'Tis the season and no one knows it better than The Kitchn's writers during Cookie Week. After being invited to our fair share of cookie swaps this season, we noticed trends in the way hostesses arrange the logistics and the way participants talk about the treats they bring to share. We started to wonder if there was such a thing as cookie swap etiquette.
Interestingly enough, Time Magazine just did a piece that discussed just this topic:
• Read it: Cookie Swaps:Sweet and Also Stressful
It turns out cookie swaps aren't always all sugar and spice. They are equal parts pressure, competition, and judgment. Hostesses often make their own sets of rules, ranging from no chocolate chip cookies to stringent RSVP guidelines.
Participants also hold high expectations of each other; if you spent four hours on your batches, you expect the same from others and look down upon those who did the slice-and-bake sugar cookies from the supermarket. We're thinking this kind of swap may defeat the point of getting together and sharing in the holiday spirit, but we also wonder if it's perhaps inevitable when you get together a roomful of ambitious bakers.
Do you feel as though cookie swaps are often more like contests than joyful respites from the hustle and bustle? Do you have any tactics for making them more enjoyable and much less stressful?
Related:
• Hosting a Cookie Exchage: 5 Sweet and Simple Tips
• Cookie Swap by Julia M. Usher
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I avoid them. Why trade away your special Christmas cookies for the everyday chocolate chip and peanut butter cookes that inevitably fill the table?
I've never heard of people having a cookie swap.
I have been disappointed at every cookie swap I have been to recently. If I wanted Pillsbury, I would have gone to my grocery store and bought some. At the last swap, someone actually broken open the sticker on the clear plastic container of cookies they bought on their way to the swap.
I don't find them akin to a contest but do get a little irked when people bring just the standard cookies such as choc chip, oatmeal raisin, etc and would appreciate it if all attendees put some effort into their creations.
I bring cookies to work every holiday season, and participate in the potluck lunch, but I am with allisen1 as far as the swap goes, as well as the secret Santa shennanigans. The people I work with frequently bring slice-and-bake or store bought cookies. The "funnest" exchange I ever went to was a post-holiday elephant prize gift exchange where we exchanged silly gifts we had recieved and didn't want. I ended up with a velvet Elvis painting!
If it tastes great, bring it, that is the rule for my annual holiday cookie swap party. Why make someone who doesn't like to bake, bake? They may know where to get the best cookies in town, and if so, they can bring those. And I'll continue to make French macarons and pat myself in the back and eat whatever that is put on the cookie buffet table.
i've never heard of a cookie swap either. it sounds like a delicious idea, but i definitely understand why people would want to skip them, or have strict rules.... i mean, if i put tons of effort into a new recipe or decorating cookies just so, only to find that others had made quick and easy cookies i think i'd be bummed.
still, what an idea. mmmmm.
I haven't ever been to one. My mom participated in her office's optional/voluntary cookie "swap" by having several of her homemade cookies on a plate on her desk for anyone to sample. If they liked them she had a treat bag filled with them right beside the plate. Needless to say, she came home with NO leftovers.
Hostesses? I just got invited to a cookie swap hosted by a guy.
My officemates have tried to organize them, but they have foundered on the baker/non-baker divide. Also, my Xmas cookies are heavy on the nuts, which is expensive! I don't want to trade away all those almonds and pistachios for grocery store cookies, either. I think this works best with a small group of friends who know each other and know each other's baking.
The one and only cookie swap I have participated in was organized by a male, so maybe you should change your assumptions that only "hostesses" have parties like this.
We had a cookie exchange at my old job. We all had lockers (that no one locked), and everyone was supposed to bring cookies over a couple of days. By the end of the second day, our lockers were stuffed and overflowing with treats and holiday cheer!! It was so delightful. It never even occurred to me to be upset that some people may have put in less time than I did. It was just all about sharing abundance and happiness in the holiday season.
One rule of ettiquette I wish was standard: ingredients labeling. I haven't been to a cookie swap in years, because I have some weird (non-top 8) food allergies, and it's hard to hunt down every person at the party to ask what's in what. So I skip the cookie swaps and just bake a variety of cookies at home!
