Don't daydream while grating :)

If your pan catches fire, walk backwards as it remove it from the kitchen to draw flames and smoke away from you.
Be careful with those knives making salsa if you've already had several margaritas.

Use the hand guard that comes with the mandolin!

Don't hold the end of the loaf in your hand to get that last slice. Let it go.

Never cut tomatoes with a very dull knife after having too much wine... also never assume your father owns nice knives, sharpens them or for that matter has a stocked first aid cabinet. Needless to say, I ended up with papertowel and electrical tape holding my thumb on for the rest of the night.

Don't remove the lid carelessly from soup that just came out of the microwave, the steam burns!

Keep blades sharp

Straining to cut with a dull blade is the easiest way to cut yourself (this goes for crafting and home improvement projects, too).

The bread knife can cut more than just bread..

Cut the entire baguette BEFORE you start drinking champagne...

I'd add to use a clean edge can opener vs the serrated edge variety (needed to get stitches at an emergency care center-ouch) and ditto the finger guard on the mandoline.

Lots of smallish lessons: don't walk away from a grill, a broiler, or a pan on high heat. Always keep a bowl of ice water handy when making candy. Keep your knives sharp and pay attention.

But my most serious lesson is also the most obvious, elementary, even embarrassing lesson: never, never, never cut something you're holding in your hand. I lost a chunk of finger, paid a hefty ER bill, and spent several weeks working one-handed. Oops. I'm just lucky it wasn't worse!

1) No, you can't safely cut multiple round objects at a time.
2) Do not wear a shirt that will expose your stomach if you lift up your arms. If you do, you are guaranteed to splatter hot oil or soup on yourself even if you're not usually prone to doing so.
3) The splatter screen is hot too!

I happen to be nursing three injuries from two different occasions due to #2.

Never make caramel in a pan that is smaller than the burner it's sitting on. Otherwise, you might set fire to the towel you are using to pick the pan up. Then you might put the pan back on the burner and flip the towel over your shoulder. Then you might feel your back getting very warm. Then you might scream to your partner who's in the other room, "Am I on fire???" And the answer would be "yes." In short, don't be dumb when you're boiling sugar.

Don't try to catch a glass whatever (French press carafe in this case) as it is impacting hard surface (dishwasher rack) after falling.
If you can catch it midair (or do a hackeysack shoe cradle move to lessen the impact, if you're wearing shoes - I've successfully done this, even in socks once which is not recommended) go for it, but the last second scoop while impacting move gave me a pretty good cut once.

Wusthoff knives demand a blood tribute at least once a year.

The handles on cast iron skillets take a long time to cool down!

And don't add cold water to a hot Pyrex dish.

Blenders and boiling water do not go together.

Guess I have problems with ovens...
1) Don't hold your iPhone with your ear and shoulder while using both hands to take something out of the oven. Your phone will end up IN the oven!
2) Don't surprise/scare/tickle the cook when they're taking something out of the oven.
3) Don't grab the handle of a pan that just came out of the oven.
4) Don't pour cold water in a heated pyrex dish in the oven!

Be careful which burner you turn on. Especially if there's a pyrex baking dish sitting on the OTHER burner.

My stupidest moment was "Don't heat an enameled cast iron pot empty and walk away" That was a pricey mistake.

I think the one that gets me more often than not is that no matter how quick and easy to pick up it looks, don't clean up a broken glass with your hands. I always end up cut.

When you reach down into bottom cabinets, aim for the *center* of the cupboard to prevent unseen splinters from getting jammed up under a fingernail.

Not only was in painful, the ER bill to have it removed was rather hefty.

Stop your, ahem, *professionally trained* chef friend from cooling down that fresh-off-the-boiling-water glass pot lid with cold water in your sink...especially if you don't have a shop vac to suck it our of the disposal with.

@breezyslp: Your story sounds really scary but I can't help laughing aloud at it. Dear me, I can't stop giggling at "Am I on fire???"

Use over mitts... on both hands.

I don't seem to be able to learn this... don't walk away from a faucet running to fill the kitchen sink. Least the floor gets cleaned, and the countertops, and the cupboards, and the rug, etc.

Never reach blindly into the far back of your utensil drawer, especially if where you store your mandoline blades! I nearly lost my entire finger pad (and nearly went to the hospital!) due to that little incident. Luckily I had a friend helping me cook for that dinner party, and he bandaged me up!

After mixing pound cake batter, put it in the oven immediately. You can't just mix it up and leave it on the counter while you run an errand for an hour. The batter turns green as the ingredients react at room temperature. Apparently.

(1) All-Clad saute pans have a long handle. When taking a heavy one out of the oven, fight the urge to choke up on the handle with the potholder, or you will find the end of the handle is now resting on the inside of your wrist/forearm.

