A couple months ago our friends at CHOW asked for your help on a question of etiquette (it was all about saying no politely). Here's another question of kitchen etiquette from CHOW; they (and we!) would love to hear your answers!
It all boils down to this: Do you feel comfortable cooking with guests in the kitchen, and, if not, how do you banish them gracefully? Read on for the full question!
Here's the question from one of CHOW's readers:
When I entertain I like to do most of the prep and cooking in advance, but this isn’t always possible, especially if it’s a big holiday meal. I usually refuse offers of help from guests because it’s more trouble to explain how I want something done than to do it myself.But sometimes a well-meaning guest follows me into the kitchen and tries to “entertain” me while I’m trying to finish up a dish. This is annoying, as I don’t necessarily want my guests to know everything that goes into a dish—like how much butter goes in my Thanksgiving stuffing! Speaking of Thanksgiving, last year my cousin kept me so distracted about her latest bad date that I accidentally poured the gravy down the sink.
If you've indicated you don't need help, is it irritating when a guest hangs around to watch you cook? Do you enjoy having someone to chat to, or do you feel self-conscious? And what’s the most gracious way to banish a guest from the kitchen?
Readers, what do you think?
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It's a difficult balance to strike, because as the host one does feel an obligation to chat and entertain guests. Personally, if it's just a small dinner party, I don't mind talking to guests in the kitchen while I finish up. But for huge undertakings like Thanksgiving, there's simply too much to do to chit-chat (something I'd hope most guests would realize).
Anyway, I can think of two graceful ways to keep the chit-chat out of a busy kitchen. One is if you have a significant other or friend who's helping you host, they can shuttle food from the kitchen to the guest are, and in the process try to police the entryway and keep people out. Most guests won't willfully stand in the middle of traffic flow.
The other is to put guests in the kitchen to work outside the kitchen. Give them a tray of appetizers to carry around, for example. After all, anybody standing in a kitchen is an open target to be put to work.
If all else fails, tell them that you're about to be pulling things out of the oven and moving lots of hot things, and ask them to move outside so you don't burn them.
Usually the same crew comes over to my house whenever I have folks over. My best friend comes into the kitchen to gab and help out and everyone else hangs out in the livingroom. This is a perfect setup (for me, at least) because she and I work really well together and I don't feel like I have to entertain her (or she me) while she's in the kitchen with me.
For everyone else -- I put out drinks and munchies in the livingroom and people tend to congregate around those to eat...and once you get a critical mass in the livingroom, then others who come in usually want to stay there anyways.
one good thing about a small kitchen is there isnt enough room for 2 people, so you dont have to worry about this!
When I hosted Thanksgiving last year, I was the queen of lists. On one, I wrote down tasks that I would feel comfortable delegating to well-meaning people who insisted on helping - jobs like setting out the appetizers, lighting the candles, filling the water glasses, getting drinks for people, etc. My mom was the greatest helper of all. She kept a permanent post at the sink to wash the many, many dishes I accumulated throughout the day. It made clean-up after the kitchen easier to cook in, provided some lovely company and also made the clean-up after the meal much more manageable.
Send them out with a plate of appetizers or a bottle of wine or something. And there's nothing wrong with simply saying nicely that you can't cook with people standing around in the kitchen.
As karenenen said, keep a list of things they can do, either written or in your head - then you won't be caught short when asked if they can help.
We put a linoleum floor in our kitchen, and as a decorative accent, I added a black stripe around the island. When we have big crowds, everyone gathers in the kitchen, not even minding that there aren't enough stools. When it's time for me to get into "game mode" and get dinner on the table. I shout "Behind the black line!" and woe to anyone caught inside of it and in my workspace.
We do all our living/entertaining in our kitchen... I can't stand hovering guests, especially those that sample the fare!!! But when we have folk over my husband, who loves visitors and entertaining, tends to keep the adults engaged getting them drinks and coffee and whatever and I concentrate on food prep and kids - we follow our natural leaning and it works. When an adult comes into my "circle of work" I tend to redirect them back to hubs or give them an errand to run!!!
My roommate and I like to plan our meals together and share, but we've learned that she's really a baker and I'm the chef. While I love having her in the room to talk to or maybe stir a pot, I have a hard time delegating tasks for her to do so I get frustrated when she tries to help.
The same goes for my boyfriend, who clearly feels bad that I'm running around in the kitchen for an hour after work, but he just can't chop as fast as I can, or it would slow me down a lot to explain the plan of attack.
