Our family makes toasts for what they are thankful for during the past year during the course of the meal. No one can leave the table until everyone has made a toast. It slows everything down and truly grabs the spirit of the day

I'm sorry to hear your guests were so rude to rush through a meal for a football game! This year consider disconnecting the cable for the day, as in "Oops! Guess the cable's out again! We'll just have to have conversation instead!" ;)

You can do courses without seeming fussy! We did a first soup course (curried squash with scallops, bizarre but delicious). I really like the salad plate starter idea, going to do that this year.

I really love this concept. My family has never been one to linger over a meal, possibly because my mother doesn't really cook, so there isn't much to linger over! My husband and I have been slowly transforming our approach and forming our own traditions - including good sit-down relaxed meals... I'll definitely have to implement some of these suggestions!

I love the toast idea, and disconnecting cable (though that wouldn't stop pocket-viewer addicts). Having lots of group-engaging conversation topics ready can help, too: mouths that are talking are less quick about eating. Adam could also check with someone who knows the day's game schedule and see if maybe starting dinner somewhat earlier or later would prevent his sports-crazed guests from wanting to rush the meal.

At least people were offering to help clean up!

We make sure to save dessert until way after the meal. That way it stretches the dinner out while giving time for everyone to digest some. Also all you need is one reallly painfully slow eater to keep the rest sitting down. We usually have a couple. We know not to get up from the table if someone is still eating!

I don't think wanting a family to spend quality time together and enjoy a meal that required lots of preparation and effort to be "self important" in the least. It's a perfectly reasonable request.

Sorry, that should say "I don't consider wanting..."

You can also start the meal by saying "This year I am Thankful for the DVR: we are recording the game now, so that after we enjoy our meal together we can start watching it in an hour or two!"

Challenge your dinner guests to take a mindful approach to the meal by putting down forks between each bite.

"Pocket viewer addicts" would not be invited back to my house! How rude!

If I invite you to my home - call me self-important - but I expect you to find the food and fellow guests important enough to put aside the electronic devices for the duration.

This year I will have one physician who will be on-call as a guest; he is allowed to use his cell phone. Everyone else is expected to actually ATTEND the event!

This year we did a buffet style thanksgiving (Canadian Thanksgiving has come and gone). There were far too many people to seat in our house, so the kids ate outside (was a beautiful day). Because of the buffet, it took people longer to get their food, and people were a lot more social. Also, we didn't use large plates (paper, not enough plates in the house for 20 people), and so everyone had to make many trips to the buffet. After dinner, we all go on a walk together (we used to go on a hay ride when my parents had a tractor) and then have hot cider and dessert when we returned. This year the whole process lasted (from the first bite to last) just over 2 hours.

We eat really fast in my family. It doesnt really take away from the family time though, we still are spending the majority of the day and eve together. I think courses would be the best way around your problem. It's a little more hassle for you to bring out each course but it may help extend the time.

This has always been puzzling for me because I grew up taking time at the dinner table. It meant that we took our time as the turkey was carved and food was passed or served if the dishes were too large. The younger kids that could handle it got a table of their own and we talked and there was always someone joining us from extended family or neighborhood who provided a little different perspective. We also sat while the table was cleared and coffee came out. Holiday dessert was usually plum pudding, which meant lighting it and serving in those special dishes we used for it. Other meals, such as Sunday dinner also took a while, so we were just in the habit of not rushing. I also seem to remember that there was so much food that it was impossible to fit some of everything on one plate, but that may be another topic.

Conversation seems to be the key to a relaxed meal.

My big Southern family is full of big talkers, so while 4 hours into the meal, there might be TV, we usually talk. I can imagine it would be a let down both to the cook, and to everyone else interested in spending QT with the fam if it was over in 15 minutes!

Similarly to someone else, my grandmother always insists that we go around the table and say something that we're thankful for. Also, we move to the living room (which doesn't have a TV, unlike the den) for dessert, which prolongs the talking over coffee and pie. Finally, we often do a family activity together afterwards: play a bocce game outside if it's nice, or go on a walk on the farm, watch the kids play horseshoes.

Good luck!

Even though I don't care too much about football, I have some rabid college football fans in my family and the Thanksgiving day games are a huge deal for them. Talk to the sports fanatics in your family and find out which games are a "must," then you can plan your meal accordingly. You're more apt to get their undivided attention if you're not intruding upon something that has significant importance to them.

I was discouraged with the same problem. About three years ago I decided to try to change the way the meal proceeded by calling everyone to the table for a flute of Proseco and a toast. I then served a plated appetizer, and after clearing that, brought the main meal to the table family style. It worked. I also disconnected the TV and stored it in a bedroom! I use the same approach for other holiday meals.

