There are a couple of cookbooks done by SF restaurant, Millenium, that have some amazing vegan and other specialty-need recipes.

I must say I long for the days, when people came to dinner, they ate what the frazzled cook placed in front of them.

PS. I'm a freegan. I eat (almost) whatever you put in front of me.

Sadly, I am one of those people out there that is very allergic to coconut, so most of these would be out for me, but I love the idea.

I don't see how a vegan is difficult to accommodate--just don't serve any animal products. Easy peasy. A good host is interested in making her/his guests feel welcome in their home, not ostracized or "gone out of the way for."

Furthermore, a good guest with allergies/other issues should offer to bring something for everyone to share. If the host declines, that's up to her/him, but it should be offered.

Hopefully, most people with allergies have friends that DO take into account those allergies. I'm very allergic to nuts, and even though I carry my epi-pen with me, if I'm in doubt about something that I'm about to eat, I'll always quietly ask the hostess. I don't make a big deal about it, or try to make the hostess feel guilty in any way. I simply and quietly don't eat that particular item. Many people with nut allergies are warned to avoid coconut as well, but I've never had a reaction to it.

I think with the use of the internet it is not that hard to find recipes for diabetics, gluten free, vegans, etc I am a vegetarian who eats fish who and I have good friends that are meat eaters and we have never had an issue having one another over for a dinner. All it takes is a little research and ingenuity.First and foremost, dinner guests are invited over for their company regardless of their food choices or issues.

@MISSFIFI Please don't call yourself a vegetarian if you consume fish. By definition, it's technically incorrect and makes things confusing for chefs, diners, and hosts.

I tried to feed a vegan friend one time and I was so surprised at how many things are actually made using animal products or by-products.

Many of these meals (and desserts) are based on rice, which I can't eat. I've been hospitalized for eating rice; rotten luck, as I love sushi and can no longer eat it. Rice is difficult to digest, and along with foods with a lot of insoluble fibre, a serious problem for people with surgical adhesions (like me).

I don't make an issue about my inability to eat rice and other foods; if I go to someone's house, I'll eat around it, or not eat. But 4 out of those 5 meals are too high in insoluble fibre for me to eat, and so I would never make them. (If I tried to eat those meals, I would be in agonizing pain for a week, at the very least.)

Yes, it can be a challenge to accommodate food allergies and intolorerances, but those issues are life and death for the people who have them. If it seems difficult to plan one meal around the constraints, imagine what it would be like to have to worry about them every time you are about to put food in your mouth! Folks who have to deal with allergies and those who have chosen to limit what they eat based on ethical or environmental considerations are already very limited in what and where they can eat, so it is terribly insensitive to exclude them from a dinner party or not consider their needs in meal planning and just expect them to eat or not eat what is presented.

Vegan assumes no eggs or dairy, so there's some redundency in the chart.

I can work around anyone's diet issues. Thanks for the ideas. But it doesn't make them bad guests. I think it is sad that someone things that dietary restrictions make someone a bad guest. They might be a little challenging, but not bad.

Bad guests are the ones that don't RSVP, don't inform you of diet issues, arrive late and leave early, bring uninvited guests, dominate or don't contribute to the contribution, use poor table manners, and doesn't thank you, and doesn't return the invitation.

Vegetarians don't eat fish. You might say that you maintain a mostly vegetarian diet and also eat fish or your a fishetarian or lots of other ways to maintain your diet but you do harm to people who are, in fact, vegetarian by claiming to be one.

As a vegan, I would have a very lonely life if all my friends chose to exclude me from parties due to my diet. I am happy to bring a dish to share if the "main course" is something I don't eat, and I am always more than happy to host and return the favor of cooking a delicious meal. I guess I am lucky that most people in my life enjoy the challenge of pleasing every one with a fantastic dinner!

I have "pinned" both the risotto and the spinach and chickpea recipes...both will be perfect for my bookclub!

I think this is a nice collection of recipes, and while every dinner party brings it's own challenges (many of my friends will say they eat "anything," but are actually the pickiest eaters in the world), I think these recipes address the more common dietary restrictions. Very good.

FYI if you're going to rag on veggies who eat fish at least use their proper name, it's call pescatarian. As a considerate cook I agree that it is terribly rude to not inform your hostess of food restrictions when accepting an invitation.

@JUDIAU I totally agree, which is why we titled this post "difficult" - instead if "worst" or "bad" or something like that. It's about dietary restrictions being challenging or difficult to the cook -- not having bad guests! :)

Honostly, I dont have the money or energy to cook multiple meals.

I have a veggie friend and if I am having people over she always always always offers to bring her own stuff, and even offers to make enough for everyone. It's a huge help. I have another friend with nut allergies and he will typically find something within the menu he can eat. There is only so much one person can do to accomadate everyone!

@potluck, that's a Venn diagram. Overlay (redundancy) is a given.

@judiau - Thank you. That's exactly how I feel about it.

oops, that should be "overlap", not "overlay".

Many vegans don't eat honey, so the sorbet is out.

I totally agree with judiau- these are challenging guests, but they are not the "worst guest" as long as they are not jerks. And I would invite them all to my dinner party because i don't chose my friends based on what they eat. That being said, I do get annoyed by people who are gluten-free but don't have a gluten allergy. I think it's appropriate to accomodate a guest with a dietary restriction based on values or health, but not a diet fad.

I'm not sure why anyone would feel the need to cook multiple things for multiple people. I'm pescatarian and always fare just fine at dinner parties. It's not like people just serve a roast or pork with no sides. And I as well always offer to bring something because I know if someone isn't pescatarian/vegetarian, it can be daunting.
Conversely, when we have people over for dinner, I get my husband, the omnivore, to do meat if we're going to serve it, so that the meat-eaters aren't left out.
I'm having people over in a few weeks. One won't eat tomatoes, mushrooms, bananas. His partner has a tough time with spicy foods because of Crohn's.
My menu doesn't disclude all of these things, but with 7 things being made, everyone will have enough to eat and no one will feel put out if they can't have something.

Speaking from experience - the Venn diagram is conspicuously lacking Kosher.

No one is ragging on pescatarians -- we're ragging on people who call themselves vegetarians but are actually not. The problem is that when I tell people I'm a vegetarian and then the offer me fish, it's confusing to everyone -- and part of that confusion stems from people (incorrectly) labeling themselves "vegetarians" when they mean something different. I've had countless arguments with people who insist that "vegetarians eat fish". It's completely baffling to me.

The point is, I don't think I should have to explain that "I'm a vegetarian who doesn't eat fish". That's redundant. If we could all agree to use the same semantic standards, we would have much less confusion (and I would be stuck eating just the salad and bread much less often!).

If you eat vegetables and fish (but not other meat) please call yourself a pescatarian. If people don't know what that means (the most common reason I've heard for why not to use the word) then use it as a time to educate, not as a time to be frustrated and use a word that means something else.

Potluck:

Vegan assumes no eggs or dairy, so there's some redundency in the chart.

Except that an allergy to eggs can be life-threatening, and lactose-intolerance means the person can't digest lactose, whereas being vegan is a choice someone makes for health reasons and/or based on ethical principles. No one chooses their allergies so I don't see the redundancy.

My husband is lactose-intolerant as an indirect result of surgery he had for cancer, but he has no problem with eggs. Foods that are high in insoluble fiber can be a problem for him, too, although rice is okay, thank goodness. Onions in large quantities can be difficult too. It would be nice if people were this considerate about providing dairy-free dishes at dinner parties but we don't expect it. I always offer to cook something and then bring a dish or two that we know he can eat without feeling sick. He has to eat a small meal every few hours so I have to always make sure he eats before we go anywhere.

Being a person that fits into most of those categories, and reading through some of the above comments, it brings to mind on one side how much some of us have evolved in understanding our bodies, and treating them with respect. I do not ask a host or hostess to serve me something different. I either (a) do not attend; (b) bring my own dinner, and eat it off my own plates to avoid cross contamination; or (c) invite them to my home (a sailboat) instead. I believe viewing us as picky is not correct. If I were only picky, then eating those foods I am avoiding would not harm me - it shows I am making a choice. However, when you have made a decision, whether it be because those foods harm you in any way or if those foods, for religious reasons cut you off from your beliefs, I believe the correct wording would be healthy (and or spiritual) eaters, not picky eaters. I am vegan for spiritual reasons. I am gluten-free and dairy-free because I get autoimmune diseases when I disregard what my body is doing when I eat these foods. People that avoid nuts and other common allergens, like eggs (and I am speaking of a person with allergies or sensitivities as opposed to a vegan), they are respecting nature and their body. Throwing caution to the wind to make the hostess or host happy, is not in the best interest of anyone. - Lisa

I would happily cook for any gluten free vegan with allergies. But I dislike cooking for people who only eat boxed meals/take out. It's like cooking for 5 year olds. Perhaps this is because I am the one with dietary requirements? It's still a challenge and a good one at that...

