My family doctor had the same philosophy about introducing foods to my children... nevertheless my children have both become extraordinarily picky eaters on their own (I will try anything that doesn't have peanuts in it, but my ex is picky)... I know from my brother that even the pickiest child (such as he was) may eventually branch out and become an adventurous eater, so i try not to worry and I don't trick them.

That was a really sweet post! I truly enjoyed it, thank you.

I have a fussy son, and a daughter who will eat anything. Same parents, same philosophy, different eaters! I also got a kick of the apple/squash combination - it happens to be one of my favourite soups!
http://girlfriendlifeline.blogspot.com/2011/03/recipe-apple-squash-soup.html

Sara Kate's right about setting a good example - mine eat just about everything because we got them eating with us as early as possible, and by not offering any alternatives if they turned their noses up at anything. Don't worry too much about them going hungry - it won't do them any harm in the long run!

What a sweet story and what a great way to redirect a kid from focusing on not liking something to being willing to try a new food and like it.

It's all about mainstreaming... And you're so right about keeping negativity out of food talk. Kids are SO perceptive about what parents say and what they don't say.

I have to say, I practice the same philosophy as you outlined here. I cook all the time, love food...all sorts of food. I never serve my kids special meals. And yet, still, they are picky. I was also a picky kid and my parents never served me special kids. It wasn't until COLLEGE that I suddenly was willing to eat all sorts of things and now I have a very broad culinary appreciation. I decided that I will just do the same thing and eventually they will come around. But it's so frustrating to know that I'm offering all these good things and they are just horrified by its presence. I remember being grossed out by my mother's gumbo. Freaking out at artichokes. Gagging on sausage. Now, it's all good. Are my kids hungry sometimes? Yup. But they are rarely sick and are very healthy, so I figure if I get a few nutritious things in them a few times a week they'll be fine.

I meant "served me special kids MEALS." Not special kids!

My mom also just put whatever they were having for dinner in the baby food mill, and while I was still somewhat picky as a child (I'm dreading the picky-child karma I'm due for) it at least combated the kiddie-food only silliness that seems so common. Since about college-age there's almost nothing I won't eat, so keepy trying, parents of picky kids.

Good advice about exposing kids even to foods you don't like. One thing I've recently realized is there are several foods that I don't cook merely because my mom didn't like them and so I'm not familiar with how to make them--it's been fun lately experimenting with these things for myself!

Great post. I don't have kids but I really appreciated what you wrote. Esp about the influence that the parents' attitude/vibe has on the kids. Great thing to remember.

Being childless and therefore watching from the sidelines, it has kind of astonished me what my sister feeds her toddlers. They eat a ton of bland white meat, fruit, and baby carrots. Time doesn't seem to be the issue, since my sis will ultimately cook a separate, tastier, and more nutritionally balanced meal for her husband and herself.

Above all, I don't see how her girls are getting all the nutrients they need, but what do I know?

I think another important point is just because they didn't like something once, don't stop offering it to them. Just make it differently. My son was not a huge fan of roasted cauliflower, but he loves it raw. Sometimes it's the seasoning or texture they don't like, not the actual food.

Love this post and apply many of those same principles and 'techniques' as the others. What is frustrating for me is that one day she loves something as esoteric (for a 3yr old mind you!) as raw kale salad with a lemony vinaigrette and is eating it by the handful, the next day she is wrinkling her nose if it even goes NEAR her plate. Makes it tough to determine from one day to the next what she'll eat. I keep telling myself its her age and she'll grow out of it but it is maddening nonetheless.

My mother always made sure we had a very varied diet. She says it takes 10 or 12 introductions of a new food to a child before the child will learn to like it. So, she gave me peas and if I didn't like them, she gave them to me eleven more times and then I loved them. As a result my sisters and I are not picky eaters. My sister is carrying that through to my niece and it works like a charm. I'm so thankful that I'm not afraid to try all the new and wonderful foods the world has to offer. It's a great gift to give your children.

What a sweet post! Thanks for sharing!
We don't have kids but I'm all for supporting adventurous and healthy eating - in kids of all ages! :)

I'm not above lying to children to get my point across...

"Do you remember the first time you ate ice cream? No? You hated it."

But in all seriousness, I think adults and children alike need to live by the rule that you don't know you hate it unless you've tried it recently.

Thanks for the great posting! Great ideas I'll have to incorporate into our home.

