Coke - I never need an alcoholic drink badly enough to order from a suspect bartender.

Whichever bottled beer seems most popular at that place. Pretty much removes all skill, quality and handling concerns.

I've only been to one bad bar. I was forced to go with friends. I drank water.

Why go to a bad bar when you don't have to?

I've had the experience that some bar tenders don't know the difference between tonic and seltzer water . . . :-/

lol, "scotch, neat" seems to cover it well for me (unless, of course, they have nothing but blended ... )

My safety is usually coke and rum but lately I have stuck to gin and ginger ale. Every bartender looks at me like I am crazy, but they usually have the ginger ale and I hardly taste the gin!

Gin and tonic with lime. Haven't had a problem yet. My other go to is Bailey's on the rocks.

Draft beer - or whiskey on the rocks (Jameson's, or Jack Daniels Black Label, or Wild Turkey, or George Dickel).

ummm, these writers have not been to the "bad bars" i've seen...compari? unlikely a lousy bar has it.... FROM A BARTENDERS STAND POINT, YA ORDER A BEER IN A BOTTLE, FOOL/GERM-PROOF!!!

I've found even really divey bars can do a passable vodka gimlet. Even if the lime juice is concentrated and not fresh, it's still drinkable to me. At a good place I would get it straight up, but at a divey place it's good on the rocks. My normal drink is white wine or vodka diet tonic, and sadly, even in LA I've never seen a bar carry diet tonic.

Love this idea for a piece, Faith! (Mine is also a G&T or a Guinness)

Usually a beer, if I don't see anything on tap that I like I go to the bottles. If that still fails I'll order a 7&7... whiskey never fails!

Simple, water... flat or bubbly with lots of limes/lemons.

Love that photo at the top. Any source info for it? I had plenty flat week gin and tonic, and vodka tonics. I usually go for a gimlet with plenty of limes on the side and either gin or vodka depending what they've got stocked.

I'm surprised at how many people said a G+T - I've had too many HORRIBLE gin and tonics at bad bars - like one person said, flat, syrupy tonic, really bad gin to tonic ratio - the ways to mess it up are endless. I usually do whiskey and ginger ale (jameson) (although in my hometown almost none of the bars have ginger ale), vodka soda with a splash of cranberry and a lime wedge, or if they have decent bourbon, then just bourbon on the rocks.

I have to agree with jsharron on this one - I don't think the writers have been to actual bad bars. The last thing you should ever order at a questionable bar is draft beer - the taps get dirty, beer sits in the lines, etc.

The only truly safe drink is a bottle of beer.

@dlouise21 yep, photo credit is always at the bottom of the post - in this case, Peter Kim via Shutterstock (we occasionally use stock from them).

I don't necessarily think of this as a "bad bar" question so much as a "bar that doesn't really do cocktails" question. Sort of along the lines of what would I order at a wedding if I wanted a cocktail. Probably a rum and coke with a lime (cuba libre)

My usual order at a bar would be a bourbon neat. I once asked for whisky with a splash of water in it and they gave a me equal parts whisky and water on the rocks. Blech! Tasted like dishwater.

JD on the rocks.

Generally a beer, or a flavored vodka and seltzer or maybe a gimlet if their limes look fresh.

If the bar is questionable, and I still must have alcohol, I order something in a can.

If in doubt, I get a bottled beer or a rum and coke. I've had may bad experiences caused by taps that have never been flushed, but even rebellious high school students and college dropouts know how to mix a rum and coke. It is basically part of the college curriculum.

@anita83, I've had that unfortunate experience as well, and it's pretty awful for those of us who are allergic to quinine and can't drink tonic!

When I can't be sure of the bartender's skill, I go with a Captain Morgan & Ginger Ale. Tasty, satisfying and a nice alternative to Rum & Coke.

@heypielady, I agree this is more of a "bars that don't do cocktails question" than a truly bad bar question. However, bars that don't do cocktails (especially wedding bars) would probably look at you like you were speaking Greek if you ordered Campari or even vermouth sometimes.

I like to stick with something-and-soda drinks in these situations--gin and tonic, Jamesons and soda, rum and coke. It's hard to screw them up, and I like the taste of alcohol, so it's rare that they're too strong. At worst, they just taste like soda. If I'm not in the mood for that, then I keep it simple with a single malt scotch or Jamesons, neat.

