What do you want to be they put the trainees in the 12-items-or-less lane? That's my thinking. I get in the line with the most experienced cashier if I go there often enough to know. Also sorry to say this, but get in the line with the most men. They always pay in cash.

What do you want to BET. Sorry, typo.

@EMMI Does paying in cash take any less time than paying via debit card? Of course my wife and I tag team grocery shopping so one of us is bagging (or helping out the bagger if there is one) and the other is swiping the card and handling coupons and stuff.

I think a lot depends on where you go. If you go to BJs and you have coupons, avoid the self checkout lanes. At our local Price Chopper, that's the first place I go unless there is someone with no waiting. Being a regular means I can figure out which cashiers are better than others.

If you go to Aldi, expect to wait in line and have the cashiers throw your stuff in the cart.

@Battra92 well, I don't see most people paying by debit card. Many in our neighborhood pay with a check which takes forever. Those who do pay by debit card, by the time they're done figuring out the direction of the swipe, saying yes no yes no to the machine, deciding if they want cash back and futzing around with the signature or PIN, yeah it sure is shorter. And god forbid the card is denied.

My vent: I get really irritated with check-paying customers at grocery stores. Really...who writes checks?

As someone who used to work at a grocery store, I can tell you unequivocally that the express lane is almost always the slowest. Not just because you have to process more people, but because that's the lane with the cigarettes, lottery machines, bottle return, and (usually) the telephone. All this *in addition* to checking out groceries.

Honestly, I'd rather just have one lane that feeds into all the cashes, like they have at some other busy retail stores. That way, you don't have to worry about one cash being held up because of a price check, an invalid credit card, etc. But I've never seen any grocery stores that do this.

I'm glad I'm not the only person who gets annoyed instantly when I see someone whip out a checkbook.

If you've waited in line you obviously have time to get yourself organized, do all of it prior to the cashier completing your order.

Good point about checks. And I think that goes for every form of payment. By the time I get to the register, I have all my bills out. I know how much it should cost and I even have all the bills facing the same way (I used to work retail; can you tell?) Stores can do their part as well by training cashiers to understand the new challenges of reuseable bags. It's the right thing to do and it's not rocket science, for cripes sake.

things to avoid: (I hope this doesn't sound rude because it is so true)
-elderly people (slow)
-the person starting conversations with everyone (they will do it with the cashier)
-people with young kids (they will have a hard time getting everything together)
-women (they never have their money ready ahead of time)

Yes, I am a woman and I still believe this to be true.

@Julie42 - our base commissary does this (the master line, waving people to the next available) and it is THE BEST. Especially because of the very full carts we see on base...

When I go to our local store, though, I only do the express lane when there's just one or two people in line. It's awful, otherwise, made worse when I "just grab a few things", and have to stand there holding them in my hands while I wait for those people to MOVE!

Or you could just take a deep breath and realize that an extra few minutes in a line with a chatter or someone paying with a check or having a card denied isn't the end of the world. I'm guessing the people who are irritated by grocery store lines are also people who experience road rage. Take a step back and chill, people. Appreciate the fact that you're alive and everything this life has to offer.

@Karewn, I think that's a good point. Hopefully most of us aren't talking about a few extra minutes. Many times at certain places I go I'm talking a full 25 minutes waiting for one person to argue that YES their pin number was correct or insisting the cashier charged them too much money. One time I was holding a prescription for a very ill elderly woman and had made a semi-emergency trip to Stop and Shop pharmacy (you have to pay at the register). Time was sort of important.

Karewn, thank you! Seriously? That extra 3 seconds spent in line is going to ruin your whole day? I kind of enjoy the opportunity to look at what other people are buying. (Beer and an onion? Condoms and Rice-a-roni? Toilet paper and donut holes?)

On the other hand, I do get annoyed when people go to the pharmacy window to buy non-pharmacy stuff. Those lanes are already SLOW, and I think using them to buy Pop Tarts is kind of assy.

While 3 minutes isn't the end of the world, I appreciate it when people try and act efficiently. I don't appreciate it when the chatterbox decides that the cashier is their best friend and wants to have a meaning-of-life discussion (I used to work as a cashier at Whole Foods, so I had many customers like that).

Fumbling with credit or debit cards is annoying, but understandable. Letting your baby mash the pinpad is annoying and unacceptable, even if it only adds a minute to my grocery shopping experience. Arguing about an expired coupon is annoying and unacceptable, and so is standing there waiting for the cashier to pack all your groceries into your reusable bags while you direct them exactly how to do it and not lift a finger. I'ts grocery shopping, not buying shoes at Prada.

