apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

just slash him...then he'll find out what the rules are for. Seriously, in the kitchen safety is always first and foremost...just lay down the law and nag till he gets it right.

I am married to a professional chef, but I am also an enthusiastic home cook. We have a tiny kitchen in our L.A. rental. So I empathize with your plight.

I'm a big, happy, sloppy, fun cook. I measure things in shakes and dollops and by 'vibration.' I crank punk rock, drink wine and make a big-ass mess when I cook, and enjoy others helping with all three of these things.

My hubby prefers to precision-brunoise his mirepoix alone in hushed silence. He wipes up every drop and crumb immediately and constantly temp-checks. He measures at eye-level in bright light and everything is always perfect.

So, yeah. We decided a LONG time ago that only ONE person cooks in the kitchen and the other stays out. We had to come to terms with the fact that cooking together more often than not resulted in stress, not enjoyment. We appreciate each other's meals, entertain dinner parties often, and only help each other in the kitchen when DESPERATELY ASKED. And even then, the rule is, if you're asked to help, you have to SHUT UP and FOLLOW ORDERS. No renegading or hijacking.

Perhaps you could cook less like a "professional" at home? I mean, cooking at home would seem like a time to slow down and cook with your husband as opposed to cooking around him.

(Unless he's truly being useless - that is, hovering and only doing tasks half-way.)

My boyfriend and I encountered a similar problem when we moved from an apartment with a large kitchen that we shared, to a place with a small and awkwardly-shaped kitchen. Although we had always loved cooking together, in such a small space it led to near-accidents and frustration. We realized it was really more of a one-person kitchen and would be less stressful if we took separate turns cooking. If one of us does have to help the other in a pinch, we make sure to do the chopping in another room or to really steer clear -- no "just squeezing by!" We do miss cooking together and a shareable kitchen is one of the criteria for our next apartment.

I have awesome telepathic rapport with certain people in small kitchens, and luckily, that includes my boyfriend. To be fair, when my Hunny decides to help me cook, I tend to station him at the counter with a task at hand. Usually, it's chopping, peeling, slicing, etc., and as he finishes the task, I take the ingredients from him to cook it up. For the most part, though, I cook and he cleans, and we stay out of each other's respective ways during those times. ;)

Communication is key, and that includes, 'could you please leave the kitchen?!'

Man, cooking with another person is a really individual prospect. I have two exes whom, in both cases, we were each one of the few people the other could successfully cook with.

I think it's the kind of thing that either you have that rapport or you don't. My father doesn't have that with anybody -- linger too long in the kitchen when he's cooking, even if you're standing on the other side of the doorway and well out of his way -- and eventually he will snarl, "GET OUT OF HERE!"

....my mother is actually pretty happy at that, and always cheerfully says "okay!" and goes off to read until dinner.

i don't think the nagging thing will work ... unless you want to get stuck cooking all the time.

My ex and I had one system that worked fairly well: one person did the majority of the meal and the other person just made one side dish. This meant that one person was essentially in charge of the kitchen during the cooking process. One or the other of us would also spend sometime outside of the kitchen with a cutting board (on the coffee table in the living room because we didn't have any other space) doing prep work.

That said, just hip check him if he gets too close. I find that that works wonders.

We trade off cooking meals, but occasionally split things up and it works fine, but we have an open kitchen, so it works. Sometimes when I'm cooking and there are too many things going on, I'll ask for help, in a very specific way. "Honey, can you please stir this for me," or "can you cut the veggies," or whatever. That seems to work very well.

It really annoys me, though, when he comes through just to stir (without being asked ) - it's like he's checking up on my cooking and seeing if things are going OK. I'm sure that's just me being insecure and he has no ill-intentions, but before getting married I had some bad, kitchen-meddling roommates that have scarred me a bit.