I agree with the commenters who said these people have never been to a bad bar.

That being said, I've never given any thought to the idea of a "safety drink." I guess I tend to stick to the basics anyway, but if a bar was so sketchy I thought they couldn't handle a bourbon on the rocks, I'd probably skip it all together.

Some years ago, a favorite bar/restaurant changed owners. My first trip there under the new management, it was obvious standards had fallen. I ordered my safety drink - Scotch with one ice cube - an got a highball glass with crushed ice, a shot of blended whisky, soda, fruit garnish and a paper parasol. Place closed a month later.

A close runner up was the Old Fashioned made with pink lemonade and pineapple chunks.

Since then, I stick to bottled beer when in doubt.

I think it's weird that the complaints of bad bar gin and tonics is the tonic. To me when you're picking a drink that is focused on the alcohol itself, it's the quality of the alcohol that is paramount. I'd base my safety order on the available alcohol or probably just not drink alcohol. I think the worst cocktail I've ever gotten, I ordered a Tom Collins in a sports bar and what I got was what might have actually be Gin, but I sort of suspect they used well vodka instead, mixed with Hi-C pink lemonade. So awful.

@Sara Kate re. "If they have good beer I ask for that with a ton of limes."

What kind of "good beer" requires "a ton of limes"?

A lime goes in a beer if A) the beer is no good (I'm looking at you, Corona) or B) the drinker doesn't actually like beer (i.e. the target market for Corona).

GIN & TONIC ... every bar has at least some Tanqueray on hand ... most tonic water has high fructose corn syrup in it, anyway ... I ask for a double if I think they're making weak drinks ...

Whiskey & coke, which is my standard drink anyway, or vodka & grapefruit juice. Never had either of those that was bad, just occasionally quite strong (which is fine with me). I can't believe some of these stories of bartenders "dressing up" simple drinks, that seems insane to me. Why would a bartender intentionally make something wrong, that the person didn't order or expect? Hopefully they get fired/lose customers, I guess.

I had the same thought as someone else--you got CAMPARI in a bad bar? I love Campari. In bad bars, they stare at you like you're speaking gibberish if you're foolish enough to ask for it (I am that fool).

So, in a truly BAD bar, or a genuine dive: straight whiskey in winter; bottled beer in summer. I, too, have had surprisingly bad G&T's, a drink I honestly didn't think could be messed up until I experienced it--more than once.

I will also nth the comment that these people haven't been to a truly bad bar. Wine?! I made that mistake once. Never again. I can have fairly low standards when it comes to wine (I'll drink 3 buck chuck with the best of 'em) but this wine, who knows how long it had been open and sitting out. It was terrible. Never will I order wine in a sketchy dive bar again. I tend to go with vodka soda or vodka cran because I don't really like beer, so I am doubly in trouble in those instances.

Ah, this made me yearn for the good ol'-bad ol' working days. J&B rocks or Beck's dark. No J&B? No Becks? Wild Turkey or Stoli straight up. Neither of those available? Last resort, any beer in a bottle.

I would choose Canadian Club on the rocks. It might be a bad bar if it does not have CC..

Water with lemon, although I personally just avoid bad bars. I'd much rather just spend my time at a restaurant or coffee shop.

Gin and tonic has always been there for me. When I first started going to bars and would panic, not knowing any drinks to order, and blurt it out; to now, the old standby. You can go wrong, but can you really ever go wrong?

I've been to a couple bad bars lately with some of my husbands friends/clients....Crown on the rocks hasn't failed me yet!

Bottled beer. Sometimes the draft lines can get skunky.

I can't believe the people who find it ok to dump a bunch of fruit or garnishes in their drink in a suspicious establishment. Has no one seen the articles showing how germ ridden limes and lemons can be?! Not to mention a server of questionable cleanliness will rarely take the time to wash their hands properly...no thanks I will stick to bottled beer or a cooler if I ever find myself in such a place. Even at nicer places, if it's busy the bartender is not often washing their hands after handling money each time. I stick to a "no fruit" policy almost always.

