I host a soup night at my house ...well, it used to be monthly but now it seems to be semi-annually. I make a huge pot of soup, everyone else brings apps, salad and dessert. One time I had vegetarians, my mom who can't have wheat and a friend who is allergic to tomatoes. I made a veggie soup, kept the pasta in a different pot (which i like doing anyway so the noodles don't get mushy), had chopped tomatoes as a topping (it was summer) and crispy pancetta as a topping as well.

Everyone could eat, everyone could enjoy and it really wasn't any harder...except for making sure the right person got the right bowl!!

My friends and I recently ran into this problem. My husband and I are vegetarians, our friend is paleo, another is gluten free, and the rest are full on omnivores. As a result, we decided on a pizza bar. The friend who hosted made the appropriate types of pizza dough, whole wheat, gluten free, coconut flour based, etc. The rest of us brought all the toppings. I brought soy sausage, peppers, caramelized onions, etc. Others brought pepperoni, veggies, cheeses, etc. It definitely worked - and as a bonus, all of our kids had fun making their own pizzas and housed their dinners. I highly recommend.

Always our first step is to speak to the guests. The ones with specific diets first, then everyone else. Luckily we have small dinner parties anyway (plus I'm gluten free and former vegetarian). Talk to the guests and run recipes by them. Our goal is to make our guests feel special. We're lucky to have friends that in turn do all they can to reduce OUR stress. That's what friends do.

For informal gathering we have potlucks; they are usually themed so that the various dishes go together. We've done tostadas, tacos, soups, pizza, and grill nights. I always suggest that the guests bring something that their families enjoy regardless of how others may be eating, and I also request some sort of identification for the dish.

If it is a meal I am cooking completely I will generally cook gluten free, but other than that not every dish is going to please every person. So I might make a braised meat, serve a couple of vegetarian side dishes, a couple of vegetables side dishes, and a salad. Someone following a paleo diet could have the meat, vegetables, and salad, a vegetarian could have the side dishes, vegetables, and salad, and the omnivores and gluten free could eat everything that they wished to eat. For a brunch there will most likely be a dish that has gluten, but there will still be plenty to choose from for a gluten free eater.

Really, I am willing to cook to avoid triggering food allergies and intolerances but I won't cater to food preferences. Having food allergies myself I am accustomed to not being able to eat everything served at a dinner party and I would consider it rude for a person who chooses a diet for non allergy or ethical reasons to expect me to accommodate them 100%. If someone is allergic to nuts I won't use them in anything and will be especially careful with my kitchen, but if someone eats paleo as a personal choice I expect them to understand that eating at the home of a non-paleo eater means that the meal won't be 100% paleo. Sharing meals is about community and fellowship and my home is not a restaurant.

We frequently host friends with a variety of dietary restrictions (vegan, pescatarian, gluten-free), and we generally keep it friendly by making sure there's at least one hearty side that can double as main for those who have special requirements. At our last party, we served a roast chicken as protein (gluten-free), but had potatoes and chickpeas with romesco (vegan), roasted root veggies, and a big crisp salad (both gluten-free and vegan). Everyone had a couple of options to choose from, and it was all delicious for the omnivores!

My mom recently hosted a reception for my brother's wedding, since none of our extended family had been able to make it to the real event. My brother and his wife are pescatarian, one of my other brothers and his wife are vegetarians, and my entire extended family is glatt kosher. My mom ended up buying food from our local kosher market and got knishes, hummus, salmon, and kugel. This was particularly good because the dairy lunch (fish doesn't count as meat in kashrus) allowed us to have a cake that was made with real butter and milk.

We tend to do this kind of thing in my family a lot now. Especially on Thanksgiving, we make everything except the main meat dish vegetarian and we make a meat-free alternative. I would especially consider the aspects of the meal that I think are most important or that I want most. Like desert- if a gluten-free friend comes over, I should probably make pudding or something else like it that she can eat. It's also good to consider a meal in components. If you make a lot of small dishes people can pick and choose what they want/ are able to eat. Having two vegetable dishes, a grain, and a protein gives you a really good variety and a lot of flexibility, since every one of those things can be tweaked to individual needs. Obviously this is a lot, but it depends on what you're doing. When I get dinner with my vegetarian brother, I make sure we make something we both like without meat, like dumplings.

You're happiness, in terms of your food preferences and sanity, is just as important as that of your guests, so start with what you like and break it down into what you need for it to be pleasing to you, and what you need to change to make it acceptable to your guest.

I try to make sure there is enough variety that everyone in attendance can eat a full meal, even if they can't eat every dish.