We have the "No Thank You" bite rule in our house. If my (very picky, four-year old) daughter takes a bite and doesn't like it, then she may have eggs and fruits/veggies for dinner (which I have her help make).

However, more often than not, after one bite she decides she likes it. Last night she immediately started the "I don't like it!" fit she sometimes throws after finding out that salmon, green beans, and cous cous were on the menu. After one bite, she declared it was the best dinner ever and asked to take it to school for lunch!

I don't have kids, but I fully believe that I (or anyone else) can truly say they don't like something unless they've had it recently. Allergies are separate, but if you don't like it is it because you don't like the taste or that you remember how you disliked it the first time you had it.

My child ate everything, and I mean everything, until he started eating at school. Within one year of watching what his classmates ate, he started asking for gogurt, chips and one by one rejected all of his favorite meals....any tips? This started at the age of 7 and he's now 9.

You know, I was the pickiest eater in my entire class all through school (yes, even high school). I was legendary with the other parents. My poor mother tried everything, is a wonderful cook, always involved me, and is excited about new foods to this day (except caramel, which she won't touch, the weirdo). I was having none of it. I stayed that way until college, where I got bored with the cafeteria food and started branching out on my own. Many years later I am in love with food, cook all the time, teach cheese and beer pairing classes, and cannot resist buying produce I've never seen before. So for all you foodie parents who dismay at your child's insistence on living entirely on white pasta and butter (uh, not that I ever did such a thing), I am living proof that you never know.

Never assume that it's only great parenting that molds kids. They come into this world with their own preferences. I have one out of three that ate everything when young and then totally stopped. He was also my only one that refused to clean his toys, do his homework etc. With out his willingness to cooperate, it's a tough battle. It's not always about parenting skills. My other two are so easy and have the same parents, same house etc. The only difference is their personalities don't demand independce. It's easy to be a cocky parent when your child is more agreeable.

I meant 'independence',

I just give my 11 month old small bits of what we are eating. Still avoiding a few foods for potential alergy reasons, but other than that everything goes. She's great with any kind of cooked veggie or fruit I put in front of her. She can only handle some things in their raw state still (4 teeth and all). She's doing great with meats in small pieces. I really really hope she keeps this up. I love to cook and I don't think I'd handle a chicken nuggets only child very well. She's getting introduced to a wide variety of spices, flavors and textures now, so I don't have to make 2 meals every night later.

Have you read any of Ellyn Satter's work? Your approach to feeding kids sounds a lot like hers. Her philosophy is that you have the Division of Responsibility: you as the parent are responsible for putting a variety of healthful/tasty foods on the table at regular intervals, and then it's up to the child which of the foods on offer to eat at each meal in what order.

I've actually been using a lot of these ideas to help my ultra-picky-eater husband learn to be more adventurous. He's come a long way over the last couple years, which means I get better, more interesting meals and we both have less stress in our lives.

My theory is that you expose them to a lot of food, put it all in front of them and not bother fighting about it. My daughter is 7 and her tastes expand every year. She lived on chicken fingers for about 2 years. Today, she eats kale, asparagus, cauliflower and a wide range of other veggies most kids won't touch. Her favorite dinner is marinated steak!
Here's a chicken recipe my kids love: http://cookingwithjeanne.blogspot.com/2010/10/chicken-for-disney-fried-soul.html

My 3-year-old son ate roasted fennel last week from a dish he helped create. This week? Wouln't touch it. He is a great eater, though, and has loved blueberries (bluebubbas) since he was so small I had to mash them between my fingers. Loves fruits and vegetables of all kinds. I gave him a shopping basket to carry one day and he put his beloved blueberries in it.
I think the "trick" is a combination of all of these things and working with the personality of your child. Exposing them to different things is certainly key.

yes, that's exactly what happens to me. My daughter likes almost everything but when she feels cranky she will just eat it veeeeeery slowly. Sometimes we need to send her to bed after only half of her dinner. We always assume that if she is very hungry she will get up and demand some food. It has never happened!

I guess one more thing, there are actually a few things that she doesn't like in a baby food puree'd format, but likes in it's normal state. Like all the baby food meats and Earth's Best Summer Vegetable. Just in case that helps someone who's thinking their baby doesn't like some particular food.