Whenever I've participated in a cookie swap, I like to bake to share with others. I'm not an accomplished baker, by any means, but I'm also not a supermarket slice n bake person. That said, I am happy to share my creations with people, regardless of what they bring, because it's "that time of the year." I don't do it to feel good about my baking in comparison, or like I need a quid pro quo, or any other motive that isn't rooted in just wanting to share. I'm sure the non-bakers just want to share too, so maybe all the judgemental master bakers I've encountered (no hate on everyone, just the judgy ones!) can just zip it and enjoy. It's not about who can make the most delightful this or scrumptious that, or whether your hours of slaving will be rewarded. It's about sharing. If you don't want to be disappointed and can't bear to trade away your high falutin' cookies, then make something simpler or bow out.
Ok, sorry, cookie swap rant over (never did I think I would utter that phrase haha)
This year I avoided the "exchange" and felt completely homesick so I put a spin on it and did a virtual cookie exchange with some of my dearest and closest out of state friends. It did not make up for actually having them in my kitchen but it sure gave me some warm feelings of getting together and after all-in my humble opinion that is what it's all about not who brought the "martha" or "slice n bake" It's the lovely cooks (male or female) behind them. I'm jus sayin! You can read about my exchange here. www.girlgonegrits.com
For me its about getting my friends together. So I just ask if they are making a common kind of cookie to let me know so that we don't end up with 5 people making chocolate chip. But I love a good chocolate chip and adore snickerdoodles, so if I can spend my time on more complicated cookies that help me elevate my skill and still end up with a few snickerdoodles, I'm a happy camper. I do hint that anyone planning to slice and bake do something to make them "semi-homemade" but that's it.
I agree totally with smellykelly! I bake to share with others and enjoy getting together with my friends and sampling what they have made no matter how much effort they put in.
No exchange here, we go for a full on competition.....may the best cookie win. It's lots of fun and we usually get about 20 entries and 30-40 tasters. It's early enough in the season that we get great ideas and can try out new recipes.
We have a stealth cookie swap---we only ask those who bake. This is our second year and there are only 4 of us. Last year it was awesome. We had everything from the baked mint chocolate thumprints to linzer cookies to a homey coconut kiss cookie. This year there is only one rule, bring what you want in the quantity you want---mexican chocolate mini doughnuts with toasted marshmallow frosting--yes please. The key as far as I'm concerned is exclusivity, perhaps not a very Christmas-like sentiment but we already have a potluck to share with the coworkers, why not do a little something for us?
I have been to ONE cookie exchange in my life. I went with my mother and we had made her classic sugar cookies. Some women had done AMAZING little fancy treats, others had just dolled up the slice and bakes. Hoenstly I just remember how divine it was to have tons of cookies to try! I don't care where they come from or how fancy they are, the real treat is getting to try them all!
I host a cookie swap every year. It's a small-ish group (usually 6-10 people) made up of a group of close friends. My only rule is that whatever you bring has to be homemade. If you don't bake or don't have time to bake, come to the party anyway, but don't bring store-bought cookies. It's really more about the company than about the cookies, but this group (mostly) enjoys baking, so it's a good reason to get together.
I have the opposite problem as most of you with my office cookie swap - if it's not plain chocolate chip/from the supermarket then it's deemed "weird" and "gross" and I end up bringing the whole plate home with me again to eat by myself.
That said, looks like I'll have a whole batch of Earl Gray cookies all for me this year. :D
@Positively Bleak, I had an office like that, too! So weird. I was the exotic strange one because I got lunch from Whole Foods every once in a while... and it wasn't just mac n cheese, chicken fingers, and baked ziti.
I love the idea of an exclusive bakers cookie swap-- that would be the perfect solution to the frilly intricate cookie debate. And the regular office one or potluck can be anything goes!
Effort is relative. For a non-baker, making chocolate chip cookies from scratch is a lot of effort, and therefore equal to the effort an experienced baker puts into her beautifully decorated spritz cookies.
This seems like the silliest thing in the world to get upset about.
This is exactly why I only do cookie swaps with my closest, most relaxed friends, not co-workers or classmates or friends with competitive cooking ambitions: because I want to be sure we have loose, easy expectations and that we'll have fun, not sweat the details.
When I get invited to a cookie swap with strict rules or high expectations, I pleasantly decline the invitation. There's nothing wrong with those rules or expectations or the people who prefer them, but for me that's too much pressure at an already busy and stressful time of year.
