When the weather starts getting just a smidge warmer, it's time to invite friends over. Time to gather outdoors; catch up on each other's lives; talk about family, kids, work, and summer plans. And many of us don't have dinner parties at home because it causes a large amount of stress and clouds the entire work week. You may decide you don't really enjoy hosting them after all. Guess what? It doesn't have to be that way.
In an effort towards complete self-disclosure, these tips are relatively new to me and I'm learning just like many of you. I'm a stereotypical first child and a classic Type-A personality: I like things to be perfect. This trait, I've found, is what causes all that dinner party stress because you envision everything a certain way and want it to be just so. But there's a way to compromise with yourself, loosen up, and learn to enjoy your own parties. Take it from me.
5 Tips for a Stress-Free Dinner Party1. Don't Aim to Please Everyone: These days, with numerous dietary restrictions and personal preferences, you're simply not going to be able to please everyone. Just set that wish at the front door and leave it outside. Choose a nicely varied menu that you're excited about and chances are, that excitement will rub off on your party guests. The really memorable parties, after all, are the ones with a little something unexpected, yes?
2. Choose Your 3 Mains: O.k., you're reading that and starting to add on layers of stress thinking you need three main dishes. Like we just discussed, each appetizer or side dish isn't going to please everyone, so at our house we choose the three "stars" of the night, the things we're really excited about and think our guests are going to love. The rest is filler in a way: It rounds out the rest of the meal. For example, we just hosted an appetizer-heavy housewarming party and our three "mains" were homemade Cheez-Its, hot roasted nuts, and homemade baba ganoush. We knew people would love each (and they did), we worked the hardest to get them just right, and filled in the rest of the table with simple olives, meats and cheeses.
3) Plan Ahead; Shop the Day Before: There are all different kinds of party personalities. Identify yours and learn to accommodate it. If you're like me and you're a born planner, plan away! Make lists, shop ahead. If you thrive on a little bit of last-minute pressure, go with that instead. Having said that, I would recommend that regardless of your party personality, you really should plan to shop the day before so you're not rushing around trying to find ingredients on the day of the party.
4) Ask for Help: Sure, we all know you can probably pull this off on your own. But why not divvy up the responsibility where you can? If your partner isn't great in the kitchen, perhaps he or she can help you pick up the house instead. If your girlfriends want to come over early, let them! Pour a glass of wine and put them to work.
5) Let Loose: For me the most important part of a dinner party is letting myself relax. At a certain point, a few minutes before everyone is to arrive, there's not much that can be perfected. It is what it is and everyone will be gracious and happy to be in one another's company. Join them. After all, isn't that the reason you're throwing the party in the first place?
What are your own personal tips and keys to throwing a dinner party in the most stress-free way possible?
Related: Dinner Party Etiquette: When to Serve Coffee and Tea?
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Make everything in advance! Lol. Unless you adore spending hours slaving in the kitchen (which, admittedly, sometimes I do), you will have a much better time at your party if you serve it buffet-style and make up just about everything in advance. Keeping most things simple (as you suggested) also helps. I always want to make EVERYTHING from scratch, but those homemade crackers or pita bread or what have you always end up taking back seat to less time-consuming and higher-impact dishes. In addition, making things in advance means you can clean up in advance - so that your kitchen (which is the entryway in my house) can stay relatively clean and embarrassment-free for you and your guests. Everyone hangs out in the kitchen anyway, so having it clean and presentable always lowers my stress level. Oh, and no one cares about one or two dirty dishes in the sink - it's the pile of them that is embarrassing.
I always save a few simple things until last minute (like slicing up vegetables for dipping, or plating things), just in case a friend shows up early and wants to help. Having one or two hot dishes (crockpotted things in the winter are nice - oven-roasted fresh veggies or broiled things wrapped in bacon are nice year-round) makes it feel more like a meal. And if you've got the time, you can't go wrong with homemade bread. With some flavored butter it is always a hit.
Also, using your oven for things like frying bacon or crisping up ramps instead of doing it stove-top can save time, clean-up, and your outfit.
If you and your guests are expecting something casual, don't hesitate to take people up on offers to help (unless it's to do the dishes - I never let guests do the dishes if I can help it). Lighting candles, plating dishes for the buffet, setting out silverware and napkins, slicing and dicing veggies or fruit - these are all really simple tasks that generally have to be done last-minute and if you can delegate, that leaves time for you to freshen up, pop open a bottle of wine, or check on those hot appetizers one last time before pulling them out of the oven.
One last thing - Enjoy yourself! I've learned that your guests will always be more comfortable and have a better time if you're NOT running around like a crazy person getting things ready last-minute or refilling everyone's drinks every 5 seconds or checking on everyone to make sure they're okay. constantly. Let your guests serve themselves, have their own conversations, and enjoy themselves. Let them know what to do with dirty dishes, that it's okay to open another bottle of wine, and where the bathroom is. After that they'll take care of themselves.
Put someone in charge of serving drinks, buy some great appetizers, cheeses and dessert so you have fewer things to cook from scratch yourself, and DELEGATE.
And it does take practice. Each time gets a bit easier.
I second Victoriam, the first couple times it's hectic and mistake-laden, but after a couple dinner parties you figure out what works, what your friends like, what's easy etc and it's actually a really fun time.
Don't worry about whether the dishes you've planned will make enough food for everyone - pretty much everyone I know who worries about that never has to, it only happens with people who don't worry about it, so I think we insure ourselves against it subconsciously :)
Also, if your guests say, "what can I bring?" and there IS something that would be helpful because you can't handle it soup-to-nuts today, say salad, bread, or dessert: something they can just pick up at the store on the way or assemble at your place so they don't have to cook.
Base timelines on when guests tend to arrive, too - I don't even bother trying to have things ready by the time I've asked people to show up, because in a group of my friends, the odds are that none of them are going to show up earlier than 10 minutes late, and someone is going to be 30-40 minutes late. Food getting cold really bothers me so I aim to serve drinks and have salad or appetizers immediately, but then the actual dinner comes out 30-45 minutes later. This is so common among my friends when they host that everyone expects it.
1) Do what you can in advance, it's what freezers were made for;
2) Buy in what makes sense/what you don't like to make (olives, a killer dessert, good bread, cheeses);
3) Clean up & if possible, set up the table the day before;
4) Stop stressing & enjoy it!
Soup party!! Spend most of the day just letting it simmer away while you clean and throw dessert together, and have someone bring some spiffy cheese and someone else bring some nice wine. Voila!