I am laughing at this only because its reversed in my family, my mother is the one that eats like a 3 year old. She won't try anything new and eats almost no good wholesome food. I on the other hand eat almost everything, and love to try new things, and love to cook. I can't cook for her at all, its impossible, she won't eat anything, and its so frustrating! Got a solution for that?

I was the same as cranberrybobble. I wouldn't eat anything as a kid and my friends parents dreaded having me over. However, when I got to college and started cooking for myself, I learned to branch out. Today there are very few things I won't eat and my mom loves to brag to her friends about what a good eater I turned out to be!

We don't do "no thank you" bite. I think it's ridiculous. Oh, you don't want to eat that? Eat it anyway!

I second the suggestion to read Ellyn Satter. The division of responsibility makes clear that you can't force a child to eat, but you can give them good choices.
One of the other things she writes about that I found interesting and helpful was to sort of demystify food. The idea is not to turn food into a reward, or a replacement for approval.
She also talks about looking at the big picture - if my kid eats a less healthy snack today, I don't sweat it since If i look at what they eat over the course of several weeks, its just fine.
We're lucky that this didn't get thrown off too much at school - in 7th and 5th grades now, when teachers and friends give out candy as prizes, etc.

My daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at 12 months old (she's now 13), and the Joslin clinic recommended Satter's books when we asked about diet/food, saying that what we needed was not diabetes specific, but to help our daughter develop a healthy attitude towards food. Its helped us and her, and her brother - along with them helping cook/buy/prepare good food - to maintain a balanced attitude towards feeding and eating with our kids.

nice and thoughtful post but it's not that simple.. My now 9 year old son was exposed to a kitchen filled with fantastic foods from the very beginning..To this day, he rejects almost everything that is not cupcakes, french fries or pizza.. and no success with occupational therapy.. I could go on but hopefully I've made my point..

My kid eats everything. He goes through phases though. Especially when he was 3 to 4, he would just decide "I don't like X". Doesn't matter what "X" was. Strawberries, eggs, whatever. The key was that I didn't argue or fight it. We have the 1-2 bite rule in our house. And if he didn't eat it for dinner, he got it for breakfast. We don't ARGUE about it. We state it as a fact. And there are a few items that he truly doesn't like after trying many times. I still will put them on his plate, but he doesn't have to eat them (veggie burgers, pickles and red bell peppers). Everything else? Gotta at least try it.

I know two sets of parents who's older kids are very picky and younger kids eat everything. It could be a kid thing, but they both admit that when their older kids said "I don't want it", they didn't fight it, they started making something else for them. I don't do that, with the exception of the veggie burger.

Both my older grandchildren amazed me by eating sushi, miso soup, and just about every vegetable they were served when they were toddlers. Now the 6 year old will eat 3 things only: pizza, parmesan cheese right out of the shaker, and naked chow mein noodles. He can not be bribed into eating anything green, even when he's shown pictures of himself eating various exotica. The 14 year old - a little broader repertoire with a long list of dislikes. The 2 younger ones, 2 and 5, are still in the eating everything stage. I hope it lasts.

My son grew up eating everything (except cottage cheese - where that came from...?). I always made my own baby food in the food processor and he ate what I ate. Also, taking him out to restaurants where he could try (and like, really!) all different types of foods that maybe I did not make at home truly developed his palate at an early age. I think it's important to make eating food an adventure. He is a true foodie at 23 years old and is now turning me on to dishes that are new to me.

My daughter often had her nose close to the cutting board during dinner prep time, so we often had many of our vegetables raw - it was an adventure that way. Also, I didn't try to force "weird" things on her; but I did insist on one taste of everything she was offered. She could then say a polite "no thank you" if she were offered more. She will never embarrass herself in any culture as she now has a very broad palate.

My 2 year old is apparently a "great" eater. Or at least that's what the other parents tell me.

She eats what we eat or not if she chooses. It's not a fight. But she doesn't get hot dogs or chicken nuggets or Kraft Dinner instead of real food.

She does sometimes get these sorts of foods at daycare or if we are out at friends' houses. But we just don't buy them so it's not an option.

My basic mandate is that I don't buy anything that I'm not happy with her eating.

@ines: Peer pressure can be quite difficult to counter, but, from experience, perseverance usually pays off. Children enjoy what they are used to, so if you continue exposing them to a variety of tastes, they'll eventually acquire those tastes. This might sound unusually strict, but I never let my kids get away with refusing a meal that someone had cooked for them, even if that meal was 'junk' food at a friend's house. If they didn't like what was on offer, they knew to ask for a small portion, and at least try some of the food, but not request any special treatment. Same at home.

