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I vote for getting new friends. You can't please everyone - unless someone has a religious or allergy based reason - I try not to change my menu. If this lady is an adult, she will eat what is offered to her. She may not like everything but that's her problem.

cheese plate? caprese salad? stuffed mushrooms? Moonblush tomatoes from Nigella Lawson are always a hit at my house.

Give the picky one a quesadilla with just cheese. Or thinly sliced tomatoes. And if she gripes, don't invite her next time.

This is why I don't do dinner parties. My dad and both brothers were fussy, so it gives me neuroses to try to please everyone. I will make dinner for a friend or two at a time, so that I can deal with each person's food issues separately.

Deviled eggs are always good

An easy starter for a big group is a roasted beet salad (leave out the herbs when roasting the beets, just use olive oil, salt, pepper and a dash of balsamic vinegar). Served on a bed of seasonal greens, crumbled blue cheese and smashed toasted walnuts it should please vegetarians as well as picky eaters. And the beets make it hearty enough for the hearty food lovers.

I can't stand mushrooms and peppers (which is just too bad because they are the 2 most popular veggie ever and they are everywhere) However, I never complain when I'm invited somewhere, I'll try a bite of it, for the sake of the host's trouble.

I like my quesadillas with corn, tomatoes, herbs and cheese... It's really easy to make 1 or 2 on the side too.

I know tomatoes are not really in season but if you want to change the starter, you could make bruschetta. They are so 2004 but they will fill up the guys, and the 2 girls will not have anything to complain about.

...Pfff...she doesn't even like herbs ?!

How about hummus and warm pita bread?

I would make some plain quesadillas for Ms. Picky, and call it happy.

If the picky one is so rude as to shun your efforts, you might need better friends.

When having a dinner party, I do a once-over of my friends general food allergies/ avoidances. But I would not cater to someone who has such a long list of them! If someone is so picky, have THEM bring a dish. A couple of my vegan friends actually bring their own meals sometimes. That way, they can enjoy everyone's company at the party and stick to their special diet. For your situation, I vote for the cheese and crackers plate. Maybe some marcona almonds. Don't let your cooking creativity be held hostage by a lone picky eater!

caw261... I will make some vegetarian stuff, but I'm still not going to be overly concerned about the picky eaters. I myself am one but don't expect others to cater to me.

I agree with laddibugg--

If I invite a vegetarian, I'll make a mostly vegetarian meal. I might make one thing they can't eat, but that's ok. Otherwise, everyone can eat what they want. I won't be offended if they don't eat some of it, and I'm not going to worry about whether they think I should have catered to their special preferences.

I second (or third) the suggestion to make some plain quesadillas. If you're concerned about drawing attention to your picky friend, you could make half the quesadillas plain and the other half "fancy" and let your guests know they have a choice. I agree with Comicgeek about deviled eggs. Those are always a big hit at parties, no matter how fussy the guests.

I have many picky friends and relatives, and my advice is to steer clear of mushrooms, fish, shellfish, mayonnaise, strong cheeses, grapefruit, cruciferous vegetables, beets, shell beans, nuts (except almonds...don't know why), and hot peppers. Most picky people seem to be okay with carrots; green beans; potatoes; cheddar, mozzarella, or parmesan cheese; pasta or rice; bread; temperate-zone fruits; and boneless chicken. I can understand where people are coming from about not catering to fussy people, but when I see guests stressed out about trying to be both polite and inconspicuous, it stresses me out, too. I'd rather watch everyone enjoy the bland stuff and wait until I'm among kindred spirits to get adventurous with food.

how about a create-your-own quesadilla spread?

I like the idea of hummus and warm pita bread too.

My method for dealing with this is to create a reasonable variety of things and let the chips fall where they may. If someone is just "picky" and doesn't have any physiological or philosophical backing for their food choices, I'm not inclined to do much to cater to them. About as far as I'll go is to keep the main dishes rather simple, relying on condiments or "make your own..." sorts of things to keep everyone happy.

In this particular case, I'd go with the cheese queso idea or a some kind of crudite / cheese plate or similar so you can be reasonably sure that there will be _something_ there everyone will like.

how about boxties, sausage rolls, cheese rolls, cucumber sandwiches with chutney and prawn cocktail?

Keep your food simple, but with the best ingredients. Also have sauces and relishes on the side. The quesadillas are great, but maybe use the peppers for a salsa on the side. Cheese (plenty of good cheese out there!) and crackers, with some good sliced meats and olives. Have drinks or food they can assemble to their preference.

Make pureed soup as a starter and secretly add a bit of those things she can't stand. See if she can really taste them. I mean...this sounds like some arbitrary/made up dislike. It's kind of like she just decided not to like them for whatever reason...like maybe to get attention, special treatment. It's not like she can't eat it.

I usually make a couple of starters for people to munch on. That way, there is more than one options for those who are picky.

Genuine allergies are one thing and it is always polite to inquire in advance if you are inviting people for the first time.

Picky eaters are quite another. Whatever happened to Good Manners, that demand that we eat what we are served, when at the house of another? Dinner parties aren't restaurants where we order what we like and pay for it. Usually the meal served at a dinner party is not the last meal a person will ever eat. If they don't like it, they can push it around on their plates and get a pizza on the way home. But trying to make your menus around picky eaters is asking too much of someone kind enough to invite others over in the first place!

Hi everyone - thanks so much for all the helpful comments. I completely agree with the 'getting new friends' comment! However, this particular fussy eater is the wife of my husband's boss....so, we needed to be particularly accommodating ;-)) We ended up doing a variety of quesadillas to start (some with the works, some just cheese and tomatoes) which went down well. She picked at the main course (ate all the meat, skipped the rest) but seemed satisfied filling herself with wine, cheese and chocolate....so everyone ended up happy! Thanks again!

Do plain cheese quesadillas with 2 or 3 toppings that your guests can add if they wish - salsa, sauteed peppers, and sour cream, for example.

id just make my meal as planned. anything else is just added stress.