Bad wedding bar drinks: Jack and Coke, vodka cranberry (with tequila too if they've got it), rye and ginger. After my cousin's wedding in Texas, I've learned to avoid beer at American weddings.

I also am surprised with how many chose a gin and tonic...there are alot of bad gins out there that IMO, no amount of lime juice and/or tonic water can fix. For me, it would be a beer all the way.

I'll order a rum and coke with a lime twist, or a Bombay and tonic.

Vodka Cranberry. Full proof.

Wow. You guys are leaving yourself with TONS of options for screwed up drinks. MANY bars do not have lime. How about water that tastes like soap suds? There are a few that no matter what, I cannot stand the water, or even the ice! Beer can be lukewarm (I like mine icy). The only really foolproof drink is whisky/bourbon/scotch. Neat of course. Add water, and you deal with a quantity issue. Add ice, same thing. Mix something with soda and the soda can be flat or too syrupy out of the soda gun. Ginger ale is a fav of mine and MANY places don't have that either. Or they have Pepsi instead of Coke (to some it matters). Lots of mixed drinks in bad bars are made so that the alcohol is highly lacking/skimpy. Can't hide behind fillers when there's nothing but straight up alcohol in a glass.

However, with that said, I enjoy a maker's mark/jameson/single malt scotch (if they have any) neat in a glass. And if you order a second, the quantity usually increases on the second order (even in a low-level tier bar that has never heard of a cocktail).

Bourbon neat (almost all places have Maker's Mark) - maybe on the rocks if I am able to look around and verify that the bartender doesn't just fill the glass with ice topped by a sad splash of bourbon. Definitely nothing with a mixer or garnish. Bottled beer if I'm not in the mood for bourbon.

Double Cointreau & lemonade. If they've not got lemonade, it's still fine with Sprite. Makes no difference whether they include lemon or not. Even drinkable flat. A winner.

Or if they've got limoncello, a straight limoncello, no ice. Though if it's a bad bar, chances are they keep it on the shelf, so it'll be warm. Hmm.

My safety drink is the same it was in college: vodka/bourbon/gin/rum on ice. I have been to a bad bar that did not have vodka or gin. Only a very suspect rum, Wild Turkey and Southern Comfort. If only the glasses had been clean...

My best friend swears by Bloody Mary or Campari on the rocks.

Double vodka tonic with plenty of lime. The extra booze can cover many sins, and as said above, "The more I drink, the less I care."

For me it's vodka soda with a splash of grenadine. I drank a lot of Shirley Temples as a kid so grenadine holds a bit of nostalgia value, plus the sugar helps hide the taste of crappy vodka.

If it's a bad bar, why would I order anything or even be there?

Jack and Coke, all the time. The worst that can happen is they mix it too weak or give me too much ice and even then it still tastes okay.

Let's not be too hard on bartenders - sure, there are many who are careless and have no idea what they're doing, but if you order a basic gin and tonic or rum and coke and the drink is weak or not fizzy enough, it may not necessarily be the bartender's fault. Many bar owners, especially if the bar is a dive, do all kinds of shady things to pinch pennies and make more money. They'll buy the cheapest tonic/sour mix/"juice" available, have their bartenders use measured shot pourers, use heavy-bottomed glasses or ice machines that make tiny ice cubes (to make drinks appear bigger), etc.

Vodka and water...

Having been in a number of sketchy bars in the middle of nowhere, in towns that are little more than truck stops... bottled beer, bourbon, or whiskey. No rocks if the water situation looks suspect. Even really bad bars will almost always have Budweiser (hey, it ain't good but you always know what you're getting), Maker's Mark, or Jameson.

Maker's with a couple cubes is my standard drink anyway.

Maybe I hang out with too many Russians, but the fool-proof drink of choice is always SHOTS (vodka, whiskey, tequila.)

And if you need something to sip, vodka cranberry or vodka Redbull. But you can't dance with a glass in your hand either

I once ordered an Americano, then had to explain how it was made, then had to point to the bottle of Campari. ("Yeah, the red one up there.")

Yep, bottled beer.

I'm a bartender and a fanatic about quality. In a dubious bar or with a questionable bartender, I order the best liquor they have, neat. In fact, I do that everywhere. I don't want my scotch or other liquor with chlorinated water or ice. If it's beer, I ask if the bartender knows how to properly pour a Guinness if that's on tap, if I have ANY doubt about the cleanliness of the glasses I order a bottled beer.