Flyingdragon is right. Every child is different even with the same parents, and the parents can't take the credit or the blame for everything about their kids. They make up their own minds and they may change any time.
But certainly making, serving and enjoying great food is a wonderful thing.

@pearmelon I agree about strictness and I have tactically designed my home menus so my kids learn how to eat many things and we are a from scratch, fresh, organic food kind of family. (but we enjoy our moments of decadence as long as it's natural!) And my kids know that objecting and whining isn't going to get them anywhere.

My biggest prob is lunch. It's appalling what other kids eat. My son used to eat chicken soup in the thermos, raw veggies, fruit etc as an example and now it's a struggle to find something he will eat. He won't eat sandwiches. Says the hot food tastes bad in the thermos. And the old let him get hungry he'll learn routine just doesn't work. He's quite fine not eating lunch 5 days in a row and having 5 meltdowns after school if his stomach is empty.

Feeding an 18 month old was a cakewalk. Feeding a school aged kid can be very trying.

I agree with one of the previous posters that in the long run it works--I was a horribly picky eater from baby times to high school. I now eat everything. And what's more my palate has been conditioned by years of my mediterranean mother's cooking to hate sickly sweet things, and crave veggies, olive oil, grilled fish etc.

I just need to find a way to get through the next 10 years ;-)

I never wanted to anything when I was little. I grew out of it thankfully :)

ines "It's appalling what other kids eat." What do they eat? Maybe you can have a word with his teacher, and have him sit with children who are less picky?

As a Registered Dietitian, I THIRD the suggestion to read Ellyn Satter! "child of mine" is a guide for this.

Also remember, your kids are smart. They won't let themselves starve. Making special meals for kids that hold out on new foods, teaches them that holding out is a very effective strategy.

I worked in a preschool kitchen where meals had a variety of foods. if a new food was offered like salmon, a familiar and nutritious food was also offered. The kids had to try the new food, but at least there was something at the table they could eat. It was offered initally there was no "special meal" connation attached to it.

Also, if your kid wants gogurt, make him save up allowance to buy it. You're not depriving him of yogurt if you offer the quality stuff. If he really wants the junk, he needs to make a value assessment. This trick works for checkout stand treats. A nine year old can make this value judgement in a way that works to his advantage. ;)

I too find that when my daughter (2 and a half) cooks with me, she is way more interested in eating the product. Also, she likes to stand by me and munch on veggies dipped in soy sauce as I chop, etc. A nice way for her to enjoy her veggies. I don't care if she eats them in the actual finished meal or in the preparation-- it's all the same to me...

We also live by "the serve the kids what you are eating philosophy". This has landed us an 8 year old, who in Kindergarden, the Teacher did not believe his favorite meal was Crablegs and steamed broccili (Plain-No Cheese) and one extremely picky 5 year old, who is required to participate in the "one bite rule".
Texture is everything to him and We have come a long way. He, after an extended illness, would only eat crackers, nuts and crunchy fruits. YEARS!
My patience is finally paying off.

So to All of the Moms out there with picky eaters....They will try New things, Eventually :)

Cooking for teachers and friends was also a breakthrough method for us! (No fear in thinking Mom is going to force you to eat it, if it isn't even for you, RIGHT?) If the teacher raved about the food, the kids were more likely to try it.
We make a lot of homemade chocolates for gifts and the kids LOVE sharing their creations with an audience!
Keep up the great work!
Middle-Class Martha
www.tres-sucrechocolatiere.blogspot.com

Beautiful post, I follow the same principles with my 2.5 year old son who considers going out to sushi to be a treat where he employs chopsticks and he also helps himself to genuinely spicy curry.

I also attribute it to having always shared our family meals with him from his first solids at 6 months. He is applauded by friends and childcare alike for his love of food.

My baby eats what I eat, and it doesn't go in the blender first (we started with full solids, baby led weaning). She does have random picky spurts, but eats so much more than most 1 year olds I know.

I also have a 9 year old that will eat very little and a 6 year old that will eat anything. I make no special meals and both help in the kitchen. The 9 year old has always been picky the six year old not. So yes, there is some nature and some nurture involved. Very sweet post.