The following passage is so true. I'm not vegan but I love making vegan recipes once a week or so as it has introduced me to so many new ingredients and creative ways of using familiar ingredients. It keeps cooking fun.

" To the engaged cook, however, these guests and challenges are not moments of exasperation — they are inspiration and a challenge to create something delicious in constrained circumstances. Anyone can make buttery foie gras on white toast taste good; it is the constraints that show what you're really made of, as a cook."

this person would be easy to cook for, in my book. also, i don't think of a bad dinner guest as one with allergies and diet restrictions but as one with a bad attitude. thats the worst dinner guest.

I have two nieces, one who's gluten + dairy intolerant and the other only dairy, but of course, I always try to provide some food for everyone, allergies or not. It's a fun challenge to come up with dishes they can have since it feels pretty lousy and isolating when they can't eat what everyone else is having.

I've used the gluten free goddess website often, but I look for other recipes too. For sweets, I've made dark chocolate macroons, pumpkin "cheesecake" (which tastes pretty darn good) among my finds. I'm a baker @ heart, so finding good bread/cake recipes with affordable ingredients has been tougher.

Mariposa Bakery @ the Ferry Building has great tasting gluten (and dairy free) baked goods.

Food allergies has made me a better and more thoughtful cook; it's inspired my creativity and continues to teach me how to eat more healthy too. It's a good thing.

Can you be vegan and allergic to nuts?

My best friend has many food allergies/intolerances and I happily “bend over backwards” to make something that she can enjoy as well. Isn’t that what friends are for?

This is a really rude post overall & I would want something a little more thought out and intelligent than this from you guys. Labeling someone as the 'worst ever' ? Come one! Grow the up! Don't you think people with food issues have somehow managed to find a way live life and not be ruined by being the worst dinner guest ever? Guess what? I can't eat wheat - I won't die from it, but I will be miserable. if I'm invited to a dinner I ask, 'what can contribute/make/bake/bring so that you aren't trying to cook gluten free. I've learned to be an expert at it - and 99% of the time more than happy to bring food that others may also enjoy. It’s no big deal.

This post just feeds the stereotype of picky eaters who are difficult. It's just life, we all have to eat - and some have to eat differently than others. Life isn't about dinner parties, and being martha stewart, and being a frazzled hostess & then taking it out on unsuspecting guests. Why not interview some of the so called 'worst dinner guests ever' and get a day/week/month in their lives? See how we miraculously manage to cope with all the harrowing dinner parties....

Try "kosher for Passover and vegan"! If you follow the strict rules, grains and beans are out, and there's only so much you can do with matzoh flour and no eggs or dairy. Pretty much the only acceptable categories of food are vegetables and nuts. In a situation like that I think it's ok to have dishes not everyone can eat though - some things only the meat or dairy eaters get, and some things only the people who aren't keeping really strict kosher rules get, and if you're lucky you find a dish or two that covers both.

I roll my eyes a lot more at "don't like it" reasons than allergies or intolerances though. If you can't eat gluten or dairy because it makes you sick, I totally respect that, but if you simply refuse to eat onions or mushrooms because they gross you out, even though I'll cater to that, I'll still think it's childish. I don't walk around telling people who invite me over that I don't like broccoli, even though it's true, and if they serve it, I'll eat it. I've even been pleasantly surprised by its tasting good when I wasn't expecting it :P

I agree with those who see it as a fun challenge as a cook. My finest hour was planning a New Year's Eve dinner party a few years ago - we had a couple of omnivores, a couple of vegans, a raw foodist (vegan), a raw meatist (only raw meat/dairy/eggs) and a celiac (gluten free). And someone who didn't like mushrooms! I wanted to make sure everyone could eat at least two dishes and that no one felt singled out with a specialty dinner. The raw meatist was the toughest; I got stuck after carpaccio but fortunately she traveled with her own stash of ground beef. It was a lot of dishes, but a LOT of fun.

One of these things is not like the other. Being a vegan is a choice, unlike the rest.

I would cook around allergies and intolerances, but not for a vegan diet. I might make a vegan dish unintentionally, like a salad, but it's unlikely to be a primary source of sustenance. That said, I don't know any vegans, so this isn't a problem for me.

I find this kind of insulting to give "us" a title like this. As a vegetarian, my family and friends never made any dish especially for me. It's not as though the dinner consisted of a pork dish, a beef dish, a lamb dish.......there was one central protein and the rest was veggies or starches. Now as a gluten free eater it's the same thing. Yes, I tell people I'm allergic but it's mostly because waiters and hosts freak out when I avoid their pasta or bread. "What's wrong, you don't like it?? Is it overdone? Too salty? Pleeease tell me!!". At which point I simply say "It's wonderful, but I'm allergic". Now, what freaking choice do I have? And no, I don't go to dinner parties, but one friend loves cooking gluten free food and invites us over all the time. If I were going to someone else's house I'd offer to cook or bring a dish of my own. Sheesh.

Right on, PSteiner. I get the goal of this article, but don't give us a demeaning title.

I think the worst are people who claim they eat anything (i.e. not one of the above) but who are actually insanely picky. I have a friend who doesn't eat carrots, onions, lemon in desserts, undercooked broccoli, beans except refried or in hummus, tomatoes except in salsa or spaghetti sauce and then only if there are no chunks, anything that sounds "weird", and on and on and on. I have the hardest time keeping track of what she will and won't eat. If I haven't seen her eat it before, I just assume it's out. At least with the above it's well defined and I can be creative within that definition. And, she thinks I'm the picky one because I'm a vegetarian. Yeesh!

You forgot to add "kids."

My friends aren't hard to feed and the picky ones usually dollop ketchup all over everything anyway. I do cook for a vegan every week (our bassist - he gives us a lift to the studio and back and in return I feed him) and it has to be something that we can cook and eat quickly. Although I do need to be aware of which night we're feeding him, I don't find it difficult. Curry, risotto and falafel pittas are all good, although I did once make the risotto with chicken stock out of habit and he had to eat Cheerios. We can but do our best. I like the challenge, most weeks.

@Babyfishmouth, I'm not sure if you're kidding or not, but yes, there are vegans with nut allergies. I know some! I also know vegans with soy allergies, several vegans who are gluten intolerant, and I'm vegan but allergic to nightshades (tomatoes, potatoes, eggplants, peppers).

As someone with weird food allergies, I'm often really hesitant to attend friends' dinners, and usually offer to eat beforehand or bring something (in lieu of risking being poisoned accidentally). Hosts, please don't take offense when people say they'll eat beforehand or bring their own food--we just want to be sure we're eating safely!

it goes both ways - what about the friend who won't come to dinner if we don't cook meat?

The Braised Coconut Spinach and Chickpeas with Lemon was delicious, but it made me painfully bloated every time I ate it. I think some of use have issues with beans too!

Yes the term is Pescetarian and sorry I did not use the correct term, but I certainly did not expect to cause such ire.

Wouldn't it be nice, instead of complaining about being excluded or having to accommodate diet, to offer constructive thoughts and ideas. I'm a cook by profession and while it can be a challenge to make suitable offerings in a dining situation, I'm always on the lookout for new (or old) inspiring ideas. I'd like to hear more about your favorite dishes that can encompass these allergies and choices. So, what's your favorites?

@Mbodine: My son has a nut allergy, but is OK with coconut. I think it is, strictly speaking, a fruit. He's also fine with pine nuts, which are seeds.

I'm not sure that I would describe guests with allergies as 'difficult' since, as far as food is concerned, this has connotations of pickiness. People cannot help having allergies, which can be life-threatening. The term 'worst dinner guest ever' is also unfortunate, and would make me feel that I was an inconvenience to the host, however well-intentioned they might be. The whole tone of this post jars with the notion of entertaining and hospitality.

Regarding the Venn diagram, overlap and redundancy are two different things, and there is some redundacy there. If you're a vegan, it doesn't matter if you're allergic to eggs or are lactose intolerant, because you wouldn't eat those things anyway. But if you're allergic to nuts or are gluten-free, that would definitely be a problem. Perhaps "vegetarian" would be better, meaning you may eat animal by-products, but not the animals.

I have a gluten allergy, my daughter has a dairy allergy, and we both avoid red meat and pork. Given that, I don't have a problem with the title of this piece. I'm sure we're a pain to accommodate! If anything, I'm glad for this post--I'll be sure to share with friends.

Well, I am on the side of the dinner guest with a gluten and dairy free family with a daughter that also has allergies to corn, soy, eggs, and nuts. But I didn't take offense at this article. In fact, I have really appreciated the recent efforts of the staff at thekitchn to post recipes that are free of most allergens. I think it's impossible to post recipes all of the time to the type of audience that this website caters too that are free of everything a person could be allergic too, did I mention my daughter is also allergic to nutmeg?? But with good recipes you can substitute where you need to, toss the ones you know will never work, and rejoice when one comes along that you can use! Faith posted a coconut chocolate pudding recipe a week ago that was delicious and simple to make, and for the first time in a year my girls were allowed to have pudding.