Oh my gosh, I know what you mean! It's so deflating to spend days preparing the meal and then to have it gone in a matter of minutes. Last year, I had Thanksgiving dinner with my boyfriend's family in Sedona. It was a small group - only 7 of us - so dinner was much more leisurely than I am accustomed to. We all spent the long weekend up there, and took turns using the kitchen to get everything ready. We served it buffet style, but because we could only use the oven one dish at a time, things weren't all ready at once. So it was sort of like eating in courses, but much more relaxed and informal. After dinner we sat around the table drinking wine and homebrew and talking. About half an hour later, we started on dessert and coffee. I think the key to success with that dinner was the small group and the lazy atmosphere of Sedona :)

Here are some of the things we did to slow down the rush:
* Music: you can set the speed of the day with the right tempo - we loved Vivaldi on Thanksgiving and switched to some non-obtrusive jazz during dessert.
* Serve a mini-appetizer: always on a tray outside the kitchen so guests don't crowd the kitchen looking for food. Roast flavored nuts and a thermos of soup served in very small teacups and it's self-serve. Having a mini-appetizer really helps take away the starved-rush-eating syndrome.
* Prayer/Gratitude: we said one generic prayer and then went straight into 'gathering gratitude'. One person with nice handwriting was asked to write on slips of paper what each person was grateful for, we put their first name and the year, all those papers were collected in a beautiful glass jar that sat on the table as a reminder of the day. Wine corks from gatherings are collected in another glass jar, handwritten on them are the date & occasion, occasionally someone will spy one that says 'Thanksiving 1997, burnt biscuits!' and that sparks conversation. Conversation based on memories, collective or in a mixed group asking what everyone's favorite Thanksgiving memory is (the year the skin mysteriously disappeared form the turkey before it was brought to the table), also helps quell the rush eating behavior.
* Dinner in two courses helps the cook: a small salad - then - everything else. One thing that made it easier was buying parts to make gravy the day before. Everyone was usually waiting to start eating until the gravy was done, and they were eyeing their favorite dish and thinking about how to get the biggest portion, this way it was ready as the turkey came out of the oven. The turkey pan drippings were later used to make gravy for leftovers.
* Walk: weather permitting a group walk before dessert is served is very effective in slowing down the day and making sure everyone's ready to eat (more!).
* Children make & serve dessert!: the children are in charge of serving dessert - they're usually in charge of producing the ice cream, we still used hand cranks for holidays so they really had to work to produce it, gives them some ownership of the meal and offers them the opportunity to learn hosting skills. They took orders, sliced the pies, scooped the ice cream, served it and cleaned up that portion of the meal (at least taking the plates to the kitchen sink). I'd always have another batch of the ice cream in the freezer, because it would be a firmer set, and could swap out batches if needed (when they were really young they didn't notice that our ice cream froze firm in just ~5~ minutes!). Having them own dessert was something they looked forward to and gave the cooks a much-needed break.

The football game starts at 12:30 (Packers vs. Lions) this Thanksgiving.

Why not serve T-giving at 11:30? This is what my family does. Everyone arrives at 10:30/11 a.m., the food is ready at 11:30. We sit and eat and toast and say what we are thankful for, and then everyone gets to watch the game.

Or else you can have the game on in the background...

Please don't disconnect the cable though...people love football! That is kind of cruel I think. Just because you don't watch football isn't a good reason to make it so other people can't.

Maybe you could try getting into the game more this year too? Just a suggestion. Try setting up a wager with people...what the score will be at halftime and at the end of the game, etc. Might make for better table conversation.

I think the best approach doesn't involve multiple courses of palate cleansers. It involves scheduling it when your guests don't have a conflict, i.e. not in conflict with whatever else they want to do like watch a football game. Either schedule the meal earlier or later but don't your diners under time pressure. Your attempts at delays will be met with resentment.

My family are fast eaters and fast talkers so yes we do tend to polish everything off pretty quickly which can be a bit deflating. I always look at as: hey, we are hanging out for hours cooking together so it's not so dire.

Still, since I'm hosting this year I will be doing a plated salad a while before the main course to slow things down a bit.

Also, one tradition we have -- which may not work if you're socked in a blizzard, of course -- is after dinner, once the food's put away, we all go take a nice, long walk. Then when we get back, we do dessert.

Other than that one year my sister's elderly sheltie was attacked by two pitbulls, our walk has been a lovely tradition! (Don't worry dog and all humans okay, if shaken!)