Agreed that getting kids in the kitchen is critical. Making them part of the process not only encourages them to try new things by giving them pride in the product, but it's also precious time spent together! With that said, and being the mom of two very different kids, there are definitely those that really just need to figure things out on their own because that's how they are wired. And their desire for control trumps even the craftiest trick.

Very nice article! The only problem I have with it, is that shellfish and especially 'oysters' are very, very dangerous to young children and the elderly. I have been through several food safety classes in my 25 years of being in the restaurant business, and the risks are not worth the rewards. Please look into this. This is not spam - it is real. There are bacteria on oysters that the young and old cannot fight off due to either under developed or anemic immune systems.

Our son has food allergies, the biggest being peanuts. He is super picky. I work with our doctor on his diet and she helps us supplement with vitamins. Okay, my main point is...his younger sister is not picky at all. She tries new things all the time. Each child is different. Thanks for the ideas though, I agree the way we eat affects our kids.

@alliej We also have the "12 bite rule". My daughter has one bite of asparagus (or mushrooms, or scrambled eggs...) for 10 or 12 meals, then we acknowledge that she doesn't like it for now, and she doesn't have to try it anymore. After a few months, we start again with trying it. Now that my kids are 17 and 13, they sometimes prompt me to give them a hated food, in case they now like it. They see they're changing taste buds as a sign that they are growing up (and they're right!).

@ines You sound like an awesome parent. If sandwiches don't work, try leftovers from dinner (like spaghetti!). If the thermos tastes funny, keep trying with different containers. If you are discouraged, make a shopping list with your child just for lunch items, and explain how to plan for healthy foods as well as treats. They like seeing things in their lunch that "they" picked out.

Finally, I ask my kids to pack all their trash back into the lunchbox, so I can see what was eaten and what got panned. My mother slept in and never made my lunches, so I enjoy making lunch for my kids, with their input and help.

@RobinRD

I refrained from commenting on this post until now (flyingdragon put it the best -- and the self-congratulatory boasting on this board is too much for me), but your comment -- "Also remember, your kids are smart. They won't let themselves starve" made me so upset that I have to speak up, because you are very, very wrong.

I used to believe that any mammal would not let itself starve, so when a friend adopted a cat from the SPCA and it didn't eat, that is what I told her. Guess what happened? The cat died. If cats don't eat for 2 or 3 days, they develop potentially fatal problems with their livers.

But still, I didn't think it possible my children could intentionally starve themselves when food was on offer. But hey, guess what? My second child did.

My son did not want to be weaned, not at 7 months, not at 8 months... At this point the pediatrician was telling us to really insist that he be exposed to food. So we did insist. Guess what? He hated it. He spit almost everything out, but even the things he "loved", he only ate a bite or two of. He went from being "small" to being at the 3rd percentile on the WHO growth charts. At 16 months, after being dehydrated from gastroenteritis, he was hospitalized, and we found out he was anemic. He had no appetite due to the anemia, and had literally starved himself. No amount of that stupid "holding out strategy" had worked on him; on the contrary, it made him violently opposed to foods. (after forcing him to try banana, he would not eat it for me again until he was 18 months old -- banana! He hated banana for 10 months!)

He *still* has a terrible appetite, is *still* small (although he has shot up to the 10th percentile), and is *still* very, very picky. (and is addicted to dairy; the boy could easily use his own cow...). No want of trying on our part -- the 2-bite rule (which does pay modest dividends, exposing him to foods that he finds he actually likes on occasion), cooking and baking together (he has a harder time rejecting food he has prepared, but he *still* does!), peer pressure (he has catered hot lunches at school) and so on has fundamentally changed anything.

We've exposed our kids to great food, to unusual food... at school, they get 3 course meals that most adults would find sophisticated -- last week, as their weekly fish dish, they had pasta with mussels. (this is Europe, afterall!). But children emerge from the womb with fully-formed personalities, and as a parent, you cannot re-mold them to your desire. Our firstborn was the same adventurous eater that Ursula is now, but at 7, she no longer likes spicy foods, foods with challenging textures (like those mussels), and has gone "off" many foods she previously loved. She too is very, very, VERY stubborn.

So don't pat yourselves on the back for a wonderful parenting job with respect to food just yet; consider yourselves lucky that your child is open to what you are offering.

And PLEASE do not advise people to use the "holding out strategy" like we were -- it is potentially dangerous, and somewhat misguided.

I don't have much faith in dietitians after our experience with them.