I know that is is overwhelming to have dinner guests with allergies like this, or even to have someone over that just has one allergy or one request, but the point of the article is that we should embrace the challenge as cooks. Having food allergies can be terribly isolating and finding good, relevant articles and recipes on a mainstream website is refreshing and encouraging. I appreciate the work that the authors and editors do here at thekitchn and I hope that they continue to post recipes that are "food - allergy friendly"

Just for the record, in case it wasn't clear, the title and infographic on this post are my own way of poking some sly fun at those who gripe and moan about accommodating eating and spiritual preferences different than their own. It's part of hospitality to embrace even the most "difficult" set of constraints, and come on - it can be fun!

And I agree with MAMANE - let's move along now and if you have a favorite dish that is a great option for all (esp those not on this diagram - kosher, diabetic, IBS, etc. - please do share!

@Mamane I appreciate that. As someone who is gluten allergic, I'd be eternally grateful if someone could make pasta that was almost identical to semolina. There is one restaurant that does a pretty good job, but cooking it at home it never comes out as good.

I can't stomach chickpeas or lentils, and having been sent to the hospital by mushrooms, am cautious around them as well. Ideas about what will work for everyone just don't hold water.

If you' don't know the particulars of who yuo're dealing with, the thoughtful thing is to provide options so that the person who can't or won't eat what you've decided to serve is not put in the position of being a party-pooper.

I was so excited about the recipes, but my husband is allergic to coconuts...

This made me giggle as well. Thanks for the arsenal of recipes for that "perfect combo" person.

In the spirit of MAMANE, I'd like to say, although not very formal, buffet formats work well for mixed guests.

Salad buffets, tostada bar, chili & potato buffet, etc. are all great. Everyone can choose their own toppings & mixes.

Of course it's important to keep in mind any serious allergies, such as nuts and gluten to make sure to not cross contaminate or endanger your guests but it also allows everyone an opportunity to fill up and enjoy great company with out a lot of stress on the host.

O M Goodness. I can't believe how hot under the collar people are about this article. If you are an average cook and end up having multiple dinner guests with different food requirements it is hard 'to cook' not UNDERSTAND... Get a grip people eat what you want/need information is power and any little bit of help is great. I thought rice has gluten though...??? LOVE THE article.

I'm so surprised at the people who "won't" cater to these choices/allergies. You guys must be swell friends.

Ha, I coudn't eat any of those dinner recipes as written as I am onion intolerant. There are actually a number of people with lilly allergies and intolerances, but it's almost impossible to eat anything in restuarants or prepackaged that doesn't include onion and/or garlic (which fortunately I don't have a problem with) I'd be eating a lot of dessert at your dinner party though (that's usually what I end up needing to do, unless I decide to just suck it up and suffer through the aftermath later)

@MissFifi Don't feel bad, I too am a pescetarian who tells people I'm a vegetarian because it's simpler. Now that I know how much it annoys the TRUE vegetarians...I'm going to KEEP DOING IT! Mwah ha ha ha!

I really enjoy finding new things to feed my friends who live with dietary restrictions and am always on the lookout for recipes that are tasty and fun within those parameters so thanks for a lovely rundown of great-looking recipes! (Although, yeah, I know some coconut-averse people too.)

As for my own recipe suggestion, my favorite lately is kushari/kosheri. It's an Egyptian dish of basmati rice, lentils, and pasta (rice vermicelli works great for GF but macaroni is my fave) with a spicy tomato sauce and fried onions on top. It's homey, satisfying, and easy to make. I started out with a Yotam Ottolenghi recipe (4/19/2008, Guardian column...can't seem to find it online anymore) but have made substantial changes to it (much much much less salt for starters). I think it'd be great for a crowd and very economical as well. Add a green salad, some sort of dip or spread with veggies/pita, and you've got a pretty nice meal.

BTW, that kushari get mega-thumbs up from omnivores as well. We can't seem to stop eating it in our household.

Quinoa salads and pilafs are a great choice-- easily adaptable to whatever allergies/intolerances you may be working with. Great with roasted or raw veggies, beans, cheese or no cheese, whatever you like. As a frequent dinner party-hosting, potluck contributing Celiac, I'd also like to echo the appreciation for lots of allergen-free recipes on the site lately!

Honey isn't vegan. As with eggs, it comes from an animal. NOT vegan.

THANK YOU FAITH! I love my friends, love having them to dinner, and gave up this winter when I realized my guest list *WAS* that diagram. When will we realize that our hopelessly neurotic individual dietary preferences are killing life's great pleasure of breaking bread with friends? Is gluten really worse than eating dinner by ourselves in front of the interwebs? Here's hoping neurotic dietary preferences go out of style faster than those "Keep Calm And Carry On" posters. Any Etsy artists on this thread who will make me a "Freak Out and Eat Gluten" poster? LOL.

I love the challenge of cooking for those with dietary restrictions! The biggest challenge so far has been a dessert spread for my whole family (18 ppl). There were a lot of us with varied restrictions... pregnancy, dairy allergy, nut allergy, gluten intolerance, and diverticulitis. I made a little something for everyone... a fallen chocolate souffle which everyone except the dairy allergy folks could eat, lemon olive-oil cake which everyone could enjoy, and fresh berries with whipped cream and/or coconut milk ice cream.

I don't believe that allergies and preferences should be treated differently. Sometimes when ordering vegan versions of dishes in restaurants the server asks "is that an allergy or a preference?" My response is always to ask what difference it makes. Is it the case that if its an allergy they will make sure they cook it in sterilised pans but if its just a preference they'll cook it in with the chicken? Nonsense. Some say, well if we accidentally contaminate your dish with dairy you could die if it is an allergy, but it wouldn't matter if it was a preference. In either case i would not be returning to that restaurant.

@Potluck, just because someone is allergic or intolerant of eggs and lactose/dairy doesn't mean they are vegan. I have friends who are allergic to dairy and eggs but have no problems eating meat. When I bake pies for them I use Leaf Lard, which is DEFINITELY not vegan, but they have no issues eating it.

I recently hosted a party where we had two people allergic to onions, three people lactose intolerant, one person allergic to gluten, three vegetarians and one vegan and many meat lovers. Luckily all the people didn't have severe allergies which meant we didn't have to worry about cross contamination. We ended up making pizza, customizable for each person. Gluten free crust and dairy free cheese on one pizza, custom tomato and pesto sauces with and without onions and plenty of sausage, bacon and soyrizo for those who wanted meat or meat substitute.

Four different pies for dessert, one made gluten free with coconut oil. A little bit of creativity and everyone went away happy and content. I'm friend with people because of who they are, not because of what they eat.

@RebeccaPhillips, rice definitely does NOT have gluten in it. Rice Flour and Glutinous Rice Flour happen to be the backbone of a lot of gluten free baking in fact! They both have a fairly neutral flavor, which means they can mimic the flavor of wheat flour.

I work for a yoga company ... and I definitely know people in that inner sanctum of the "worst dinner guest ever". Thankfully, my family and I are "free-gans" and eat almost everything, like SALTWATER posted above. For potlucks, I've just decided to bring what I want, and not worry about it. I figure if it's that important to them, they'll probably bring their own food! I think food is to be ENJOYED!! Whether you are eating it or making it! :)

... that being said, I do tell people what's in my food ... just in case!

@Amber Elizabeth awesome idea that's what I'm going to do for my next party

Having dietary restrictions, either by choice or physiology, does not make one a difficult or bad guest. Most kitchens ought to have some rice, veggies, and beans on hand at all times--EASY!

I have an unusual allergy to kiwi fruit and raw stone fruits, but I never mention it or make an issue of it to my hosts because I've learned that I only need to pay attention. Thankfully, I can eat stone fruits if they've been processed in any way: cooked, canned, frozen, or dried. It's an allergy that confuses people, but it's very real.

As a former vegetarian who now eats seafood and poultry, I've discovered that some people find it easier to remember this preference if I remind them that I don't eat "critters with four legs." :-D

In another thread, Rucy suggested a pretty cool recipe website called Foodily.com that allows you to enter what you're looking for... And the food limitations. Then, it returns a huge number of recipe options from a variety of sources (including Epicurious, Ina Garten, Lidia Bastianich).

I, for one, rarely are invited to anyone's home now that I have Celiac. It is really hard and very sad. Plus, it makes all our invites to others feel one sided. My food allergies don't make me "difficult"--it is not personal--it just means that to offer real hospitality one has to be aware. Is the point of having over people to extend yourself towards others--regardless of their needs? I mean, if you are cooking for others, what is the point if some cannot eat it that you have invited? A truly gracious host--me included--serves a wide variety of foods that hit all of the circles so anyone can find some things to eat. I also think dessert should always have everyone in mind, because serving something luscious to all but one or two is out right mean. Be gracious! Be hospitable! And don't call me difficult. I am not doing it to you...trust me...I wish it was different too.