Yeah, I'm with those who say no to disconnecting the cable-- for many, football is as much a part of Thanksgiving as the turkey and stuffing. Unless people know ahead of time that you're planning for a TV/football-free Thanksgiving, I think that's inconsiderate.

Last year was the first year my husband and I did Thanksgiving, and it was super low-key and drawn out-- just us and my sister-in-law, and since it was my first year with such a massive undertaking, and since we had such a tiny kitchen, I think we maybe sat down to eat around 8 pm! There were plenty of snacks and a little bar setup, we took turns putting records on and watching whatever holiday movies were on, and we ate in front of the TV (we didn't have a table!). It was pretty great. Frankly, too much formality (place settings, taking turns saying what we're thankful for, etc.) makes me uncomfortable-- if you're not dead-set on making your dinner formal, a casual Thanksgiving is an excellent way to slow things down and really enjoy each other and the holiday.

@Rucy - We kids always had to help with dessert! We didn't make it, but we did cut the pie, plate it, scoop the ice cream or whipped cream, and served coffee. It was fun to "take orders" for dessert (which kind of pie, ice cream or whipped cream, coffee or tea) and it definitely kept us kids busy after dinner while the adults talked. As the oldest, I plated and poured, and the younger kids served.

Football was sometimes watched after Thanksgiving in our house, but because we don't often see our family, especially not all in one place, Thanksgiving was definitely the time to talk and catch up.

I think it might also help to start Thanksgiving in that weird in-between time of the afternoon. We always started around 1pm, but hardly anyone got a plate filled until 2. It could also help draw things out to have your guests help with the set up. Have them set plates and fill water glasses, set up the buffet or sideboard, carry dishes to the dining room, etc.

I once bought a little game called "Chat Pack," which contained little cards full of conversation starters, such as "If you were stranded on a desert island, which three things would you bring with and why?" or "What is your favorite childhood memory?" etc. Maybe you could make a similar version, only Thanksgiving themed?

I agree with the cell phone ban at the table. If there is one time year year in which family members and friends should be together and present in the moment, it's Thanksgiving!

Let's take a step back there -- Football is America and America is Thanksgiving. Just schedule around it if you don't want to rush! Easy.

Whoa, whoa whoa, football is a pretty important Thanksgiving tradition to lots of people. Horrible though it might be, we pull the TV into the dining room, and it seems to work out just fine. Everything (food, wine, etc) is in the room, so we don't really leave- it's like moving the living room to the dining room.

We're a chatty bunch, so even while the game is on, there is lots of waving of forks and explaining of rules to anyone with a question. It's actually one of my favorite parts of T-giving, because it gives me a chance to sit down and relax with everyone after getting up early and producing 2 big meals (we have a huge breakfast before dinner)

It does help to have comfy dining chairs though.

Thanks for all thing great suggestions. I'll be sure to double-check when kick-off is next time. I also like the like to everyone saying what they are thankful for. That should easily add 15 minutes to the meal. The pre-plated salad and soup course are genius. Thanks for the excellent feedback everyone!

Coming back for another suggestion...

You could also schedule the meal so that it is served around halftime...typically about an hour or so after kickoff?

Well I'm glad my family isn't as rigid as all this. I'd find a way to get out of dinner at the houses with cable cut off etc. I'm definitely looking forward to the football on thanksgiving. And the fact that the food is gobbled up is a testament to how much they've enjoyed it. Take it as a complement.

Unfortunately we don't live in the 19th century or the early 20th century anymore. Although romantic to think you can sit around a table for Thanksgiving and dine leisurely, followed by dancing and music, it's not a reality now. I say leave that expectation for Christmas/Hannukah and New Years, I hate football but if I tried to take it away from my family during Thanksgiving they'd stop celebrating at my house. In the meantime serve an elegant crudite' early on (like the Prosecco idea), have a little something for the children to snack on and wait a little later for the dinner. Good luck!

I'm still reeling from the idea that someone can even think about preparing and eating a big meal by 11:30 a.m.!! What on earth time do you get up to make THAT happen??

lol I was going to say the same thing--the poor women in your family!!! How big is the bird? A medium sized bird takes at least 4 hours, especially if it is stuffed.

We have never had a problem lingering over a meal, talking and taking leisurely seconds and thirds. I love the courses idea though, especially as I contemplate the prospect of some day doing thanksgiving in my own tiny kitchen! We also separate out appetizers (usually just like, a relish plate and cheese and crackers or cocktail shrimp or something) and dessert from the main meal, which creates other social times during the day and gives the cooks a chance to take a break. We've also been known to take post-dinner walks (glass of wine in hand) to say hello to the neighbors and just enjoy the weather if it is nice.