I agree with everything in this post (expect feeding a young child oysters). My kids are not picky and I also attribute this to mostly luck and a little parenting- i.e. feeding them whatever we are eating and never making them a separate, kid-approved food. But, I also recognize that they might change. I've known kids that eat raw onions and goat cheese at age 3 but refuse anything but PB&J at age 7.
I just wanted to add a tip- if your kids are young enough, lie to them! The one food my 3.5 year old daughter has decided she hates is kale. The other day I was chopping some up for a pasta dish and she came in, asking is that kale? I told her it was not because "I know you don't like kale- these are leaves from the ookily-bookily tree." She happily declared that she loved leaves from the ookily-bookily tree and ate up her dinner.

Sweet post, thanks!

A great book on this topic is Too Many Cooks by Emily Franklin - loved it!

I think sometimes kids are picky eaters at dinner because they're not hungry. My daughter is a great eater but I've noticed she is often less adventurous at dinner time because she's not hungry or she's tired.

Is the picky eating thing an American thing? As an immigrant child I ate what was placed in front of me or I didn't eat at all. No accommodations were made. My friends overseas treat their children the same way and their children eat foods that most American adults wouldn't look at.

I fully believe in eliminating the negativity. Working in the food industry, I have seen many occasions where a child asked to try something and the parent replied, "oh really? I don't think you'd like that" and the child's attitude instantly changed. And then they wonder why their kids are hard to feed.

@leadingedge: You have a point. Like you, I grew up eating whatever was put in front of me. Children weren't consulted, although there was frequent talk about food, its preparation and the deliciousness of various dishes. We kids just looked forward to mealtimes, and were HUNGRY when we sat down to eat. If we chose not to eat, we would remain hungry until the next meal. I have tried to bring my own kids up similarly.

Growing up I was the one who ate anything, smoked oysters were one of my favourites. And my brother refused to eat anything but chicken nuggets and fries. I had my 9th birthday party at a sushi restaurant.

I like to blame my parents for my high grocery bills. Now that I'm older my mom is getting me into wines and cheese I can't afford.

Black truffle cheese is not cheap. Thanks Mom.

Growing up with a picky younger sister made me vow never to cater to my kids. She ran my mom ragged because she would eat one thing for weeks on end. For every meal...
My 8-year old has been trained to eat whatever is served at meals. If you don't like it, take less of it BUT you're eating it. Otherwise, you can skip this meal because this is all that's available. Maybe it seems incredibly hard-hearted but she's very game to try new foods.

We are also lucky with a good eater (and yes, it's luck--I was picky until adulthood). One thing to remember is that children's vocabularies for their preferences aren't that sophisticated. I don't mean their words, I mean how they understand expressing themselves. Mine, like yours, loves butternut squash. But sometimes she gets sick of it. She'd suddenly "not like" butternut squash. I eventually figured out that she couldn't distinguish between "not in the mood for squash tonight" and "don't like squash, permanently." Her sudden food refusals don't faze me anymore. Yes, tastes change, but it seems mostly that she can get tired of a texture or taste sooner than the grownups do.

Great post. A little creativity is always helpful with kids and food, even for good eaters.

My kids (3, now all adult) all approached the table differently as kids; some were like Hoover vacs and some had perpetually up-turned noses. They were all born to the same foodie adventuring parents and were exposed at early ages to a wide variety of tastes and textures. It's my thought that, just like with so much of our human experience, we all are on unique development trajectories. Here's what I did:

No special meals for the kids. We all ate the same meal every time one was served. My pediatrician assured me that no kid ever starved him/herself and that this was fine to do.

I really wanted my kids to be "well-rounded eaters." I wanted them to fit in at the homes of their friends who may be serving ethnic specialties, and wanted them to enjoy travel and the unique food experiences they would have. So, they got to experience everything we experienced.

No big deals were made over food at the table. Food was simply not going to be a topic of argument. It's there... that's dinner. Eat it if you will, but that is dinner. If you don't eat it, that's OK too, but there will not be a replacement meal or snack later on. I'll happily save this plate for you for later. No drama, no scene, no pressure. (by the way, I also think this is a key to having healthy weights... NO FOOD DRAMA. Food should not be a power struggle.)