@KATO12: I've got friends with serious (pea)nut allergies. They've come into contact with peanuts before and survived the experience, so they don't go through life feeling terrified, but if I invite them over for dinner, I make sure that I cook nut-free because it really puts a damper on things when one of your guests needs to rush to the hospital or use her epipen when her throat starts to swell up.

Also - I do understand that it can be frustrating to cook for multiple people with different food preferences/allergies/intolerances, but personally, it makes me feel pretty good when I invite someone over who often has to be very cautious when eating out and can tell them that I've taken the time to find out what they can eat and made sure to cook with their needs in mind.

Try paella with seasonal vegetables (no meat or seafood and made with vegetable broth)--it works for vegetarians and is gluten- and lactose-free.

Amateurs..they left fish/shellfish out of their infographic ;-)
I don't eat sesame or coconut or mushrooms either..

This is basically Christmas dinner at my mom's house. My brother (raw, vegan) my other brother (allergic to nuts) my sister (allergic to shellfish) and me (allergic to shellfish and gluten).

Personally if I invite people over to dinner I feel the hospitable thing to do is serve them food they will enjoy. Whether that means catering to allergies or personal preferences. I wouldn't invite a friend who is allergic to nuts over and server them a walnut pesto. I wouldn't serve ham to a vegetarian friend (or a kosher one for that matter). And I don't try to serve my brother in law "fancy" veggies like asparagus and brussels sprouts because I know he doesn't care for them. Being a gracious host means trying to accommodate your guests and being a gracious guest means not saying anything when you the host doesn't accommodate you.

The soba recipe looks delicious! I will definitely be giving it a try. Thanks for noting that the soba noodles need to be gluten free. One correction: regular soy sauce also contains gluten. You would also need to purchase gluten free soy sauce to comply with this menu. I have celiac disease and if this meal was served to me as directed I would become very ill! That said, at parties I always bring food to share or help with the cooking. It takes the stress off of me and my host. Cheers!

*sigh.* good luck feeding any of these to the allergic/intolerant/picky kid. nice try though kitchn.

and guess what? some of us have perfectly valid reasons for eating the food we do. they may be allergies that could actually kill us - are our children's lives less important than your need to serve them nuts? or they may simply be deeply thought out lifetime commitments that are just as important to us. maybe y'all should come over to our houses, try a dish and ask about it before being so judgmental? i say this having just left a dinner where i was surrounded by three steaks, where i enjoyed my salad without a word of judgement to those around me, because that's what most vegetarians/vegans etc have learned to do just to get along. the same courtesy in return would be nice now and then.

@FAITH DURAND @MAMANE Agreed! I have relevant personal experience to contribute! I'm vegan, and my two best friends both have severe food allergies, one to gluten and an anaphylactic CHOCOLATE reaction, the other to a list of things as long as your arm, and all FULL anaphylactic within MINUTES- soy, tree nuts, peanuts, shellfish, all stonefruit, many uncooked greens, most beans and legumes, all of which are constantly shifting and increasing in severity. One of my other close friends is Celiac. Yet somehow we all eat together. We're all really into food and LOVE to cook together and share big, awesome meals. Often this is accomplished by making two slightly different versions of the same dish (ie- olive oil for butter, Tofutti cream cheese for dairy, chorizo for Field Roast, etc). I'm also always willing to be the one who gets the short end of the stick, cos hell, I'm making a choice. Though everyone else always tries real hard to accommodate! In general, I stick to Italian-tradition stuff- risotto is pretty easy to make work for anyone- except those poor folk with fibre problems. My home-run, never-fail awesomeness is this dish from Bon Appetit- http://www.bonappetit.com/recipes/2008/09/pomodori_al_forno . In general, I think it's better to stop thinking that anyone with unusual food requests/sensitivities as needing food that's specific to their life decision/issues, and instead think of the things you can prepare for them that are already within your culinary repertoire- there are probably more than you think.
A side note- my friend with ALL the allergies had a hard time emotionally when she developed them all- she had stonefruit from childhood, developed the rest at 22- and it's been really important to her to be able to eat food that others have prepared for her at dinner parties. We have a big group of friends who all love food, and we've all learned a lot about what she can and can't eat, and it's made such a huge difference to her. People saying allergy sufferers are just sissies have obviously never seen their best friend's face still swollen three days after she accidentally got a trace of soy in a taco. Inclusiveness is important, everyone!

This recipe I've typed up on my blog seems to be a winner and qualifies for most dietary restrictions! Yay! http://kelebek.xanga.com/742583173/southwest-style-quinoa/ PLUS, it is one-pot (besides toasting the pepitas) and super fast.

I'm considered to be the good cook in my family so they beg me to host almost every family birthday and holiday. While I don't have to contend with any actual allergies, one of these people is a pickier eater than the next. I would never be able to serve any of the main dishes in the recipe part of this article.

Of the various family members I have more than one who won't eat: beef, pork, fowl, fish, eggs, nuts, vegetables of any kind, mushrooms, some fruits, and a host of individual ingredients like mayo, soy sauce, some spices, etc., etc. An additional problem is these food preferences can change on a dime and no one bothers to tell me. I have one niece who claimed to be a vegetarian (except she ate turkey sandwiches all the time). She arrived for her father's birthday dinner dramatically announcing that she no longer ate salad. At all. Just the other day at my Easter dinner, her sister ate NOTHING served except for the bread and the dessert. My mother who ate chicken and turkey all of her 85 years on earth just one day said, "I decided I don't like turkey any more." And three weeks later, she had also crossed chicken off the list. But she has no problem with beef or pork, the things one brother and two SILs won't eat.

They practically all will eat dessert, though. Except that two hate chocolate and others prefer it to anything ... Oh, and don't forget to cut the pith out of every strawberry or ... garbage can.

Make sure they like it before you put too much effort in.

I once spent an entire day hand-making seitan and marinating it to make tandoori skewers, (along with tofu tandoori skewers to boot) only to have the guest say they didn't like meat substitutes. All that work, for nothing! At least the non-vegetarians loved it anyway.

@FAITH DURAND
Just for the record, in case it wasn't clear, the title and infographic on this post are my own way of poking some sly fun at those who gripe and moan about accommodating eating and spiritual preferences different than their own. It's part of hospitality to embrace even the most "difficult" set of constraints, and come on - it can be fun!

And I agree with MAMANE - let's move along now

If you want people to stop complaining about the title of your article and focus on feeding people with dietary restrictions, the phrase you are looking for is: "I'm sorry that I offended you." You could also follow that up with "I was trying to make a joke, but I can see how it fell flat. I'll try to be funnier in the future :)"

I didn't choose to be allergic to wheat. It wasn't my idea for it to make my eczema flare up so badly that I scratch until I bleed, and then scratch the scabs off. I thoroughly resent being called 'difficult', or 'the worst dinner guest ever' for something I can't control and would change in a second if only I could.

That said, I do like the recipes you mentioned, and intend to try out the coconut tapioca one.

As a vegan, I am never a difficult guest and am offended that this post was titled that way. I understand that the author thought this was a good idea, but please change the title. When I have meat-eaters that come to my house, I view them as difficult, so why weren't they on the chart?

I would like to recommend daifuku as a desert for friends and family that are vegetarian and very allergic/intolerant. Unless a person has a rice allergy this can be made for anyone. I really like the strawberry daifuku but if someone is allergic to strawberry one can have just the 'anko' (azukibean paste) filling. Fresh spring rolls is a good dish too for everyone except people with rice allergy. Rice paper wrappings, and you can make a filling with for example glass noodles, carrot, cucumber, sprouts, spring onion, coriander, holy basil. Then make dipping sauces depending on what people can eat.. gluten free soy sauce if there's vegetarian (or fish sauce if someone is allergic to soy but eats fish), oil (sesame oil is nice but many people are allergic), garlic, coriander, chili, holy basil. Or just have a sweet chili sauce and something salty too. There are many options for dipping sauce if one search the net. These suggestions should work for most people... if someones allergic to carrot it's easy to replace with something else. Luckily rice allergy is really rare.

Oh and pudding made with agar agar instead of gelatin is a good desert. There are so many ways to do this. Mango pudding with coconut milk for example. Coconut allergy? no problem just substitute the coconut milk with some other milk depending on the guests dietary restrictions. You can do pudding with juice, you can make jelly candy with agar agar. Agar agar is much healthier than gelatin.