At my recent birthday party, we had 10 omnivores and six specialty variety diets:
- gluten-free/dairy-free
- vegetarian
- no red meat, no pork
- allergic to mozzarella, no pork
- allergic to tomatoes
- allergic to cinnamon

The key was a thoughtful menu and descriptive written labels for the food. We did:
- Smoked beef brisket (making sure no tomatoes or gluten in the bbq sauce) and smoked chicken (same bbq sauce) sliders. Gluten free girl could eat just the meat.
- Beet salad (good for all with a dairy-free mayo)
- Mac and cheese (good for all but the gluten-free/dairy-free girl and it made a good main dish for the vegetarian)
- crazy good cream cheese, bacon, cheese dip (the only thing totally wiped out, despite that four guests couldn't eat it)
- Chocolate cake (only the gluten-free/dairy-free guest couldn't have it)
- Gluten-free/dairy-free snickerdoodles (I made this so my gluten-free/dairy-free guest could have more dessert than the dark chocolate squares she usually brings to parties. The only person who couldn't eat them was my allergic to cinnamon guest).

So there wasn't a single dish that everyone could eat, but no one left hungry, even gluten-free/dairy-free girl. She was touched that I labeled everything and that I made a special dessert for her (which was delicious and easy). Also, lots of booze.

Find friends that actually enjoy food, they are generally happier people anyway!

Ouch. Insensitive. Some people have legitimate allergies/sensitivities/beliefs. I eat Paleo at home because I'm prone to gaining weight. I love food, and I don't feel deprived or unhappy. Also I think my gluten-free friends and my vegetarian friends are no less happy than anyone else.

The last time I cooked for people with a variety of differences, I ended up making a vegetable biyrani as the main (gluten-free and vegan), with a yogurt sauce to go with (more protein for our veggie friends), with lamb meatballs for the carnivores (like me). It was fantastic.

I see it as a fun challenge to try to make tasty food that accommodates my friends' different diets.

If the group has to be large and there are a lot of conflicts, it would require spending more than I can afford on speciality flours, meats, etc (I usually cook simply and vegetarian), or I would have to make more dishes than I can handle...let's just say we're having a potluk or simply meeting for drinks. Usually it's easy to find a vegan dish that fits everyone's restrictions, though...except for paleo people, none of whom I know. I have no sympathy for paleo, given that it's a choice that doesn't mesh with my cooking style or my knowledge of the actual Paleolithic, so I would probably just invite those people for another activity.

I'm hosting passover/easter brunch at the end of the month with a couple vegans and one gluten-free guest - most things will be vegetarian (omnivores get bacon on the side) but I can use the base ideas of those dishes to make them vegan and/or gf so everyone gets to enjoy the same things and has a variety of options to eat.

It is a little more work for me, certainly. But that is part of the fun of hosting dining parties.

This brings up the responsibility of not only the host but the guest as well. If a guest tells you they have allergies it is NOT the same thing as "demanding" you accommodate them. I've been to parties where the host freaks out if I'm not eating the cookies or bread, and I'm asked if it is because it tastes bad. At that point I'm forced to tell about my allergy, so I'm not being demanding.

(I got this when I was a vegetarian too. People would freak out so bad and get so defensive I soon, like my vegetarian friends, hid my diet. People who get defensive over varying diets can give as good as they get).

Sometimes I let the menu dictate the guests. For example, if I really want to throw a pizza night I might not invite my gluten intolerant friends, (and I'll catch them on taco night in a few weeks). I can't invite everyone anyway, so this is just as good a way to narrow down the guest list. It can be much easier than trying to cobble together a coherent meal out of everyone's very different diets, which can turn entertaining into a chore.

There's gotta be a Venn diagram for this kind of problem.

How about stir fry? You can do all the prep well in advance and then cook everything in separate pans or woks according to dietary restrictions. If you do veggies, tofu, and fish or shellfish, you can cover vegetarians, vegans, celiacs, paleos, lactose intolerances, and pescatarians.

I have celiac - so gluten free is not a choice but a necessity. I always offer to bring something but most of the time I can find something to eat. When I have people over I usually do a main protein (beef roast, roasted chicken) then I make 3-4 sides that can accomodate all food "challenges" . Last night I had 2 omnivores 1 gluten free (me) and 1 dairy free. So it was pot roast, mashed potatos, roasted brussels sprouts and carrots!

This is very helpful. I've been hosting most of our family parties for several years now and it seems like every year there's a new diet that someone is following that makes planning more difficult for me, and the sister-in-law who helps me plan holidays. Our family has the vegetarians, vegans, the hypoglycemic low carb dieters, gluten intolerant, and many different food allergies. (Seriously, name a food and someone is allergic to it.). At this point, we're doing a lot of potlucks, but I really like the idea of themes like pizza, tacos, bbq, etc.

