We're not talking about taking a meal to a new mom or a sick friend—both wonderful in their own right. We're going a little deeper. Do you notice the elderly man who lives alone in your building? Or the person at work who's been caring for her sick mom? It's the time of year when we all think about helping—feeding—those less fortunate, but we're usually serving strangers. We might need to serve those closer to home, too.
Last week, a friend of mine was talking about a person in her apartment building that she knew would appreciate a home-cooked meal. My friend, a working mother with three kids, had made a big meal that would feed her family of five for two days (saving her a night of cooking and cleaning). But she knew in her gut she should give half of that meal to her neighbor. So she did. And, she said, it led to a lovely conversation and quality time with that neighbor that boosted them both.
This kind of situation may be more common for those of us who live in apartment buildings where we hear our neighbors through the walls and squish up against them every day on the elevator. (We also don't have to put a coat on to deliver food.) But all of us have people in our lives who need to be served, to be given an unexpected gift of nourishment and fellowship. People who aren't necessarily our best friends but live in our orbit, so to speak. The neighbor we rely on to hold the front door when we're struggling with a baby stroller or the newlyweds across the hall who seem to eat pizza every night.
Can you make an extra large casserole and divide it in half? Maybe a pot of dumplings on a night you're not too busy?
If you're worried about someone's food preferences, make a quick bread or muffins. And if you think the person needs to talk even more than she needs to eat, invite her over. Hint: The neighbor who's always commenting on your cooking ("What was that delicious smell coming from your house yesterday?") would probably love to taste it.
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Where I grew up we did this all the time. Sadly in our neighborhood we do not talk to each other. Most homeowners are renting to young transient couples because the 'hood has gone downhill and no one wants to live here. It sure would be nice to have this kind of spirit. There was an elderly woman who lived in my building while I was in college, she was lovely and I would help her clean the house and care for her cats.
If I'm baking I usually bake extra and take it to a neighbor. It's such an easy thing to do, and I don't worry about the cost, which is usually pennies. Some of the neighbors have taken to doing the same. It's a nice thing to have going!
Baked goods I think this is easier with- meals are tough cause you can't be sure if the recipient- especially if you don't know them much- will be grateful or embarrassed/upset by your gift of food.
I remember a group of us in high school doing this for a less fortunate family and they were grateful but mortified when we showed up with food for them. They were thrown front and center and embarrassed by us. Similarly, if there's a working mom you do this for, you could intend for it to be a "let me help" type thing and she sees it as you thinking shes poor. It's a slippery slope with good intentions.
If we had any neighbors! Lol. We rent a little house that is surrounded on three sides by a state park and on the front by a busy road. The only neighbors are across said busy road and we've never even waved to them.
As for the avoiding embarrassing the "less fortunate," this is why I think bringing over extras of your own meal before or directly after you eat. Not "leftovers," but maybe "Hey, I made waaaay too much chicken soup - would you like some?" Or, "this batch of cookies made way more than I thought and it's just us two in our apartment. Take some off our hands for us?"
Framing is everything.
good point, vintagejenta
Agreed that I would feel uncomfortable about doing this, despite it being something that would make me feel so good and deep down be appreciated I am just too scared to offend or creep people out. Even with friends of ours, really. My parents on the other hand always welcome bundles...
I think I'd feel okay about doing this on a Friday before leaving town for the weekend, or before a big storm (feigning worries about the power going out), anything that would make it seem like the recipient is doing you a favor by taking the goodies off your hands. Even a fib like "I added ______ and my ______ is allergic! Silly me!" Perhaps I'll try this before leaving town this weekend with a friend of ours who I know is going through something difficult but private right now.