(all the suggestions I made should work for vegans too since there are no egg, milk or animal - by- products in them)

As a middle-aged person, I feel fortunate that I have no friends with such severe allergies. These allergies seem to have become rampant in recent years among young adults and children, and these allergies must be of concern to all who care for and cook for loved ones who suffer from them.
I'd be fearful to invite someone with a life-threatening food allergy to my home for dinner. I'd hate to be the one to send her to the hospital! What if she suffered from one of those conditions described where the person herself doesn't know what she's allergic to on any given day? Terrifying prospect to be responsible for hospitalizing a good friend!
Vegetarians and vegans are not difficult to cook for. Choose an Indian dish or a Thai dish, something with coconut, basil, lemon or lime, a little pepper, and lots of different vegetables and spices, as you suggest in your dal recipe or the spinach and chickpea recipe above (Replace the meat protein, if any, with tofu). These are generally recipes that involve a lot of chopping and peeling and juicing of vegetables and ginger and limes, and lots of measuring of spices and flavors, but cooks who enjoy time in the kitchen will probably have fun with these cuisines; I use the lengthy preparation and cooking time to catch up on _Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me_ podcasts. You may wish to warn your non-vegan friends--close friends, anyway, with whom you'd feel comfortable discussing digestion-- who are not accustomed to ingesting a lot of vegetables and tofu that there may be some discomfort from the digestion process and offer a Beano tablet in advance of the meal.
By the way, I was able to find the humor in your title.

If I had to cook for a person with so many dietary issues, I would go the _clearly labelled and differentiated_ meze or tapas route - lots of little dishes of tasty morsels that they can pick and choose between. Also, there would be no embarrassment if they ended up being able to eat little or nothing during the evening.

With an allergy to all things related to cows, I find it more difficult to eat in restaurants than to eat at friends houses. At a restaurant last week, I had a choice of 2 things on the very large menu. At a different restaurant, the waitress truly could not understand how chicken & fish could be cooked without butter...ummm olive oil?

@jukesgrrl my husband's relatives are picky eaters. I make ~15 dishes for Thanksgiving & the only thing his older cousins (late 50s) would eat was the turkey (with ketchup!!) & stuffing. I flat out refuse to cook special for picky eaters. In your case, it would be easier just to do potluck.

I feel like it's worth adding that I feel cooking for people with cultural food requirements or allergies is completely different to cooking for picky people. In most cases, the picky eater is too polite to say anything and may well enjoy what they try. I used to be very picky but through politely forcing down food and cooking new things I eat almost anything now. When I met my boyfriend he couldn't identify a chickpea and ate meat for nearly every meal because he really disliked vegetables. Now we're largely vegetarian and he's always coming home with pots of hummus or ordering bean dishes in restaurants.

That said, I did once make a birthday feast for a very picky friend comprised of all her favourite foods - homemade chicken dippers, anyone? But even that friend, after accidentally ordering beef carpaccio when she can only manage well-done meat, has switched to ordering her steak rare. It's good for people to try things!

@Faith Durand: It's not that we don't get your joke. Being labelled 'difficult' is just not funny for people who have to contend with ignorance on a daily basis, a prime example being Kato12's comment, which you have deleted, whilst defending your choice of title.

I don't understand why people get their panties all in a wad about people with food intolerance and/or allergies.

You people gripe about us not eating 'whatever is put in front of us' or being 'picky', yet would probably freak out if we puked all over your carpet or had our butts explode all over your bathroom or worse, we dared to die in front of you. Think about that the next time you are irritated by us or decide to ignore our needs and stick stuff we can't eat into the food without telling us.

If it bothers you that much, don't be friends with us and please, do not invite us to eat with you.

You said it STABBITY!

Thank you for including nut allergies and vegetarians as one category. As someone who has both dietary restrictions these are great alternatives, also pinning!

In order to accommodate the 200 plus fasting days out of the year that Ethiopian Coptic Christians observe, Ethiopian food has a lot of amazing vegan, gluten free, nut free, recipes. If you are in the DMV area there are lots of restaurants to choose from. Check out the ones on U street and 9th and the Skyline strip mall in Falls Church, VA.

I'm so glad I'm not friends with the commenters who consider people with dietary needs as a nuisance... especially those of you who think we with intolerances/allergies are just making it up?

As for "I don't cater for my guest's allergy" - how sad for that friend, to never be able to just go to a dinner and enjoy themselves, to always be made to feel a burden for a condition they can't help.

It is not hard, at all, to prepare meals that can suit everyone... when all else fails, grilled/poached/roasted meat/chicken/fish with a simple salad and roasted/steamed vegetables is always a crowd pleaser!! Guests can pick and choose what they do/don't eat.

I don't mind being called a difficult dinner guest.... because I am - I know that! Some people need to find something more worthy to worry about.... what a waste of your whining, sheesh!

Soy contains gluten...

Ok - just saw someone else already posted this but its really important!

I usually try to accomodate any allergies and preferences, or I ask that the person brings an appropriate dish to share. Where I run into rage is the picky eater. Two of my friends (I question their sanity--routinely) have spouses who are ridiculously picky. One literally only eats grilled steak and baked potato...and is kind of jack@ss about it. Never has he offered to bring over steak (though, to be fair they serve it in heaping portions to guests at their houses despite the expense). The other spouse in question is a vegetarian who wont eat tofu, rice, tomatoes nor mushrooms (I call him a pasta-tarian). I guess it gets me riled because I love food and want to share creative dishes--have fun--try something new. Recently one spouse loudly proclaimed at the dinner table (upon spying the chicken tika masala), "Ugh that looks and smells like butt!" Sigh. Classy. To me that is a lot more lame/offensive than a polite request to make an accomodating side dish.

One of the things I like to do is to select something that everyone who'll be dining with me can eat, the one common element might be pasta or rice/risotto or roast vegetables, and make a few different options for serving/topping it. I have small single-serving skillets in my kitchen and I'll mix to suit someone's dietary concerns, and/or tastes, or I put a 'toppings tray' out on the table so everyone can choose what they like as we're dining. So far, for me, it's been the easiest way to accommodate those with differing diets & food sensitivities.

I have a hard time dining in other's homes though, and have virtually given it up, I can't even say how many times I've been told there was no meat in something only to find there was meat stock included (I've even been told they figured if there wasn't an actual piece of meat that a vegetarian would still eat it... we don't). For those friends I've stopped dining in their homes, which means there's an awkward imbalance to hosting, so I ask to meet in a restaurant and we try a new place together as an adventure or go to an old favorite I can rely on. Sometimes that's just been easier for me as the vegetarian, leaning vegan, in the group.

I'm pretty sure I fall into this category :) I can't have meat, eggs, dairy, soy, beans or nuts. As you noted, I do have a lot of friends who love to cook and find my restrictions an exciting challenge, but for those that are more daunted- it can be helpful to talk to that person beforehand about what they normally eat, and review their restrictions again, even if you think you already know them. I always appreciate when people take my needs into account, but am pretty understanding when people forget things. I know it's a lot to keep track of. It's also good if you have the restrictions to remind the host of some common things that people might not realize are restricted for you and that they might just throw into their dishes.

I'm also not opposed to modified dishes of what the other guests are eating. For example, my boyfriend's iranian family, doesn't change their traditional menu drastically to accomondate me, but his mom always makes sure she makes a different version of a few of the main dishes for me and also has a few things that are universally appealing that I can eat. Some of my favorites are eggplant stew and rice with barberries...yummmmm

Wow, hotly debated topic. I for one, would like to commend you for posting these recipes. Thank you.
As a lactose intolerant myself, i chuckled at the diagram. It reminds me of my favorite card, which i have framed in my kitchen:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/meltingmama/4266696387/

I have friends who are strict vegan, and I have friends who are strict paleo (which isn't in the diagram, but would rule out all grains and beans, among other things.) Not to mention friends with actual food allergies. But none of my friends would I consider to be difficult and I would gladly accomodate them all, even at the same dinner party - in fact, I would enjoy the challenge. I love to cook and create and push my own boundaries. The only "difficult" eaters, imo, are those who just plain-ole won't try new things to even see if they like it or not.

Wow, strong opinions.

I have two friends who have developed gluten allergies in their late 20s during this gluten trend. I always buy a bag of tortilla chips and some canned salsa with a gluten free label.

I don't understand how you managed 28 years eating all foods you are now "allergic" to. I mean, I saw you down a 12 pack of cheap beer better than me. I find it irritating, and yes, it has affected my invites.

@SHABBYDIVA right on

@JENAWITHONEN your comment hit the nail! This is so difficult when it is your own family that refuses to have anything you can eat. My husband has celiac and his own mother refuses to have anything for him to eat. She even puts the dressing on the salad so he cant eat it. Makes me sick to be invited somewhere and he cant eat one thing.

I can handle the friends who are vegetarians or have food allergies that does not bug me. The ones who bug me are the ones who are just picky for no real reason. I have friends who will not eat any green vegetables or will eat jumbo shrimp but not the little baby sized ones. Those are the friends who I no longer invite to dinner parties and just arrange to meet at a restaurant.

"I must say I long for the days, when people came to dinner, they ate what the frazzled cook placed in front of them."

You'd want a guest of yours to eat something without complaint even if it was something that could KILL them?....Wow, please don't invite me to dinner at your place.

