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Is Talking about Food at the Table Polite?

2007_01_23_bon.jpgIn France, only a bumpkin would say, ''Bon appetit'' at the start of a meal, says The New York Times (subscription required).

The BBC correspondent writing from Paris cheekily reminded readers of the same thing:
"Wishing someone bon appetit is seen as very vulgar in polite circles . . . I realized to my horror that I must have wished almost every French person I have ever met at a meal "bon appetit".

eGullet readers aren't so sure this is always the case in France or here. What do you think?

 
 

As a host, I do appreciate a quick nod about the food I've prepared, but I can see where the taboo could have sprung from. Talking about the food (or anything else that was once alive and now is not) can quickly become not-while-I'm-eating nauseating.

"Where did you buy this paprika, it's so smoky?" and "Did you de-bone the chicken or did the butcher do it?" start to take away from the community aspect of the meal and start putting too much attention on the host. And that's surely not polite, in France or here in the USA.

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Comments (10)

I lived in Italy and Germany and it's almost always "Guten Appetit" or "Boun appetito" before a meal... From Cologne to Venice to Rome to the countryside. And the others at the table usually say "thanks, and yourself as well," or something along those lines. So on at least other parts of the continent, this phase is "de rigeur." You *might* chalk that article up to good old-fashioned NYT pretentiousness.
However, in grad school I also lived with a few French people... and I can't say I have a strong memory of hearing "bon appetit" quite so often, so there *might* be a grain of good old-fashioned NYT truth to the article as well. I'll have to go read it.

posted by paul on 2007-01-23 11:10:22

I read that article and, being married to a french man, thought in horror to all those times I had wished people "bon appetit." According to him, the NYT article is nonsense but he did say that it is more the place of the host to wish his/her diners "bon appetit" v the place of the guest...

posted by alesha on 2007-01-23 11:22:09

Interesting...I've never been to France, but in Montreal we did have waiters wish us "bon appetit." Article quoted here seems to refer to peers using this phrase, so maybe a waiter is different?...

posted by Corey on 2007-01-23 11:37:13

My experiences here in Montreal support Corey's observation. Francophones tend to wish each other bon appetit before eating. Amongst the anglophones (the minority) I've eaten with, not so much. My boyfriend's Swiss German relatives also find it mandatory to say a little something before every meal.

posted by Michelle of Montreal on 2007-01-23 12:03:03

As to the last paragraph of this post, perhaps I am extremely impolite or run in impolite circles, but if my friends or I think the food that our host prepared is fabulous, we will often ask the host about the preparation or source of the food. I haven't run into a host who seems to mind discussing their inspiration for a recipe, the great little fish market that nobody else knows about, the small organic farmer from whom they purchased vegetables, or that they bought their smoked paprika when they were visiting Hungary.

posted by Arin on 2007-01-23 12:28:56

Us neighboring Spaniards would almost find it rude NOT to say something before the meal. Even if you've just walked in the room and someone was eating, it's understood that you should wish them Buen Provecho. Perhaps it's more of a class issue, working class says it, upper echelons don't?

posted by Laura (murray hill) on 2007-01-23 12:30:20

I work with many French people in New York, and every time one of them sees me on my way to lunch, at lunch, or carrying my plate after lunch, he wishes me "bon appétit."

When I worked in France, I never sat down to a meal without hearing everyone say it. This was the case in the school cafeteria and in French homes. Perhaps ritzy Parisians aren't saying it anymore, but it's definitely still common.

posted by Leland on 2007-01-23 13:05:03

Actually, in polite society back in the day [I'm thinking Great Gatsby era or earlier], it was considered impolite to compliment your host/hostess on the quality of the meal. First, because it was usually prepared by staff, not the host, so you'd be complimenting their minions, not them. And second, because it was simply assumed the food would be good--to comment otherwise might be the same as expressing surprise that it was good.

All rather stupid and pompous to me. A big part of a meal with guests is, of course, socializing--but food is what has brought them together. To not speak of it would seem rude to me.

posted by Terry B on 2007-01-23 13:49:57

I live in France and this is not my experience. Even when we've been having picnic strangers passing by always wish us 'bon appetit'. France is a republic and so out-moded, snobbish ideas like saying that 'bon appetit' is rude are just for the up-tight. This greeting just adds to life's pleasures.

posted by double eff on 2007-01-23 15:18:00

I can't imagine coming to the table and not being allowed to talk about the food. But it has gotten sticky on a certain point: my husband often compliments something and the hostess snaps, "We don't give out recipes." Me being the bigger food snob (and able to detect cake mix boxes in the open trash bin nearby) I'm often tempted to reply, "We didn't ask," or else reverse-engineer the recipe out loud in front of everyone.

Although I've never done that (more out of being taken aback than being polite), one such hostess later sent me a chain email (through a friend) asking for simple recipes. Here's this person who made it so clear she wouldn't share, and now wants *us* to share? I sent her back the recipe for her own banana pudding. I will happily share it with you. You make your Jell-o banana pudding according to the package directions, fold in Cool Whip until a moussy consistancy is reached, and add sliced bananas and Nilla wafers. Personally I would keep the cookies and bananas separate until serving to keep the wafers crispy, but you're free to fold it all together like the person I pirated it from. As you can see, it's quite simple; the only real secret is that this person can't cook. Not that I would ever say that at the dinner table.

posted by whytephoenix on August 11th 2008 at 6:55am
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