I'm allergic to onions, shallots, scallions etc. After having two reactions after my in-laws made stuff I couldn't eat (great Thanksgiving btw ... ) I think they finally learned that people aren't just allergic to whatever "fad" allergy is out there.

We almost always bring tossed salads and 9 times out of 10 that's all I eat. It sucks but I'm used to it. They don't see a need to change and I'm not going to just stop being allergic so better safe than sorry.

Too many people I know gleefully tell me, "oh I just say I'm allergic to X even though the only reason is I don't like it" This is Boy-Who-Cried-Wolf and no adult should be doing this.

Serious allergies should be taken seriously. If I invite people I don't know well to eat at my table, I expect to be informed of those and I will provide an alternative or not serve such items at all. I'm allergic myself to lobster. I shared a house in Maine a few years ago and I ate delicious fresh haddock with melted butter while everyone else downed the bugs (which I do love).

But I was brought up otherwise to eat what I am served as a guest. That's polite and it's adult. Americans seem to be getting more and more childish as the years go back. There will be other meals in your future. It will not kill you to eat a bit of squash if you don't like it or taste the jerusalem artichokes. When I was young before my palate developed I often swallowed a big mouthful of air with the food. That works well. But my palate might never have developed at all if I hadn't been made to eat the food in the first place! Now I can honestly say that other than jello there really is not much of anything I don't LOVE.

I think a creative chef will see that there are easily enough options the please everybody. If you're having a hard time coming up with one main dish, do several small appetizers instead. Or meet halfway- say, "I'm making X, but can you bring some of those awesome Y you made before?" I have issues with gluten and soy and try to make sure to bring something to office potlucks that I can eat without issue, but that is also something everyone can enjoy.

If you get someone that pitches a fit because you aren't designing the entire meal around their diet (diet, mind you, being different than allergies), then maybe that person should be the one hosting the party instead...

I try to make menu selections based on what I think my guests will enjoy, but then again, I have pretty easy friends that aren't dieting, don't really have any allergies, and aren't vegans.

We try to make good vegetarian options when we know a vegetarian friend is coming over, and I try to make a couple special non-alcoholic drink options when friends who are pregnant or who don't drink come over (so I have more to offer them than just water), but that's about as much as I've ever had to deal with it.

We also frequently do dinner parties pot luck style where we do the main dish and let people bring sides, so you assume that each guest will bring something that they can eat and are excited to eat.

Allergies (real allergies that is) should ALWAYS be accommodated, and not just for that person's plate but for everything being served.

I'm a vegetarian myself, and I never assume that the onus is on the host to accommodate me. I ALWAYS offer to bring a vegetarian main if my hosts are not also veggie. Often they will decline my offer and let me know they were planning for vegetarians, but occasionally they will enthusiastically take me up on it.

I figure that if it's a diet we are CHOOSING (eg. paleo, vegetarian, etc), then we shouldn't put the imposition on everyone else to accommodate us. In the case of conditions where eating a given food will make us sick, however (such as allergies or celiac disease), then the host should make sure we're covered.

As a host, I will always try to accomodate my guests if I KNOW....that's what being a host is all about. Imagine a guest at your table with only salad to eat...if i am caught unawares, i will try to whip up something- if possible. Having said that, i try to group people by their dietary restrictions so its easier for me to plan the meal.
on an aside, being vegetarian myself - I always hope that there will be enough quantity when i go someplace where there are multi diet guests - because people who are nto vegetarian can eat veggie food, but not vice-versa!!! LOL

Maybe it's just me, but I like my guests to enjoy what they're being served. So I ask in advanc,e and I do my best to offer something they will eat. I honestly don't care why they won't eat something. I invite them to dinner, I do my best to accomodate. Now, if they didn't tell me in advance, I'll try to accomodate as well, but I might not have anything suitable to offer. I won't be offended if they don't touch the dish though. Who am I to dictate their diet ?

In all honesty, as mean as it sounds, sometimes the food is THE WHOLE POINT of a gathering for me. So I just don't invite my veggie friends when I want to roast a duck or grill a bunch of oysters. Even the one who happily brings her own sustenance. Sometimes I want to focus on, talk about, revel in the food. I don't want someone sitting there eating something else. Just like we don't invite our teetotaler friend to go wine tasting with us.

Of course, sometimes the food is not the point and the company is. But when I am focused on the cooking, I really appreciate my like-minded food friends...

I'm with Caitlin926. I would rather not have those people over to my house. When the food is the thing, I want that to be the focus. When the gathering isn't really about food, but some will be consumed, I have everyone bring a dish. That way, they can cater to whatever weird diet or allergy they have.

That said, I absolutely do NOT remember this being an issue when entertaining 25 years ago. I made food, people ate food. Never was any of this sort of thing brought up.

Just a reminder : the number of pallergics have peekd up recently. Maybe that's why things were different 25 years ago. Maybe it's also because allergic people are tgetting tired of declining diner invitations and want to have some social life, too...