One of my guys t about age 8 went through phase of not liking onions and peppers in stuff at all. I let him know that his palate would develop, and as an adult he would appreciate and be expected to eat most foods. I offered the option of eating a few bites of the "icky parts" as they came to be known, at each meal now so he could get used to them, or if he chose he didn't have to have any bites now but would be expected at age 13 to not parse them out, but eat them. He choice was his, and by the age of 12 he'd become friends with those foods again.

The all went through phases of "not eating faces", and one still eats meat only rarely. But all in all, my goals were achieved. My adult kids are adventurous eaters and cooks, choose healthy foods habits as a way of life, and have healthy relationships with food.

Excellent post, and very level headed. (To those who find it 'self-righteous', please re-read the first paragraph in which the author states that she knows it's also the luck of the draw & could change at any moment.)

One of my sisters serves her kids whatever the grown-ups eat, and they love all veggies, salmon, all types of ethnic food, etc. She also lets them help out a lot in the kitchen.

Another of my sisters cooks a separate meal for her kids every night, and they eat mac & cheese, plain spaghetti, and little else. They have trouble finding something they like to eat at birthday parties, freak out if they see a fleck of green herb on a piece of cheese pizza, and of course, subsequently have some serious digestive issues. I hope they grow out of it!

@ek76 - very cute trick. :)

In my house, when we were kids, we always ate what was put in front on us, or we didn't eat. Problem was, meals weren't terribly "out there"... they were very German style (and still are). Lots of roasts, potatoes, rice and peas and carrots. No seafood. Ever.

Now I come home and cook using interesting [for my family] ingredients (quinoa, chayotes, spaghetti squash etc...) and most of the family turns their noses up at it. I live with four picky adults and it's driving me crazy, because I love interesting and ethnic foods and I've turned into a real fiend for seafood. Help!!!

I completely agree with you, kids should try and eat everything. They should try the foods they never tried before. Sometimes the parents are the ones who don't like some foods and then they think that kids should not try them too.

My 4 sons are all now grown. In our house we had a rule - I was not a restaurant cook! They had to eat a little of everything. Period. Even things they did not "like". Today - They are all great cooks! One does not care for cooked broccoli; one does not like peas; none of them care for eggplant BUT they will eat it at someone else's home so as to be polite. I made 99% of all we ate from scratch, too. I feel that one must decide to be a PARENT, loving yet firm, and then things will work out. Once they got to high school, the other kids would look longingly at the lamb tagine with homemade saffron rice and pita bread that I sent; or the pot roast with potatoes and salad; or the roast chicken with rice and fresh vegetables; or vegetarian items, too; that was because the other kids were eating baloney or pbj sandwiches. My sons still tell their friends what I would send for lunch! Lest one say - well, I don't have the time or money to cook like that, trust me, I watched for sales, and most of the time, sent leftovers for lunch. And packaging makes all the difference, just as presentation does on a plate, even for a 2 yr old.

My parents would go out to eat at fancy restaurants all the time when I was little. I loved watching my mom get dressed up, and she'd always bring home a little doggie bag of whatever they had for us to try. I tried it not because she asked me to, but because it made me feel fancy! As a result, I love ANY kind of seafood, but have only recently (in my mid twenties) liked cooked fruit and vegetables. The texture was appalling to me until recently, and even still I much prefer my veggies slightly crunchy. So:

A. Sometimes inadvertently making a big deal of something helps

and

B. Texture, not flavor, is often the biggest dealbreaker for a kid.

mschatalaine, my son is SO much like your child. He's never been hospitalized, but he WILL starve himself to keep from eating something that he finds scary. He gets ridiculously anxious at mealtimes if there isn't something that he tolerates. Our doctor told us "he won't starve" but when he was two he went for a little over two days with only water, until he was dry heaving and weak from hunger, when I decided the doctor was full of crap and gave him dry toast to nibble. There is no forcing him to eat anything, because he will work himself into a full-on panic attack. Even gentle cajoling is likely to set him into panic mode.

My younger child, on the other hand, was raised exactly the same as my son and will try absolutely anything, and likes most of the things she tries. She loves fruit and veggies and meat, especially.

Kids and their eating habits are their own. Parents can encourage good habits, and many kids can be molded, but some are just picky, no matter how much you expose them to good foods!

I have to, have to comment here.

In my 20s, I have a fantastic appetite, and rarely turn anything down. As a child, I ate only chicken, bread, and any breakfast food.