Another tip for chosing the best lineup is to look for the one with the least amount of produce. Each produce item has a 4 to 5 digit code that the cashier has to have memorized. If they haven't been able to memorize the 1000+ codes, they will have to look some items up. Punching in the numbers, weighing, looking up codes all will take a lot more time than zipping boxes through the scanner.

Self checkout is another issue altogether - it feels like it is faster since you're doing it yourself, but waiting for one to open up can take forever, and if you have alcohol, coupons, your own bags, or any kind of special issue, it makes it even slower. Lately the machines just seem to say "Attendant has been notified to assist you" prompting me to wonder "WHY?!?!?!" because I hadn't done anything out of the ordinary. Drives me crazy.

@Carrotsticks it's too bad reuseable bag users are setting a bad example. I do expect baggers to load my groceries (are they getting paid to stand there and look pretty?) especially since at the time I'm normally trying to pay (I do use a debit card) and as the post said, otherwise it holds up the line. How they bag? I barely care as long as they use common sense.

EDIT: what I meant is, I bring reuseable bags too but I don't expect special treatment as a result.

@emmi,

Of course, being busy with payment isn't what I'm talking about. Standing there, telling the cahsier of bagger what goes where while not helping out (and not being occupied with paying or a squirming toddler) is what I'm talking about.

It doens't hurt, if you have a spare 30 seconds, to help the bagger or cashier by packing a bag or two to get the line moving faster for your fellow shopper. Plastic bag fees have complicated this now that cashiers usually store the bags behind the belts (they used to be on the end of the belt) so you can't really help out and get a head start on packing while they're ringing through.

@Carrotsticks agreed, let me tell you why I brought this up. Lately at several stores baggers will see my reuseable cloth bags, turn to their buds and chat, arms crossed, and expect me to bag. Twice the cashier actually *shook the change in my face* while I was frantically trying to bag everything, people fuming behind me. This is while 2 workers (bagger, cashier) watched me and wouldn't help. Had I behaved that way at my job, I would have been fired.

(I find this is the prevalent attitude nowadays. I did in fact switch stores, and I'm thrilled to help the workers who are actually **doing their job**.)

@KAREWN, I take the opposite view. I think the people who are inefficient and oblivious in check-out lines are probably also the ones who are also inefficient and oblivious on the road, therefore the ones who cause accidents. That lady who wants to quickly run back to grab another product when she's already being rung up? She's probably also the one who makes strange u-turns without using her turn signal because she missed the street she was looking for.

My ex-gf and I were in line and had some baggers refuse to bag our items. She went to the service desk, asked for a manager and pointed them out. They probably did get fired or at least reprimanded.

they just remodeled our grocery store with a single line for check out stands and a single line for self check... it makes so much more sense! it was a little awkward at first but it is speedy.

I think the caveat here has to be that the store in question has an actual checker at the express lane. My local store (a huge chain but in a smaller part of a mid-sized town) is notorious for being under-staffed and they frequently only have one lane open....and it's not the express.

(rant over.)

@AKAY You made me laugh out loud. I have to say I hardly ever see anyone use a checkbook, thank God.

If I get in the shortest line, I won't have time to read about Jennifer Aniston's upcoming wedding or the breakup of the Twilight duo!!

When I'm not at Trader Joe's, I do a lot of my shopping at a discount supermarket that doesn't have baggers so it's become second nature to me to bag my own stuff. Last time I was at Safeway and started doing that, the bagger came running over with a horrified look on his face and said "Ma'am, I'll do that!!!"

my big callout for which aisle to avoid is if someone has a lot of produce. Inevitably, the checker only knows the code for one or 2 fruits and will have to search and search for the sticker or look up the produce.

Checks are a pain. People arguing about coupons too. My grocery has a new policy where checkers are REQUIRED to ask you "Hows your day going" or something chit-chatty. Its a pain cause most of the time you can tell these kids don't care what a mom with a baby in her arms day was like or a 90 year old lady.

I think debit is by far the fastest. Almost always people, myself included ,swipe while the cheker is doing their thing so by the time they're done they just click debit and done.

I live in Australia. I can't remember the last time I saw a chequebook (aka 'checkbook'), anywhere. We're talking many years. And we don't have coupons.

Mind you, I can't remember ever seeing a dedicated bagger, either. You either do it yourself, or the cashier does it, or a combination of both. So I guess it all evens out.

Older people use checks, that's who. Give it another ten years or so and you won't see them anymore. Until then, appreciate that when you get to be that age, you'll be confused by newer technology and/or stuck in your ways as well and could use a compassionate person behind you not to judge you for it.