually learned a few things about food. (Imagine that.) Have you ever crusted something with oatmeal?
Note: We reveal the winner and loser, below...

For once, the advertiser-sponsored quickfire was a success. Here are our thoughts on that, plus the head-to-head competition against former contestants...
1. We are so coating something in oatmeal soon. The Quaker Oatmeal challenge was actually enlightening. Jamie's oatmeal-and-coconut-coated shrimp and Hosea's oatmeal-coated wiener schnitzel both looked crunchy and tasty.
2. Best quote of the night was... "Jeff is a good chef, but he can't quiet the creative monkeys." --Carla. Hilarious and true (and prophetic, given the end of the episode).
3. Dessert is the new black. Stefan won the quickfire with desserts, in the same way he saved his team last week with desserts. And they say Top Chefs never know how to make dessert...
4. We're guessing Fabio's never been to Green Bay, Wisconsin. Poor guy. He went up against Spike from Season 4, with ingredients based on the Green Bay packers: venison and cheddar cheese. He seemed so defeated, so frustrated that the gimmicks of the show were getting in the way of his cooking, and we felt for him. At the same time, blaming overcooked venison on the wait time was no excuse. If you know there will be downtime before the judges eat it, cook it less.
5. Neither Jeff nor Josie made ceviche. Josie's hot shrimp dish looked good, but why call it ceviche? And Jeff got all uppity about his technique and craftsmanship, but he poached his shrimp before he tossed it with the vinaigrette.
6. 20-minute gumbo!? Carla won—and beat crazy (and yet talented) Andrew, no less—with a gumbo that she made in 20 minutes. Gumbo is usually something that takes a while, especially to get a nice, dark roux. She infused her broth with crawfish bodies, which was smart, and we loved her confidence, tackling that dish. So maybe she is the dark horse?
7. Cioppino is now on our radar. We learned something! We weren't familiar with this fish stew, but Jamie's version with olives, basil, and a big piece of toasted sourdough bread looked really fresh and yummy. Plus, we applaud her for doing a dish other than a seared something over a bed of something involving corn.
8. Can we replace Toby Young with Scott Conant? Conant was such a good judge. He was thoughtful, complimentary, and yet stern. Whereas Toby Young said basically nothing about food for the whole episode. There was something about dispensing with utensils while watching football...
9. Flavorful trumps pretty every time. Jeff cared a lot about presentation and precision, which is nice when you sit down in a restaurant and want your food to look delightful. But artfulness doesn't make up for blandness, which is why he went home. We'll take a bowl of gumbo over a sangria sorbet anytime.

What did you think of last night's episode?
Related:
Episode 1: Ethnic Foods Galore
Episode 2: Hot Dogs and Angry Chefs
Episode 4: Lights, Camera, Kathie Lee Gifford
Episode 5: Make Your Own Sushi at a Bridal Shower?
Episode 6: And a Martha in a Pear Tree
Episode 7: Pop, Pop, Fizz, Fizzle
Episode 8: E-I-E-I-O (and Really Good Chicken)
Episode 9: Restaurant Wars!
(Images: Bravo)
Martha Concrete Lam...