What I found out after I left home for college was that I had oral allergies to a lot of the foods my parents loved. Avocados, bananas, mangoes, (a lot of fruit, actually). All of them gave me terrible stomach pains, but I never had a serious enough "reaction" for my parents to notice. I was also lactose intolerant and had problems with stomach acid.

My parents always thought I was trying to be difficult or defiant, but in reality I was only picky because so many of the foods they gave me caused me substantial pain. Now I love to try new food, but I'm always prepared to try new things with an epi pen and stomach meds.

No one has mentioned that there is a natural cycle for a child's pickiness: children normally eat well and are open to trying new foods when they are first starting to eat. Then, around 4 or so (the age when they start to separate more and more from their mom, becoming increasingly independent), they become much pickier, often rejecting foods they once loved. As they mature, they again become open to new flavours and textures.

This cycle is normal and healthy. It is thought to be the results of a couple of phenomena: first, tastebuds become much more sensitive around age 4, sometimes over sensitive. So the cooked cauliflower your child says is "yucky" probably tastes much stronger to her than to you; a purely physiological issue, and she is not trying to be contrary or difficult. Next, the theory behind the sense of taste being heightened is that it evolved as a sort of protective mechanism: as young children began to play further and further away from their parents' cave, it helped protect them from eating lethal quantities of attractive but poisonous berries.

Just another thing to keep in mind when dealing with a child who stubbornly refuses new foods: the stubborness could be the sign of an underlying medical condition, or it could be a sign of a a normal physiological process.

I follow what my parents did with me: if it's on the table, that's what's for dinner. It may not be your favourite but it's healthy and it covers all the bases and it's what you're getting today. And if you don't eat that, you'll find yourself hungry.

If it's a new dish that we've neer tried before, we make sure there are lots of veggies around and ask that the kids try at least a few spoonfuls. If they don't like it, at least they've given it a fair shot.

Both can complain a whole lot, but both invariably say 'this is yummy' within a few moments of opening their mouths.

Yes, we likely have less picky eaters than others, but we also don't give a lot of options (that said, I'll never go to my parents' approach, which involved setting timers for my picky sibling to eat within.)

oh, and if they're not so impressed, we do tell them that when they are old enough, they are welcome to take on some of the menu planning and cooking themselves.

foodefafa, my mom did the very thing you are talking about! "Oh, I'm not giving you any to try, you won't like it." Um, could you let me decide that? Hahaha, it used to make me so mad as a kid.

Now my mom tells me I was a picky eater as a kid!

I used to think that if I was a good parent, that exposed my child to all sorts of foods, and made my own baby food right from the beginning, my child would be a non-picky eater - man was I wrong! As a baby, my son would eat pureed broccoli and cauliflower (I have pictures to prove this) and I would happily allow him to pick food off my plate. Now as a 2 1/2 year-old, the battle lines have been drawn with veggies (even fries!) being given his most vocal refusal. Why? My theory is that he inherited my father-in-law's palate. My side of the family has always eaten everything and, luckily, my husband has also adopted this lifestyle but our son would rather throw up all over himself rather than swallow a pea. So to all the parents of non-picky eaters out there: be happy you have a child with no food struggles. I'm happy mine's a good sleeper :)

Sometimes you've got to introduce something new that you know they'll love...like a honey-banana sandwich or something...just so you can pull out the old, "Remember when you didn't want to try a honey-banana sandwich?" With this thought, I once found myself nearly forcing a lollipop into my 2-yr-old's mouth. "I promise you will like it!" I'm so sure the other parents around me thought I was totally nuts.

This is a wonderful post! I attribute my non-picky palate to my Mom doing this same thing. Don't want fish for dinner? Don't eat! My husband was overweight as a kid, and admitted his Mom would let him eat pudding for breakfast as a kid. I've nannied a few children as toddlers and I noticed their parents doing the same thing- if they didn't like what was being served, they could have a hot dog or chicken nuggets. Now, unfortunately, both of those (unrelated) kids are overweight.

Hi! I know this is an old post but I just needed to contact MsChatelaine and MsBambiJo! I have an extremely picky son...he will not try anything new so he is still on formula at 21 months old. Only thing he will eat is plain rice, plain noodles, and oranges. I am going nuts and am not sure what to do. No one understands, not even the doctor.

Any tips for me??? When I try to encourage him by eating things in front of him, he gags (and sometimes vomits!)! How did you make sure you kids got all the nutrition they need?

Any help from parents with picky eaters would be appreciated!