Rye over ice. If it is a real bad bar, then I don't trust the glasses (always get sick) and I will order a beer in a bottle.

Just read Kenboy's comment - we were in Costa Rica, at a pretty upscale resort, had to teach the bartender how to make a rum and coke. No joke. Real story.

Almost every bar, even wedding bars, has sweet vermouth, on ice with a twist. Lillet would be better, and Campari even more so. Also, if they have good tequila, that, on ice, with lots of limes, makes a safer gimlet. I would fear the dreaded sour mix in a bad gimlet.

Makers Mark neat or with bitters and soda.

Vodka Cran. Short, or tall with soda. Hard to screw up, and there's at least always Absolut.

I wish whiskey/gingerale could be a safe fallback but unfortunately there are a fair number of bars out there that don't stock gingerale- and they won't tell you, just do the 'sprite with a splash of coke and bitters' nonsense. I'm not a snob and am game for well liquor most of the time.

Captain and Coke, sometimes a White Russian (with vanilla vodka if they have it), or any bottled beer that I can tolerate (preferably no cheaper than Killian's).

Most of the time the problem I have is not bad sanitation, it's bartenders not knowing how to mix drinks. Ask for a manhattan and I'm liable to get something with no bitters, not enough red vermouth and shaken or stirred or straight up or on the rocks completely at the whim of the staff. hardly ever do I get rye in it. The bars don't know what that is. The other day the bartender cheerfully announced that she was out of bitters so she added extra cherries! Then it is time for me to order brand whiskey on the rocks with a small glass of water on the side. that way I can do my own splashing.

I tend to only drink beer, but a gin and tonic isn't too easy to mess up!

I generally get Captain Morgan and Coke first at any new bar. With limes, if I'm feeling fancy. If I'm feeling particularly girly, I go for a Cosmo - they always know that one. And if it's been a long day? "Hey bartender, gimme a shot of that vodka right there."

My go to drink is always an Old Fashioned. Although, many times, young bartenders don't know what the hell that is (which is insane to me seeing that I, myself, am 22 years old). So, when that is the case, I just order a whiskey on the rocks or a whiskey coke.

Usually I do whiskey, neat. Any whiskey will do really. Most places have a dusty bottle of Bushmills or Jameson under the counter. Though if I'm at a place where the men have more tattoos than teeth I get it on the rocks. You do NOT want to get wasted in a place like that. You never know what you'll wake up next to.

I usually go for a whiskey sour on the condition that they either make their own sour mix or at least have a bottle of premade sour mix. if it's coming from the beverage gun the I will just get bourbon on the rocks. One time I was at a college dance bar and ordered a bourbon on the rocks and the abrtender kind of stared at me for a second with a deer in headlights look than proceeded to ask me what the mixer for that was though. pitiful

In my experience (and I have ample), the worse the bar, the colder and cheaper the bottled beer- so when in Rome...

If there's a cider on tap, I order that. If not, gin and tonic is easy and hard to really screw up. I'd never heard of a Godfather though. Sounds right up my alley! What's funny to me though is all these drinks "every bartender knows" in reality I've encountered very few who know. It's becoming rarer and rarer it seems to find a bartender that knows how to make much more than a rum and coke without going to a super high end bar. I doubt many of the decent bars I've been to could make a Manhattan or an Old fashioned, for instance.

Dewar's or Maker's neat. Chivas if they have it.

@BAKERRICH I'm astonished you mention Guinness. I don't think you can get a decent Guinness outside of Ireland, regardless of the quality of the bar or bartender.

I CANNOT BELIEVE so many people are mentioning drinking beer from a tap at a bad bar. @akdetrick, @lorenkurp, and Maureen have all got there heads on straight - a real dive bar doesn't clean their taps often enough and it WILL affect the taste (not to mention ew factor) of the beer you order. Literally ANYTHING else in the bar will be a better choice.

I clearly go to worse bars than most of you. I'd never order a mixed drink or a draft beer from a bad bar. Bottled beer, thanks. If it's sketchy and there's more than a few bottled choices, I'll pick the best beer that I can see multiple other people drinking. I've been handed a skunked bottle before!