I love to cook elaborate dishes and take time to make them look and taste special, but if I'm doing a cookie swap, it's a way to take some of the holiday pressure off our shoulders and have a good time with a few friends. The last thing I need is to find myself judging or being judged over cookies.
I opted to not participate in this year's cookie swap because I was sick of bringing home dozens of crappy cookies. I would try a new recipe every year... something slightly unusual. I would do a test batch the weekend before, and then spend the night before the swap baking forever only to come home with pasty tasting shortbread, and the basic chocolate chip cookie with what ever junk someone had in their cubbard. People should be proud of what they are sharing.
i went to a vegan cookie swap last year; I got to try some great cookies; but there were pretty much only three types of cookies: chocolate, ginger, and peanut. since I cannot eat chocolate nor peanut; I didn't enjoy it too much.
it almost sounds as if people are expecting others to do things for them......doesn't sound too healthy. (in terms of wanting the swap to be a certain way)
The (virtual) Gluten Free Cookie Swap on facebook just logged in with over 75 recipes shared in only 1 month! It's been super fun and inspirational. I highly recommend!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Gluten-Free-Cookie-Swap/173093222705070
I love potlucks and cookie exchanges and the like, and while I prefer to make something more interesting, don't mind at all if people do something easy. BUT I am vegan--my own choice, I know. I don't expect to be catered to by my coworkers or every host/ess at every party, but really NO ONE in my circle of acquaintances even tries to bring something vegan. This also goes for my coworkers with allergies--one lady I work with is allergic to gluten, but no one in the office ever brings anything gluten free. It's sad! And yes, I know, being vegan is different because I chose that, but still--it would be nice to have someone try.
I don't go to cookie swaps to make out with a batch of primo cookies at the end of the day. I go to enjoy time with my friends and bake/eat some tasty treats!
It's not about winning or losing, or getting a return on your cookie investment. Bake something yummy and go have fun!
We have a cookie swap every year at my work. There is a no rice crispie treat clause and that is the only rule.
I was quite disappointed last year when the majority of the cookies I got in the swap were quite inedible my sister and I had a lot of fun trying them all and gasping in horror, we actually made a really fun game of it behind closed doors.
Anyway I decided to have another go of it this year and was pleasantly surprised, most of them were passable.
Although I agree that it sucks when you spend time making something wonderful only to exchange it for something disappointing...
It's Christmas!!!!!!!! It's supposed to be fun and be a good reason to have some smiles and share some cheer.
At the very least... you could always think about it as if taking pity on the people who can't bake to save their lives and spreading some edible homemade cheer their way... they clearly need it!
I've never been to a cookie swap!
I am organizing the first-ever cookie exchange at my workplace this year, having done it in previous offices. There's definitely a baker/non-baker element, where the novices may bring more year-round cookies. But I have a personal rule never to turn down snickerdoodles!
@K8lin04 I like the no rice krispy treat rule! I think as long as someone makes an effort, their contribution is welcome...but we'll see after Monday!
Who cares? I think that if you have an allergy it's your responsibility to share that with the host, and the host's responsibility to convey that to the guests. Other than that, for me at least, the joy of the cookie exchange is bringing home TONS of treats to look at, eat, and enjoy as another excess in this season of many excesses. I've participated in a party for three years with decorating AND an exchange, and it's delightfully relaxed and open to bakers of all skill levels and passions.
Never been to one, but if I was invited, it would never even occur to me to bring store-bought cookies. I'd honestly think it was rude, not to mention TACKY for someone to show up to a party that's specifically about home-baked goods with a plastic package from the store or slice-n-bake cookies. Then again, I always think it's cheating when someone shows up to a potluck with a bucket of KFC, so maybe I'm just a snob.
I hosted a cookie swap last weekend, and my only "rule" was please no chocolate chip cookies, and I asked everyone to bring at least 2 to 3 dozen cookies to share, because the more everyone made, the more everyone would get to take home. My only disappointment was one guest made not quite 2 dozen of her no-bake oatmeal "cow pie" cookies, but she brought her 7 year old daughter and the daughters friend (with no cookies brought for them) and all 3 filled up boxes with cookies to take home. I just didn't think that it was fair that everyone else that worked so hard on beautiful, yummy cookies didn't get to take as many home... but that's just me. and I agree with laurabellk that i think it would be rude to show up at a cookie swap with store bought cookies. one person at mine wasn't really a baker, but she makes awesome candy, so she brought that instead. and to me that was great!