This is reminding me of the time my sister brought her vegan boyfriend to Passover Seder and we tried to figure out what to make for dessert. I think the answer was a fruit salad, but it took us a long time to figure that out.

Sorry but there's no such thing as a gluten "intolerant", at least not medically. The allergy is confirmed by a blood test and biopsy. Sometimes the tests can be wrong (rarely) but if the tests come back negative that means there's no evidence that the person has an allergy. If they're getting sick it could be from anything, so that's not "gluten intolerance".

Wow. A couple of things, people can have food allergies/sensitivities and still love food. I adore food, I love cooking and hosting my friends, and I can not tolerate any gluten/dairy/corn/eggs. It is challenging, you have to get pretty creative, but it's possible to make good food that avoids these things. My daughter has severe food allergies to that above list and more, but she still enjoys her food.

Also, most medical tests that test for gluten only test for one of the six proteins that a person could be allergic/sensitive too. So while many people go in to get tested and then the test comes back negative, but they avoid gluten anyway and end up feeling better because of it, they probably do have a legitimate issue with gluten, even though it didn't turn up on the standard gluten test.

I love the ideas from this thread. the pizza night thing is particularly genius. This topic has come up on thekitchn previously and i just don't understand why some people still have such issue cooking for people that have challenges with food. Thankfully this thread is full of really good practical ideas!!

It's a good point about the six proteins @Christirei, but I think you misunderstood what I said. Someone could very well have an allergy that is not yet diagnosed by a doctor, but it still wouldn't be an "intolerance", it would be an allergy. An allergy is a specific medical condition. An intolerance is what doctors (or laypeople, or the media) tell women they have when society decides you're being overly sensitive, imagining a condition or you're simply whining. It does not describe a real medical condition. So if you eat wheat (or anything) and have a reaction after, it could be an allergy. Or it could be something else. But there's no way to know what specifically (100%) without some test telling us. One thing we know is it's not "an intolerance", because that doesn't mean anything.

I cook a variety of dishes, so people can pick and choose according to their preferences. I like having a blend of vegetarian and meat based options. None of my friends are vegans, but I would adapt. If I know about allergies, I offer alternatives. I don't worry about it otherwise - I certainly don't spend any time worrying about likes and dislikes. I suppose the truth is that if I had friends with difficult dietary preferences, I would meet them in a restaurant. I think having people over is fun, but not if it is stressful and unsatisfying for guest and host. I do like putting together nice meals for friends with medically restricted diets - it's a good way to care for those whose lives may already a little strained.

Reading some of these comments makes me cherish my friends even more. Yikes.

For me, there are different levels of accommodation. You have an allergy / don't eat something (ie are gluten free or vegetarian)? Great-- I'll plan for you. You're on a fad diet / have chosen only to eat red meat and greens? You can push aside the potato, thanks.

In all seriousness, I think that it is often hard to get out of the "I-need-a-vegan-dish" mindset when you're catering to certain food restrictions. I think it's easier to try to plan a normal menu, then knock off ingredients or dishes as I go through the mental checklist of accommodations. There are a lot of go-to meals that you may not think of as catering to certain restrictions. For instance, a nice roasted chicken over fingerling potatoes with a side of veggies is both gluten and dairy free. A lot of soups can also meet the needs of a gluten-free/dairy-free/paleo/vegan diner.

"How do you organize dinners with a wide variety of eaters?"

I'll take some hits for this I'm sure but I just *announce* my planned menu when the inivite is issued. Invitees are free to accept or decline as they see fit. When asked by a guest if he can bring anything, I reply that all he needs to do is show up, but if he has a special dish he'd like to contribute, it would be most welcome.

Get-togethers [to me] are more about fellowship and less about food. And while I desire to be a good host, I run neither a restaurant nor a catering service. The stress of planning around half a dozen different diets would be more than enough for me to never invite anyone to my home. Really, life's too short.

My two cents: keep it as simple as possible.
It can be costly to do it all on your own, so if that doesn't work for you, ask a few guests to provide something potluck style.
If you have the means, make some staple dishes that cater to the most people by analyzing what foods overlap for your eaters. For example, paleo is also GF so a paleo meal item could work for this niche of guests. Also, if you make something vegan my understanding is it'll also be vegetarian. I would go with one hearty meat based protein, plant based protein, and some simple veggies and fruits.
In an alternate universe you could the turn the food diet needs into some twisted version of a trivia game at your next dinner party. Enjoy!

With these debates, a lot of people assume that the host is on a traditional diet, catering to non-traditional diets. As a "vegan" host, I would not appreciate complaints over the lack of meat. At the same time, I wouldn't expect a omnivore to struggle with time, energy, and budget issues on my account.