Bad Bar? There is such a thing? Anyway, when in doubt a Kamikaze is always in order and almost foolproof.
Vodka, lime juice, Triple sec, ice, and a glass. Even a pimply faced, just barely legal bartender should be abkle to manage that.

I don't know where many of you live, but where i come from, no "bad bar" is going to have bitters, single-malt scotch, or even upper shelf liquors.

But if i want to go to a sketchy bar for a good show, like Phoghat mentions, bottled beer. I to, prefer my personal preferences that come along with my upper middle class privilege, but sometimes, its just not that big of deal to just grab a drink without proving a culinary point.

....and if you cant even bring your lips to their glassware, than you shouldn't even be in there. You are worse off touching door handles and the tabletop. Goodness, those nights seeing jam bands haven't contaminated me yet, and in the end, i still got the same buzz i would get from my preferred cocktail.

Ok, here is my two cents...If you doubt the cleanliness of a bar, drink bottled beer only and for the love of god, avoid bar fruit. Limes/lemons/oranges are often chopped, touched repeatedly by dirty hands (including those of the patrons) all night then put back in the refrigerator only to be used again the next evening (or even longer). Same goes with fruit juice, because if the bar slacking on cleaning they are probably not checking to see if items have expired. Do not drink Baileys if it is open, but not refrigerated... It is a dairy based liquor. Remember that it's hard to tell if items have spoiled once they are in your drink due to the alcohol content. That said, If the bar is clean but just not very well stocked or sophisticated, try ordering a drink with 2 or less ingredients that doesn't require any fancy processes. You will be presently surprised!

whiskey sour can usually be done just fine at most places. i did, however, just recently watch a member of wolfgang puck catering have to look up on a drink card how to do a whiskey sour - d'oh!

Yes, if you are concerned about cleanliness, always order a bottled beer. Draft is not OK, because you're assuming tap lines are clean (and glasses). I know a couple of people who got food poisoning from draft beer at bad bars.

Always something bottled or canned. Never add water or ice.

Tequila shots or rum and coke...NO LIMES.
Man, the limes in bad bars are often left out for days and mishandled, that's where all the germs are...geez guyz.

Johnnie Walker and soda on the rocks in a Collins glass. Just about every dive has Johnnie Walker, my Scotch of choice changes when there is a greater variety available.

Vodka. Neat. No taste and burns just enough that you don't drink too much. You can't screw it up.

I'm with many other posters, beer out of a bottle or can seems pretty safe.

This question has never even crossed my mind. I don't think I've ever felt the need to drink so strongly that I'd go into a bar where I didn't trust the beverages that would be offered to me. Of course, if I were somewhere where I wouldn't drink the water, I would definitely order something in a bottle. I'm not much of a fancy drinks person, though. More than 2 or 3 ingredients, and it's usually a drink for people who don't like the pure ingredients. Like all those sweet coffee drinks at Starbucks that are closer to desserts than coffee.

I once read a study on the amount of coliform found in restaurant/bar/fastfood joint ice... And while we're at it, do you really think they carefully wash those lemons and limes? Or their hands after every handshake or money transaction?

Signed, former waitress

Nothing more hideous than rancid soda/tonic, swampy ice or soapy glasses...all of which I run into routinely, even at fancy-schmancy places. I feel badly for the staff--as I know they (generally) aren't tasting as they go...but I will get all crazy if they give me attitude or grief for returning a bum drink.

I took this to mean a sketchy BARTENDER too, not the cleanliness of the bar. This is my BIGGEST issue at restaurant bars - the bartenders don't really know how to make anything, which is why I prefer a restaurant bar to have a drinks menu. I figure they probably all know how to make the 5 or 6 "signature" drinks on their menu, and if not can actually LOOK at the menu to figure out how it's done. DRINKS MENU people! For those of us who don't want a beer they're much appreciated. I don't want to spend $5+ on something that I have to choke down because your bartender's skills are crap.

I'm a gin and tonic drinker, but I've had lots of bad ones! Flat tonic, no tonic, seltzer, sprite, etc.. if they can mess up a soda gun, you can get a bad anything.
But I live in hope!