(2) If you forget (1), once you realize searing hot metal is pressing into your flesh, do not freeze in inaction dithering about whether you should continue lifting the pan to the stovetop or put it back in the oven.

Scar's still there two years later, and I just found myself doing this again recently. I really need oven mitts.

Electric stove burners heat up VERY quickly.

First move your hand away from the on button, THEN clear food away from the blade of your hand-blender.

The big thing about microwaves is that they heat the food and not the plate ... but some plates didn't learn that in plate school.

Don't let anyone wash your cocktail glasses AFTER drinking cocktails.

1. Always use a thermometer when deep frying.

2. A grease fire in a pan can be put out by simply putting on the pan lid to cut off the oxygen.

(Those two are related. In my defense, I was 9 and unsupervised.)

3. A pyrex pan that is subjected to a huge temperature change too quickly may explode.

Never turn your back on oil heating on the stove, no matter how long the stove takes to heat up! And then once the oil in the wok catches on fire, don't pick it up and try to bring it to the sink, just cover it with a big lid!!! And also be aware of the coils in the oven, and how close your arm/hand is to them...

Carfeful when grating/zesting; those slivers of skin and flesh are impossible to find and leave weird, tiny grooves in my fingers.

Never try to slice bread at 6:30 in the morning, when you are not fully awake yet. I lost a good portion of my thumbnail, but fortunately, didn't cut too deeply into flesh....

Do not attempt to defrost an old freezer with an electric iron.
Do not open the lid of an about-to-boil espresso pot and poke a knife tip into the spout to unclog it.
Do not set a large cut glass tray on a still hot burner.
Do not set out party food within reach of unsupervised pets.

@kay_jay, laugh away, no harm done! I love hearing everyone else's stories! Glad we're all here to share.

@Kate(NC)- Whaaat?! Lol I just saw yours and almost spit out my tea! You tried to defrost a freezer with an iron? Sorry, that visual made me giggle!

And I'm sensing a reoccurring theme here- a ton of people have cracked/ blown up their Pyrex!

Don't de-pit an avocado with a newly sharpened knife!

If you drop it, don't try to catch it mid-air, whatever it is. Just get your feet out of the way and let it fall. If you don't get into this habit, one of these days you'll try and catch the knife you just dropped - ow!

Also, be careful around hot pans. One of my worst ever dinner parties involved OH burning himself on a hot pan, and running to stick his hand under cold water while still shouting instructions to me ("get the pan off the stove, the onions are burning!") I got distracted and burned myself on the exact same pan. Our guests arrived to find us both washing our scalded hands while having a massive row.

Adding cold wine to hot oil without turning down the heat....luckily in my tiny apartment the sink is directly across from the stove so I could immediately put my spattered face under the running faucet while at the same time removing the pan from the element. I'm sure I looked very amusing stretched across my kitchen like that. Sometimes small apartments are a good thing!

That little gadget that comes with the mandolin to grip the food... that's important. You should use that. Especially when trying to julienne jicama. Do not under any circumstances give up on the guard just because you can't seem to get the right angle to apply enough pressure.

Also... do not balance a collander on a sink full of dirty dishes and rapidly dump boiling water in it. It will slosh over the side and your husband will find you pants free in the kitchen, laughing and crying at the same time. Second degree burns on your lady parts are not enjoyable.

Food processor blades are mean. I am aware of an individual that dropped one that penetrated her foot and severed a nerve causing a permanent problem.

If you just can't seem to use the mandoline hand guard - there are some gloves made for cleaning fish that will protect you from cuts.

Always open the oven door all the way when removing something. If you don't, it's easy to touch your forearm to the inside edge of door and it's hard to quickly get it off the heat if you're holding a cake pan.

If you're not going to pay attention to your stovetop espresso thing, at least be in the next room when it explodes.

@breezyslp's lesson cracks me up. i know i shouldn't really be laughing at injuries, though.

never touch melted sugar, and if you do, don't follow it up by bringing finger with said sugar up to your MOUTH.

Never fry churros in a small pan filled with hot oil on a large element. Yikes.

Also - A freshly sharpened knife and re hydrated shitake mushrooms is a very dangerous combination.

Setting your kitchen on fire, on Christmas, requires several glasses of champagne.

im cringing and giggling at the same time....

Always use a thermometer when deep frying on stove.
Don't throw still half frozen "anything" into hot oil, unless you like hot oil splattered "tattoos" on your forearms....

Washing a serrated knife? Point it AWAY from your hand.....(I got stitches in my right index finger and a tetanus shot for forgetting that one)

@CriscoDisco - wüstof knives do demand blood tribute. at least once yearly. which is why i keep mine as sharp as i can. that way the ensuing slice into my finger is almost surgical and it heals quickly.

that's the most important thing i've learned. surprisingly enough, sharp knives inflict less damage.