I've always asked about allergies. I never ask about diet, but that's usually because people on restrictive diets are super happy to tell you over and over again about how vegan/paleo/gluten-free/raw/carb-avoidant they are. And I usually make a wide variety of things anyway, so unless someone is strict kosher (I don't keep a kosher kitchen) or has celiac's (I do my best, but I'm not buying separate, gluten-free cookware), my friends can always find something more than just a side salad to eat.

There is a difference between allergy, dietary restrictions, and personal preference.

I look at it like this: if you have a hardcore allergy or health restriction, you need to tell your host apriori to the event. If they can accommodate you, awesome. If not, it's your decision to attend or not. As an adult, it is your responsibility to mind your allergies/requirements, not the rest of the world. If you can't be in the same house as peanuts, and your host has already made pad thai with a side of peanut butters and jellies, you probably shouldn't go to the party. I know this is harsh, but this is how things work. Now, in my case, I have an allergy to something which all of my friends know about, and they try to accommodate me because we are friends. Its something lovely they do for me, and I don't expect or demand it.

And for the people who don't 'like' to eat certain things in someone else's home, then just don't. But don't complain about it. Hosts are trying to do something nice for their guests by feeding and watering them. If they didn't hit it right on the money just for you, that's too bad. Be gracious, keep your mouth shut, and wait until you get home to have something you do like.

It's kind of that simple.

My husband and I both have health and dietary restrictions. I HATE asking people to go out of their way for us, but my husband stops breathing when he eats dairy so it is a serious issue. I try to inform the host, ask what I can contribute, and always bring wine and flowers to show how gracious I am. And, in return, I host a ton of dinner parties where the food is decadent and lavish and nobody even notices that diary is missing. I know we are a pain in the ass when it comes to food, so I try hard to go the extra mile in being a great guest and an outstanding host in hopes that we do not come off as the picky problem couple.

I will certainly accomodate an allergy or ethical/religious dietary restriction (vegetarian, vegan, no pork). I always ask my gets if they have dietary restrictions and expect to be told these. If I know a friend hates mushrooms, for example, I will also try not make a main dish centered on that. But, if someone is on a diet, whether paleo or gluten-free (as opposed to allergic to gluten) or watching their weight, I expect them to be an adult and just deal with one night off their special diet. People have to be good guests as well as good hosts. As an example, I generally try to stick to a healthy diet, but if someone invites me to their house for dinner and served me chicken fried steak, mac n' cheese, and deep-fried oreas for dinner, I would appreciate the effort and happily eat what they offered.

when we first meet people and decide we would like to have them for dinner, I always ask if there's anything they can't/won't eat, and this practice is common among others in my social circle. I don't care if it's allergy/intolerance/dislike, I will try my hardest to come up with something for everyone, even the gluten and dairy free vegetarian. It challenges me as a cook, and it makes people feel welcome and cared for, which is exactly what I'm going for when I invite people into my home.

We host dinner parties on a regular basis, because our friends are from all over the country (The Netherlands) and we live smack in the middle. I feel it is the host's responsibilty to ask for dietary rescrictions and allergies, but just once and at the moment of the invitation. After that, the guests should let the host know asap. If you let me know two days before the dinner that you are allergic to peanuts, dairy and oh yes, you turned vegan, I will let you know that you have a problem. Chances are I have already done my shopping and planned my meal.

However, if you let me know in advance I will go out of my way to acommodate. After all, most people you invite to dinner are friends. And if you, as a host, really don't know what to serve your vegan lactose-intolerant friend, you should ask to send a recipe, bring a dish or cook together.

'Turned vegan' should be 'became a vegan'

All I can say is: thank god I have friends/family who aren't allergic to anything. The most I have to worry about is no pork for one, and no onion/mushroom for my husband.

My group of friends has crazy allergies (serious ones, epipens and all...) which obviously get accommodated. While it usually just isn't possible to make a dinner that works for everyone's food restrictions (with gluten, egg, dairy, citrus, apple, pear, lentil, peas, etc all on the allergy list, from various people), the general solution has been a variety of dishes with ingredients clearly labeled in the dish, and clear and constant instructions not to mix serving utensils. This is actually what we're doing at our wedding later this summer.

In terms of "chosen" diets, though... I have less patience. I eat paleo at home (it works very well for me), but if I go over to a friend's house and burgers are for dinner, I eat burgers. I have a minor intolerance to gluten (a recurring rash, basically), but it's minor enough that I really don't expect others to cater to this, and I can live with the side effects if I want a burger. If a vegan comes for dinner at our house, they'll likely get salad/grilled veggies/grilled fruit, but, quite frankly, they'll have to deal with it being cooked on the same grill as everything else.

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It's ok to have different events with different people. If you really are having a dinner party that fits in your dining room and you have to make food that's vegan, gluten free, and nut free, maybe you should have those guests over for dinner at different times? Or have a potluck so you don't have to make sure everyone is happy? It's one thing if one person's allergic to peanuts and another can't eat peppers, you can work around that for any meal; it's another if one of them is vegan, one is celiac, and one hates vegetables, in which case perhaps you should have drinks instead. Mostly-mutually-exclusive dietary restrictions don't call for individualized plates, they call for different kinds of gatherings.