Honestly, it's a big food world out there, and somewhere in the world there's always something that accomodates any "food quirks" a guest could have. I see any kind of food restriction as a chance to explore something -- having vegetarian dinner guests encouraged me to check out the Moosewood cookbooks for the first time, and I got so into them that I regularly cook from them despite being an omnivore. A couple I know who are dear friends recently started going gluten-free: and accomdating that wasn't bad at all (that's how I discovered quinoa; and as for desserts, do you know how many traditional desserts are out there that are naturally gluten-free? Eton Mess, anyone? Flourless chocolate cake? Fruit and cheese?).

PLEASE NOTE**** alot of children who are allergic to NUTS are now ALSO ALLERGIC TO COCONUT!

Goodness! Is it just me or does it seem like most of these comments are just trying to "stir the pot" and find issue within this post? It is difficult to prepare food for dinner guests nowadays. I imagine 30 years ago, you showed up for a dinner party and ate what was in front of you. Now, you never know what people can or cannot eat whether by natural allergies or moral/ethical reasons.

I, myself, actually eat a high raw, mostly vegetarian diet with very limited exposure to dairy products and almost no exposure to processed foods. Trust me, I'm that annoying, difficult dinner guest! I feel so bad for people who want to have us over for dinner because I do eat a diet some would consider more extreme and very healthy, but after years of always feeling sick every time I ate, I finally realized the "normal" American diet was my problem. Now, I feel better than ever and really cannot handle meats, dairy, sugar, etc. I have an immediate painful response if I eat that stuff. All that said, I try to always bring something that is tasty enough to share, but that I know I can eat in case there isn't something I can have when dining at other people's homes.

I want to say also that I have a hard time when our meat eating, "free-gans" come over for dinner because I'm so not used to cooking or preparing a "normal" American meal. I don't even have 90% of what most people keep stocked in their pantries or fridge like meats, butter, milk, pasta, etc. I just don't eat that stuff. It's difficult to find a meal that everyone is going to be happy with since my friends don't think a meal is a meal unless it's hot and includes meat. Even my husband has requested more high-raw meals. Inevitably, I end up making more food than needed so everyone has something to eat.

Oh, and throw my husband in there who doesn't eat any onions... of any sort, not even scallions. Did I mention he's a cook/chef? How do you gag when you eat onions, not matter how small when you cook for a living???? ha!

@rb43 As someone who used to down beer, and was having Celiac symptoms without knowing it....a large majority of Celiacs are not diagnosed until 20-40 years old. Its something that can be triggered later on in life, its an autoimmune disorder. When one consumes gluten, it causes an immune reaction that may or maynot be noticeable, but the damage over time is what becomes noticeable for most over time.

Also, they are finding that its much more prevailant then they originally thought, and that the testing, diagnosis is not as thourgh or accurate as it should be, so many people are just labeled with gluten interlance instead of celiac. Even if they test positive for having the genes that are believed to carry Celiac.

If you would like more information.... www.celiac.com

@bonjourmiette -- I love running into other people who can't eat onions! Thank GOD I can eat garlic. I have recently had some success with Beano, which carried me more or less through a recent food-heavy vacation in Paris. Avoiding red wine with dinner really helps me as well.

If you have a food intolerance like me, as opposed to a life threatening allergy, it's hard to remain vigilant and enforce the line. People don't take it as seriously, nor should they of course. To me it's still funny how someone who wouldn't punch you in the gut would happily serve you something that hurts just as much. I have the most success when I compare it to lactose intolerance. Everyone understands that and no-one has to use the words "explosive diarrhea" at the dinner table.

Also, I really can't imagine making a vegetarian cook everyone else meat under the guise of the golden rule. The logic doesn't really work out: a vegetarian won't eat meat. A meat eater will (or should) eat things that aren't meat. So a vegetarian should be able to serve meat eaters things that aren't meat. Things that are probably, if the vegetarian is like most veggie cooks I know, both delicious and healthy.

i went for a stretch last year not eating gluten and discovered jovial brown rice pasta. SO good. with the exception of a slightly darker color, i would swear it was regular semolina. polenta can also be a really great main dish base or side dish, can be gf, vegan, & lactose free assuming one doesn't add cheese.
also, for as 'quirky' or 'hipster' or 'hippie' as san francisco can be, i'm super glad that specialty diets are pretty much the norm here and every restaurant has options and people don't get snarky or mean or put-out by having to accommodate different needs.

Food allergies are serious biz and I can't believe someone invited to a dinner wouldn't bring up such an item if it was indeed life-threatening.

...on the other hand...

I'll never understand the arguments/preaching over the semantics of what foods one should/can be eating due to a lifestyle choice. Guess if you gotta be passionate about something go for it, but man it gets old. Be happy you have a choice in what you can eat - 1st world problems man.

It really boggles me that people can't seem to grasp that you don't need to make a separate dish JUST for the special needs guest. What is wrong with making the entire dinner vegetarian/vegan/nut-free etc? My household eats like this practically everyday, and we are omnivores. If you don't announce it to your other guests I'm sure they won't even notice, unless you throw in soy-meat and whatnot.

How can you find the vegetarian at the banquet?

Don't worry, they'll let you know.......

Unfortunately, most of the vegetarians in my life are jerks, preachy, sniffy about the whole thing. Cooking for them is a nightmare because they keep moving the goalposts without telling you. One week they're not eating white sugar because it's poison, rolling an eye around the table at everybody else with their dessert almost to their mouths. Then the next time you see them they're eating ice cream bars at the kids' games. "I don't eat anything with a face" they whine, and ignore the fact that the farmer regularly traps and kills varmints around his vegetable patches, and that their fancy trendy purse is leather.

If I wasn't closely related to them, I'd never entertain them again, but alas, they're permanent relatives.

I love my nice veggie/vegan/allergic friends and make sure I have lots of choices when I entertain and they're included. I enjoy the new dishes and make them part of the permanent repertoire, sometimes. I work just as hard coming up with interesting dishes for my jerky veg friends, but I don't like it.

I totally know this is a pain for the host - but as a person with food allergies it's exhausting for the guest too. I have to navigate my allergies with every meal. I'm allergic to wheat (harder to navigate) and shellfish (more severe, but easier to avoid). It means a TON to be when my friend/host gives me a heads up and asks me what works for me. It's not that I want them to go way out of their way, but it is such a relief to be asked and considered.

Please Hosts, know that your consideration means so much to us who need your consideration.

all of these dishes look absolutely delicious. I've already tried the vegan tapioca pudding (and pinned it) and can't wait to try the rest. Thanks for a lovely selection!

My friend's mother-in-law refused to eat a chicken she made because it had been roasted. The MIL only eats fried chicken. Seriously.

Anyway, first world problems.

We have food days at work on a regular basis ( 4-6 times a year) and we generally always have a taco bar. That way the coworker with celiac disease can have a taco salad, the breastfeeding moms on a soy/cheese restriction can just skip the cheese All we would have to change to meet most of these requirements is make sure that the beans are vegitarian friendly (not a lot of vegans in the part of the midwest I am in), and whoever is bringing the meat uses gluten/soy free spices. Everything is in discreet containers so it doesn't cross contaminate, and everyone gets to eat and be happy.

And I Forgot- And picky eaters like me can self select out of gross things like tomatos and onions. Yeah, I have the palate of a 5-year-old, I'm considering hypnosis.

The recipes sound amazing. thanks. I'm grateful to be included to any dinner invitation & bring a dish to share. Connecting with people is the prize and the food is an added bonus.

It's worth noting that I and many gluten-allergic people have choked down more wheat-containing food than we can count just to not offend our hosts. As a vegetarian I also subjected myself to raw fish once because the chef was offering it as a gift and he did not speak English. Loosetooth is right, for those of us with allegies it's your "difficult meal" not once but every day. I had a friend sympathetically try to eat gluten-free with me. She lasted 4 days.

@kopanko who's the real douche here?? What a nasty person you seem to be. My problem with people who choose a dietary lifestyle is when they get on their soapbox and think they're better people for it. A person is not smart for avoiding animal products, nor is someone dumb for consuming them. So arrogant.

Guys... stop picking on picky eaters. Just because you don't deal with that issue doesn't make it wrong. It's not exactly easy to force foods down that invoke your gag reflex.

Haha, Ilike the venn diagram. Presumably, though, if there is someone out there who actually fits the illustration, they are probably already pretty used to sitting quietly, eating a nice plain bowl of lettuce while everybody else scarfs down their delicious meals, so I guess that is just their lot.

ugh, sorry for being unaccommodating, but I'd just cancel or reschedule to a restaurant. I have things I can't eat too but I don't make a fuss about it. If theres something on my plate I can't/won't eat I just scootch it off onto somebody elses plate (such as a husband or family member that doesn't care if I keep piling up their plates) and fill up on all the other things. Problem solved.

But, eh, I guess it just depends on how much of an inconvenience the dietary restrictions are. If its just one or two ingredients that someones allergic to that can be easily replaced then its no problem. If they're major star ingredients though and they have me sweating over how to make an entire meal out of nothing then its not worth the trouble of hosting.