After untold millions of horrid gin & tonics, I'm now a Campari drinker. For me, G&T's need to be in just the right proportions (only orderable in upscale boites) otherwise too much gin flats out the tonic. And the crispness of the carbonation is very important to offset the gin!

But in dive bars you can't find Campari, so it's usually Jack & Coke (clean glass please?).

In some clubs it's only Malibu on the rocks because I don't even trust the bartenders with any drink where they have to combine any two or more liquids!!

I always get rum&coke, because I like it strong or weak. Or I'll get Jack&coke and if it's too strong I'll drink some and then ask the bartender to add more coke.

Jack Daniels, black label, neat

I am a bit obsessed with Scotch whisky and cocktails, and would love to own a pub or cocktail bar someday, yet I have never heard of a Godfather cocktail outside of AT. I doubt that it would make for a good "safety drink" as most untrustworthy bartenders are sure to not know what that is (and I'm quite sure AT is not well versed on Scotch or cocktails). My favorite is a Rob Roy, however as for "safety drinks," I would always just stick with a rum and cola at a bad bar.

This is cracking me up. I've worked in a few awesome dive bars, a beautiful little bistro, and another couple of rock and roll bars - my idea of a bad bar is any chain, airport, or pretentious dump that lacks love and character. I enjoy a beautifully made martini, artisanal liqueur, or house-made infusion as much as the next girl (and have made my share of each), but there's something equally great about an honest American dive bar.

In my estimation, anyone who thinks that a "bad bar" (bad enough to have terrifying ice cubes and glassware?!) would offer campari, lillet, drinkable sweet vermouth, drinkable wine, godfathers, americanos, clean beer taps, good scotch, gimlets made with anything but preserved lime juice, guinness on tap, limoncello, house-made sour mix, or good bloody marys...well, I respectfully refuse to believe that you have ever had the pleasure of visiting a real dive.

I have some informed advice, if you're interested. Should you find yourself afraid of the germs and rot in glasses/water/fruit/juice, then bottled beverages must be your only resort. If, instead, it is the bartender's experience that you find questionable, you have two choices: 1) be nice, but use your words. Tell the bartender that you would like your manhattan made with rye and a little extra sweet vermouth, but only if they have bitters. If you want your special drink in a special glass, ask for it as you order! 2) order only drinks with the ingredients clearly mentioned in the name, like vodka cranberry, rum and coke, whiskey and soda, whiskey on ice, etc.

Many of the comments above are at best goofy and out of touch. At their worst, they sound like some elitist instructions for how we may look down our noses at the servers of any establishment in which we feel out of place. Are you sure the tonic water will be terrible? - well, then probably it will be terrible and you will send it back, just waiting for some attitude from the bar staff, and happily fulfilling your own expectation of disappointment. That doesn't sound all that fun to me. I'd rather just drink a cold budweiser and enjoy myself.

Hard to get a 7&7 wrong.

whiskey + club soda

My safety is (good) Gin & Soda with a lime. I can't handle bad, flat, sweet tonic ruining my gin anymore, so I find that soda water is a safe choice and still lets me taste the gin!!

I generally go to college bars with my friends (since we're in college) but the problem I always have is that their "higher end" whiskey option is Jack Daniels. And they use sour mix for absolutely everything. I once ordered a vodka tonic and got a plastic cup of sour mix with a splash of vodka...which cost $8.

This article is F'd up. The trick is to get a GOOD drink at a bar. What with the prices they charge, why can't one get a decent drink at a bar? Why is is that so many bartenders at top and popular spots can't make a decent drink if their lives depended on it? Look around and everyone is droning beer from bottles. What happened to quality bartenders who actually knew how to make drinks and took pride in it?

I feel like many of these writers have never been to the New Orleans underbelly of dive bars. Great places to go to at 1am (or later) with friends, but dubious drinks. In that case, ALWAYS order beer. My crew prefers Schlitz, Shiner Bock, or PBR because they always seem to have those beers for cheap (and, let's face it. If we're at a REALLY dive-y bar, we're not going to order expensive things). If I have to get a mixed drink, whiskey ginger ale or a rum and coke. They're generally really generous with the booze here, so you don't need to worry too much about your mixer.