If you need to put a big heavy glass bowl on top of the refrigerator when that space is already occupied by another big heavy glass bowl, set the first bowl down. Do NOT try to pick up the latter bowl while also holding the former. Furthermore, should you fail to heed this advice & subsequently have a deep cut on your finger (caused by a heavy piece of jagged glass) that bleeds profusely for 45 minutes before petering out, do NOT then immediately proceed to paint walls for the next several hours, unless you would like a cut that bleeds profusely for eight hours. At which point you will probably decide that an emergency room visit might not be such a bad idea after all.

do not- do not- do not while the immersion blender is still plugged in, attempt to unstick the blade with your finger.

i didn't have to get stitches- but i bloodied my friends' apartment pretty badly

Don't cook when you're enjoying cocktails with your guests. Or at least don't chop when you're imbibing ;)

Use really large oven mitts when taking big braising pans out of the oven. I always go too high and burn some part of my hand.

And...amen to keeping cellophane wrap and aluminum foil cutting edge down. How many times have I cut myself on that??!!!

My most recent lesson: No matter how much in a rush you are or how lazy you are to wash/take out a clean cutting board, don't cut bread while holding it in your hand, even with a bread knife!

My New Year's Eve lesson: Don't put oil in a pot and set it on high so that it can get hot faster and turn your back to it. It will catch on fire!

My childhood lesson (and also my parents' lesson) that recently made me realize I had forgotten all about until many glasses at work (I work at a housewares store) fell and shattered: When glass falls and shatters into pieces, the pieces will bounce off the floor and may possibly reach your face and cut you.

When I was about 4 years old, a Coca-Cola bottle (early 1980s and in a different country!) fell off a shelf in my dad's tool shack. The bottle exploded, broke, bounced off and a sharp piece of glass reached my chin, splitting it open and deep. I had to be rushed to the hospital and get stiches right away. Yes, there's a scar (although I don't feel self-conscious about it) and I always feel like any impact there will cause it to open. Although that's probably just trauma on my behalf.

Recently at work, I realized I wasn't being careful around breaking glass and it totally freaked me when a bunch of glasses fell and I didn't really move out of the way, or at least cover my face. I had to walk away and realize the danger I was putting myself in.

PYREX. Exploding pyrex. me too.

If you have the moment where you say to yourself "Oh, this is not a good idea" listen to yourself and stop, you will not be sorry.

always wipe off the bacon grease that slides to the bottom side of the pan when you pour the grease out... lest a grease fire explodes in your face and wipes out your bangs. (or at least wear glasses to save your lashes.)

let the nub go when you slice with the mandoline!!!

If your Wushof santoku, which until this point has been effortlessly slicing through onion, suddenly requires more force, best you check that it's not slicing through your thumb nail and thumb. Also particularly pay more attention if you have ten people arriving for lunch in an hour.

When baking bread, and "spritzing" water with a spray bottle into the blazing hot oven to create steam, do NOT hit the equally blazing hot baking stone with the water stream or dribbles. The stone will not be happy, and neither will you. Also do not hit the glass in the oven door with the water stream or dribbles. Also not a happy moment.

Don't leave the dishwasher door down after emptying (a family member tripped and ended up with a dislocated shoulder), and don't leave the oven door down (I dropped a colander on my Smeg door, which smashed into a million pieces).

We are still looking for the "lesson" in this one....my mom was making bread crumbs for a casserole topping using a mini-food processor and (skipping to the end) somehow landed in the hospital, on oxygen, for three days with stitches in her foot, two cracked ribs and a punctured lung. Not to mention a severely bruised ego! Maybe the lesson is to not buy "mini" appliances? Or more truthfully, if you find yourself cut, get help right away or at least SIT down instead of hopping to the bathroom down the hall leaking blood and then stumbling, falling...and hoping that somewhere along the way there will be a cute paramedic to redeem your carelessness. Now that she is ABLE to laugh, thankfully she is laughing at the unfortunate series of events.

Thirteensocks,

How about 'When treating one injury, take extra care to not cause another'?

This thread is a riot. You all are a funny bunch!

My advice: Do not have a mixture of pans with heat proof handles and non heat proof handles. You will never remember which is which in the moment as something is starting to burn.

Corollary: Do not put dishes with heat proof handles in the oven. They will absorb heat, you will forget that, and you burn the bejeezus out of your whole hand.

If you are prone to dropping things as you cook, do not let your dog sleep on your feet as you cook... no matter how happy he is to be there and how cold your kitchen floors are.

Lastly: Do not wash all your kitchen towels and oven gloves at the same time while prepping for a dinner party.