Cookie swaps aren't for me. The thing I love most about this season is being to do all the baking I want without having to eat it all. I love the old tradition of giving tins of cookies away as gifts.
The one etiquette suggestion I applaud is @ametrine's for ingredients labeling. While it's unlikely I'll remember all the food allergies and dietary choices in a large group (plus their families' preferences, which I may never have been told), I'm totally up for taking a couple minutes to make it possible for eaters to make an informed choice of whether a buffet-type item is safe for them.
Oddly, if a cookie exchange straight-up said "all cookies must be vegan, gluten-free, and without nuts," I'd probably try to rise to the challenge. It's the hidden expectations that make me nervous.
Thanks for all of your great comments! Yikes... let's change hostesses to be gender neutral. To be honest, the only two swaps I've been to have been hosted by men as well so certainly no ill will towards our male baking counterparts. Thanks for your feedback, ya'll. Happy baking.
I'd rather have a chocolate chip cookie and a glass of milk over any other kind...
I love baking, but to me, it seems silly for anyone to be upset about a cookie swap. And what's with the anti-chocolate chip cookie sentiment? True, they're not fancy, but come ON... chocolate chip cookies are DELICIOUS.
@dixie368 How rude! I wouldn't have blamed you if you had a word with her to not steal cookies from the other participants. Having children with you is not license to let them take whatever they want.
@dixie368 How rude! I wouldn't have blamed you if you had a word with her to not steal cookies from the other participants. Having children with you is not license to let them take whatever they want.
We do a swap at work and the only rules are *must be homemade*, must be a little fancier than just plain chocolate chip, and you make a half doz cookies per person that is on the Exchange list.
Maybe we're really lucky, but the cookies are always great and with that much selection, I don't have to bake anything else over the whole holiday.
Six of my co-workers and I had a cookie exchange this year. There absolutely were rules -- no slice and bake, no bars, and no chocolate chip cookies. It was fun, but I'll admit that I was a bit underwhelmed by the spread. I adore baking and it didn't really bother me that I spent several hours on my sour cream almond sugar cookie cut-outs with glaze while others may have spent far less time (re-reading this -- it seems like I am being sarcastic or passive aggressive -- but really! I love baking and enjoy the zen moments of just me and my kitchen aid mixer). I think doing something you enjoy and sharing it with others is far more important then being bitter about the type of cookie or time spent. However -- I am not exactly sure how and if some of the rock hard cookies will be eaten and because of that -- I guess -- I will probably refrain from the exchange and just share my love of baking with friends and family, not asking for anything in return.
This seems like the silliest thing in the world to get upset about.
Ditto.
There absolutely were rules -- no slice and bake, no bars, and no chocolate chip cookies.
No bars? Some of my favorite, most decadent baked goods are bars.
Curious about the phrase "stringent RSVP guidelines." You mean, a host/hostess asking people to RSVP to an event in a timely fashion so they can plan and prepare and then expecting that person, barring illness or other crisis, to honor that RSVP and show up to the event? That seems like old-fashioned, good manners to me, "stringent" or no!
I've only ever done this with a small group of friends, all of whom bake. We also did the cookie baking together, which was lots of fun. To me, a cookie swap is all about baking, so I just don't get the point of inviting non-bakers. Have a cookie-eating party for those friends! :)
I can see that since the idea is generally to go home is a big variety of cookies when you've only had to make one kind, that it would sort of defeat the point to go home with store-bought cookies (unless they were super-fancy bakery ones, not stale supermarket in-the-package ones). To be honest though, I'm not that interested in cookie swaps at xmas because I personally just want my same few traditional holiday cookies.
This year I organized cookie making weekends through the month of December. Each weekend I opened my kitchen up to those who wished to make Christmas cookies with me. It was lots of fun and really simple, because everyone brought 1 recipe (or more if they wanted) with the ingredients necessary to make them. Then we simply shared the fruits of our labors amongst ourselves. Everyone left satisfied after spending the afternoon together, floured hands sipping hot wine for the grown-ups (and hot apple cider for the munchkins), mixing, rolling cookie-cutting... Definitely something to do again next year!