If someone's going to be in the kitchen with me, they can talk to me or they can read the recipe but that's it.
@adamwa, if only this were true! My kitchen is barely big enough for 2 and definitely not big enough for more but I got one friend (at my request) making tea, another starting on dishes and a third hanging out chatting in a galley kitchen about 6 feet long and 2 feet across. I got fed up pretty quick and told them all to skedaddle or at least move to the breakfast area because there just isn't ROOM! I should have tried for more grace, but fortunately, they're good friends and took it well.
Usually, I'm fine with folks in the breakfast area out of my way but if you're in my way, I'm going to shoo you ou pretty quickly. Hot things, sharp things, a guest and a lot of activity is a recipe for disaster.
Haha. I had to do this a couple of weeks ago. My friend is a smoker so I told her to go and have a cigarette. I'm pretty sure she knew what I was trying to do!
My condo is small and has an open kitchen with no walls. I love for my friends to come entertain me while I cook and vice versa.
I generally prefer not to have help in the kitchen beyond "Can you get that thing off the high shelf?" and "Can you take this out to the table?". Luckily, my friends understand that, even though they always ask out of politeness' sake.
However, I do love it when they come and hang out in the kitchen while I'm cooking. They're generally respectful enough to stay out of my way.
For me, most of the time, I live by my mom's (apparent) rule of thumb...If I haven't asked you to be in the kitchen, get out. Luckily, both in her place and mine the dining room is semi attached. Enough so that guests can feel more than welcome to sit at the table to chat. I don't mind this too much and can pretty well pay more attention to the food.
As for how to clear the kitchen? I've always found a general "everybody out!" work's pretty well, maybe not the most civilized but when you've got 11 italian aunts and uncles some of that civilized pretention goes out the window!
Mom has even been known to set up "Do not cross" ropes to the kitchen on major holidays. Now that we're older there are a lot of little things she actually wants help with, and her old school way of mixing...most things....by HAND requires us to be close if there is a spice needed that she forgot.
As for me, I love having an extra hand in the kitchen, then I don't have to go hunting for a spice or anything of that sort. But I have a galley kitchen and suspect the majority of my friends to be smart enough to stay out. i hope.
i was put in charge, without prior notice, of a Christmas dinner at my folks in michigan last year. i live in boston so when everyone (two big families) came over they all wanted to talk and i found it really hard to keep calm over the cooking with all the people in my folks' little kitchen which is also right between the living room and the entryway :(
if the kitchen is more open, like ours here, i'm much more sane. i move a lot in the kitchen and people other than my girlfriend, em, seem to always be in the way :(
somehow, for all of my ocd in the kitchen, i have a reputation for running parties well and often get shoved into the kitchen at them. that, or people don't like me very much and want me out of the way...or both...
I love having company in the kitchen! Especially at Thanksgiving, so I don't feel I'm missing out on conversation, etc. If my kitchen were smaller, though, I would rely on my partner to keep everyone or at least the majority out. Of if guests feel they have to help, tell them to set the table, shell nuts, slice cheese, something not too demanding that they can do on the dining room table or in a small corner of the kitchen.
My mother has always had a strict no guests in the kitchen rule. Growing up with dinner parties with 30-50 guests monthly, I learned at a young age that it was my responsibility to entertain guests, bring out appetizers, get drinks, etc and enforce the do not enter the kitchen rule. So now that I have my own parties, I have never even considered allowing guests in the kitchen. I figure that they come to be entertained and served - and if they see all of the prep work, it takes the fun out of being a guest.
Agree with Marina87, you don't want your guests to see you sweat. At the same time, several (who don't throw parties themselves) will say they feel bad that I'm off on my own rather than enjoying the party. I usually tell them to go make me a drink and often they get waylaid by a conversation at the bar.
My little kitchen is just exactly that, little! Invariably guests come in wanting to chat. They don't offer to help because they know I'm a do it myselfer! I try to have everything done ahead except for some finishing touches and getting everything out all at once. If by chance, someone does offer a hand I send them out to check on guests or kids and that normally means they end up making drinks, washing faces or visiting. Another suggestion, tell your guests to go mingle!
I like all my fingers and assorted flesh and connective tissue intact. So when it comes to 'guests' noising around the prep area when I'm cooking and they haven't heard my rules before they get them then...if you ain't working here, you don't belong here.....OUT!!!!