You're also assuming that whoever with these dietary restrictions is also open to eating fruits and veggies (which I'd hope he or she would be). In my opinion, all of these recipes sounds very tasty and as an omnivore I wouldn't be opposed to tasting any of them. But I've known quite a few people who are vegan or have other dietary needs, and I refer to them as breaditarians i.e. they eat lots of plain, white carbs.

If I'm hosting some sort of food event at my home, I do try to take into account the dietary needs of my guests.

Frankly, if I'm invited to dinner, I ask if I should bring anything along. My boyfriend and I are vegetarians and everyone knows it, and nobody has a problem accomodating us (usually they just make the main dish with the meat on the side for those who want it). If necessary, we bring along some veggie burgers to toss on the grill alongside the steaks, and that's that. I can't see how planning for a vegan/vegetarian would be too difficult as long as you know about it upfront and you pay attention to ingredients.

As for food allergies, though... If I invited someone for dinner and they said they had a food allergy, I would make dead certain anything containing that item was off the menu completely. If I were to slip and eat something with meat unknowingly, I'd be horrified, sure, but it wouldn't end with a trip to the ER.

I smiled when I saw this post because I ended up inviting four of my friends over for a short notice dinner and when I went to figure out what to cook (and get groceries), I realized that: one is very allergic to peanuts, her partner is allergic to sulphites (onions, garlic, red wine) and lactose (or goat milk but not cow milk), one is gluten-intolerant and the fourth guest had no dietary restrictions.
At the time, I had been a vegetarian for more than ten years (it was a few years ago and after pregnancy I started eating a limited amount of animal/fish protein). I don't remember the whole dinner menu, but I think I started with gluten free bread, olives, goat cheese, unsulphured figs and oranges. A salad with two dressings on the side. Then for a main I made two racks of lamb, one side breaded and herbed (gluten free bread) and the other spice-rubbed (no sulphites). And the dear fourth guest brought an amazing vegetarian spelt crust savory sweet potato pie (primarily for me I think :) . Dessert was bananas foster, option ice cream or fruit non-dairy sorbet and cookies. Long story still long, it wasn't easy but it wasn't that stressful either because I just made lots of small things and options and tried to make sure there was one thing each person really liked and I ran it by everyone before we started and said, "does this sound ok?" and in a way it was nice not to feel like the pain-in-the-ass for once because we all kind of were (except for the fourth guest).
It just doesn't have to be that hard if like many have said, you're upfront, polite, warm and willing to bring your own just in case the host is overwhelmed (but only if they ask you to).
That being said, I have had someone show up at my house and tell me they were allergic to gluten and constantly watch me prepare everything to be absolutely sure I didn't use the same knife (when I was a vegetarian and my husband an omnivore so we had the separation system down), take over my kitchen to make themselves something and not clean up after themselves, refuse to help choose a restaurant but then sit and not eat when we got there, march into the kitchen of a restaurant and tell the staff "absolutely no gluten" and actually cry when I asked them to check a condiment to see if I could add it to a side dish.
Sigh, that was cathartic, thank you.

@Kopanko You've made the assumption that omnivores haven't made a conscious choice about their diets. Even if it's the most prevalent choice, it's still a choice for many people, and not one that is made without thought. My meat-eating is a choice and one I haven't made lightly.

I've got no problem with this post, but man oh man are the comments gross. If you can't deal with accommodating your guests' diets then don't offer to cook for them. Just throw a different kind of party!

Or better yet, don't throw a party at all until you figure out what hospitality actually is.

this venn diagram seems a little too snide considering that 4 of these 5 "worst guest ever" dietary restricitons are totally involuntary.

Throw a potluck!

One correction, a gluten allergy is not an "intolerance". A gluten allergy can be detected by a blood test. An " intolerance" has no medical meaning.

Begging your pardon, Emmy, but Celiac Disease is defined as a gluten intolerance, and the only way to get an accurate diagnosis is via endoscopic biopsy. (1st diagnosis: NY Pres at Columbia; 2nd diagnosis: Mayo Clinic. Good times, folks. Good times.)

Thanks so much for this article. While it's not perfect, it does raise awareness. I'm blessed to have dear friends who take what I can and cannot eat to heart, and I try my very best to return the favor.

@kopanko

You're not doing much to dispel the vegetarian stereotype that vegetarians are pompous, pretentious blowhards.

By the way. Vegetarianism as it is practiced in first world countries IS a first-world phenomenon. In non-first-world countries, vegetarianism is practiced usually out of religious practice (Hinduism, Buddhism, etc) OR poverty, because meat is simply not an everyday occurrence, and you'd rather use your family cow for milk than cutting it up for steaks for a week. Unless you are also doing it out of religious reasons, vegetarianism in first world countries is distinctly not done out of poverty in most cases. It is a dietary choice. Which is a perfectly valid life choice to make, but jeez, get off your high horse.

The venn diagram is nonsensical - vegan precludes lactose intolerance and egg allergy anyway, so it is a snide pop at people with those particular conditions. Why, as a matter of interest, is Kosher not on the diagram?

hm, while i meant for my original comment to come off as callus, it probably came off more so than i intended. let me be a little clearer. 95% of all food that i make is of asian origin. meaning, 95% of all food I make has soy in it. if you have a soy allergy than you're screwed. I can't even think of a single asian dish that doesn't have soy in it. So basically, coming to my house for dinner if you can't eat soy is like a vegetarian going to a steak house. Theres just simply not a whole lot i can do for you.

@Zuzupetals - well, you can get a diagnosis of Celiac's with a biopsy, that's true. However the point I was making is that "intolerance" is not a diagnosis. Celiac patients are ALLERGIC to gluten. Now, some patients stop at a blood test, which can detect antibodies. An allergy is when your immune system inflames your small intestine in reaction to those antibodies. An "intolerance" is a word that has almost no meaning in medicine. It is not a diagnosis. While doctors may lazily toss the word around, it is not a real medical diagnosis.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/food-allergy/AN01109

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/celiac-disease/DS00319

While a handful of preachy vegetarians may be memorable, I find they are not the norm. I was vegetarian for 20 years (before I developed a wheat allergy) in college I did not even tell anyone about my diet, but in the cafeteria, the meat eaters figured it out from what was on my plate. I was often subjected to having meat shoved in my face, and people asking me "what about those poor plants you're killing?" One of my vegetarian friends was so sick of this treatment she locked herself in her dorm room to eat. We omnivores can give as good as we get. Since I switched back to meat eating, I've met few preachy veggie folks, but I'm still seeing bully meat eaters. If you don't want vegetarians to preach, don't provoke them.

Maybe I should ask if you would have chosen to use the infographic if Kosher had been one of the categories of 'difficult guest'. I would hazard a guess that you would not as it would be considered disrespectful to a people of a particular faith. Why not accord that degree of respect to vegans and allergy sufferers?

I think secondary gain is a big factor for many (not all) people with food issues. Some of the responses to this thread have confirmed that for me. When did the world become so high maintenance? I truly enjoy cooking for others and breaking bread with friends and family, but I'm beginning to wonder if it's even worth the trouble.

@missfifi please don't call yourself vegetarian. this confuses people. & then those of us who are vegetarian & vegan get served fish b/c they've met "vegetarians" like you. no judgement, but please don't confuse people.

if you are mostly vegetarian, but eat fish, you are a pescetarian http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pescetarianism

as for the questions about rice & gluten. rice is glutenous, but is not gluten. so gluten free can eat it unless they also have a rice allergy, which is something completely different.

as one of these guests i'm more than willing to bring a dish & i will usually eat before i go anywhere. so, even if the host only gives me carrots, i'm cool. i never expect or demand special treatment, but i will say it makes me feel loved when a host considers me.

Guess I'll add another food challenge to the list that hasn't been mentioned yet...

I have a histamine intolerance disorder, which means I can't eat foods that are high in histamine because I can't process it properly. So what foods are high in histamine? Well, you name it. First, no pickled or fermented foods--so no cheese, wine, beer, soy sauce, yeast, pickles. No foods with vinegar--so no salad dressings, ketchup, mustard. No aged foods, like aged steaks. And no foods that are naturally high in histamine--spinach, tomatoes, ripe bananas, and chocolate, to name a few. Also, no canned foods because histamine in food increases when the food is canned. And get this, I can't eat any foods that are aged, so aged steaks are completely out. All meats that I eat have to be fresh because histamine builds up in meat the longer it's been around.

As you can imagine, eating out is nightmarish for me, and I think I don't get invited to dinner parties anymore (because I only hear about them after the fact)!

If I do eat any of these foods, I'll get hives, or I'll start to itch, or I'll get acid reflux that lasts for day. But the worst symptom of all is....insomnia. Who would have ever guessed? Turns out that histamine affects one's wakefulness. So if I eat food that has a lot of histamine in it I won't sleep at all that evening. Before I knew I had the disorder I went through a 4-month period when I didn't sleep. I was eating lots of cheese and spinach those days and medicines like Ambien were completely ineffective on me.