But then, we have longstanding sit around the dinner table and talk habits, even outside of Thanksgiving, and we also don't have any rabid football fans in the house. I say let the football fans go and call them back at halftime to clean all the dishes that needed to soak--when they gulp down their food and ask what they can do to clean up, just say, "Oh, we're not cleaning up right now. You can go watch the game if you want, I think we'll just sit here and enjoy the rest of the wine and conversation." And then do it. Their loss. It doesn't take too many good friends or family to make it a lovely hour or so of lingering over the meal. Maybe you could also talk to the people in your house before hand--agree to set a slower pace for the meal yourselves, with an emphasis on conversation. Someone would have to be pretty rude to ask about cleanup or leave the table before the host is even finished with their food. Set the tone and the example through your own pace, especially if you end up not having courses and just serving everything family-style or on a buffet, so you are not having to get up and serve things. Linger yourself and others who are enjoying themselves will linger with you!

This really resonates with me and I am thankful for all the good suggestions. I like the idea of serving a few plated dishes first before the buffet. I think the reason people eat so fast is because they are hungry. They've been saving their appetite for the big meal and then when it's time to eat they can't help themselves.

I do agree with the original poster, it is disheartening to work so hard on a meal and then have everyone bolt it down and then run to the TV. But even though I could care less about football, I have to recognize that it's really important and relaxing to a lot of people that I care about. I would never try to deprive them of it.

I like the idea about the kids handling desert -- always nice to keep them occupied and give the grown-ups some down time. And I love the idea of the post-dinner walk (something I've been trying to get my husband's family on board with for years). But the best solution is to find out when the big important games are and try to schedule around them. And the fans should return the favor by abstaining from the stupid pre-game programming.

And to the poster who went off about how such rude people would never be welcome in her house again, most people are spending Thanksgiving with family...it's not like I can have all the relatives over except Uncle Claude and the other offenders...just sayin...

@vintagejenta: making kids an active part of the meal really does help them to become comfortable with hosting and make better dinner guests! Over time, I found that the kids enjoyed that holiday kitchen time, one came up regularly to help with pre-day prep (pies, harvesting produce & herbs from the garden, learning to make stuffing). I knew we were on the right road when he called at 16 to ask what he could bring - and - when we said how about another appetizer he brought a dish I'd taught him when he was just 10. He said he'd been impressing girls with that dish for a couple years!

ugh, another poor dinner ruined by football. We don't have cable at my house so thats led to a few people declining our thanksgiving invitation. Apparently they're opting for a sports bar on thanksgiving *shudder*

In my family, we eat Thanksgiving dinner as a late lunch/early dinner, sometime around 2 or 3 in the afternoon. And we all take turns helping cook in the kitchen, while making sure that there are snacks around so no one starves prior to the late meal.

So at any given point in the day, there are always a handful of people watching football, a handful of people cooking, and a handful of people chatting in the living room over wine.

Somehow, since we've all had a hand in meal prep, and since the day has been laid out in a relaxing way, gearing up toward the meal, everyone then really feels up to lingering over the meal, which we all helped put together.

We clear the table after the meal and take a serious break - an hour or even two - to again, watch football and relax and help with cleanup before going back for dessert and coffee.

For us, the pace of the day determines the pace of the meal.

In my family we have Thanksgiving dinner at a slightly early dinner-time - so 5:30 or 6 p.m. rather than 7 or 8 p.m. when we would eat a normal dinner. Everyone comes over in the afternoon and watch football, we all help cook and set up, and just hang out. There are light snacks to graze on all day so nobody is starving and rushing through the meal. We linger over the meal for a while, play a board game usually, and have dessert later in the evening.

What is with all these fast-eaters?? I grew up in a family who would spend HOURS at the dinner table during any group meal. I attended a (Canadian) thanksgiving potluck at a friend's cottage a few weeks ago, and I was the only one still eating for almost half an hour after the others (all 14 of them)! Then again, maybe I'm just an abnormally slow eater... Even so, I'd love it if my manfriend could find it in him to take just a liiiiiittle more time to eat/appreciate my home-cooked meals before putting his dish in the sink.

In other words: I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

@Leah Hope "the poor women in your family!!!" Maybe we still are in the 19th century. Maybe you didn't notice that this letter was written by a guy who said he'd been in the kitchen all morning and afternoon, and he and his wife BOTH enjoyed preparing the meal. So please save your gender role assumptions for your own family!