We never gave much thought to this issue until recently when the subject came up at, of course, a dinner party. And really, it's an interesting question to think about. After all, we always set a time when we want guests to arrive - so should we specify when they should leave?
A friend of ours from Puerto Rico said that in her culture setting an end time would be considered very odd and even rude - like kicking your guests out before they even get to the party. Someone else (a New Englander, if it makes a difference) made the argument that how would guests know if they're overstaying their welcome if no ending time is specified.
For our part, we don't usually set an ending time, but we've also never really had an issue. If the party is going strong, generally we want people to stay no matter the hour of the night. And if the party is obviously winding down, guests don't usually linger. Also, our crowd of friends generally keep the same hours, so everyone's idea of an appropriate ending time tends to be the same.
What do you do?
Related: Dinner Party Strategy: Dealing with Early Arriving Guests
(Image: Flickr member laffy4k licensed under Creative Commons)
For a dinner party, where everyone is sitting down to eat at the same time, no I wouldn't specify an end time.
However, for an open house or party where people will be coming at different times, I do specify an end time. That's my way of saying, I won't be cooking or putting out more food after this point. It has more to do with serving food than when I expect people to leave.
view klem's profile
I agree with 'it depends'. When my friends have house parties, it's basically accepted that the 'ending time' will be between 1 and 4 am.
But this weekend I went to a baby shower and a graduation. One was from 2-5 and the other from 1-6.
The graduate was renting a space and things like Karaoke machines and a Moon Bounce that needed to go back at a certain time. The baby shower was at the Mother-to-Be's grandma's house. Which isn't a place to overstay your welcome. And when the parties are planned for the middle of your Sunday afternoon it's nice to know when the party will be over so you plan to do other things.
view Rolen the Great's profile
I think of an end time more as a suggestion than "okay you need to leave now"... and as an indication of the type of party it's intended to be: a cocktailish sort of thing versus a house party that could go on for hours and end after midnight. Some friends recently had a party with a specified end time on the invitation that went an hour and a half longer; same thing happened with the party I had this weekend. So the parties still resolved on their own momentum, but the guests sort of knew what time frame they were looking at and could plan accordingly. [Also, I live in Los Angeles, where people think nothing of turning up an hour and a half to two hours after a party's indicated start time, so specifying an end time for shorter parties lets people know that they may want to be a little less fashionably late.]
view countmystars's profile
I agree it really depends on the type of party you are having. I think a children's party or a teen party should always have a set time. Children need to be in bed by a certain time and teenagers need to be at home ahead of curfew. And that is also something to keep in mind at parties that aren't necessarily for children but when you have families that attend or when you have parents attend. They might need to get home to the babysitter or take their children home that they have with them. It's not rude. It lets your guest know I enjoyed your company but I have other things to do also. Consider what others have to do the next day. If its on a Saturday night some people wake up early to go to church. If its on a Sunday night, some people have to go to work (and might need sufficient time to get over their hangover). LOL. Its all in how comfortable you feel and its also about accommodating your guest who might want to go home but feel they want to stay some they don't miss the best part of the party.
view mculp's profile
No we never set an end time, but sometimes I think our guests are too comfortable at our house. We've had gatherings at our house where I go to bed at 2am and then my husband will come to bed around 4am and our guests are still partying. Sometimes they are still at our place when we get up the next morning.
I agree with the children's/teens parties needing a set time though. It's just logical that parents should have a set time for pick up. But if you are all adults, people should be able to leave when it's appropriate to.
view buda's profile
This is one of the reasons I love facebook- I am the anal retentive type that, no matter how drunk I am when the party ends, needs to wash every dish, sweep, mop and have the house cleaned up before I can go to sleep- beforehand that meant that if I wanted to throw a party, I knew my nightowl friends would push the party until 4 or 5, and I would inevitably be up til 6 or 7 after they left. Now that I do all of my invitations via facebook, it's easy to set a tentative end time of 2 or 3, without being the party pooper who kicks her friends out before the fun is over. Not that end times are set in stone, but its good to know that the suggestion is in the back of everyone's mind when they read the invitation- and so far it's worked wonders.
view talby's profile
I never considered setting end times until a few inconsiderate friends showed up to a party at 3:30 in the morning and wouldn't leave.
I solved the problem by not really being friends with people like that anymore. Unless there's rented equipment or children, hopefully adults are savvy enough to know when the host wants to go to bed or has other obligations. But if I recieved an invitation with a specified end time, I don't think I would be offended.
view Roethke's profile
I'd never set an end time for a grown up party. I trust my friends to notice when their hostess is ready to go to bed :)
view katti's profile
Definitely depends on the type of party.
It's never really been an issue, though; it seems to work itself out most of the time. I've had dinner parties where everyone agreed they were tired/had to wake up the next day, and it was over in two hours. On the other hand, I've had brunches that lasted past dinner time!
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view eprewitt's profile