My sister and my aunt's on my father's side have the same condition. And sometimes when I describe the condition to someone, I find another person who shares the problem (like my hairdresser!). So if you're a fellow sufferer (no survivor!), look at this article from the American Journal on Clinical Nutrition http://www.ajcn.org/content/85/5/1185.full

I am really surprised by the callousness in some of these responses! My friend has an intolerance to dairy and gluten. Is she allergic? No. She will not die if she eats it, but she does get terribly sick!! I cant stand when people think she should just suck it up, because she definitely wont be around by the time dessert comes out!

I think there ARE recipes that will work, or you can make many sides and let people mix and match, according to their preference, and not worry about a main. Or you can do potluck style and just enjoy each others company over dinner.

I have a few friends with dietary issues, and it's true that they are difficult to cook for. So I would have titled the article The most difficult to cook for dinner guest, but then, I you actually READ the article, it's pretty clear that that's what the term "difficult" is referring to, not to the persons who have the dietary issues.

Honestly, saying you have meat loving friends and vegetarians and thinking making something with tofu or adding a lot of mushrooms is not something that's going to please both. I really don't like tofu and can only stand certain types of mushrooms - I also love a piece of meat with my dinner. So most of the suggestions are really crap.

Like someone posted above, I also long for the days people just dealt with what the person cooking was making or just didn't eat. I'll run what I'm making by the people I'm inviting for dinner - they are welcome to stay home if something isn't part of their likely "fad diet". Or at least the days the person would offer to help cook or bring a dish if they needed special catering.

I've got to say, after casting an eye over some of those meal suggestions, I'm feeling a little peckish! Going by some of the obnoxious comments, there's certainly plenty of material for a post on the most hostile hosts/hostesses...

I enjoyed the well written and informative article and recipes, humor included. Thank you. I'm not, however, altogether certain it was worth sifting through the dross to find the couple of useful ideas and suggestions offered by others who actually read the original post. The foods we consume may - or may not - be a choice but offense most assuredly is. Yes, ONE CAN *CHOOSE* NOT TO BE OFFENDED. Appears to me all the guttersniping is a bit like the pot calling the kettle black.

(aside to the grammar police: yes I realize 'guttersnipe' is a noun...i chose to use it as a verb because it's suitable here so don't waste time on yet another trivial pursuit)

I had to laugh. Most of these supposedly "feed anyone" meals won't make it past my fairly-easy-to-feed boyfriend. A - he doesn't eat mushrooms. B - Deathly allergic to coconut. Whoops!

This seems to be a touchy subject, and (to be frank) it is a royal pain in the planning stages of dinner. Try getting a vegan, someone keeping (mostly) kosher, someone who can't stand onions, and the aforementioned death-by-coconut boyfriend eating in harmony with a couple others who don't have medical or taste limitations to speak of. The solution for me has been variety and good labelling. And if not variety, not throwing those people in together.

Relax. Enjoy. Try new things. Potluck is always an option.

Whoa! I expected to come to add a recipe, but I'm not sure if people want it now that I can see all the comments.

For the people whose lifestyles have "eating" "restrictions", for whatever reasons, I'm not judging, I'm just saying, because I don't know your life, okay? Can I just tell you my recipe? I'm sorry. I'm sorry!

So, it's a butternut squash soup recipe--yes, I know a lot of people don't like squashes! Why is that my fault? Can't we all just have a nice Thanksgiving, without the yelling and the crying and the throwing things?

It's based on this recipe.

I use it as a base and mess with it a lot-- always want to try it with carrots or sweet potatoes instead of squashes, still haven't. Rarely do I add the sugar/honey. Lots of spices. Add less fat no matter how I do it. Sometimes roast the squashes first. Love sugar pumpkin in it.

Vegan: instead of cream and butter I either use coconut milk and coconut fat or soy creamer. I use creamer because soy milk doesn't always heat to boiling well. If I know I have a guest who used to have to put her special lunch in the nurse's fridge at school to avoid contamination I always, always check about ingredients before I add them. Anaphylactic shock is so last season.

It goes over very well with all guests, so no one has to sit in the corner and eat alone. No one should feel punished at a dinner party. (Not guest nor host.) However, I have had one person who simply says everything she is thinking and feeling while she is thinking and feeling it no matter where she is or what is happening around her complain that the soup was "boring" after she finished her bowl.

Why are you glaring at me? Fine; I'll see myself out. I didn't know that you didn't want to talk about it. I didn't know you were insulted by my mentioning it and I will never, ever try to cook for you again.

Mmmm, I love buttenut squash soup!

Actually, I taught cookery lessons to four year groups last year. I had a range of intolerences, allergies, cultural and personal choice diets to consider when planning, but I also had the parents to turn to for advice. Finding interesting recipes that were adaptable without losing their 'character' was no great challenge either. For two year groups, I planned my lessons around several different festivals and religious celebations that would occur during that term, so that pupils understood how making and sharing food can bring people together on special occasions. With a wealth of recipes from around the world to hand, I was seriously spoilt for choice!

The reason that I'm mentioning this is because during those lessons, the pupils gained an awareness of and respect for eachother's differences and, because they were all able to participate, they could see that, with a little thought and flexibility, different dietry requirements did not have to exclude a person from the table.

(On that note, I REALLY must go and eat something!)

I know that I should host friends with allergies and intolerances, but I'm so freaked out that I will accidentally cross-contaminate and send someone to the hospital! Or use chicken stock instead of vegetable and make the dinner inedible. They certainly aren't 'bad guests', but I do find it tricky to think out of the box enough to serve some of the dietary concerns that come my way. Articles like this (with recipes) make me more confident to host those with concerns that I normally don't have to take into consideration.

I work at Starbucks, and the number of people that stress that they are 'allergic' to dairy and want soy, SOY MILK, not dairy, and then request regular whipped cream is just astounding. Please don't claim an allergy if you don't have one; it's crying wolf and it could harm a person with a real allergy if everyone starts to disbelieve the claim or confuse it with intolerance or simple avoidance. (We sanitize everything before making a drink for the brave/stupid soul with a dairy allergy that wants to tempt the gods at Starbucks, and yes, people will start getting sloppy if they think everyone's just being annoying).

And if you tell me you are a vegetarian, I certainly won't be including fish at the meal and will probably just steer vegan to be safe. Instead, educate people about lacto-ovo and pescetarian diets. Most would probably prefer to learn a new term than cook without eggs/dairy/fish/honey just in case.

I am a vegetarian who is severely lactose intolerant and has many food allergies. Unless I am being invited to a one on one dinner, I don't mention my food problems ahead of time. If I do, inevitably they will cook something special for me, and it very frequently is something I can't eat. I'd rather eat when I leave than watch the hopeful and eager look be crushed when I break out in hives. I know I'm difficult, and I'd rather keep things low-key.

My own difficult dinner guest is my son who cannot have soy and most fruits. He has Oral Allergy Syndrome and gets either itchiness in the throat and mouth, hives on his face, or throat swelling when he eats most uncooked fruits. The severity of symptoms depends on the fruit. Apples, pears, plum, peaches, nectarines, apricots, strawberries, bananas, and blackberries are all confirmed as no-gos. He's also allergic to soy and may be allergic to hazelnuts and almonds.

I got to say that health concerns and moral reasons for food choices are extremely acceptable, especially in get-together, and usually people with these aversions lay low, bring a side they can eat, or offer to make the main. What bothers my panties into a twist is dinner guests like my sister-in-law. She is just a picky princess and will refuse to even come to family dinner if fish is being served (among other items I don't even feel the need to remember). She is a grown-ass woman, pardon my French, and frankly, she comes off as a the most annoying dinner guest in my book. All others are just a challenge, a small hindrance, or my favorite - a conversation piece at dinner.

As someone who has allergies to almost all forms of sugar and starch due to a bacterial infection I developed following a ruptured appendix the categorization of "worst dinner guest ever" is a bit annoying. A lot of people (like myself) would LOVE to be able to eat anything anyone puts in front of them. Unfortunately, literally almost anything that isn't pure protein makes my stomach blow up like a balloon and I can feel sick for days. I just hope people can have tolerance for these food intolerances that are NEVER by choice. I LOVE me some sugar and bread and fruits and vegetables, but knowing I can't have them without feeling the pain for days is pretty depressing. Anyway, just keep in mind the reluctant worst dinner guest ever -a lot of us wish we could be the best dinner guest ever and through no fault of our own we can't.

I will say I agree though on a lot of these posts, again, as someone who would do many crazy things to be able to eat normally, those people who are insanely obnoxious about what they "will and won't eat" really need to get over themselves.

If someone has a serious allergy or food restrictions, it is important to contact the host and ask about the menu, and possibly offer to bring a dish to add that they can eat. Therefore everyone is included without much strain on the host. I also like the idea suggested above to have a buffet style meal where one can add toppings to pizza, baked potatoes, salads, etc and can tailor the meal to their preferences and allergies/intolerances. Love the interesting discussion going on here.