I miss being invited over to share Sunday dinner when I was single and living in England -my neighbors' bungalow was attached to mine and she would knock on the kitchen wall when dinner was about ready, if we hadn't talked that morning while out in the front garden...she was in her late 70s and her son was in his 40s at the time. I would ask if they needed anything from the market/shops before I went most Sat mornings and after a long week at work, how nice it was to be invited in for a cuppa and a biscuit... Good people and great conversation...we don't have neighbors like that here. *sigh*
We don't really have neighbors, but my landlord runs his primary business on the first floor of our apartment, and I've shared stuff with his receptionist. Other than that, I just share food with friends, and it's usually the "I-made-too-much-food" story.
Several of my neighbors are evangelical anti-junk food, anti-sugar, organic-or-nothing types, so it's highly unlikely I'd share homemade food with them--trust me, they'd probably throw it out!
However, I often bring surplus baked goods to work for my coworkers. It's not the quite the same thing, but I find sharing with colleagues much less awkward than with neighbors
I have a 92 year old widower across the street from me. His children live out of town so I always invite him for holidays and sometimes just a casual dinner. He's very good company but I didn't know that when I first asked him - I just took my chances.
I also used to make 'pic-nics' for the three little girls next door. Their family rented part of the house next to mine and lived quite below the poverty line. Not wanting to embarrass the parents I used the girls, who I knew because they always played out front, as my unwitting couriers. I would pick up baskets, tins or lunch boxes at my local thrift shop and fill them up with sandwiches, snacks, fruit, juice, tupperware, etc. and ask the girls if they wanted to have a pic-nic in the yard. They always did and I always sent extras and containers home with them. I hoped they would be able to use the containers and some of the packaged food/juice in their school lunches so that their classmates would not pick on them about their usually skimpy lunches.
I did the same thing with school supplies in September. I'd always pick up some basics (paper, binders, pencil crayons, cute erasers, pencil cases, etc.) and then say something like, I bought these for my niece (LIE!) but her mom already bought her school stuff (LIE!), maybe you and your sisters could use them? I never had any supplies left behind. The family moved away a couple of years ago but I often think about those girls and hope they are doing well - they had a rough road ahead.
We don't do it on a regular basis, but for example, last summer I bought an enormous watermelon. Cut up and froze some, ate some and still had a ton. So I took some wedges across the street to a neighbor whose daughter was having a slumber party that night.
Our neighborhood is usually pretty good about being outside and sociable. We have a crawfish boil in the spring and a fall potluck or block party every year. Good people!
I recently took some munchies as it was a festive day for us, to 2of my neighbors. They appreciated the gesture. One of them i know likes Indian food, which i am cooking all the time.. But I am not sure about ettiquette(timing)of knocking on someone's door with food. I am not sure how it will be received. Coz back home mom used to send food all the time to friends :(. I would love to do the same, but not sure about how tomapproach?!
I do it all the time! A few days ago, I made a whole mess of chili and cornbread and brought it over and we all had some.
The week before, it was meatloaf.
Does it count if my neighbors ended up being more like my friends? No? Damn.
We live in a pretty antisocial, large apartment building. I feel like I hardly even SEE my neighbors, much less know them well enough to cook for them. I do have a fantasy of making a basket of something scrumptious, placing it on a mini table with a table cloth in the elevator and letting it take a ride for a morning. A little anonymous do-gooding.
A colleague's neighbour once put a basket with homemade jam on the landing, with a slip of paper telling everybody to help themselves. And my colleague? Didn't take any because she thought that "You don't know what's in there, it might be poisoned". So much for sharing food with neighbors...
My condo does brunch every sunday for everyone in the building. We take turns cooking amongst those who want to do it. There is a small fee to cover the expenses but otherwise I find it a fun way to get to know my neighbors.
We used to leave treats for our neighbors, but they'd become friends by that point. For our elderly neighbor and her daughter, we've left surplus produce for them. Otherwise, I don't think we know anyone well enough to be able to see when they're in need.
My neighbor and I are friends and cook for each other regularly. So refreshing to get along with your neighbor!
I wouldn't assume that my neighbours would enjoy my cooking. Even if I knew them well, I would just invite them over for a meal. Don't like transporting food.