Never EVER switch spoons while one is dripping 120 degrees hot melted sugar. I have a 6 inch sized scar to prove it. And don't lick the sugar

Don't use a damp towel or pot holder to get something out of the oven. Damp cloth conducts heat.

Never use a fork to break a plastic seal. Especially a fork pointed down towards your thumb.

Oh, I've done so many of these. For me, caramel making requires absolute concentration and focus. Also, don't stick your hand into the toaster oven - there's a reason the tray pulls out.

I forgot this one....

Do not put ceramic coffee mugs in the microwave. And if you accidentally do, don't grab the handle of the mug.

@JosieWales: I read your post aloud to my boyfriend and the first thing out of his mouth was "that sounds JUST like you". I've been in that exact position before. Except they were my own knives (shame...).

@Everyone - I'm simultaneously shuddering and giggling. Thank you for sharing! May we all be safe in the kitchen this week...

Don't put a silpat in the broiler. Oy vey. And ditto on the pyrex. Also the hot sugar. Why is our first reaction to HOT FINGER! to put it in our mouth! I have burnt my tongue a thousand times that way.

Don't let your 15 year old (*cough*me*cough*) cook with oil at 2am. Especially when it involves cold wet things. I had no skin on my hand for a month.

Also don't let your Dad hardboil eggs when his shunt isn't working properly. He forgot about it, took a nice long nap and we were still finding pieces of egg when we moved out of that house.

My hint is: don't rub your eyes after cutting jalapeños.

Don't hold an avocado half in the palm of your hand and then try to remove the pit by jabbing it with the tip of a sharp knife. It took a while to regain feeling in my middle finger after stabbing myself deeply at the base.

No knives in the sink. Always wear gloves when washing dishes.

Lesson learned from my mom: don't cook grease on high heat when you are frying stuff. A bright blue plume of fire flew up and singed a fair amount of my mom's hairspray laden hair and her forehead with it. I think she even threw the pan in the sink with water to make matters worse, but I was a little kid so memory is a bit dodgy.

On a personal note, that darn mandolin has gotten me twice. I also sliced my thumb three times in three days all because of where I placed it while slicing something. I also managed to slice my thumb on a tuna can when I slipped and got it on the serrated edge of the pull tab lid. Sadly, for as long as I've used a knife, this year is the most I've cut it in my life so far.

When frying, never trust that the oil your roommate gave you to use was the high flash point one you asked for, and not the low flash point one that was hidden, and there was no real way for him to find.

Also, when asked the question "Why is the kitchen on fire" don't answer "I don't know...why IS the kitchen on fire"

Don't cook on a gas stovetop in loose clothing, like a bath robe. You may feel something warm and realized the robe's on fire. Your spouse may have to rescue you by ripping the robe off, stomping the fire out and throwing the robe out the back door with a look of, "I can't believe you" on their face.

How's this: Don't leave a cake on the stovetop and then go out for a few hours, leaving your smart and hungry lab at home alone...

Friends of my husband did just that, years ago when he was a kid. When the dog jumped up to munch on the cake, he hit the burner switch on the stove and set the entire kitchen on fire.

We still have a rule in our house to NEVER leave anything on the stovetop. (Even though we don't have a dog.)

1.) Don't get distracted and cook your finger to the bottom of the oven.
2.) Look before walking to the sink with a pot full of hot water.
3.) Keep parents out of kitchen and save grief of +4 house fires.
4.) Never leave a the kitchen when cooking, you'll burn the food.
5.) Keep everyone out of your kitchen.

6.) Never let your brother near a microwave after watching an action film with lots of bombs.
7.) Never let your mom watch "mythbusters" kitchen episode and then try to recreate it.
8.) If you hear an explosion run.
9.) Towels on burners that are on is not good.
10.)Don't let your dad light the creamer on fire because he watched "bill nye" do it.

This list could go on and on. ... :D

*everything on this list has either happened to me or my parents did it etc.

Never duct-tape oven mitts to your hands, or strap a colander to your face in an attempt to rid the kitchen of an angry swarm of bees. Also, holding a flaming pan of oil in said oven-mitts fails to smoke them out, as it only sets you on fire and flailing about with a colander on your face only makes you look like Jason Vorhees having a seizure. Oh, college.

When removing a hot pan from the stove:

Potholder/oven mitts = good
Dishtowel = bad
Knitted dishcloth = worst

I don't know what I was thinking. The pan burned my hand through the holes in the knit, and the edge of the cloth fell down on the burner and caught fire.

Don't deep fry things in a shallow pan without a thermometer to keep track of the temperature while wearing a bikini. 1 large splash = 2nd degree burns on my face, arms, chest, and abdomen