How about spicy sweet chili doritos?

Potato chips, hummus and cheese.

This is hilarious--is this a joke?

Is she bulking or something? ;) A person who takes care of herself will never put THAT stuff into her body.

My suggestion - skip the second piece of bread on top of the sandwich and use large lettuce leaf instead. Ezekiel bread, hard boiled egg, roasted beef or smoked salmon, Tabasco sauce and lettuce is my "the greatest sandwich ever." Add steamed asparagus on the side and you'll have The Perfect lunch ever! :)

I am a big fan of crispy bacon and cream cheese on a onion bagel. But I think I am missing one of your preq groups.

This is embarrassing, but . . . blueberry bagel; cream cheese; bacon.

One of my fave brunches at home is egg salad, made w/ evoo instead of mayo, on (the good) half of a toasted everything bagel and topped with crushed up kettle chips. Similar textures!

Here's how you improve that sandwich: throw it in the garbage.

I have to respond to this since this was my question. This is NOT a joke. This is about the only "unhealthy" thing this girl eats, and when she first made it I was expecting it to be the most disgusting thing ever. Surprisingly enough it isn't disgusting, but the flavors are not amazing at all, but the textures on the other hand are something else. I can grill meat, and follow recipes but other than that I am terrible in the kitchen, I am unable to concoct anything of my own. So that is why I asked for help here, because I want to make a similar textured sandwich with better ingredients.

Onion bagel, hummus, garlic dill pickles and kettle chips. To die for.

Basil or fresh spinach. It needs something crispy and non salty.

I've had great bagel (sesame or everything) sandwiches with: smoked turkey, mashed avocado, sprouts, cucumber, tomato and shallots.
That gives you a different taste with the same textured ingredients (creamy fats, smoky meat, crunchiness), plus you have a little extra something with the tomato and shallots.
If you like the salty crunch, leave out the sprouts/cucumber and stuff in some corn chips :)

Everything bagel, avocado, Veggie chips, prosciutto....maybe some olive oil and/or lemon.

Lightly toasted Bagel, Jalapenos on top of the salami with grated cheddar cheese melted on top. Then the Doritos on top and cream cheese... Oh my god.. I want that NOW!!

pickles.

Hmmm, how about this:

Frito Pie Sammich - Bagel, layered with cheddar cheese (above and below), some good chili, raw onions, and fritos.

It's a frito pie on a bagel, how great is that?

Sriracha mayonnaise.

That sounds like salt, salt, and more salt! Lol. Not that I can't disagree with that (hello - fried egg sandwiches - with a runny yolk - with bacon and cheese on english muffins are MY favorite sandwich).

It sounds like you need the creaminess of the cream cheese and in and of itself, I don't find cream cheese necessarily bad (though I might go for neufchatel to bring the fat content down a smidge). Or mix half cream cheese and half sour cream (or half sour cream and half mayo, for a lighter texture) with whatever flavor-y things you want. I'm partial to the "cheese ball" I used to do all the time in high school for parties - 2 packs cream cheese, 1 packet beef luncheon meat (not corned or chipped or dried beef), and a bunch of scallions/green onions. Chop it all up and stir together - amazing.

And it seems like the Doritos, if it isn't about the flavor, do add a necessary hard crunch - on that is not easily replicated by vegetables. So I would suggest skipping the bagel and replacing it with a thoroughly toasted English muffin. That might give you the crunchy sharp bits you want, without sacrificing the same flavor as a plain bagel and without the added fat of potato or other fried chips.

After that? Meat and other vegetable/flavor options are up to you.

Let us know if you try any of the recommended combinations and how they turn out!

I had a sandwich with similar components the other day, but healthier and really delicious. Hearty whole wheat bread, a thin layer of cream cheese, smoked turkey, a thinly sliced granny smith apple, spinach, and dijon mustard. I think it would have been great with goat cheese instead of cream cheese too.

I do have to admit when I was a teenager, my sister and I loved bologna, doritos and mustard sandwiches on white bread. Chips on sandwiches are really good.

I'll keep my suggestions simple: this is the best bagel shop ever. Browse their menu for inspiration. They steam all of their bagels, and you can order your choice of chips added to ny sandwich.

Drat, now I want one.

http://www.bagelanddeli.com/

Chad, I appreciate the fun competition you've entered with your girlfriend. I've never left a comment on this site before but for some reason am really bothered by people thinking your question/situation is stupid and/or damaging to your girlfriend's health who we know nothing about, and we all shove a good, salty indulgence in our face every now and then.

Anyway! My favorite is pepperoni with SHARP provolone cheese on a soft onion roll with Cape Cod original potato chips and Mott's PLAIN OLD REGULAR applesauce in the sandwich and on the side.

The applesauce (intentionally bland kind) adds a "cooling" to the saltiness and just a texture that is like "this sandwich is messy because it means business." I make it whenever I want to treat myself haha.

Good luck!

Is it April 1? I can't believe this question even got posted.

Banana, peanut butter, BACON, and a drizzle of honey on toast... BEST SANDWHICH EVER!

Everything bagel toasted with goat cheese, sun-dried tomatoes, thinly sliced roast beef and crunchy cucumber slices. Unreal.

that sandwich sounds NASTY. my go to bagel sammie? Blueberry bagel (weird i know but SO GOOD), good turkey, tomato, cucumber, spicy mustard, provolone, lettuce.

"Here's how you improve that sandwich: throw it in the garbage." posted by Cuthpaste

HAHAHAHAHA

oh everyone who's knocking this needs to stop acting like they NEVER indulge in SOMETHING. it's this couples thing, i think it's cute.

the idea is there just increase the quality of the ingredients you’re using. Mix the cream cheese with some fresh snipped chives and fresh ground pepper, make your own potato chips (http://www.thekitchn.com/thekitchn/recipe-review/recipe-recommendation-diy-potato-chipsin-the-microwave-064078)- even try sweet potato chips, higher quality meat- probably sliced really thin to not interfere with the chip texture.

In life there are ALWAYS hatters, ignore them and enjoy life on your own terms. dorito sammys and all.

Will it blend?

@keyshanks bagels are traditionally boiled...steamed bagels are just bread with a hole in it and done because it's cheaper and faster. You need to find a new bagel shop!