i agree about the great ideas re: using oatmeal in cooking, EXCEPT for fabio's (i think it was his?) oatmeal-encrusted zucchini. that looked really unappealing to me.
i can see why jeff ended up going home, but i have to say i'm not fond of leah. her food seems to be pretty unimaginative and her attitude is always defensive and whiny.
I felt it was an choice at the end based more on personality. I felt Fabio has clearly proven that he cannot cook very well and he stays because Jeff isn't much of a personality.
I'm also so tired of Hosea harping on Stephan.
It was good to see past "all stars" get beaten, even though I think this is a weak season as far as the chefs go.
Cest La Vie.
Right after the show ended last night, I had two thoughts. I can cook a steak and salad just as well as Leah ... but why in the world is, like, she, like, on, like, the show, like, still? Every time the judges ask her a question, it's "You know, like, I just like, wanted to like, do something ... simple???" Gargh!
And Toby Young oh my god why did you wear those glasses. KILLING ME.
I was thinking about Mark Bittman's recent comments on NPR, touting the goodness of savory oatmeal; Carla's dish included some of the elements he recommended. Not just encrusting something with oatmeal, but cooking up a pot of oatmeal and making it savory. I like using oats in crusting batter, but sometimes, their taste can be overwhelming.
The cioppino I've had has always been more of a lusciously chunky tomato-based soup, like a clam back tossed into a tomato bath. Maybe I missed it, but I didn't see much tomato in Jamie's dish.
Carla's statement rang true, but Fabio still had all the zingers. It was crass, but "If they're gonna give me monkey ass filled with fried banana, I'll come up with something anyway" especially cracked me up. I was bummed at the prospect of his being eliminated, even though he deserved to be on the block. I promised myself I'd finally cancel extended cable if he had to pack his knives.
I think Fabio might have made a worse dish but Jeff was such a downer. He was so pissed about paper plates :) I am tired of the 20 minute meals though - enough! Is this Top Rachel Ray or Top Chef??
Jeff was frustrated-no doubt. He knew in every challenge what he was doing wrong. This shows that it's not as simple as people think to--think simple, especially when you have been trained to think in a complex way. Jeff is from the Ritz or the Four Seasons? I don't remember which but he is a product of his environment. Nothing is ever "whipped up" in a few minutes and sent out to the customer. 4 star hotels will test and prove dishes before they make it on a menu. They'll look pretty, they'll be standardized and many people will think that they are somewhat soulless for lack of a better word.
Josie really "whipped something up" and Jeff did as much as he could given the time that he had--and it ended up over-engineered. He lost because hers tasted better. Simple.
In my opinion Fabio should have been kicked off for preparing bad food. There was no excuse for those eggplant tubes and the venison dish was just a muddy mess. Everyone has a bad day but those dishes were just a mess.
Jamie's shrimp impressed me the most out of the episode but her "cioppino" was a stretch. If she wanted to build something around sourdough, she could have done a crab chowder or something. I think some of these winning dishes were just the luck of the draw.
And Toby has really proved his ignorance on this one by saying whoever got Wisconsin was doomed. Why? Fabio at least knew that cheese and game are regional ingredients but he keeps trying to plug things into his pigeonholed style and they don't translate.
Fabio again invokes monkey ass. In Italian, is it a
saying or is F just find monkey ass super-funny?
Obvs, supposed to read "does F just find monkey ass
super funny"
I freaking love Fabio.
I just kept expecting Jeff to pull something out of his hat to wow and amaze the judges at any time, and it just never seemed to happen. He sort of has the same problem as Carla, in that he says things like "I could never do that kind of a ceviche ; I just couldn't." His ego got in the way of his cooking. Carla's appreciation for soulful cooking almost got her kicked off last week. I agree that Fabio, technically, should have gone home, as far as taste goes. Jeff's didn't taste bad, it just wasn't as good as Josie's.
With that said, I love Fabio and am so glad he didn't get axed, because he wants to win the show for his "mama." How cool is that? That Italian knows how to appeal to women.
Another thing, how is Leah still in this competition? Whenever they give the little blurb about what she's making, it doesn't even sound good.
No way!
Best quote of the episode was Fabio: "I'm 30 years old and I have to sleep in bunky beds."
Bunky beds?!?!
@hyperRevue
Okay, yeah, that bunky beds line had me rolling, too. I wish he had a cooking show.
Toby Young has got to go. He adds a moronic analogy or stupid reference to every comment in an effort to show us how witty he is. He's the Dennis Miller of food critics. Lame and tedious. Go away, Toby.
@mamaspank
Another thing, how is Leah still in this competition? Whenever they give the little blurb about what she's making, it doesn't even sound good.
I think Leah and her dishes are pretty boring too. I presume she is still in the running b/c of the potential for drama with Hosea. Stupid.
I was excited to see Andrew again because he gave me my favorite TV quote of all time - "I have a culinary boner right now."
Stephan with Andrea last night was soooooo cute. I love that man, everyone thinks he's an ass but he's a good cook and he knows it, nothing wrong with that.
I'm so glad Carla won. I could taste the love through the TV and I'm happy the judges could finally taste the love too.
Jeff deserved to go home. He's a good chef but Carla was right. Less is more, Jeff. He was never going to make it all the way. Fabio should have gone home for overcooked venison and giving WI a bad name. I'm from WI, we have good food here. Why do you think everyone is so fat? I did want Jeff to go home more than Fabio because I am a girl and I LOVE his accent!
Toby Young was mild last night (but a welcome break, as with his constructive praise always come his arrogant evil). No matter how much she drives me to drink (with those goober facials and side comments), Carla presented well last night. A flavorful gumbo in 20 minutes? Even I saw the love. *shudders* I saw a LOT of extremely loose interpretations of said "dishes" last night. I've certainly never heard of a hot ceviche.
A lot of players this season have stayed in simply because their mistakes have been milder than others - though originally I really thought Carla would go out before Eugene.
hyperRevue - I think the "bunky beds" comment elicited the biggest laugh I've had all season, especially since I was thinking that very thing as I watched him roll over against what looked like "kid-gates" on the bed. I know it's space-efficient to put these guys in single beds but REALLY?
I think the producers are cutting out some of Toby Young's comments. In response to the backlash. I mean...they can't really fire him until the season is done really. They can just simply not show as much of him.
What a weak group of "all stars" to go up against and only barely win. I mean...if they really got the good chefs from previous seasons, this would be no contest against the weak group this season.
@art: Jeff is from the Dildo (oh I mean Dilido) Beach Club. That cracked my roommate and I up whenever that popped up on under his name. Won't be seeing it anymore.
Nikita - I'm a writer and would love to quote you for an article for a paper. I'm hoping you'll read this and email me! l.m.rowe@gmail.com.