I understand what some people say about the frustration of accommodating dietary restrictions, but unless you're inviting people to a pre-planned food event (a pig roast, for example), then it's fairly easy to go with the flow. Often, people get so boxed in by what they can make that is specifically "vegan" or "vegetarian" or "gluten free" that they forget the dishes they're good at that fall into these categories. For instance, we are friends with a couple in which the husband can't eat dairy and the wife is gluten free. After racking my brain for a few minutes, I realized that we could do a delicious roasted chicken with potatoes, a side of greens and a salad. And you know what? It was delicious and they didn't have to worry about ending up with stomach troubles later.

With that said, when I know that friends have "allergies" to foods they hate, I'm pretty ruthless. They can pick the cilantro out, but I'm not making two versions.

I had mind accomodating a wide range of allergies and moral preferences but people who contstantly change their diet to the trend-du-jour are super annoying.

I agree with @Cooklyn. This would be much less of an issue if you focus on what people CAN eat. For example, most Chinese, Japanese and other Asian dishes are gluten-free (substitute wheat noodles with rice noodles). French cuisine is low on carbs (just skip the baguette). Italian and Middle Eastern cuisine are great for vegetarian dishes, Indian cuisine for vegan ones. If you enjoy cooking for others, and experimenting with different cuisines, it really is not a big deal to accommodate dietary restrictions. Obviously, if the meal is focused on a particular ingredient, then that's different - you wouldn't invite a vegetarian to a jamon party. Just prioritise them next time you plan a meal around a haul of foraged mushrooms. As for 'picky' eaters, I don't know any.

I believe that if you invite someone who needs to be accommodated, then you will cook for them. Why invite them if you're only going make them feel unwelcome? That's just rude.

I realize this is veering off topic but it really irks me when groups that have historically had a hard time with having their needs met are rude about having to accommodate someone else. I can't eat wheat (not celiac but I have a severe enough reaction that I don't eat it when I know it could be dangerous/really unpleasant) and was surprised by how rude and obnoxious the server at a local vegetarian restaurant was when I had to ask about different items on the menu. It's a vegetarian restaurant! Catering to a non-mainstream diet is something they should have some experience/empathy with! This was about 8 years ago, so a bit pre-gluten awareness. I haven't been back since and don't know if they've changed. And oddly enough it's not the only vegan/veg restaurant where I've had that experience. It is so wierd to get a deep sigh and an eye roll when I ask if I can just get the contents of hummus sandwich on brown rice instead.

Now, obviously this is totally different from eating in someone's home where they are a) graciously inviting me and b) it's a meal/service that I'm not paying for (and hence should be crazy grateful for). I'm used to not being able to eat most or some of what's available at a dinner party. That's the way it goes!

The question posed in the original piece is flawed - it's ridiculous to compare a home cook hosting a dinner party with busy restaurants serving a chef's signature dishes to paying customers. As someone has already said, why invite people if you can't be bothered to make them feel welcome?

I do agree that if you are inviting someone over to dinner and you know s/he has an allergy or severe food restriction then you should make something they should eat - I don't, however, think that everything needs to be okay for them to eat.

My husband is allergic to nuts; we went to a dinner at someone's house where one of the dishes had cashews. Guess what? He didn't eat it, and wasn't particularly upset that he couldn't. One of my best friends has celiacs. She also doesn't like anything spicy or onions. So if she is coming over, I make sure that there is something she can enjoy, but at the same time, when we had a BBQ, I didn't go out and get gluten free buns or gluten free pasta for the pasta salad. I was careful about cross contamination for the things that didn't have gluten, and let her know what she could eat.

It's one thing if you are having a "whole roasted pork from a hole in my backyard" party - then maybe don't invite the vegetarians because the point of it is to eat the pork. But I'd guess that most of the time, when someone has a dinner party, it's because s/he wants to spend time with their friends, making the food important, but perhaps secondary to the company.

I am hosting a potluck brunch this weekend, and two of my friends have gluten issues and one of those has egg/dairy issues too. What on earth do you make for a brunch that doesn't have eggs bread or dairy in it? Advice would be greatly appreciated. Another bunch are leaning vegan but are definitely vegetarian. I was thinking of going all out and making a breakfast casserole for the regular eaters, and maybe making something crazy like a curry or something for the vegan-dairy-egg/gluten-free crowd. Would a brunch curry be nuts?

Ask ahead for allergies or other medical restrictions so that you can plan around those and know exactly how much accommodation it needs (can't breathe peanut-laced air, or just breaks out when actually consuming peanuts?), offer a variety of dishes so that vegetarians/vegans can have something (which you should be at least halfway doing anyway, to balance the meal), and expect people who just don't really like XX ingredient to tactfully avoid it or (gasp) act like a grownup by shutting up and eating it. Most people with dietary restrictions, willingly self-imposed or tearfully forced to accept, are understanding about this kind of thing, so I can't say I'm going to stress out too much about it. Do what I can, make sure my food won't send anyone to the ER, and focus more on making the rest of the evening enjoyable. Short of allergic reactions, people are much less likely to think it was a horrible evening if they didn't like the food, than if the conversation and group are objectionable, so whatever.