The main issue for me, and think others, is please don't be offended if I decline an invite, or a dish. This happens especially if you make a mistake on the ingredients or do not list them. I am not a purist, but I have gotten sick to later realize I ate dairy. Same problem at restaurants: please don't make it awkward if I end up having to choose a side salad (I'm thin/petite so most people make invasive comments) or decline to go out with the group.
My choices are about compassion for everyone, so I understand. I think any vegan should* already have that approach. I might go out the way to make an incredibly omnivore-approved meat-substitute for a friend, if I am able and if they would go to the same lengths for me. But otherwise, its fine. I have food buddies but not all of my friendships are based on food. I'm sure this ia true for even the most passionate home cooks and hosts.

Actually, "gluten sensitivity" is a real condition -- it is possible to react adversely to gluten not be celiac (which is not an 'allergy' but an autoimmune disorder, as I'm sure you know if you are celiac). This site is very helpful to get the two conditions straight:
http://www.celiaccentral.org/non-celiac-gluten-sensitivity/

YES!

@Lionshead absolutely right, it's autoimmune. Sorry for the sloppy language. What they said in the paper, about an inate immune response, THAT is a medical term. A "sensitivity" is not a medical term and tells us nothing about clinical presentation. Your link led to a pretty good Biomed paper (see below) that I would trust more than a "celiac site". The study noted that the immune mediated response study was not yet conclusive. It may be a legitimate condition (the inate immune response) but as of,yet has not been show to cause the proverbial "sensitivity".

Ps yeah I have a wheat allergy, I think sadly it will be a long while before we get good solid answers.

Oops, forgot the link

http://www.biomedcentral.com/content/pdf/1741-7015-10-13.pdf

Ps I'm NOT saying the condition isn't real. People who test negative for Celiacs and wheat allergy most likely do have a medical crisis going on when they eat gluten. Until there are clinical tests that can give results though, no medical term can be used to describe it. People deserve better than a vague, non medical term like "sensitivity" or "intolerance". Western medicine cannot always give us good answers though so I would simply tell people that it's probably an autoimmune issue that those irritating doctors can't pinpoint yet (before my blood test I was told for 4.5 years that I had "a stomach bug".

I would start with items that I think everyone can eat: liike from a Salad Bar and Rice. Cooked Vegtables would be next like Broccoli and potatoes pretty much everyone can eat. Grilled chicken for those omnivores with a glutten/dairy free rub. Baked Fish also.

As for the gluten problems that seems to be everywhere. I have been tested for celiac and wheat alergys and the results was negative. "Most" wheat products cause a skin rash reaction. However, after trying different foods, I found it was GMO wheat that bothers me. I have a wheat grinder and now purchase organic non GMO wheat berries and grind my own flour, the rashes have gone away. I only consume my own bread products and a bonus is my breads are so much tastier than anything bought in the store. But bread making is time consuming.

Now a friend has Corn alergies: Beyond corn, most animal product are off limits, like eggs, beef and pork, because of the animal feed and many many food additives are made with corn.

I will change what I said about non gmo affecting me. It may not be the gmo, it could be the nature of modern flour processing or added ingredients or the organic nature itself.
Let's say grinding my ground flour does not bother me physically. Again I tested negative for wheat alergies and had the biopsies for celiac also show negative. But my rashes are gone.

My best solution is to host. We keep a kosher house and hubby has an anaphylactic allergy to nuts. We host a lot to avoid awkwardness, and once those two things are covered I can usually tweak if anybody else has issues.

It works 90% of the time. I hosted one Passover dinner once with one guy who was a gluten-free vegan who kept Ashkenazi rules rather than Sephardi ones (so no soy or legumes). I made it through (barely). But I swore I would never host him again for Passover. The rest of the year, I can figure it out.

BrownUnicorn--I'm with you. I'm a vegetarian and also gluten-free, and I make a menu that works for me; I'm not going to add meat (or wheat) to it because my friends prefer meals with meat and/or gluten. I DO strive to accommodate other preferences and allergies/intolerances, and the only one I have real difficulty with is paleo, though if I'm having a paleo friend over I'll make a veg side dish he can eat and try out a coconut flour dessert (NOT almond flour if my other friend, who's peanut and treenut-allergic, is attending). I also strive to make hearty and filling food regardless of the carnivorous status of my guests. Honestly, I don't find it that difficult to accommodate my friends' needs, and I don't think I'd be properly upholding my end of the "fellowship" bargain if I didn't do my utmost to do so.

Ask people to bring a dish so they know they'll have at least one thing to eat...? If possible make something that everyone can eat? The only problem I ever had for a dinner party was a 'chili' party I had...one of my friends boyfriend's didn't eat beef and the other friend's boyfriend didn't like beans. (Why did I invite them to my chili party again??). I made turkey chili and scooped some out before I added the beans for the bean hater.